Written about 4 years ago
All rights about the known Characters, places and so on, Belong to Warner
Bros, Babylonian Productions and JMS.
Mostly to JMS, because they are coming from him.
I am open for any CCC (Comments, Complaint, Corrections) you have.
(In others words: PLEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSE)
I am still new in writing stories and I would really need the feedback to
improve it.
Please sent it to:
Strange_music@hotmail.com
Cast with Shadows
By Strange Music
This story is in memory of my C:\ hardisk, who , because of the cruelty of the
world went, to be formatted. With her went about 75 % of my written data of
the last 3 years. So that I had to rewrite most of my stories.
Both of them for reading my stories and commenting them.
And now...............
Finally...................
To the story...........
I hope you enjoy it. ;-)
Cast with Shadows
Prologue
He was afraid.
Sometimes he was so afraid, that like today, he woke up in the middle of the
night screaming. His only thoughts, to run away from them, to pack his things
and to go where they would never find him. But then, when the sleep had left
his mind, he realized, that there was no such place. That they would find him,
wherever he would or could go.
Night......
It was the only time he was alone. Truly alone. At daytime they were around,
every second, watching him and the others. Every move he made, every word
he said, they were there.
Getting up, through it was only 3 o'clock in the morning, was the only thing he
could think of. His mind was much too awaken now for sleep. Coffee would
be a good idea, yes, coffee would be fine. Some human habits were not easy to
change, even when he was no longer sure that he still was what others
considered as human. Physically, yes, but mentally. After all he had done to his
own people? Why was he doing these things? Why was he helping them? He
made his way to the kitchen. "Lights" he ordered. And as the light chased
away the shadows in the room, it also started to chased away his dark
thoughts. Now that they were gone, he even welcomed hearing the soft
chirping voices of his "associates". Because he knew what it meant, Power and
position, power to be someone special.
Three years had passed since he had stepped on board the Icarus, and into a
new life. A nobody, well, at least that had changed.
Chapter 1
"Mr. Morden, you are late", these were the first words he heard from his new
employee Captain Archer "I am sorry, my shuttle had problems and we....."
"I don't care why you are late, but you just had an entire ship waiting for you.
Get in." With these words he made it clear that he had no interest in any
further explanation. As if the metiorshower had been his fault. Sure, it was the
same every time.
All this made him so furious, but his anger didn't show up on the outside as he
simply replied, "Yes, Sir."
Over the years he had learned to hide his anger, to hide any feelings. He just
nodded, smiled and left. Mentally thanking his father for the only lesson he
had learned him, had learned him good. Never show you inner self because
nobody cares about it. But smile and people will always wonder what you are
up too.
20 years were gone since he had seen his father the last time. Not that he really
missed him, there had never been enough love between them for that. Now, all
he was to him, was a face he sometimes saw in the mirror the older he grew,
but most times not even that. Maybe he was dead, maybe he was alive, he
couldn't care less.
He entered his room, immediately starting to unpack his bag, while the
computer displayed the his dutyruster in front of him.
Technician report to D7 at 1500 hours
So he still had more than three hours to get ready and make his way to deck 7.
In the meantime he would go into the mess-hall, not that he was hungry or felt
like meeting people, but this room was too damn small for anything. Then his
thoughts were stopped for a moment as the ship left and the gravity shifted.
He took a tight grip at the chair standing in front of him. It was always the
same. The moment when the gravity of the ship changed was always a very
bizarre moment for him. Some people said they liked it, some said they hated
it - he just thought it to be strange. Like standing under a cold shower, the
cold water might hurt in the first few moments but after a while it left you with
a strangely warm feeling. So the best way to describe it was strange. A rumble
went through the ship, which sounding like a thunderstorm arriving. And then
something fell, it always did. No matter how careful he was, one thing he
always overlooked, and he was not disappointed this time either. Well, he had
never liked this pot anyway.
They would arrive in 4 weeks. It was going to take them that long because
they were only able to use jumpgates for the three quarters of the way. The
rest they would have to fly in normal space as the planet did not have a
jumpgate on its own yet. There they were going to stay for 4 month and then
leave again. Work for 6 month. But the planet was on the rim that meant the
payment was more than good and would allow to live from it for more than 5
month afterwards. Until he had found the next job. It was a circle he hadn't
been able to break yet.
In the end of his unpacking, he was putting a few things here and there.
Looking around he realised that even he had emptied his whole bag there as
still nothing personnel about this room. Maybe it mostly was the lack of any
photos, but there were no people in his life whose faces he would want to
remember. All memories he would need were in his head, and if they weren't in
his head, they were best forgotten.
Normally people were looking into the past and were saying that despite some
trouble it had been good. They did it, because the past was a period they know
all about and the future was always changing it was unpredictable. Maybe that
was one of the reasons that he was looking forward, instead of looking back,
because whatever would come, it definitely could only be better than what had
happened until now.
Chapter 2
It was an hour later he entered the mess-hall. For normal standards it was
rather quiet, but he assumed, that this was a result, of the fact that the people
still had to get to know each other. A few were using vid-phones to say good-
bye. Some were just sitting at the tables, suddenly he caught the sight of a
person. For a moment he thought that it was his Mother , which was sitting
over there. But when he took a step closer to her, he realized that it had just
been a reflection of light. Her hair has the same red-brown color, but the face
was different. She also was way too young. Trying to find out who she was he
started to eavesdrop a little-bit.
So, her name was Anna and she was one of the Scientists.
A few moments later however he took his drink and went to the furthest table,
at the end of the room. That's were he felt safe, at distance to the others.
He was a loner, there was no way of denying this. In the job he was one of the
best, but at personal things he was horrible. His friendships seldom lasted
longer than an assignment.
_Maybe because I am one of those persons, whose face you forgot as soon as
they left the room._
Sure a great part of this was his fault, this tendency to keep everybody he
knew an armlenght away. It didn't matter if they were relatives, friends or
close family. The further he kept them the less it hurt, when they left. Because
they all left sooner or later. Letting them come closer, would only result in
making the inevitable more painful. There had been occasions were he had
disobeyed his orders his own rule, but the result had been the same every time.
He would laugh with those people, talk with them but never let them, close.
Finally after spending a bit more than 2 hours with staring at his drink, he
stood up and made his way to Deck 7.
