A/N: Fourth Death Note fic. I had plenty of time to work on it while FFN was on hiatus. So, if you like this- please review and I'll feel more compelled to write more for this fandom. And, go R&R some of my other Death Note fics, if you have not done so already.
Disclaimer: I have many things. Car keys, L plush toy, Christmas stocking... Unfortunately, Death Note is not one of them.
Warnings: -Spoiler- Takes place during the episode of L's death.
"What do I think of you, Watari?" L asked quietly from his place in the doorway of the security room. The old man looked up, surprised by the abruptness.
"What do you mean, Ryuzaki?" he asked, unsure of what else to say.
"What do I think of you?" L repeated, slower this time but not with a usual condescending edge he always presented. Watari began to seem even more uncertain of himself.
"Where did this come from?" he asked lightly, sensing Ryuzaki's overcast mood. L took a long look at him and turned away from his closed-eyed gaze.
"I heard the bells. Church bells. Like the ones from the home." L didn't need to look up to know that Watari was gaping; they each new that the "home" referred to his old orphanage known as Wammy's House. And although Watari didn't know the exact symbolism for L's resonating bells, he knew they were significant to him.
"Is there something I can do for you, Ryuzaki?" Watari offered, still unsure of what to say or do.
"I want you to tell me what I think of you," L stated once again, his voice was soft yet within the possession of a bleak undertone.
"I'm afraid I am unable to answer that question," Watari admitted. "I can't tell you what you think; you have to figure that out for yourself." Watari tried regaining a more formal composure. L looked back up to him.
"Well then, tell me what you think of me." Watari paused, hesitating again with that blasted reluctance, that blasted uncertainty.
He was an inventor, a thinker, someone who solved problems methodically. His job required a sharp mind and cunning wits for him to simply survive. Emotions had to be cut and tamed in his work. Not because they were bad things but more because they distracted people from their current course and caused them to make biased choices. Watari had learned to keep these emotions in check to the point where he had become uncomfortable with such things. He had never allowed himself to get close to anyone special and thus was unmarried and had no children.
But his orphanages allowed him to get close to the one thing he could not invent and still brought such joy to him- children. And that was how he had met L.
To prevent L from making any irrational decisions as Watari feared, he trained L and the other gifted children to let go of these emotions and allow them to become the free thinkers of the age. Mello, of course, was not quite so apt in that category as Near and L.
But even so, L was getting to the point where he questioned the purpose of these emotions, lowering the emotional barriers and slowly revealing these feelings to the world.
And because of that, Light Yagami was seizing control of this moment and was turning L's emotions against him, making his judgment impaired and forcing L to second-guess himself which, Watari knew, was never a good thing.
Because of these emotions, Light Yagami had transformed from prime suspect to the first friend L had ever known. Even though that friend was a good-for-nothing, backstabbing-
Watari had to regain control of his thoughts; it was neither the time or the place to vehemently oppose against Light Yagami.
"Watari?" Ryuzaki asked, concerned at his long silence. Watari shifted his body slightly, recovering back to the present and remembering L's question.
What did he, Watari, think of L?
It was a good question. One that Watari was unsure if he could answer with complete sincerity, no matter what answer he chose to give.
"What do I think of you, you asked?" said Watari. "That's a good question. I think you have a brilliant mind. I think you are capable to achieve anything you want. And I think you will catch Kira."
He was being careful with his words, and it shown quite plainly. L shifted this time, dragging a bare, white toe in front of him, tracing an arc on the floor.
"That's not what I meant," he said quietly.
Watari was afraid of that.
He sighed, allowing himself to relax his rigid posture and slumped back into his chair.
"L, there's something I want to tell you," he began in a resigned tone. "For reasons that I will not explain in immense detail, I never allowed myself to form an attachment of any sort with any particular female, so as you can imagine, I never married."
There was a look in those dilated pupils of Ryuzaki's, suggesting that he didn't know the point of what Watari was currently telling him. However, he remained patiently silent to allow Watari to finish his story.
"But, all the same," Watari continued, trying to get to his point quickly. "I had a special… fondness for children. And thus, I founded the home. I trained the children, as you know, to turn their extraordinary gifts into something that can be constructed with a little finesse. I gave them all the ability of perception. And the one that mastered the talent and became superior to all others, they became L. That was you, Ryuzaki. You are the first L. You are the one that's going to set up a legacy unlike anyone has ever known." Ryuzaki scratched his head.
"That still doesn't quite answer my question. I noticed you treated me different- if only slightly- than the other children. But was it because you had feelings for me or because I was simply the smartest, the most perceptive?"
Watari straightened in posture and adjusted his tie. L was making this conversation unbearably difficult. He would have to learn…
"I saw great talent in you. So I was the one to personally train you, Ryuzaki. You had great potential. I won't deny that I felt some form of attachment with you but my ulterior motive for handling you more than the others was because you held the greatest prospective."
"I see," L murmured. "But Watari, you set up those institutions specifically for orphans who were basically smart. So, Watari, if a child were to ever come on your doorstep- perhaps with a physical deformity or a mental disability or was just a child with a normal range of intellect, would you turn them away?"
It was a long time before Watari answered. And L waited patiently.
Finally, "I would not have wanted to turn them away but because the orphanage is set up on a foundation of accepting those with-"
"So," Ryuzaki interrupted. "You would turn them away?"
"I wouldn't. Government funds would."'
"So, is that what it's all about, then? Money? Money drives a lot of people. I did not think it would drive you, Watari." He turned to leave but Watari got to his feet.
"I do not seek riches," Watari said in an even voice that hinted a sliver anger. Ryuzaki slightly shifted his head, allowing himself to view Watari out of the corner of his panda eyes.
"This attachment you spoke of, Watari," L said. "I wonder if it would have been the same, were I not in the possession of my deductive skills."
Watari had no answer for that, so L felt at liberty to continue with his exeunt of the room. Though, not before making a small, casual remark.
"The bells are particularly loud today. I wonder why that is so."
Hope you enjoyed! And remember, I would be more likely to write more for this fandom if I got a few reviews. -hint, hint, nudge, nudge-
-Nuit Songeur