Author's Comments: This is like my second attempt at humor. Yes I know it's too much like a sitcom with obvious flaws. Still, I felt like writing it and, dammit, it made me smirk a bit. So here it is. I own nothing but the cookies!
=Don't Eat the Cookies=
"Now remember Vegeta," said Bulma, "Don't eat the cookies while I'm gone."
(Audience laughs) [Her line was so sitcom-ish. I had to add the laugh track to it.]
With that she left the house to take a trip to the neighborhood wholesale store. There were four-foot wheels of cheese on special and Bulma couldn't resist the offer, even if she was lactose-intolerant.
Vegeta was watching television in the living room. Trunks ran into the room and stared at his father.
"Daaaaaad!"
"Hmm?"
"What are you doing watching cartoons?"
"Hmph! For the last time, it's called ANIME! It's completely different from your foolish Saturday
morning pieces of crap." Vegeta continued to watch his Sailor Moon. "Unenlightened fool." he mumbled.
Goten ran into the room following Trunks. "Mr. Vegeta!" He smiled at Vegeta. "I didn't know you watched Sailor Moon! That's a girl show!"
"WHAT?!" Vegeta grew tense. "First of all, it's called Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon! Secondly. It is NOT just for girls!! It's action packed and uh... it's got Tuxedo Kamen in it. He's a boy."
Goten and Trunks started rolling on the floor with laughter.
"Tuxedo Kamen?! Who's he? Are you talking about 'Tuxedo Mask'?"
"Shut up!! For your information, this Americanized dub version is very watered down."
"How would you know?"
"I have some originals... fan-subs. Ordered through MoonPrincess.com"
"HAHAHAHA! You look up this junk on the internet?!"
Vegeta's anger was rising. "No one says anything bad about my shows without punishment!" Vegeta was glowing golden.
"We're really sorry, dad! Really!"
"Yes, we will not make fun of your shows anymore." Goten backed up next to his friend. "Even if they are about little girls who use moves like Pink Sugar Heart Attack."
"SHUT-UP!" growled Vegeta. He was already in Super Saiyan mode. He raised a hand towards Trunks and Goten and blasted them a few times with rapid small ki-blasts. Just to teach them a lesson.
They both dodged out of the way, but unfortunately the Ki-blasts hit his beloved TV.
"NOOOOOOO! Not my Sailor Scouts! Who will right wrongs and triumph over evil now?" he whined as he hugged the charred remains of the television.
"Mr. Vegeta, isn't there a TV upstairs?"
"Oh... oh yeah." Suddenly a bright smile crossed his face and he ran upstairs to watch his show. "Go Sailor Mars!"
Trunks and Goten looked at each other and shrugged.
"What the hell is up with him?"
"I dunno."
"Well he is your dad..."
"Look at this hair." Trunks pointed to his head. "I take after my mom in brains, too."
"Ohh." Goten, couldn't say much, his father and mother weren't the best example of higher intellegence. "I'm hungry, Trunks."
"Well, we don't have much food here. We mostly eat take-out 'cause of mom's money and her lack of ability to cook an edible meal."
"Well... let's at least get a look in the kitchen." Goten started walking to the large kitchen. On the counter stood a large ceramic cookie jar. "FOOOD!" Goten ran up to the jar and popped open the lid. He reached in and pulled out a cookie. It was lumpy and brown with flecks of chocolate-chips. Goten cringed at the sight. "I'm not ithat/i hungry."
"We have some ice cream too."
"Gimme some of that!"
After the boys ate a gallon of Rocky Road they had enough sugar in their systems to pull a prank.
"Hey lets go bug my dad. Our pranks may bite us in the ass in the end, but isn't the momentary satisfaction enough?"
"Okay!" With that Goten grabbed the cookie jar and ran upstairs with Trunks.
Tenchi Muyo was already showing and Vegeta was asleep in the bed across from the TV.
"Great! He's asleep! I've got an idea."