They were seated in a big conference room. He was a bit late but fortunately
for him and a few others, their chief was late too. Most of the room was full
and he kept scanning the room for free seats. Finally he found one only a few
meter away, "Is this seat saved" he asked the person next to it. "No, not yet"
he answered and then with a smile. "We are still praying for it. But in the
meantime you can sit down." Morden found himself smiling, really smiling for
the first time in years.
The young man extended his hand.
"Lee Kelso. And you are?"
"Richard Morden". He answered while they shook hand, then Morden
looked worried at the door. "You can relax" Kelso assured him, Crap isn't
coming for another 10 minutes, I have worked with him before, I can assure
you he is always late.
"Crap?"
"Stands for Chief Randy Aston Pratt or cranky astonished cat."
"Let me guess it is not advised to use the first and the third one if he is in
hearing rage.
" Not if you like your life or breathing in vacuum is one of your hobbies, or
at least it will be, when he hears you."
" I See."
He looked at his neighbors, they were about the same age and seize, Lee's hair
was a bit lighter but curled as well. But there was a big difference between
them, he had this smile on his lips, which was more infections than a cold.
Then the door opened. Leaning over Morden whispered.
"Another 10 Minutes"
Lee who suddenly seemed to have decided that, Room-decorator would be a
great Job. There was no other way to explain his sudden interest in the ceiling.
Then he looked down,
"Äh...What shall I say? UPS?"
Crap, no he corrected himself before he got too used to this name for his own
good. Chief Pratt entered the room, greeted them friendly. He was a man in
his late 40, with a face that bound him to become a leading character and a
voice that made you listen when it spoke. Then all the sudden, his eyes fixed
on one person. "Mr. Kelso, what on Earth have I done to deserve you again.
This is what, the sixth time? Is this some kind of perverse pleasure of your side
or have you just ticked somebody really off."
"No Sir. I just find that you are the best Chief a man could wish for an I look
forward working with you again."
"Stop sliming it's getting slippery here." But he delivered these lines with a
smile that matched Lee's in every proposition. " Sit down." Apparently Lee
had exaggerate a little-bit when he had your Chief or the next 6 month. If you
listen to me I can promise you that you will learn a lot, if not. So it's up to
you." With these words he started to talk.
******
When he was finished 3 hours later, he realized them with the words. "I will
see team 1 tomorrow Deck 8 section 10 at 0730 hours. Dismissed." Morden
stood up to leave, but a hand stopped him. It was Lee
"I am going to be in the mess-hall for dinner. Care to join me?"
"I'm not very hungry." He tried to talk himself out of it." But Lee ignored the
apparent
-NO-.
"Good, it's so hard to talk if your mouth is full. So are you coming?"
"Why not?" He heard himself saying, and found himself thinking.
_Yes, why not_ and they were on their way.
In the mess-hall, Morden stayed with a cup of coffee, while Lee piled up every
doctor's nightmare on his plate. Maybe these thoughts or his look had been
too obvious, because a second after they had sat down, Lee declared jesting.
"Whatever you think, I'm not pregnant just hungry."
"You are a kind of very strange person."
"Thanks" he answered between two mouth full, "Well let's say I was sane
once, didn't much like it." He swallowed it down. " So tell me, where are you
from?"
"Earth and you?"
"I am a Martian."
"You don't look like one." Morden stated.
"Why?" now it was Lee's turn to look puzzled.
Again Morden truly smiled when he replied. "You don't have any antennas,
your skin colour isn't green, you have hair, well, the height would suit, but the
rest."
"And you say I am strange. You know what they say about that one donkey
doesn't call the other one long-ear."
"I am sorry?"
"Don't throw with stones if you are sitting in the glass-house."
"Why not you are sitting in the same one? I won't hit the glass, just you."
They conversation was suddenly interrupted, when a woman approached their
table. In lack of a third seat, Lee quickly stood up and gave her his own.
"Richard, may I introduce you to my wife Patrisha. While they where shaking
hands Lee went to get another chair, when she leaned back Morden got a
closer look at her name-tag. " I don't want to be indiscreet, but why does your
nametag read Patrisha J. McLean not Kelso."
"I kept my name, why is rather a long story."
"Mrs. McLean..." he started.
"Pat, for my friends."
"Am I one of them?" he asked curious. They only knew him for a short time.
"Why shouldn't you be?"
"Okay. Out of curiosity, Pat, how is it with....." She stopped him in mid-
sentence. "Don't say it." He raised one eyebrow. "PJ, is for my enemies or
those who plan to become it."
"She never tells me why" Lee said as he returned to join them again. "There's
not much to explain, it sounds stupid."
"Liar, there is another reason." A knowing smile appeared on here lips,
apparently this question has been raised many times before. "You are right,
there is." With these words she put herself closer to Morden and whispered
into his ear "He is going crazy trying to find out why. But I love to keep him
guessing, it's way to much fun." Then she pulled back again. Smiling at the
joke they now shared. "What?" Lee inquired "What did she tell you? Come
on."
"Okay, I will. She....." and if rehearsed she suddenly looked at him very
ominously. "Don't forget."
"Ah, yes" he said as if suddenly remembering she also told me, that she would
kill me, if I say something. Sorry."
They talked for hours afterwards and when they finally parted, he knew that
despite his best efforts, he had made some friends today.
******
The first clue that he could really enjoy that assignment had been the first day
his talk with Lee and Patrisha. The second one he had found at the door, when
he had entered Deck 8 Section 10.
There was a sign reading. "Sure, you don't have to be completely insane to
work here, but I can assure you, it helps a lot." And under it a second hand-
written note "From someone who knows it. If you aren't already, believe me
after a while you will be."
His friendship with Pat and Lee had increased as the days went by. Bit by bit
he had gotten information about both of them. That they were married since 5
years and that Pat was coming from Earth as well and was working in
Security.
In the meantime new order for the Technical Crew had arrived, which were to
open a new Jumppoint close to the planet. Again that line, which was called
"the Rim" was put out just a bit further.
Arrival was exactly 3 weeks and 5 days after their start. Four days later while
the Science personal was still preparing for the landing, they were finished.
