It took me three minutes and forty seven seconds to decide to kill Nagisa Kaworu. Nearly four minutes. Four minutes to decide to remove the billions of seconds and minutes and hours and days that made up his life. It took me bare minutes to place my existence above his.
Am I selfish? I stared down at him (so tiny in the crushing fist), this monster, this demon, this angel that pleaded with me to kill him so that I could survive. He was the enemy; I had to do it! I can't be worthless! I can't fail my father!
He just smiled. All the way through. He shivered with the twitching of my fingers on the controls, as if he could feel them (feel me) as I tried to convince myself, as I tried to decide that I...
I had to kill him.
"I'm trying to tell you that I love you."
Stop. Oh God please stop. Fingertips pushing into my skull, reaching to gouge out the sights (molten hair) and sounds (soft laughter) and smells (sandalwood and sweat).
I think I screamed. The metal squeezed and the wrench of bones (I could feel the snaps) as his head fell from his neck and threw the river water everywhere (Rei was there), coating Eva in sin.
Because he was human damnit! He was human and he had (loved me) died when he shouldn't have and it was (all my fault) so wrong! But he told me to do it and Rei was watching (judging) and I had to, I had to or else we'd all have died and father would have hated me for failing (I should have been the one) because it's my duty (purpose reason to live) to kill the angels!
And Eva just did it. She didn't stop, didn't consider. She just squeezed (crushed) until my will was done. She should have stopped, there must be a safety code for humans! There must be (Toji within the closing fingers)! No one would create a weapon that could (bleeding as they dragged him from the wreck) be turned on it's own creator (bullets piercing windows as the feet drove the roof in) right? No one!
Don't make me pilot it. Please (smells like blood)! I won't (Kaji smiling as the screaming grew louder) do it anymore! Please father!
I hate it (Asuka weeps as she screams). I hate it all (losing control she reaches the edge). I just want it all to stop. It has to now. I've done it. The last angel (human blood seeping through the gaps red like mine) has been defeated. It's the end now. Nothing more can hurt me. Nothing more to fight (Adam hanging in the background seven eyes that turn to watch) right?
I hate it. I hate everything (red eyes that smile sadly a touch that drags me into being the gentle words my father says Asuka pinching my nose as she kisses me Rei's lips curving as my hands burn Misato cradling my jumpsuit Eva lashing out to save me)! I should have died! I don't deserve to live!
Three minutes forty seven seconds for murder.
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I HATE that ending. Bleargh! Too blunt! Anyways constructive criticism is always welcomed!