Election AC 195!
reported by Maria Rocket
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[Author's Notes: I am deeply sorry for this. But this whole election insanity has driven me insane...again. ^^; However, for those who might be interested, chapter six of Gundam Apocalypse should be posted either later today or sometime tomorrow.]
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Hilde: [pops up in front of the camera] "Welcome to Election AC 195! Today we're voting for the leader of free and enslaved world and a few odd colonies! We'll be hearing from the candidates, and then it'll be up to you to decide!"
[Voice over as a picture of Heero strangling Duo with an insane glint in his eyes pops up: "The presidential candidate for the Spandex Hell party, Heero Yuy!"]
[Voice over as a picture of Quatre hugging Sandrock pops up: "The presidential candidate for the Pink Justice party, Quatre Raberba Winner!"]
[Voice over as a picture of Zechs in a frilly party dress pops up: "The presidential candidate for the White Fang party, Zechs Merquise!"]
[Voice over as a picture of Relena looking guilty while dragging Heero around by his hair: "The presidential candidate for the Peacestalker party, Relena Peacecraft!"]
[Heero, Quatre, Zechs, and Relena each take a podium on a stage. For the moment, the camera view is from the side. Heero glares at the others. Quatre smiles sweetly at nothing in particular. Zechs is glaring at Heero. Relena is waving at Heero. When the camera angle swiches to the front, except for Zechs, none of them can be seen over the tops of the podiums.]
[Hilde's voice: "So Mr. Yuy, why should you be president?"]
Heero: [Kicks the podium aside and glares out at the camera.] Vote for me, or I'll kill you.
[Hilde's voice: "Umm... Okay. So, Mr. Winner, why should you be president?"]
Quatre: [Blonde hair poking over the top of the podium moves a bit.] "Hello?"
[Hilde's voice: "Mr. Winner, why should you be president?"]
Quatre: [Tries to look over the podium on his tiptoes, and the camera catches his confused look a moment before the whole thing topples over on top of him.] "AAAHHH!!!" *THUMP!*
[Hilde's voice: "Uhh... Okay, we'll get back to you. Mr. Merquise, why should you be president?"]
Zechs: [Rests his elbows on the podium.] "Because I have really cool hair."
[Hilde's voice: *sweatdrop* "Okaaay...any other reasons?"]
Zechs: [Smooth smile] "Did you know that Mr. Yuy has a history of self-detonating? Voting for the Spandex Hell party is just asking for your country to be blown to hell."
Heero: [Deathglares at Zechs.]
[Hilde's voice: "Hmm... Alright, Miss Peacecraft, why should you be the president?"]
Relena: [Whistles, and a group of her loyal slaves...err, friends, comes to lift her up so that she can see over the podium.] "Well Hilde, if I'm elected president, I will personally see to it that there is univeral peace."
[Hilde's voice: "Mmm Hmm. Back to you, Mr. Yuy."]
Heero: "Hilde, if you don't vote for me, your boyfriend is fired."
[Hilde's voice: *Suddenly VERY perky* "Of course! Everyone vote for Heero!"]
Quatre: [Still stuck beneath the podium.] "MMMmmMMMMMM!!!!!!"
Zechs: [Shakes his head ruefully.] "Isn't that just like the Spandex Hell party, fixing the media in their favor! But did you also know that the Pink Justice candidate has a history of mental instability and has a criminal record that includes mass murder, mass destruction, and has a reported addiction to tea? Is this the role model you want for your children?"]
Quatre: [Still trapped] "MMmmHmmMmMmmmm!!!"
[Rashid pops up: "Master Quatre sipped, but he never drank the tea."]
[Hilde's voice as Rashid pops offstage again: "Okay, that was a representative from the Pink Justice party. Now, Miss Peacecraft, back to you."]
Relena: [Smiles as her literal underlings struggle beneath her weight.] "I used to be the Queen of the World, and I was the most popular girl at St. Gabriel Academy. Not to mention my brother is also on the White Fang party! Clearly I am qualified to order people around."
[Hilde's voice: "Riiight. Mr. Yuy?"]
Heero: [Loads a revolver while giving the camera and very meaningful glare.] "I think I've made myself very clear."
[Hilde's voice: *laughs nervously* Remember people, vote Spandex Hell!"]
Quatre: [You know he's still stuck under that podium, the poor thing.] "MmmmmmMMMmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!"
Zechs: "My sister wet the bed. Do you want a leader that wets the bed?" [Suddenly a podium flys up and crashes over his head, knocking him to the ground unconscious with swirls in his eyes.]
Quatre: [Now standing, hunched over gasping for air, with that ZERO system look in his eyes.] *in a dark voice* "You shouldn't be running for office at all!!!!"
[Hilde's voice as all hell breaks loose on stage: "AAAAHH!!!!"]
[Camera breaks off and a giant ELECTION AC 195 logo slams on camera. Voice over: "The vice presidential candidates after this!"]
Hilde: [Back in front of the camera.] "Now that...uhh...the presidential candidates have been contained, we're now ready to hear the vice presidential candidates!"]
[Voice over as a picture of Duo singing enthusiastically in nothing but his underwear pops up: "The Vice Presidential candidate for the Spandex Hell party, Duo Maxwell!"]
[Voice over as a picture of a chibi Wufei with huge watery eyes crying in a dentist office holding a blue balloon pops up: "The Vice Presidential candidate for the Pink Justice party, Wufei Chang!"]
[Voice over as a picture of Dorothy in leather holding a whip pops up: "The Vice Presidential candidate for the White Fang party, Dorothy Catalonia!"]