There had been this strange box that they had found sticking to the hull. Being
curious what it might be, everybody wanted to examine it, so the Chief had
promised them that they would, but on the next day.
On that afternoon they had a party, a gift to themselves, for finishing in half of
the normal time. It was a great time.
And then as always when everything seemed to go right.
Something went wrong.
Terribly wrong.
Chapter 3
He had overslept that day.
A fact which had saved his life, had it really?
/Damn/ was his first thought in the morning, when he woke up and the
computer happily announced, that it was 0730 hours. A time, were he already
should be on duty. As the Chief had promised they would open this strange
box, first thing in the morning. He really had wanted to be there. Making
himself ready for work only took about 5 Minutes, then he was on his way. A
short look at his watch fastened his steps, 0740 hours.
Then half the way, the ship was suddenly rocked by an explosion, which threw
him of his feet "What the hell?" And as soon as the ship had stopped even
slightly, he continued his way. Even faster than before. Not because he was
afraid of being late, but because he prayed to be wrong, even when he had this
strange certainty in his head that he knew exactly where the explosion had
been. When he arrived at deck 8 Section 10 his worst fears were confirmed.
The door was sealed with an emergency lock. Whatever had happened in there
had been strong enough to blow a hole into the hull, a hole too big for the
safety systems to kick in and seal in time. The alarm likewise was always to
late in such cases.
Whoever was in there, they were dead.
A scream, a voice filled with withheld tears. "Let me through......I don`t care
what you think. Dammit, Jack!. I said, let me through.
"There's nobody left alive." A male voice raising his voice as well. Morden
turned around just in time to see Pat hitting one of her fellow officers and
shoving him to the side. Stepping in her way, he stopped her.
"Don't...."
"I have to get to him, maybe he's still alive." She said with a desperation in her voice that made his heart ache.
"No"
"But..."
He looked into her eyes, so much pain, he almost felt in physically.
"No!"
Suddenly her eyes turned blank as she turned around and left without another
word. After checking if there was anyway he could help, he also left to follow
her.
Finally he found her in their room. She was just sitting there, starring into
nothing. Her eyes so dark, so much sadness. He did not know what she was
seeing right now, if it was future or past, it certainly wasn't the present.
Stepping closer he called her name, she didn't even blink. As he knelt down
beside her, he caught her eyes.
The only thing he could say to comfort her was that he had died fast and
without pain. But real help, no.
After several minutes had passed in complete silence, her sudden movement
had come rather unexpected. However it took him only a few seconds to
finally catch himself, just in time to stop her before she could step out of the
door. He knew where she wanted to go. But if he really was still inside, and
not floating out there in space. There was no way he could have survived the
explosion and the vacuum. Maybe either of it, but not both. Not a chance that
he would allow her to be around when they pulled his destroyed lifeless body
out of the debris.
"Whatever on Earth do you think are you doing here?" She yelled at him.
"Keeping you from leaving through that door," he said as calmly as possible.
"Look you are pretty messed up right now and you have every right to be. But
you would just be in their way."
"You don't understand." With these words she tried to push him aside. Yet he
caught her arms and rammed his feet's into the ground. As he increased the
pressure on her arms, it forced her to look at him. Her voice was calm now as
she looked into his eyes with an intense gaze.
"I have to talk with him one last time. I have so many things I still have to say.
You know like this thing with PJ. I am always teasing him about it, but he has
to know now. I want to see him one more time, to hear his voice." For a
moment all his own grief came up "He is dead." he shouted. Then there was
silence in the room.
Some people cried when there loved ones died, some screamed and some are
just awful quiet, just like she was at that very moment. Then suddenly
something inside her seemed to break, she stopped resisting to his grip and
when he let go of her hands they fell down at her side. Then her shoulders
slummed too. She let him lead her to her bed where he sat her down
swallowing the two sleeping pills he gave her without comment. After she had
lay down, it took the pills just a short time to work their way into the system,
leading her into a deep sleep.
The was a chair he moved to her bedside and waited. Mostly because he
wanted to be there if she needed him, but also because there was nowhere else
he could go. His Chief and his fellow officers had been killed. The deck where
he worked had been destroyed and was properly full of teams now, roaming
through the fragments.
So he stayed.
It was several hours later that he woke up by movement. When he opened his
eyes, he saw that she had stood up, and was now standing at the windows,
looking outside. While he was still searching for the right words to say, she
started to talk, in a strange distinct voice that scared the hell out of him.
"I just saw Lee."
His first terrifying thought was, that she had seen him outside the ship, as she
continued. "In a dream I just had. I dreamed that I woke up, and there he was
sitting at my bedside. Smiling like nothing had happened. I didn't know it was
a dream. So I stood up, got dressed and made breakfast. We ate and he left for
work. Then......In the second before he left the room.........I remembered.......I
remembered that he was dead."
"I am sorry."
"Don't be," she said with a sad smile on her lips, while her eyes looked too far
for him to follow. "It gave me a chance to see him one last time. To say good-
bye."
There was something else she wanted to say, but the bordcomputer stopped
her.
"All Technical and Science Personal report to Deck 5. We are landing in 20
Minutes. Please report in surface equipment."
"I have to....."
"I know. I will be fine."
"Sure?"
"Yes, I have to..." She smiled "Beside he would want it that way. Don't worry
I see you when you come back."
He never saw her again.
Chapter 4
They went outside in thick cloth. That was how things worked on a ship. In a
tight schedule there, was no place for mourning. Only for mates and families it
was allowed to stay behind. Friendship didn't count. But he and the Technician
of the other shifts had decided, not to go outside like nothing had happened.
Around their left arm they had painted a broad black stripe. A reminder of
what had happened only a few hours ago. Now alone, he had time to silently
think of his friends and to mourn for them.
The others were a few feet away, their faces pointed to the ship.
All the sudden, his eyes caught movement, coming up from behind him. Then
he heard a scream so loud that it made his ear's ache and so inhuman that for a
moment he though his blood would freeze because of it.
A relative moment later a ship appeared with the scream. No, not a ship he
corrected himself mentally, a life-form, that had the form of a big spider. And
if this structure wasn't enough to scare the hell out of him, there was also its
appearance. So dark, that when you looked at it longer than a second you
were afraid that you would never be able to take your eyes from it again, that
you would loose in this eternal darkness.