___________________________________
Bulma came home late in the afternoon. She was lugging in three huge boxes of Oyster Crackers. Trunks came in and helped her carry the groceries. Goten sat and watched them as he opened a giant five-pound bag of potato chips and stuffed large handfuls in his mouth. He occasionally helped out by noting, "Ms. Bulma, you dropped the barrel of pickles on your foot" etc.
"Mom, we're going to Goten's house."
"Tell Son-kun 'hi' for me."
With that Trunks and Goten flew off to ridicule Gohan about the time he got drunk last week and started singing the "Mr. Piccolo, I love you" song.
Bulma shook her head. "Boys..."
She headed upstairs to search for Vegeta. He was asleep on the bed with the TV on at full volume.
"'Sensitive Saiyan ears' my ass..." Bulma grumbled as she turned off the set. Bulma found cookie crumbs smeared across Vegeta's face and all over the bed. Under the bed, the cookie jar lay as sole witness to the previous events. Bulma was shocked and horrified.
"VEGETA!!!" she screeched. "GET UP!"
"Huh? What do you want, woman?"
"Why did you eat the cookies?!"
"What? What cookies?" asked the bewildered prince.
"MY COOKIES!!"
"..sucked." added Vegeta.
"You ate them, you jerk!"
"I did not, I only added that last part because, not only am I the strongest Saiyan, but I am also VERY witty."
Bulma sighed and threw her arms up. "Dammit Vegeta, I leave you to guard some experimental cookies and you go and eat them anyway. Well whatever happens, you get what you deserve."
"What do you mean 'experimental'???" Vegeta's eyes widen.
"Well, I was experimenting on ways to control an organisms emotional state based on what they consume. For example, certain foods release endorphins in the brain..." She went on for another thirty minutes explaining how various chemicals in food create different emotional reactions. "In conclusion, since you've apparently eaten the entire jar there is no telling what effect the cookies may have on you."
(bom-bom-bom!) [dramatic repose]
Vegeta clutched his head. "NOOOOOOOO!!! How long is it going to last before I return to my perfect Prince-of-all-Saiyans self?!" He stared at Bulma with dark and menacing eyes. "This is all your fault woman!! Who would be stupid enough to leave an experimental batch of cookies on the counter... IN THE DAMN COOKIE JAR!!"
"Oops. Heh heh." Bulma laughed nervously, mostly out of fear. "Well, it's effects are only going to last for one day. I promise." Bulma pulled out a pad and pencil out of nowhere. "Hmmm, tell me what do you feel like Vegeta?" She was scribbling notes as she spoke.
"Huh? Hey!" He slapped the notepad out of her hands. "I'm not your damn science experiment." His voice wavered a little. "Is that all I am to you?" His voice cracked and tears flowed freely. "Bulma, I thought we meant more to each other...." He sniffled and wiped his tears with a gloved hand. "I'm just a piece of meat to you, aren't I? You're just using me for a lay!" He suddenly grew very upset. "People are always using me!!!" He wiped his nose on the bed sheets. "First Frieza uses me, then Kakarrot says he's better than me! Even Trunks showed off his Super Saiyan powers before I got a chance to!" He started to weep.
"I thought that's what drove you to become stronger..."
"Shut up! It's not fair!!" He started to sob harder. "Everyone is mean to me, even you! The only one that could understand me are the Sailor Scouts. They know what it's like to be powerful then get defeated. But they come back!! They always get revenge!"
"Kami, I guess the cookies kicked in."
"Leave me alone! This is almost as bad as those commercials they put out on us! 'Super SIGH-an powers'! What the hell does that mean?!" Vegeta groaned and buried his head under a pillow. "God, they made Piccolo say, 'Just as I predicted...they're cool' or something."
"No, I really did buy the Villain and Heroes packs!" Bulma pulled out a little box of cards. "See I got Nappa, Radditz, ohh I even have one of you!"
"Huh? Me? Lemme see it!" He snatched the card away. "Hey it's sort of shiny!" He played with it a while reflecting light off of it. "Ooh shiny!"
