The Secret of the Guaneri

a La Corda d'Oro fanfic

by Ongaku no Usagi

Disclaimer: "La Corda d'Oro" and its characters do not belong to me. It belongs to Yuki Kure

Prologue:

I've been told it would get easier. Grief, I mean.

That it would pass away gently, like the feather of a dove in a breeze, drifting, wafting until it was out of sight. Mostly.

That I would find room in my heart for new love, that my guilty emotions wouldn't hang over my head forever, and I could carry on.

What if it doesn't?

There were times, before my freshman year of college ended and the new semester began, that I was beginning to heal, or so I thought. Days when I could smile again, almost without pain.

And Ryou would take me out to an amusement park on weekends, to ride the roller coasters, up and down, and wander through the haunted houses of plastic horror, or even just stand in the snaky lines and get sunburned, to help me to forget for awhile. Always watching me out of the corner of his eye, watching to catch my first laugh since he died.

I've been trying, I really have.

But it doesn't take much to open the wounds again; like a five-year-old picking at scabs on their knees: the opportunities just arise from the most insignificant things, like chocolate ice cream, or pink seashells leaving runs in the sand as the tide receeds.

Ryou always holds me when I cry, even when I wish he wouldn't. There until the tide of tears subsides, wherever, whenever it happens, he cradles my head against his chest, murmuring "Shh...it's okay..." over and over again, until my supply of liquid sorrow runs out and all I have left are burning eyes and deep sighs.

Then he smiles and tries to distract me again. Like a five-year-old. Can I really only be nineteen? I feel ages older.

So the days pass, and the lonely nights in my dorm room, just Mahou for company. I practice, I study, I go out to dinner with Ryou, and wait. Just wait for the grief to pass. If I give it enough time, maybe it will go on its own, and I can return Ryou's kindness and unconditional care. He deserves it; I know it.

But oh...

I'm so sorry, Ryou. I'm still not there yet.

I still can't get over Len.