The creature stopped and fired a beam of light at the Icarus.
The giant explosion killed everybody still inside.
He remembered jumping into cover behind a few stones and waiting for hours.
With the certain thought that she had died too. It wasn't easy to find out if he
was sad or happy for her. Maybe he was both.
Even when the fire had long ceased, he still sat there, doe he no longer knew
for what.
A part of him had died that day with them. A part of him that he knew was
lost forever. It was to care for someone, because when they had died he had
stopped to care for anybody else beside himself. Better to be alone, than to go
through to this hell even only one more time.
That he had overslept this day had saved his life, had it really? Was there such
a thing like life left in him?
Suddenly a voice in his head.
Too much to bear all this, his natural instincts took over and he broke into a
run. Yet it was useless the voice remained. Still he didn't stop.
1 hour later, breathless, exhausted and without a single clue where he might
be, he stopped and started to listen.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing, I know it was a mistake coming here, but it wasn't my fault. I
promise you, I will leave as soon as I can."
"What do you want?"
"I just told you that I would leave as soon as I can."
"What do you want?"
Was the someone playing a very sick joke to him. " I want to go home" he
said, while he couldn't hide the bitterness that had crept into his voice with
these words. Knowing that there was no such place like home for him. There
were assignments, Ships, Stations and Planets, but no home.
"What do you want?"
"I want to belong somewhere," he answered honestly.
"What do you want?"
They were right. That was not all he wanted, there was something else.
Something troubling him all his life. "What do you want?"
"I no longer want to be a pawn in a game played by others. Letting them rule
my life."
"What do you want?"
"I no longer want to just obey."
"What do you want?"
I no longer want to be a persona non grata, looking at my life like a witness. I
want the power to change all this. Power, yes, I want Power." Then all the
sudden as quickly as the voice had appeared, it disappeared again. For two
days nothing happened, then silent chirping, a scream and blackness
surrounding him.
Chapter 5
When he woke up, his reaction was to run. Fear had appeared as soon as the
darkness disappeared. Then, first thing he noticed was that he was lying on his
back. In panic he wanted to jump up, only to find himself stopped by a Medlab
computer. That meant that he was somehow back on the ship. Maybe all this,
had just been a strange dream, a nightmare, but still just a dream.
Then the doctor rushed over and held him back before he could stand up. With
soft force she led him to lean back on the bed. "Calm down, you are safe
now." She said in a voice that soothed his alerted nerves. He knew she was
trying to comfort him with it. "Can you tell me your name?" How hard he
tried, his mind was blank. "I don't remember."
"What ship are you assigned too? What's the name of it?"
"You should know it yourself." he answered slightly annoyed "You are
assigned to the same. I really don't know...." Her silence made him stop.
"Aren't you?"
"I am sorry."
"What happened?"
"We found you floating in space, you ship had exploded."
"But the others?"
"You were the only survivor."
"Are you sure?" She just nodded. "But what about the others on the planet?"
"You never landed on the planet. The ship apparently exploded, while trying
to land." Yet when he looked beside her, he could see his encounter suit lying
on a desk. The black stripe clearly visible.
A strange sound came from his mouth, he knew it was supposed to be
laughter, but it didn't sound that way. So everything had happened the way he
remembered it.
"Can I do anything for you?" she asked.
"No, I am fine"
Closing his eyes, letting the soft humming of the ship put him to sleep. But
before he finally drifted off, he heard it again, the soft chirping that sounded
like birds with a very bad hangover, with the only difference that this time the
noises made sense to him. He didn't understand what they were saying, but he
understood the meaning. "Don't be afraid." Then the medlab and everything
else again dissolved into darkness.
And with the darkness the voices came, teaching him, training him, telling him
what to do, yet also telling him the price he could archive if he would listen
and so he listened and learned.
They would keep the promises they made, he was sure about that, as he would
keep his. Days past without him noticing it. The doctors were becoming
nervous because of his long periods of unconsciousness, which reason the they
couldn't find. Their efforts just eared laughter from him. Why did they bother?
He felt better that he had in years, in a lifetime.
*****
When they arrived at their final destination he was able to leave without
looking back. There wasn't much room for personality in an countersuit. And
when they had thrown it away, they had also destroyed the last string that had
bound him to his past life.
Seeing through the List a few days ago, he hadn't been surprised at all, to find
himself under the name "John Doe" - Real name unknown.
Also when in the meantime, with help of his new partners, he had remembered
his real name. He didn't really think that he should let them in on his discovery.
Richard Morden was listed as dead. Let them think he was dead. It wasn't that
far off the truth. Sure, he was alive, but Richard Morden was dead, had died
along with the others on that planet. And he had to be. Because only when you
accepted that something was gone. There was a chance for a real new
beginning. It definitely was better that way.
The doctor waited for him at the exit, "I wanted to say good-bye."
"Well, Thank you."
""I am sorry you still haven't found out who you are yet."
"Don't worry, I have." While he smiled at her as she looked at him
questioning.
"Anyway, Much luck. And don't forget. Life is, what we make out of it."
"Yes, it sure is."
Turning away to leave he remembered that he still didn't know her name. He
looked back.
"Dr.?"
"Yes?" she replied "What do you want?"
Somehow this question stroke him to be one of the funniest things that had
heard in his life and he started to laugh. However there was nothing human in
this laughter, because it was as cold and dark as the universe surrounding the
ship.
The End
Author`s Note:
Morden is really looking at Anna. The reason why I wrote that he thinks that
she is
looking like his mother: After I watched "Late Delivery from Avalon" I
brushed up my
knowledge about King Arthur.
There under Mordred stood:
Son from Artus with Morgeuse (also known as Anna).
It was meant as a joke.
"I am what I have become, over the years.
The good times, the bad times.
I am a realistic dreamer and a pessimistic optimist
and sometimes - I am just me."
"It isn't the money that motivates: it's the love of the progress itself, the
storytelling, the creation of characters who live and breathe, the joy of
struggling to take words and make a kind of music with them as best I can.
from Dean R. Koontz "Strange Highways" (about writing fiction)
Patrisha J. McLean, Chief Randy Ashton Pratt and Lee Kelso are mine. Of
course they will be handed over if said, breathed or thought. Yet please tell me
before
All rights about the known Characters, places and so on, Belong to Warner
Bros, Babylonian Productions and JMS.