"I said the cookies would change your emotions, not make you act like an idiot!" She hit him on the head like a child.
"Sorry!" He covered his head under the sheets. "Please no more hitting!"
Bulma sighed. "Whatever."
It was about this time that the Duke boys showed up...uh, I mean Trunks and Goten.
"Hey mom!"
"Where's you're mom, Trunks?"
"I think they're upstairs."
"Let's go up there and get her."
"Lets not..." Trunks shuddered as a repressed childhood memory of suddenly barging in on 'mommy and daddy time' resurfaced. So instead, as all good children do, he decided to yell as loud and as long as possible to get his parents attention. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, I'm HOOOOOOME!!!!"
Bulma replied from upstairs, "You're father and I are upstairs Trunks. Come here."
Trunks and Goten scrabbled up the stairs to see Vegeta trembling in his bed.
"You guys are back early," Bulma noted.
"Well, Gohan threatened to wear his Great Saiya-man costume and take us around town claiming that Goten and I were related to him."
Goten shuddered, "He scares me sometimes."
"What's wrong with dad?"
"You're father ate my experimental cookies and now he's freaking out."
"Heh heh. Remember, Trunks, about the time we smeared cookies on your dad's face and threw the crumbs on the bed?"
"Goten!! Ix-nay on the ookies-cay!!"
"You speak Namekian?"
"You're an idiot!" Trunks fumed.
But Vegeta understood...
"WHAT!!! You mean I didn't eat the cookies!!!! I'm going to kill me two Saiyan brats!"
With that Vegeta powered up and chased the pair around the house in a very Homer and Bart-esque fashion.
Bulma sighed and sat down on the bed. "Well, back to inventing more experimental confectionary concoctions and leaving them in obvious places to test on my subjects, uh, I mean family." She grinned deviously. "Bwahahahahahaha!"
(Bom-Bom-BOM!)[dramatic repose]
NEXT TIME: A cake that makes Son Goku smart.
[I'm kidding, of course, nothing could turn him into a genius.]
THE END
=Don't Eat the Cookies=
"Now remember Vegeta," said Bulma, "Don't eat the cookies while I'm gone."
(Audience laughs) [Her line was so sitcom-ish. I had to add the laugh track to it.]
With that she left the house to take a trip to the neighborhood wholesale store. There were four-foot wheels of cheese on special and Bulma couldn't resist the offer, even if she was lactose-intolerant.
Vegeta was watching television in the living room. Trunks ran into the room and stared at his father.
"Daaaaaad!"
"Hmm?"
"What are you doing watching cartoons?"
"Hmph! For the last time, it's called ANIME! It's completely different from your foolish Saturday
morning pieces of crap." Vegeta continued to watch his Sailor Moon. "Unenlightened fool." he mumbled.
Goten ran into the room following Trunks. "Mr. Vegeta!" He smiled at Vegeta. "I didn't know you watched Sailor Moon! That's a girl show!"
"WHAT?!" Vegeta grew tense. "First of all, it's called Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon! Secondly. It is NOT just for girls!! It's action packed and uh... it's got Tuxedo Kamen in it. He's a boy."
Goten and Trunks started rolling on the floor with laughter.
"Tuxedo Kamen?! Who's he? Are you talking about 'Tuxedo Mask'?"
"Shut up!! For your information, this Americanized dub version is very watered down."
"How would you know?"
"I have some originals... fan-subs. Ordered through MoonPrincess.com"
"HAHAHAHA! You look up this junk on the internet?!"
Vegeta's anger was rising. "No one says anything bad about my shows without punishment!" Vegeta was glowing golden.
"We're really sorry, dad! Really!"
"Yes, we will not make fun of your shows anymore." Goten backed up next to his friend. "Even if they are about little girls who use moves like Pink Sugar Heart Attack."
