Disclaimer: I do not own Clannad. If I did, there would still not be a 'Let Sunohara join the party' option. X3
Pre-chapter A/N: This idea came to me at random one day, and I latched onto it. There will be romance and comedy, but this will be a very dark fic at times. It's a story of a girl trying desperately to save the man she loves from his own self-destruction.
Tomoya Okazaki stumbled out of the room, putting a hand to the wall to steady himself. He didn't notice anything around him anymore, the room seemed to be spinning to him. He was only vaguely aware of the sound of Sanae crying, back in the room. Nagisa's room.
Tomoya dropped to his knees, his hand sliding down the wall slowly, trembling, as if it was trying to hold on. She was gone. Nagisa was gone. She'd been right there, right in front of him, alive. And then she was just....gone, her hand dropping limply from her father's.
He clapped his hand over his mouth as he felt his stomach turning, that nights dinner trying to force it's way back out. He heard Akio's gruff, yet strained voice close to him, strong hands trying to pull him to his feet, but his body wasn't responding. And then he lurched forward, his stomach emptying itself onto the wood floor.
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Kotomi's eyes widened in shock at Kyou's words. She couldn't believe it. How could this have happened? She'd known Nagisa had been sick, but she'd never thought....never once considered..."She..are you sure?" Her normally timid voice was even softer, and Kyou only barely heard her.
"I'm sure...two days ago. We knew Nagisa would be out sick, but when he didn't show up, we knew something was going on. Ever since he met Nagisa, he's been coming to school every day. Him not coming, when she'd want him to..." She was close to crying, but trying to hold it in. She'd felt it her duty to tell everyone, but it was so hard...
"Me and Ryou went to pay a visit...the bakery was closed, and all the lights were off. We went around to the side, and..." She bit her lip, and she was twisting the hem of her skirt in her hands. Kotomi was staring at the book in her lap, but for once, it wasn't because she was interested in the book itself. "Tomoya-kun..."
Kyou looked up through her tears, and seemed to realize as well. "Oh no....Tomoya....I didn't see him there...I have no idea how he's taken all of this..." She was startled when Kotomi stood up, slipped on her shoes, and and ran out of the school library. Kotomi didn't seem to hear Kyou calling out to her. "Tomoya-kun..."
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A month passed, and still Tomoya wasn't coming to school. Everyone came by he and his father's home, but still, nobody saw him. There was either no answer at all, or Tomoya's father would inform them that Tomoya refused to see anyone. Kyou ran into Akio and Sanae at one point, and even they were turned away.
Sunohara, getting sick of it, actually just went in without permission, and apparently forced his way into Tomoya's room. He came to school the next day sore, and covered in bruises. Sunohara said he'd never seen Tomoya like that. When he hadn't been beating Sunohara, he'd just seemed....hollow.
They were not sure what to do anymore. The boy they all cared for so deeply was hurting, and there seemed to be nothing they could do. Sunohara had tried to convince Tomoyo to go and drag him out, but she'd refused. She said they'd get nowhere, forcing him to come out. They had to be gentle, and patient. Kotomi was done being patient.
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Tomoya felt....nothing. It seemed almost like he was dead. And his friends were wrong. He'd heard them calling out to him, and Sunohara had been yelling it as he burst in. They all thought he'd just locked himself up inside. They were wrong. He did go out. He'd go and get cigarettes and drink.
And why not do that? His father did it, why shouldn't he? After all, they'd both lost the people in their lives that meant more than anything to them. To make things even worse, was that just before the end, Nagisa had told him she loved him. She was gone before he was able to tell her that he loved her too.
He never told her his feelings while she was alive, and so she had died loving him, unaware he felt the same. She died not knowing that her feelings were not one-sided. And for that, Tomoya felt he'd missed a chance to make her genuinely happy before the end. He felt horrible. Guilty. Broken.
Honestly, he wouldn't care if he died right now. He was just too much of a coward to end it himself. Still, he was more than willing to smoke and drink himself to death.
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She wasn't sure why she was doing it. She'd never been this bold before. But somehow...she felt she just had to do it. Kotomi stood in front of the door, and knocked on it, and waited. When she had locked herself up in her home, it had been Tomoya who persistently worked to try and get her to come out. Returning the favor was the least she could do.
