Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor Harry Potter, and I am making no money writing this, although I am losing brain cells. Ah, well. Who needs brain cells? *dies from lack of brain cells* . . . Oh.

A/N: Uh, yeah. So, this idea came to me the other day. I was thinking, "you know, I'd kinda like to write a fanfiction," 'cause I've only ever done original fiction. So my first thought was, "I'll write Naruto!" And then I was like "no . . . Harry Potter . . ." And then, "Hell, why not both!?" So as I showered away my day's troubles, my mind busied itself by picking up Naruto and a select few friends and replacing poor Harry and a select few friends. Yes, that's right duckies; Harry is not in this story. This is Naruto fanfiction, in which Naruto goes to Hogwarts (and has the shit confused out of him). Although, if this goes well, I'm considering writing Harry's story in the ninja world. We'll see.

So now that I'm done rambling, please enjoy, and drop me a review, even if just to say hi, or that you read my story, or that right now you're pointing and laughing at me . . . please? Say something? Make my day? I'll do a happy dance . . . you know you want me to do a happy dance . . .

*is done*

Thank you!

Warnings:

This will eventually be a SasuNaruSasu fic. I am an obsessed fan. It will be a bit, because they start off as eleven-year-olds, but they are actually fifteen/sixteen years old . . . basically, their Shippuuden selves in eleven-year-old bodies. You'll see. I know it's a bit weird, but I wanted them to have a bit more maturity . . . though they can still "act their age" . . . heh heh . . .

There is also a fair amount of cursing. What can I say? I enjoy the English language to it's fullest, and I find nothing wrong with expressing vehemence through "bad words." Who decided which words were good and bad, anyway?

Also, my first few chapters are always the weakest, so hopefully it will get better . . . but don't let me make excuses, tell me which parts you think are shitty and I'll revise!

If anything else comes up, I'll let you know at the beginning of that chapter.

Also, this story is as yet un-beta-ed, so the only person who had seen it is me. So, if you catch any typos, bad grammar, awkward wording, or other author stupidity, please leave it in a review or PM me or email me or something to kick my ass over it. That'd be very much appreciated. As would, of course, any other type of review *gives puppy eyes*

One more thing—I swear, this is it! I have a really annoying habit of typing "form" instead of "from." I try to catch them, but if you see that, just know . . . it pisses me off at least as much.

Okay, I'm done with this ridiculously long author's note. Go read, my duckies!

© 2009 Artemis-sama

Everything was going according to plan. Uzumaki Naruto hid behind a patch of bushes, watching his comrades Haruno Sakura, Aburame Shino, Hatake Kakashi, Inuzuka Kiba, and Hyuuga Hinata battle a squad of Sound nins. His hands formed a seal, ready to jump into action at the signal.

Sakura darted past his hiding place. "Now!" she called to him.

"Kage Bunchin no Jutsu!" And sixteen Narutos suddenly flooded the clearing, overpowering the enemy. Kiba let out a whoop before signaling to Akamaru as they prepared for victory.

And then something slammed into Naruto and he fell back with a cry as his clones were all destroyed as one. And Naruto knew: he had arrived.

He spat dirt and blood from his mouth as he scrambled back to his feet, eyes darting around. He could feel his presence, could sense it hovering though it was trying to hide. His teammates were engaged with the Sound nins again, oblivious, shouting to him, asking what was wrong . . .

Naruto took a deep breath. "Sasuke!" he bellowed.

There was a moment of silence; and then, the other stood before him, robes stirring slightly in the wake of movement that had been too quick for the human eye to see. Naruto took a moment to stare at his former comrade. Still pale as a ghost, still sporting that silly hairdo, still wearing that ridiculous purple bow, still glaring at him with venomous red eyes.

Naruto chuckled humorlessly. "Finally," he said. "I was beginning to think you'd never show yourself."

Sasuke stared dispassionately at him, and Naruto felt anger rise in him. He hated that look, and this blank, emotionless creature Orochimaru had turned his friend into. "You haven't changed." One hand reached back to rest on the hilt of his sword. "Are you committing suicide yet again?"

Naruto was silent for a moment, staring at the ground over Sasuke's shoulder. "Only if you want to kill me," he said finally, voice low and rough. He arms hung limply by his sides. This was it; this was when Sasuke made his choice, between power and his first friends. He wouldn't, he thought. This is Sasuke. He's . . . my best friend. He wouldn't . . . kill me . . . would he?

Sasuke removed his hand from the sword, and for a moment, Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. Then Sasuke's hands came forward to form a seal. "You should have just stayed away," he said. "Gone on with your happy-go-lucky village life. I told you to stop following me. I told you to forget about me. And now, this is what you get."