"SHUT-UP!" growled Vegeta. He was already in Super Saiyan mode. He raised a hand towards Trunks and Goten and blasted them a few times with rapid small ki-blasts. Just to teach them a lesson.
They both dodged out of the way, but unfortunately the Ki-blasts hit his beloved TV.
"NOOOOOOO! Not my Sailor Scouts! Who will right wrongs and triumph over evil now?" he whined as he hugged the charred remains of the television.
"Mr. Vegeta, isn't there a TV upstairs?"
"Oh... oh yeah." Suddenly a bright smile crossed his face and he ran upstairs to watch his show. "Go Sailor Mars!"
Trunks and Goten looked at each other and shrugged.
"What the hell is up with him?"
"I dunno."
"Well he is your dad..."
"Look at this hair." Trunks pointed to his head. "I take after my mom in brains, too."
"Ohh." Goten, couldn't say much, his father and mother weren't the best example of higher intellegence. "I'm hungry, Trunks."
"Well, we don't have much food here. We mostly eat take-out 'cause of mom's money and her lack of ability to cook an edible meal."
"Well... let's at least get a look in the kitchen." Goten started walking to the large kitchen. On the counter stood a large ceramic cookie jar. "FOOOD!" Goten ran up to the jar and popped open the lid. He reached in and pulled out a cookie. It was lumpy and brown with flecks of chocolate-chips. Goten cringed at the sight. "I'm not ithat/i hungry."
"We have some ice cream too."
"Gimme some of that!"
After the boys ate a gallon of Rocky Road they had enough sugar in their systems to pull a prank.
"Hey lets go bug my dad. Our pranks may bite us in the ass in the end, but isn't the momentary satisfaction enough?"
"Okay!" With that Goten grabbed the cookie jar and ran upstairs with Trunks.
Tenchi Muyo was already showing and Vegeta was asleep in the bed across from the TV.
"Great! He's asleep! I've got an idea."
___________________________________
Bulma came home late in the afternoon. She was lugging in three huge boxes of Oyster Crackers. Trunks came in and helped her carry the groceries. Goten sat and watched them as he opened a giant five-pound bag of potato chips and stuffed large handfuls in his mouth. He occasionally helped out by noting, "Ms. Bulma, you dropped the barrel of pickles on your foot" etc.
"Mom, we're going to Goten's house."
"Tell Son-kun 'hi' for me."
With that Trunks and Goten flew off to ridicule Gohan about the time he got drunk last week and started singing the "Mr. Piccolo, I love you" song.
Bulma shook her head. "Boys..."
She headed upstairs to search for Vegeta. He was asleep on the bed with the TV on at full volume.
"'Sensitive Saiyan ears' my ass..." Bulma grumbled as she turned off the set. Bulma found cookie crumbs smeared across Vegeta's face and all over the bed. Under the bed, the cookie jar lay as sole witness to the previous events. Bulma was shocked and horrified.
"VEGETA!!!" she screeched. "GET UP!"
"Huh? What do you want, woman?"
"Why did you eat the cookies?!"
"What? What cookies?" asked the bewildered prince.
"MY COOKIES!!"
"..sucked." added Vegeta.
"You ate them, you jerk!"
"I did not, I only added that last part because, not only am I the strongest Saiyan, but I am also VERY witty."
Bulma sighed and threw her arms up. "Dammit Vegeta, I leave you to guard some experimental cookies and you go and eat them anyway. Well whatever happens, you get what you deserve."
"What do you mean 'experimental'???" Vegeta's eyes widen.
"Well, I was experimenting on ways to control an organisms emotional state based on what they consume. For example, certain foods release endorphins in the brain..." She went on for another thirty minutes explaining how various chemicals in food create different emotional reactions. "In conclusion, since you've apparently eaten the entire jar there is no telling what effect the cookies may have on you."
(bom-bom-bom!) [dramatic repose]
Vegeta clutched his head. "NOOOOOOOO!!! How long is it going to last before I return to my perfect Prince-of-all-Saiyans self?!" He stared at Bulma with dark and menacing eyes. "This is all your fault woman!! Who would be stupid enough to leave an experimental batch of cookies on the counter... IN THE DAMN COOKIE JAR!!"