Mostly to JMS, because they are coming from him.
I am open for any CCC (Comments, Complaint, Corrections) you have.
(In others words: PLEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSE)
I am still new in writing stories and I would really need the feedback to
improve it.
Please sent it to:
Strange_music@hotmail.com
Cast with Shadows
By Strange Music
This story is in memory of my C:\ hardisk, who , because of the cruelty of the
world went, to be formatted. With her went about 75 % of my written data of
the last 3 years. So that I had to rewrite most of my stories.
Both of them for reading my stories and commenting them.
And now...............
Finally...................
To the story...........
I hope you enjoy it. ;-)
Cast with Shadows
Prologue
He was afraid.
Sometimes he was so afraid, that like today, he woke up in the middle of the
night screaming. His only thoughts, to run away from them, to pack his things
and to go where they would never find him. But then, when the sleep had left
his mind, he realized, that there was no such place. That they would find him,
wherever he would or could go.
Night......
It was the only time he was alone. Truly alone. At daytime they were around,
every second, watching him and the others. Every move he made, every word
he said, they were there.
Getting up, through it was only 3 o'clock in the morning, was the only thing he
could think of. His mind was much too awaken now for sleep. Coffee would
be a good idea, yes, coffee would be fine. Some human habits were not easy to
change, even when he was no longer sure that he still was what others
considered as human. Physically, yes, but mentally. After all he had done to his
own people? Why was he doing these things? Why was he helping them? He
made his way to the kitchen. "Lights" he ordered. And as the light chased
away the shadows in the room, it also started to chased away his dark
thoughts. Now that they were gone, he even welcomed hearing the soft
chirping voices of his "associates". Because he knew what it meant, Power and
position, power to be someone special.
Three years had passed since he had stepped on board the Icarus, and into a
new life. A nobody, well, at least that had changed.
Chapter 1
"Mr. Morden, you are late", these were the first words he heard from his new
employee Captain Archer "I am sorry, my shuttle had problems and we....."
"I don't care why you are late, but you just had an entire ship waiting for you.
Get in." With these words he made it clear that he had no interest in any
further explanation. As if the metiorshower had been his fault. Sure, it was the
same every time.
All this made him so furious, but his anger didn't show up on the outside as he
simply replied, "Yes, Sir."
Over the years he had learned to hide his anger, to hide any feelings. He just
nodded, smiled and left. Mentally thanking his father for the only lesson he
had learned him, had learned him good. Never show you inner self because
nobody cares about it. But smile and people will always wonder what you are
up too.
20 years were gone since he had seen his father the last time. Not that he really
missed him, there had never been enough love between them for that. Now, all
he was to him, was a face he sometimes saw in the mirror the older he grew,
but most times not even that. Maybe he was dead, maybe he was alive, he
couldn't care less.
He entered his room, immediately starting to unpack his bag, while the
computer displayed the his dutyruster in front of him.
Technician report to D7 at 1500 hours
So he still had more than three hours to get ready and make his way to deck 7.
In the meantime he would go into the mess-hall, not that he was hungry or felt
like meeting people, but this room was too damn small for anything. Then his
thoughts were stopped for a moment as the ship left and the gravity shifted.
He took a tight grip at the chair standing in front of him. It was always the
same. The moment when the gravity of the ship changed was always a very
bizarre moment for him. Some people said they liked it, some said they hated
it - he just thought it to be strange. Like standing under a cold shower, the
cold water might hurt in the first few moments but after a while it left you with
a strangely warm feeling. So the best way to describe it was strange. A rumble
went through the ship, which sounding like a thunderstorm arriving. And then
something fell, it always did. No matter how careful he was, one thing he
always overlooked, and he was not disappointed this time either. Well, he had
never liked this pot anyway.
They would arrive in 4 weeks. It was going to take them that long because
they were only able to use jumpgates for the three quarters of the way. The
rest they would have to fly in normal space as the planet did not have a
jumpgate on its own yet. There they were going to stay for 4 month and then
leave again. Work for 6 month. But the planet was on the rim that meant the
payment was more than good and would allow to live from it for more than 5
month afterwards. Until he had found the next job. It was a circle he hadn't
been able to break yet.
In the end of his unpacking, he was putting a few things here and there.
Looking around he realised that even he had emptied his whole bag there as
still nothing personnel about this room. Maybe it mostly was the lack of any
photos, but there were no people in his life whose faces he would want to
remember. All memories he would need were in his head, and if they weren't in
his head, they were best forgotten.
Normally people were looking into the past and were saying that despite some
trouble it had been good. They did it, because the past was a period they know
all about and the future was always changing it was unpredictable. Maybe that
was one of the reasons that he was looking forward, instead of looking back,
because whatever would come, it definitely could only be better than what had
happened until now.
Chapter 2
It was an hour later he entered the mess-hall. For normal standards it was
rather quiet, but he assumed, that this was a result, of the fact that the people
still had to get to know each other. A few were using vid-phones to say good-
bye. Some were just sitting at the tables, suddenly he caught the sight of a
person. For a moment he thought that it was his Mother , which was sitting
over there. But when he took a step closer to her, he realized that it had just
been a reflection of light. Her hair has the same red-brown color, but the face
was different. She also was way too young. Trying to find out who she was he
started to eavesdrop a little-bit.
So, her name was Anna and she was one of the Scientists.
A few moments later however he took his drink and went to the furthest table,
at the end of the room. That's were he felt safe, at distance to the others.
He was a loner, there was no way of denying this. In the job he was one of the
best, but at personal things he was horrible. His friendships seldom lasted
longer than an assignment.
_Maybe because I am one of those persons, whose face you forgot as soon as
they left the room._
Sure a great part of this was his fault, this tendency to keep everybody he
knew an armlenght away. It didn't matter if they were relatives, friends or
close family. The further he kept them the less it hurt, when they left. Because
they all left sooner or later. Letting them come closer, would only result in
making the inevitable more painful. There had been occasions were he had
disobeyed his orders his own rule, but the result had been the same every time.
He would laugh with those people, talk with them but never let them, close.
Finally after spending a bit more than 2 hours with staring at his drink, he
stood up and made his way to Deck 7.