[Voice over as a picture of Pagan in the batcave pops up: "The Vice Presidential candidate for the Peacestalker party, ...Umm... Pagan!"]
[Duo, Wufei, Dorothy, and Pagan take the stage deserted by the former candidates. Instead of podiums, there are now chairs, and they all sit.]
[Hilde's voice: "Alright, Mr. Maxwell! *Giggle* You're first! Why should we vote for the Spandex Hell party?"]
Duo: [Winks at Hilde] Well, first off babe, I'll like to point out that my hair is way cooler than that of Mr. Merquise. And secondly, anyone who doesn't vote for Spandex Hell is gonna die." [Smiles cheerfully.]
[Hilde's voice: "Yay Spandex Hell! Eerr... Mr. Chang! What do you have to say to all the people out there?"]
Wufei: [calmly shines his sword] "Anyone who votes for Spandex Hell is a weak woman. Pink Justice is the only party with justice."
Dorothy: "Oh Miss Hilde..."
[Hilde's voice: "Yes, Miss Catalonia?"]
Dorothy: "Oh..." [Smiles not so innocently] "I was just wondering if the public was aware that Mr. Chang's wife died at his hands. Do you really want to put such a man in a position to take future presidency?"
Wufei: [Turns a fierce red] "Evil woman! I didn't kill her! Stop spouting your foul lies!"
Dorothy: "See how unstable he is?"
Wufei: [Yells and goes at Dorothy with his sword. Dorothy meets him with her own fencing foil and they start fighting around the stage]
[Hilde's voice: "Not again... Quickly Pagan, have you anything to say?"]
Pagan: "...."
[Hilde's voice: "Umm... Pagan?"]
Duo: [dodges around Dorothy and Wufei's battle and pokes at Pagan. The old man falls over like a ton of bricks. Duo makes a face.] Ack! Babe, I think he's dead!"
Pagan: "...*snort*...No...not the girl... Kill me King Peacecraft, please....*snore*...."
Duo: *sweatdrops* "Or not."
[Camera breaks off and a giant ELECTION AC 195 logo slams on camera. Voice over: "More on the candidates after this!"]
[Hilde is back on camera, now standing next to Heero and Duo. Heero is glaring at the camera while Duo has his arm around Hilde waving and grinning like a madman.]
Hilde: *giggle* "Well, according to projections, your Spandex Hell group is the most popular among voters. What do you think is the reason?"
Duo: [Still grinning] "Well Hilde, I think they're a bunch of bright folks who want to live!"
Heero: [Nods grimly] "If they don't vote for us, I will personally hunt each one of them down and kill them."
Relena: [Suddenly runs up and kisses Heero passionately] "HEERO! I'll vote for you! And you can kill me afterwards anyway if you want!"
Heero: [glares] "Aren't you running against me?"
Relena: "Of course! But I'll still vote for you!"
Heero: [glares again and suddenly dips her into a passionate kiss]
Duo: Yikes! [Jumps back]
Hilde: "Okay..." [Moves away to where Quatre and Wufei are standing. Quatre looks a little beat up and his hair is all messy. Wufei's clothes are all ripped up, his hair is loose, and is glaring along with Quatre.] "So, Pink Justice! According to polls, you're very unpopular right now, especially among female voters! But it seems you haven't given up hope! Is it true the potential First Husband, Trowa Barton, is already planning to move his...*blink blink* LIONS!?? into the Lincoln bedroom?"
Quatre: [Suddenly pops out of his evil glare and beams angelicly] Yes! I'm sure the people will realize that Pink Justice is the best choice for the well being of this country."
Wufei: "Not to mention we're loaded, and will utterly decimate the other candidates with our campaign."
Hilde: "Ah, I see!"
[Suddenly Dorothy pops up and drapes herself over Quatre, sobbing dramatically]
Quatre: "HUH!?"
Dorothy: "Oh Quatre! *Sob SOB* We are undone! I'm pregnant!"
Quatre: "WHAT!?!??" [His eyes bug out, then roll back in his head before he passes out onto the floor.] *THUNK!*
Zechs: [Runs up screaming and pointing] Scandel! Scandel! [Grabs the camera, looking into it manically] "Do you want four to eight YEARS of this sort of treachery!?!?"
Wufei: [Opens his mouth to protest, but is suddenly silenced by a mysterious figure in black with a big purple bang who drags him away]
Hilde: [Gives Zechs and the suddenly composed Dorothy a strange look] "Uhh... So, White Fang! I've heard that you've threatened to drop a colony on the Earth and end all life on the planet if you aren't elected! Is this true?"
Zechs: "Yes. If the people aren't smart enough to elect true leaders of good character, then human kind isn't worthy enough to exist."
Hilde: *Sweatdrops* "I'm moving to Mars..." [Moves along to where Relena and Pagan are supposed to be standing, and finds only a sleeping Pagan.] "Umm... Hey, what's with the Peacestalker party!?"
Duo: [Slides up next to her and whispers something in her ear.]
Hilde: [Pales] "Oh... Well, looks like that's it for today's Election AC 195 coverage! Don't forget to vote!" [Spins her microphone cheerfully, accidently smacking Duo in the face.]
[Camera breaks off and a giant ELECTION AC 195 logo slams on camera.]
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[Hehehe, remember to vote! This is just a crazy off the hat thing I wanted to do, but if enough people actually vote on this, I may do a little sequel to it. ^_^; Remember, these are the nominees!
The Spandex Hell party: Yuy/Maxwell
The Pink Justice party: Winner/Chang
The White Fang party: Merquise/Catalonia
The Peacestalkers party:Peacecraft/Pagan
Well, regardless, thanks for putting up with my insanity! ^_^