"Oops. Heh heh." Bulma laughed nervously, mostly out of fear. "Well, it's effects are only going to last for one day. I promise." Bulma pulled out a pad and pencil out of nowhere. "Hmmm, tell me what do you feel like Vegeta?" She was scribbling notes as she spoke.
"Huh? Hey!" He slapped the notepad out of her hands. "I'm not your damn science experiment." His voice wavered a little. "Is that all I am to you?" His voice cracked and tears flowed freely. "Bulma, I thought we meant more to each other...." He sniffled and wiped his tears with a gloved hand. "I'm just a piece of meat to you, aren't I? You're just using me for a lay!" He suddenly grew very upset. "People are always using me!!!" He wiped his nose on the bed sheets. "First Frieza uses me, then Kakarrot says he's better than me! Even Trunks showed off his Super Saiyan powers before I got a chance to!" He started to weep.
"I thought that's what drove you to become stronger..."
"Shut up! It's not fair!!" He started to sob harder. "Everyone is mean to me, even you! The only one that could understand me are the Sailor Scouts. They know what it's like to be powerful then get defeated. But they come back!! They always get revenge!"
"Kami, I guess the cookies kicked in."
"Leave me alone! This is almost as bad as those commercials they put out on us! 'Super SIGH-an powers'! What the hell does that mean?!" Vegeta groaned and buried his head under a pillow. "God, they made Piccolo say, 'Just as I predicted...they're cool' or something."
"No, I really did buy the Villain and Heroes packs!" Bulma pulled out a little box of cards. "See I got Nappa, Radditz, ohh I even have one of you!"
"Huh? Me? Lemme see it!" He snatched the card away. "Hey it's sort of shiny!" He played with it a while reflecting light off of it. "Ooh shiny!"
"I said the cookies would change your emotions, not make you act like an idiot!" She hit him on the head like a child.
"Sorry!" He covered his head under the sheets. "Please no more hitting!"
Bulma sighed. "Whatever."
It was about this time that the Duke boys showed up...uh, I mean Trunks and Goten.
"Hey mom!"
"Where's you're mom, Trunks?"
"I think they're upstairs."
"Let's go up there and get her."
"Lets not..." Trunks shuddered as a repressed childhood memory of suddenly barging in on 'mommy and daddy time' resurfaced. So instead, as all good children do, he decided to yell as loud and as long as possible to get his parents attention. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, I'm HOOOOOOME!!!!"
Bulma replied from upstairs, "You're father and I are upstairs Trunks. Come here."
Trunks and Goten scrabbled up the stairs to see Vegeta trembling in his bed.
"You guys are back early," Bulma noted.
"Well, Gohan threatened to wear his Great Saiya-man costume and take us around town claiming that Goten and I were related to him."
Goten shuddered, "He scares me sometimes."
"What's wrong with dad?"
"You're father ate my experimental cookies and now he's freaking out."
"Heh heh. Remember, Trunks, about the time we smeared cookies on your dad's face and threw the crumbs on the bed?"
"Goten!! Ix-nay on the ookies-cay!!"
"You speak Namekian?"
"You're an idiot!" Trunks fumed.
But Vegeta understood...
"WHAT!!! You mean I didn't eat the cookies!!!! I'm going to kill me two Saiyan brats!"
With that Vegeta powered up and chased the pair around the house in a very Homer and Bart-esque fashion.
Bulma sighed and sat down on the bed. "Well, back to inventing more experimental confectionary concoctions and leaving them in obvious places to test on my subjects, uh, I mean family." She grinned deviously. "Bwahahahahahaha!"
(Bom-Bom-BOM!)[dramatic repose]
NEXT TIME: A cake that makes Son Goku smart.
[I'm kidding, of course, nothing could turn him into a genius.]
THE END