There was a brief moment of panic; the flash of, oh my god, I'm going to die! And then it was replaced by calm. It was okay if he died now, he thought. He had failed in his mission to bring Sasuke back; Sasuke was never coming back. And if he failed in something as simple as retrieving his best friend, than he deserved nothing better than death. He closed his eyes.

And then came a shout and a thump, and his eyes snapped open again. Kiba had come flying toward them and, with a wild cry, slammed into Sasuke, knocking him off balance and away from Naruto. But he was too late; a brilliant flash of light filled the clearing.

What none of them saw was how Sasuke's hands fumbled on the last seal before everything turned black.

Naruto's eyes slowly peeled open. He blinked. And then he blinked again.

Okay, he thought slowly, reorganizing his brain. That's not my ceiling. He glanced around. Definitely not the hospital, either. He sat up with a frown, taking in the tiny dimensions, the slanted wood ceiling, and the dingy mattress he was laying on. In fact, I'd say I'm sitting in a supply closet right now. He glanced back at the slanted ceiling. Under some stairs, maybe?

As if to prove his point, someone came stomping overhead, pounding particularly loudly right at the part over Naruto's head. He glared up at whoever it was.

First order of business, he decided. Why the hell am I in a closet?

He thought back. Obviously, Kiba had stopped Sasuke from killing him, but what had happened after that? What had that flash of light been? Had Sasuke fled the scene after that? And if he had been knocked out, as he assumed, he either would have been taken back to his apartment, to the hospital, or maybe Kiba would have let him crash at his place. But nobody would have put him in a closet, would they?

Deciding it must all be some sort of joke, Naruto clambered off the mattress, noticing he was wearing old, oversized pajamas—which definitely didn't belong to him though probably could have fit Chouji—and headed for the small, square door. It was locked.

"Very funny, guys!" he called, hoping someone was around to hear him. "You can let me out now, though."

There was no answer, so he tried again. "Really, guys! I need to take a piss."

This time he heard footsteps stomping toward him, and let out a sigh. "Finally. I—"

Banging on the door stopped him midsentence. "Shut up, boy!" a voice he definitely didn't recognize bellowed. "You'll wake the neighbors, you ingrate!"

Naruto paused. Okay—what?

"Who are you?" he demanded, pointing at the locked door though he knew the other couldn't see him. "And why am I locked in this closet?"

"Shut your piehole, or you'll be in there for the next week."

Naruto had had enough. He didn't give a damn who this obnoxious stranger was; he had other more pressing matters. "I have to pee," he whined.

There was a click, and suddenly the door swung open. Naruto was met by beady little eyes and a large purple face, followed by a beefy chunk of flesh. It took him a moment to realize he was staring at another human being.

"Oh, hi," he said sheepishly, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "Uh, have you seen any of my friends ar—?"

Wham! And Naruto found himself flat on his back, staring up in disbelief at the suddenly menacing man hovering over him. He had never, in all his years of being hated, glared at, and whispered about—never had an adult hit him like that, just out of the blue and for no discernible reason at all.

"What did I do . . .?" he whispered, more to himself than to the other.

"You," the man growled, "don't have any friends. Get to the bathroom now or get back in your cupboard. Your aunt and I are going to sleep and I want to lock you in first so you don't steal from the kitchen again. Move it!"

Naruto scurried. He had no idea what this lunatic was talking about. Aunt? Since when did he have any family? Was the man insinuating that he was his uncle? He shook he head as he relieved himself. This was all just a bizarre dream, that was it. He would go back to sleep in the silly closet, and when he woke up, he would be back in his apartment. Problem solved.

Tap tap. Tap tap tap.

Naruto rolled over and groaned. "Go away, Sakura. Out next mission's not for another hour at least." And he promptly fell asleep again.

Tap tap. Tap tap tap.

"Wake up, brat! Get up! You're to have breakfast on the table in half an hour, you hear?"

The voice was high-pitched and whiny. It definitely wasn't Sakura's, but Naruto was more concerned with getting it to stop than identifying who it belonged to. He grumbled and moaned as he shuffled about, trying to force himself out of bed when all he wanted to do was fall off his consciousness again. Then he opened his eyes and groaned.

"Ah, shit," he grumbled. "What's with this closet thing? Where the hell is my apartment?"

He stood up and stretched. And that was when he noticed something rather odd. When he reached up, his hands just barely brushed the ceiling. Huh. He could have sworn he was taller than that.

