Loss for Gain

The moonlight illuminated the house with an eerie glow, casting weak shadows along the wood hallway floor with each of his steps. His loose garment swallowed the air behind him as the fabric delicately pulled at his torso. As he slowed his pace the small tray he held in his hands shook slightly, sending ripples through the liquid filled cups that adorned it. He reached the bedroom quickly despite his change in speed, and the door was already open.

"Anna," he said softly, "I brought you some tea."

She was sitting upright in the bed with a few pillows supporting her back, and her body was covered with a blanket from the waist down. The gown was over sized and slid off of one of her shoulders, but she didn't appear to notice and stared blankly at her legs. Her silence was deafening, and she didn't look at him when he placed the tray on a nearby table and sat beside her in a chair.

"Anna," he started again.

"I don't want any tea, Hao," she interrupted finally as she closed her eyes.

"You can't keep doing this," he sighed as he held her hand.

"Don't touch me," she mumbled but he ignored her.

"You can't shut down," he continued, "You have to grieve."

She opened her eyes but didn't speak so he finished his thoughts.

"You should be angry. You should be sad. It's okay to cry if you need to. But, this is not the way to deal with it."

"I want you to leave me alone," she said sharply, "You're the problem."

"I wonder how that's fair?" He replied in an irritated tone.

"You're always the problem," she growled, "You want me to feel things I don't feel. You want me to talk to you when I don't want to. You attacked him, not me. I pleaded with you not to, but you did it anyway as if my feelings don't matter to you."

"I understand," he sighed.

"You don't care how I feel about anything!" She screamed at him suddenly, "You only care about yourself, Hao! If it weren't for you, none of this would have happened!"

"So, you think this is my fault?" He asked with concern.

Anna stared at him briefly as her eyes began to fill with tears and sighed.

"I'm willing to accept the blame," he said softly, "Keep talking."

"I don't want to," she whimpered, "I'm tired."

"This is the most you've said about it since that day," he replied, "You should continue."

"It's not your fault," she sighed suddenly, "That wasn't fair."

"Don't go back on it if you meant it," he said.

She squeezed his hand and he climbed into the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. As he ran his fingers through her hair, she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. The tears overwhelmed her suddenly and she began crying uncontrollably, clutching his robe and burying her face in the fabric. He held her tighter and rubbed her back slowly with his hand.

"I feel lost," she said in a frustrated tone, "I don't know what to do."

"Just let me hold you for now," Hao whispered softly, "And, we'll figure out the rest."

Tamao stared at the ceiling with an uneasiness as she pulled the blanket over her chest. She preferred sleeping in her own bed, but was pleased with the company. She became increasingly uncomfortable with the fabric of her pajama pants rolling up her leg, and she tried pushing one side down with her foot to no avail. Her t shirt was now too bulky and was also pining her limbs to the mattress. She grumbled something inaudible under her breath but her thoughts were quickly interrupted.

"What were you going to tell me earlier?" He asked suddenly.

His voice startled her briefly, but she quickly calmed herself and sighed. Yoh had been lying next to her for an hour wide awake. They didn't say a word until he broke the silence with this question, and for a moment she forgot she was in his bedroom.

"Uh, yeah," she paused hesitantly and bit her bottom lip. Tamao wondered if telling him anything about the situation was necessary. She didn't want to make him sad, but felt obligated to give him facts.

Yoh sat up suddenly and stared at her. His hair hid most of his face, so she was unsure of his mood.

"I ran into Hao at the market a few weeks ago," she said quickly.

"Hmm," he seemed uninterested in the news but continued to listen.

"I wasn't going to tell you but," she hesitated, "I think you should know."

"Know what?" He frowned.

"Anna had a miscarriage."

Tamao sat upright in the bed but waited several moments before looking at him. She bit her bottom lip and held her breath, waiting for a response. Yoh stared into his lap in silence. He didn't move at first, but just as she released a nervous sigh he tightened his hands into fists.

"How is she?" He asked weakly.

"She's very sad," Tamao said softly, "He says she won't talk to him and doesn't leave the house."

Yoh jumped out of bed suddenly but quickly returned to his seat and exhaled. He turned his head away from her so she couldn't see his expression, and replied, "That's terrible."

"Are you okay, Yoh?" She asked timidly.

"Yeah," he said quickly. As he turned to smile at her, she noticed the redness in his face and watery eyes, "What was the other thing?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" She replied sheepishly.

"No."

"Okay, um," she nervously removed an envelope from the table beside the bed and handed it to him, "This came in the mail last week. It's from your grandparents."

"What is it?"

"I don't know," she sighed, "I figured you would want to open it."

Yoh handled the envelope carefully in his hands and opened it slowly. There was a letter inside and he unfolded it quickly, skimming over the contents. After his examination was complete, he handed the letter to her without commenting.

"What does it say?" She asked.

"You should read it," he replied blankly.

She read over the letter slowly and dropped it into her lap. Yoh didn't react to her gesture and stared at the wall ahead.

"What does this mean?" She whispered, although the answer to her question was evident.

"It means we have three weeks," he replied calmly, "Well, I guess two now."

Tamao stared at the letter wide eyed as her hands began to tremble, "Two weeks?"

Yoh placed his arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer, "It'll work out. I promise."

"No, I mean," she hesitated, "I wasn't expecting this so soon. This doesn't feel strange to you?"

"Not really," he smiled, "I'm marrying a beautiful woman in two weeks. It helps that she's my best friend."

"I'm serious, Yoh," she sighed.

"So am I."

She rested her head on his shoulder and folded the letter in her hands. He kissed her crown gently and ran his fingers down the length of her arm.

"You're thinking about this too much, Tamao," he said warmly, "We'll be okay."

"But, they don't know what happened," she pleaded, "They don't know what's going on."

"And, I don't plan on telling them," he interrupted, "I don't want anyone to know about it."

"Yoh, you can't keep this a secret," she sighed, "Everyone in the house will notice."

"They haven't noticed yet," he rebutted, "And, it's probably temporary anyway."

"But," she bit her bottom lip and folded her arms tightly over her stomach, "It's completely gone."

"I know."

"All of it."

"I know," he repeated.

"You can't do anything."

"I know, Tamao."

"You can't even see the spirits anymore."

"Tamao," he sighed, "I'm aware of the issue. I know it's serious, and that's why I don't want anyone else to know about it."

"But, if they knew about it," she paused, "Things would be different."

"There's no need to make anyone worry," he sighed, "We're getting married. Let's focus on that."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He held her tighter and closed his eyes.

"Let me worry about this," he whispered, "You worry about being a beautiful bride."

"Okay," she replied softly.