They were seated in a big conference room. He was a bit late but fortunately
for him and a few others, their chief was late too. Most of the room was full
and he kept scanning the room for free seats. Finally he found one only a few
meter away, "Is this seat saved" he asked the person next to it. "No, not yet"
he answered and then with a smile. "We are still praying for it. But in the
meantime you can sit down." Morden found himself smiling, really smiling for
the first time in years.
The young man extended his hand.
"Lee Kelso. And you are?"
"Richard Morden". He answered while they shook hand, then Morden
looked worried at the door. "You can relax" Kelso assured him, Crap isn't
coming for another 10 minutes, I have worked with him before, I can assure
you he is always late.
"Crap?"
"Stands for Chief Randy Aston Pratt or cranky astonished cat."
"Let me guess it is not advised to use the first and the third one if he is in
hearing rage.
" Not if you like your life or breathing in vacuum is one of your hobbies, or
at least it will be, when he hears you."
" I See."
He looked at his neighbors, they were about the same age and seize, Lee's hair
was a bit lighter but curled as well. But there was a big difference between
them, he had this smile on his lips, which was more infections than a cold.
Then the door opened. Leaning over Morden whispered.
"Another 10 Minutes"
Lee who suddenly seemed to have decided that, Room-decorator would be a
great Job. There was no other way to explain his sudden interest in the ceiling.
Then he looked down,
"Äh...What shall I say? UPS?"
Crap, no he corrected himself before he got too used to this name for his own
good. Chief Pratt entered the room, greeted them friendly. He was a man in
his late 40, with a face that bound him to become a leading character and a
voice that made you listen when it spoke. Then all the sudden, his eyes fixed
on one person. "Mr. Kelso, what on Earth have I done to deserve you again.
This is what, the sixth time? Is this some kind of perverse pleasure of your side
or have you just ticked somebody really off."
"No Sir. I just find that you are the best Chief a man could wish for an I look
forward working with you again."
"Stop sliming it's getting slippery here." But he delivered these lines with a
smile that matched Lee's in every proposition. " Sit down." Apparently Lee
had exaggerate a little-bit when he had your Chief or the next 6 month. If you
listen to me I can promise you that you will learn a lot, if not. So it's up to
you." With these words he started to talk.
******
When he was finished 3 hours later, he realized them with the words. "I will
see team 1 tomorrow Deck 8 section 10 at 0730 hours. Dismissed." Morden
stood up to leave, but a hand stopped him. It was Lee
"I am going to be in the mess-hall for dinner. Care to join me?"
"I'm not very hungry." He tried to talk himself out of it." But Lee ignored the
apparent
-NO-.
"Good, it's so hard to talk if your mouth is full. So are you coming?"
"Why not?" He heard himself saying, and found himself thinking.
_Yes, why not_ and they were on their way.
In the mess-hall, Morden stayed with a cup of coffee, while Lee piled up every
doctor's nightmare on his plate. Maybe these thoughts or his look had been
too obvious, because a second after they had sat down, Lee declared jesting.
"Whatever you think, I'm not pregnant just hungry."
"You are a kind of very strange person."
"Thanks" he answered between two mouth full, "Well let's say I was sane
once, didn't much like it." He swallowed it down. " So tell me, where are you
from?"
"Earth and you?"
"I am a Martian."
"You don't look like one." Morden stated.
"Why?" now it was Lee's turn to look puzzled.
Again Morden truly smiled when he replied. "You don't have any antennas,
your skin colour isn't green, you have hair, well, the height would suit, but the
rest."
"And you say I am strange. You know what they say about that one donkey
doesn't call the other one long-ear."
"I am sorry?"
"Don't throw with stones if you are sitting in the glass-house."
"Why not you are sitting in the same one? I won't hit the glass, just you."
They conversation was suddenly interrupted, when a woman approached their
table. In lack of a third seat, Lee quickly stood up and gave her his own.
"Richard, may I introduce you to my wife Patrisha. While they where shaking
hands Lee went to get another chair, when she leaned back Morden got a
closer look at her name-tag. " I don't want to be indiscreet, but why does your
nametag read Patrisha J. McLean not Kelso."
"I kept my name, why is rather a long story."
"Mrs. McLean..." he started.
"Pat, for my friends."
"Am I one of them?" he asked curious. They only knew him for a short time.
"Why shouldn't you be?"
"Okay. Out of curiosity, Pat, how is it with....." She stopped him in mid-
sentence. "Don't say it." He raised one eyebrow. "PJ, is for my enemies or
those who plan to become it."
"She never tells me why" Lee said as he returned to join them again. "There's
not much to explain, it sounds stupid."
"Liar, there is another reason." A knowing smile appeared on here lips,
apparently this question has been raised many times before. "You are right,
there is." With these words she put herself closer to Morden and whispered
into his ear "He is going crazy trying to find out why. But I love to keep him
guessing, it's way to much fun." Then she pulled back again. Smiling at the
joke they now shared. "What?" Lee inquired "What did she tell you? Come
on."
"Okay, I will. She....." and if rehearsed she suddenly looked at him very
ominously. "Don't forget."
"Ah, yes" he said as if suddenly remembering she also told me, that she would
kill me, if I say something. Sorry."
They talked for hours afterwards and when they finally parted, he knew that
despite his best efforts, he had made some friends today.
******
The first clue that he could really enjoy that assignment had been the first day
his talk with Lee and Patrisha. The second one he had found at the door, when
he had entered Deck 8 Section 10.
There was a sign reading. "Sure, you don't have to be completely insane to
work here, but I can assure you, it helps a lot." And under it a second hand-
written note "From someone who knows it. If you aren't already, believe me
after a while you will be."
His friendship with Pat and Lee had increased as the days went by. Bit by bit
he had gotten information about both of them. That they were married since 5
years and that Pat was coming from Earth as well and was working in
Security.
In the meantime new order for the Technical Crew had arrived, which were to
open a new Jumppoint close to the planet. Again that line, which was called
"the Rim" was put out just a bit further.
Arrival was exactly 3 weeks and 5 days after their start. Four days later while
the Science personal was still preparing for the landing, they were finished.