She was rather glad when Tomoya's father opened the door. He smiled a little, but shook his head. "He won't come to the door. You know that, I'm sure." She nodded. "Please, sir...please let me go and try and talk to him. I know that his friend Sunohara got hurt when he tried to come in, but I'm okay with getting hurt for Tomoya..."
The man frowned a bit for a moment, then smiled again. "He won't hit you, that much I do know." He stepped aside, letting her in, and directed her to Tomoya's room after she removed her shoes. She walked up to his door. SHe hesitated. And then she knocked softly.
No answer. So she knocked a bit harder.
"Go away." Kotomi flinched. There was a hard, ragged edge to his voice. It scared her. But she couldn't give up. "To-Tomoya-kun...."
Silence reigned for a moment, and then, "Kotomi?" She let out a sigh of relief. He'd responded. "Tomoya-kun...can I come in?" The response was swift, and it hurt. "No." Kotomi never thought she'd do what she did then, but she did it. She opened the door, stepped in, and shut it behind her. "Forgot to lock the damn door..."
She tried not to cry. His clothes were hanging off of him, and she could tell he was starving himself. His hair was unkempt and his face dark with stubble. Even more noticeable, was that she could smell him from the door. She covered her nose at first, startled, but then lowered her hand. "Tomoya-kun....you..."
He wasn't looking at her. "Going to complain about me not going to school?" He was surprised, however, when she spoke up loudly, which was new for her. "Tomoya-kun! How could you be doing this to yourself?" She crossed the room, and stood in front of him on the bed, biting her lip. Since when did she take any initiative with other people.
"Kotomi...just...go away. Please..." And then it was time for Kotomi to shock him again. "No." He looked up at her, narrowing his eyes. "What are you doing? Why do you even give a shit?" She looked away, thinking. 'I love you' is what she wanted to say, but...it didn't seem right at the moment. "I care about you. You're my friend. You always have been..."
He sighed, and just laid back down on his bed, turning away from her. "Just leave." He closed his eyes, intending to just ignore her until she left. And then he felt her lay down next to him, shifting closer. "Kotomi, I'm serious, leave." She said nothing, but shifted closer. "Kotomi, get out of my room." She ignored him.
"Ichinose-san, you are pissing me off." He figured that by getting formal with her, and dropping the familiarity, he could get her to leave. "Tomoya-kun...." And then he couldn't hold it in, and he sat up, rounding on her. "Get the hell out and leave me alone!" He'd never yelled at her before.
But he had seen her cry, and he'd seen her when she was completely broken. He saw that now in her eyes as the tears streamed down her cheeks. And instantly, he hated himself. He was in pain, yes, but that was no excuse to hurt Kotomi. If he thought about it, Kotomi was probably the only person aside from Nagisa who couldn't possibly hurt another person.
She slid off his bed, and stood up. "Kotomi..." She shook her head, and moved quickly to the door, and opened it, and headed out of the room. "Kotomi-chan!" She froze, and turned to face him. He was standing in his doorway, a pained look on his face. "I'm sorry, Kotomi-chan. I didn't mean to hurt you..."
She just smiled sadly. "Tomoya-kun...please...go for a walk with me?" He just looked at her for a moment, then looked away sadly, and shut the door. She heard the click of the lock, and her gaze lowered to the floor. Why couldn't she do it? Why couldn't she help him? What good was she if she couldn't help the man she loved?
She did nothing but stand there for a moment, and then she went over and sat down on the floor next to his door, leaning against the wall. She didn't have anywhere to be. All she had to go home to was an empty house, after all. And she didn't have to go to school, either. She was a genius. She'd already been offered scholarships everywhere.
And she made a decision then. She wouldn't leave Tomoya alone. He never gave up on her, when she'd locked herself away, and she would never give up on him. She'd stick by him to help him, no matter how long it took. Even if he could never love her like he loved Nagisa, and she knew he never would, she could at least save him from himself.
Besides, of all those in their group of friends, she was the only one who knew how it felt to be left behind by loved ones. He had lost Nagisa. She had lost her parents. Maybe not the same, but painful either way. She fell asleep there on the floor, thinking only of how she could help Tomoya.
She was asleep when he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, realized she was there, and put a blanket over her before going back to bed.
Post-chapter A/N:I honestly have no idea if this is good or bad. There will be comedy and romance as Kotomi gets Tomoya to slowly open up, so....yeah. I don't know what else to say.