Well, shit me screwless and call me a wizard, he grumbled to himself. Next thing you know, I'll go back in time and be prophesized as the savior of the world. This is all just some crazy dream, it has to be. Then he frowned. Or maybe it's a Genjutsu? Yeah, Sasuke must have put a Genjutsu on me, and the others are too busy with the Sound nins to help me out . . . ah, well, nothing to do but live it out. He frowned around. Although, Sasuke must have a bit of a weird imagination, if this is what his Genjutsus look like Honestly, who locks people in closets?

Luckily, though, the whiny-voiced woman who had been by earlier had unlocked the door, so he let himself out and glanced around. He was in a thin corridor, with the stairway behind him and what looked like the front door to his left. He headed to the door and glanced out through the window in it at the most bizarre looking neighborhood he'd ever seen. Not only were all the houses virtually identical, but they also all had long strips of pavement with weirdly shaped metal boxes on wheels sitting on them. Plus, it was a terrible layout for protection against enemy villages, like these people had a death wish or something. Naruto shook his head sadly; he felt bad for all people who had never been trained as a ninja.

"Boy! Twenty minutes! Breakfast! Now!"

Naruto turned around and plodded down the corridor toward the voice. Stupid Sasuke . . . this Genjutsu sucks.

Where the fuck am I? was Sasuke Uchiha's first thought when he opened his eyes. He was lying on a large, fancy bed with black sheets and a green comforter; definitely not the one he slept in at Orochimaru's hideout. He peered about. The room he was in was large and ornate, obviously belonging to someone rich; he was even wearing what seemed to be silk pajamas, in black and silver. He also felt distinctly shorter than he had before being knocked out.

He frowned. Come to think of it, how had that happened? He had been forming the seals to perform the jutsu that would kill Naruto—he tried not to think too hard about that—when that Inuzuka kid had slammed into him . . . but not hard enough to knock him out, he didn't think. He hadn't hit his head or anything. He had messed up on the end of the jutsu, he knew that much, but . . .

His eyes widened. The jutsu! He had messed it up; maybe he had accidentally performed some sort of transportation thing and ended up here? Well, that was just obnoxious. Annoyed with himself, he climbed off the bed and headed to the door. Silly, unreliable things, jutsus were. Someday he would have to find a way to make telekinesis work. In fact, he was rather surprised no one in his genius family had done so yet.

Or, for that matter, had discovered a way to exist without the necessity of sanitary functions, because Sasuke really needed to take a piss and he had no idea where the bathroom was.

So he headed out the door from the bedroom into a large, fancy corridor lined with paintings in expensive-looking frames. And here was where Sasuke got the shock of his life.

The paintings were moving.

"Ahoy there, young master!" One of them called to him. "Aren't you up early there this fine morn?"

"Shut up!" Sasuke answered instinctively, because the sailor yelling at him had a rather unfortunate voice and well, just the fact that the damn thing was talking at all . . . and then he realized that maybe being rude wasn't the best idea. "I mean, well . . . uh, could you direct me to the bathroom, please?"

The sailor laughed heartily. "Oh ho, he feigns ignorance! Well, my laddie buck, I'll excuse the fact that you've lived here your entire silly life and tell you it is but two doors down and to your left! Now make haste, my rich young heir! You mustn't keep your bladder waiting!"

"Right," Sasuke muttered, and hurried away. Not something he wanted to deal with in the middle of what was obviously a nightmare.

He found the bathroom easily enough; it was a huge bathroom, all green and black and ornate. There were even fancy paintings, which was awkward, because several contained women who blushed and giggled and pointed at him. He resisted the urge to turn all the portraits around before he pulled down his pants.

It was only after he finished up and went to wash his hands that he caught sight of himself in the mirror. And then he really panicked.

He had shrunk. And not only that, he had gotten younger. Okay, so he should have noticed that while he was peeing, but he had been distracted by flirtatious paintings. To see an eleven-year-old version of himself staring back at him from the mirror when he was in fact sixteen was just . . . well, unnerving, to say the least. Yes, it was a nightmare—it had to be—but it was an awfully realistic one. And usually in his nightmares, he didn't remember the events that had happened just before he went to sleep. Now, he remembered all too well, and had the creeping suspicion that maybe it was a little too real . . . things were a little too vivid to just be a dream. But there really wasn't much of an explanation for how this could be real.

There was a sudden cracking sound behind him, and Sasuke whipped around, activating his Sharingan instantly to deal with the new threat, and froze at what he saw.

"Is master Sasuke not feeling well?"

It took all of Sasuke's self-control not to scream.