There had been this strange box that they had found sticking to the hull. Being
curious what it might be, everybody wanted to examine it, so the Chief had
promised them that they would, but on the next day.
On that afternoon they had a party, a gift to themselves, for finishing in half of
the normal time. It was a great time.
And then as always when everything seemed to go right.
Something went wrong.
Terribly wrong.
Chapter 3
He had overslept that day.
A fact which had saved his life, had it really?
/Damn/ was his first thought in the morning, when he woke up and the
computer happily announced, that it was 0730 hours. A time, were he already
should be on duty. As the Chief had promised they would open this strange
box, first thing in the morning. He really had wanted to be there. Making
himself ready for work only took about 5 Minutes, then he was on his way. A
short look at his watch fastened his steps, 0740 hours.
Then half the way, the ship was suddenly rocked by an explosion, which threw
him of his feet "What the hell?" And as soon as the ship had stopped even
slightly, he continued his way. Even faster than before. Not because he was
afraid of being late, but because he prayed to be wrong, even when he had this
strange certainty in his head that he knew exactly where the explosion had
been. When he arrived at deck 8 Section 10 his worst fears were confirmed.
The door was sealed with an emergency lock. Whatever had happened in there
had been strong enough to blow a hole into the hull, a hole too big for the
safety systems to kick in and seal in time. The alarm likewise was always to
late in such cases.
Whoever was in there, they were dead.
A scream, a voice filled with withheld tears. "Let me through......I don`t care
what you think. Dammit, Jack!. I said, let me through.
"There's nobody left alive." A male voice raising his voice as well. Morden
turned around just in time to see Pat hitting one of her fellow officers and
shoving him to the side. Stepping in her way, he stopped her.
"Don't...."
"I have to get to him, maybe he's still alive." She said with a desperation in her voice that made his heart ache.
"No"
"But..."
He looked into her eyes, so much pain, he almost felt in physically.
"No!"
Suddenly her eyes turned blank as she turned around and left without another
word. After checking if there was anyway he could help, he also left to follow
her.
Finally he found her in their room. She was just sitting there, starring into
nothing. Her eyes so dark, so much sadness. He did not know what she was
seeing right now, if it was future or past, it certainly wasn't the present.
Stepping closer he called her name, she didn't even blink. As he knelt down
beside her, he caught her eyes.
The only thing he could say to comfort her was that he had died fast and
without pain. But real help, no.
After several minutes had passed in complete silence, her sudden movement
had come rather unexpected. However it took him only a few seconds to
finally catch himself, just in time to stop her before she could step out of the
door. He knew where she wanted to go. But if he really was still inside, and
not floating out there in space. There was no way he could have survived the
explosion and the vacuum. Maybe either of it, but not both. Not a chance that
he would allow her to be around when they pulled his destroyed lifeless body
out of the debris.
"Whatever on Earth do you think are you doing here?" She yelled at him.
"Keeping you from leaving through that door," he said as calmly as possible.
"Look you are pretty messed up right now and you have every right to be. But
you would just be in their way."
"You don't understand." With these words she tried to push him aside. Yet he
caught her arms and rammed his feet's into the ground. As he increased the
pressure on her arms, it forced her to look at him. Her voice was calm now as
she looked into his eyes with an intense gaze.
"I have to talk with him one last time. I have so many things I still have to say.
You know like this thing with PJ. I am always teasing him about it, but he has
to know now. I want to see him one more time, to hear his voice." For a
moment all his own grief came up "He is dead." he shouted. Then there was
silence in the room.
Some people cried when there loved ones died, some screamed and some are
just awful quiet, just like she was at that very moment. Then suddenly
something inside her seemed to break, she stopped resisting to his grip and
when he let go of her hands they fell down at her side. Then her shoulders
slummed too. She let him lead her to her bed where he sat her down
swallowing the two sleeping pills he gave her without comment. After she had
lay down, it took the pills just a short time to work their way into the system,
leading her into a deep sleep.
The was a chair he moved to her bedside and waited. Mostly because he
wanted to be there if she needed him, but also because there was nowhere else
he could go. His Chief and his fellow officers had been killed. The deck where
he worked had been destroyed and was properly full of teams now, roaming
through the fragments.
So he stayed.
It was several hours later that he woke up by movement. When he opened his
eyes, he saw that she had stood up, and was now standing at the windows,
looking outside. While he was still searching for the right words to say, she
started to talk, in a strange distinct voice that scared the hell out of him.
"I just saw Lee."
His first terrifying thought was, that she had seen him outside the ship, as she
continued. "In a dream I just had. I dreamed that I woke up, and there he was
sitting at my bedside. Smiling like nothing had happened. I didn't know it was
a dream. So I stood up, got dressed and made breakfast. We ate and he left for
work. Then......In the second before he left the room.........I remembered.......I
remembered that he was dead."
"I am sorry."
"Don't be," she said with a sad smile on her lips, while her eyes looked too far
for him to follow. "It gave me a chance to see him one last time. To say good-
bye."
There was something else she wanted to say, but the bordcomputer stopped
her.
"All Technical and Science Personal report to Deck 5. We are landing in 20
Minutes. Please report in surface equipment."
"I have to....."
"I know. I will be fine."
"Sure?"
"Yes, I have to..." She smiled "Beside he would want it that way. Don't worry
I see you when you come back."
He never saw her again.
Chapter 4
They went outside in thick cloth. That was how things worked on a ship. In a
tight schedule there, was no place for mourning. Only for mates and families it
was allowed to stay behind. Friendship didn't count. But he and the Technician
of the other shifts had decided, not to go outside like nothing had happened.
Around their left arm they had painted a broad black stripe. A reminder of
what had happened only a few hours ago. Now alone, he had time to silently
think of his friends and to mourn for them.
The others were a few feet away, their faces pointed to the ship.
All the sudden, his eyes caught movement, coming up from behind him. Then
he heard a scream so loud that it made his ear's ache and so inhuman that for a
moment he though his blood would freeze because of it.
A relative moment later a ship appeared with the scream. No, not a ship he
corrected himself mentally, a life-form, that had the form of a big spider. And
if this structure wasn't enough to scare the hell out of him, there was also its
appearance. So dark, that when you looked at it longer than a second you
were afraid that you would never be able to take your eyes from it again, that
you would loose in this eternal darkness.
The creature stopped and fired a beam of light at the Icarus.
The giant explosion killed everybody still inside.
He remembered jumping into cover behind a few stones and waiting for hours.
With the certain thought that she had died too. It wasn't easy to find out if he
was sad or happy for her. Maybe he was both.
Even when the fire had long ceased, he still sat there, doe he no longer knew
for what.
A part of him had died that day with them. A part of him that he knew was
lost forever. It was to care for someone, because when they had died he had
stopped to care for anybody else beside himself. Better to be alone, than to go
through to this hell even only one more time.
That he had overslept this day had saved his life, had it really? Was there such
a thing like life left in him?
Suddenly a voice in his head.
Too much to bear all this, his natural instincts took over and he broke into a
run. Yet it was useless the voice remained. Still he didn't stop.
1 hour later, breathless, exhausted and without a single clue where he might
be, he stopped and started to listen.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing, I know it was a mistake coming here, but it wasn't my fault. I
promise you, I will leave as soon as I can."
"What do you want?"
"I just told you that I would leave as soon as I can."
"What do you want?"
Was the someone playing a very sick joke to him. " I want to go home" he
said, while he couldn't hide the bitterness that had crept into his voice with
these words. Knowing that there was no such place like home for him. There
were assignments, Ships, Stations and Planets, but no home.
"What do you want?"
"I want to belong somewhere," he answered honestly.
"What do you want?"
They were right. That was not all he wanted, there was something else.
Something troubling him all his life. "What do you want?"
"I no longer want to be a pawn in a game played by others. Letting them rule
my life."
"What do you want?"
"I no longer want to just obey."
"What do you want?"
I no longer want to be a persona non grata, looking at my life like a witness. I
want the power to change all this. Power, yes, I want Power." Then all the
sudden as quickly as the voice had appeared, it disappeared again. For two
days nothing happened, then silent chirping, a scream and blackness
surrounding him.
Chapter 5
When he woke up, his reaction was to run. Fear had appeared as soon as the
darkness disappeared. Then, first thing he noticed was that he was lying on his
back. In panic he wanted to jump up, only to find himself stopped by a Medlab
computer. That meant that he was somehow back on the ship. Maybe all this,
had just been a strange dream, a nightmare, but still just a dream.
Then the doctor rushed over and held him back before he could stand up. With
soft force she led him to lean back on the bed. "Calm down, you are safe
now." She said in a voice that soothed his alerted nerves. He knew she was
trying to comfort him with it. "Can you tell me your name?" How hard he
tried, his mind was blank. "I don't remember."
"What ship are you assigned too? What's the name of it?"
"You should know it yourself." he answered slightly annoyed "You are
assigned to the same. I really don't know...." Her silence made him stop.
"Aren't you?"
"I am sorry."
"What happened?"
"We found you floating in space, you ship had exploded."
"But the others?"
"You were the only survivor."
"Are you sure?" She just nodded. "But what about the others on the planet?"
"You never landed on the planet. The ship apparently exploded, while trying
to land." Yet when he looked beside her, he could see his encounter suit lying
on a desk. The black stripe clearly visible.
A strange sound came from his mouth, he knew it was supposed to be
laughter, but it didn't sound that way. So everything had happened the way he
remembered it.
"Can I do anything for you?" she asked.
"No, I am fine"
Closing his eyes, letting the soft humming of the ship put him to sleep. But
before he finally drifted off, he heard it again, the soft chirping that sounded
like birds with a very bad hangover, with the only difference that this time the
noises made sense to him. He didn't understand what they were saying, but he
understood the meaning. "Don't be afraid." Then the medlab and everything
else again dissolved into darkness.
And with the darkness the voices came, teaching him, training him, telling him
what to do, yet also telling him the price he could archive if he would listen
and so he listened and learned.
They would keep the promises they made, he was sure about that, as he would
keep his. Days past without him noticing it. The doctors were becoming
nervous because of his long periods of unconsciousness, which reason the they
couldn't find. Their efforts just eared laughter from him. Why did they bother?
He felt better that he had in years, in a lifetime.
*****
When they arrived at their final destination he was able to leave without
looking back. There wasn't much room for personality in an countersuit. And
when they had thrown it away, they had also destroyed the last string that had
bound him to his past life.
Seeing through the List a few days ago, he hadn't been surprised at all, to find
himself under the name "John Doe" - Real name unknown.
Also when in the meantime, with help of his new partners, he had remembered
his real name. He didn't really think that he should let them in on his discovery.
Richard Morden was listed as dead. Let them think he was dead. It wasn't that
far off the truth. Sure, he was alive, but Richard Morden was dead, had died
along with the others on that planet. And he had to be. Because only when you
accepted that something was gone. There was a chance for a real new
beginning. It definitely was better that way.
The doctor waited for him at the exit, "I wanted to say good-bye."
"Well, Thank you."
""I am sorry you still haven't found out who you are yet."
"Don't worry, I have." While he smiled at her as she looked at him
questioning.
"Anyway, Much luck. And don't forget. Life is, what we make out of it."
"Yes, it sure is."
Turning away to leave he remembered that he still didn't know her name. He
looked back.
"Dr.?"
"Yes?" she replied "What do you want?"
Somehow this question stroke him to be one of the funniest things that had
heard in his life and he started to laugh. However there was nothing human in
this laughter, because it was as cold and dark as the universe surrounding the
ship.
The End
Author`s Note:
Morden is really looking at Anna. The reason why I wrote that he thinks that
she is
looking like his mother: After I watched "Late Delivery from Avalon" I
brushed up my
knowledge about King Arthur.
There under Mordred stood:
Son from Artus with Morgeuse (also known as Anna).
It was meant as a joke.
"I am what I have become, over the years.
The good times, the bad times.
I am a realistic dreamer and a pessimistic optimist
and sometimes - I am just me."
"It isn't the money that motivates: it's the love of the progress itself, the
storytelling, the creation of characters who live and breathe, the joy of
struggling to take words and make a kind of music with them as best I can.
from Dean R. Koontz "Strange Highways" (about writing fiction)
Patrisha J. McLean, Chief Randy Ashton Pratt and Lee Kelso are mine. Of
course they will be handed over if said, breathed or thought. Yet please tell me
before