*A:N/Here's a short little one-shot from the proddings of Cogg and based on the words from Geoff Ramsey, how could I resist?

Grif knew there was something up with Sarge when he hadn't given them any orders in over two weeks other than to "Quit bothering me and go find a sky hook or something."

Call him suspicious but when Sarge was quiet it never meant anything good for Red team but since he had Simmons angsting every hour of the day and Donut using his new free time to redecorate like crazy he didn't ponder on their leaders absence for too long.

On week three Grif woke up on the table which was never a good thing, especially when he didn't remember how he got there in the first place, and seeing Sarge scribbling away notes in the corner was not at all comforting.

A sinking feeling settled in his stomach, no wait that was vomit he was going to throw up which he did into a conveniently close bucket. He hurled until there was nothing left to come up and rested his head miserably on the buckets rim, "Urg have I got some vicious alien flu or something?"

Sarge made his way over "Of course you haven't dirtbag you're fine and you're lucky you didn't miss that bucket or I'd have made you clean the mess up with your T-shirt."

Grif grumbled "Right."

Something felt off though, like really off, he couldn't put his finger on it but he knew Sarge wasn't telling him something.

"Sarge what am I doing down here?"

Sarge tucked away his notes in a cabinet "Just a usual check up and flu jab ect."

Grif was skeptical "Uhuh and I don't remember coming to this because?"

Sarge patted a tank of green looking gas "That would be the work of this fellah here, packs quite a punch doesn't he?"

Grif's slight headache agreed with him, he put the bucket down and noticed another thing "Why am I in a paper gown?"

Sarge relied "Earth to Grif, check up ergo paper gown use what little is left of your brain would you! Perhaps I should have given you Simmons mind then I'd have two obedient teammates, but then what would power Simmons 2.0? Hmm..."

Grif was feeling woozy and drafty in uncomfortable places so he asked "Can I go now?"

Sarge waved him off "Yeah sure take it easy."

Grif paused reaching for his clothes raising a suspicious eyebrow at Sarge "Take it easy? Since when do you tell me to take it easy?"

Sarge fiddled around with his equipment "Since nothing I do or say ever gets you motivated I'm hoping if I tell you do the opposite you'll actually move your ass and do some work for a change."

Grif put his pants and shirt on letting out a wary "Right."

Then he went in search of food, a good snack was what he needed to help him figure out Sarge's motives.

He'd only just started nibbling an Oreo when he spat it back out, Simmons walked into the scene of Grif coughing and hacking out the biscuit and trying to wash his mouth out with water.

Simmons blinked at the scene cybernetic parts whirring away as he moved, "What happened fat ass you inhale them too fast again?"

Grif grabbed some orange juice chugging it back before he replied "I wish! Those Oreo's are beyond stale they're like rotting or something!"

Simmons picked up the biscuit Grif had chewed and sniffed it, "It smells fine to me."

Grif got another glass of juice "I'm telling you Simmons they're off, try one and you'll see what I'm talking about."

Simmons looked disgusted at the idea of eating a biscuit that Grif had slobbered on, Grif noticed by his wrinkled nose "Oh for-! Try another out of the packet if my germs offend you."

Simmons did grab another biscuit, again he smelled it and took a small bite out of it chewing thoughtfully.

After a moment he swallowed it "Tastes fine to me."

Grif stuck his tongue out "That's disgusting! How can you eat those?"

Simmons raised his eyebrow "This is coming from you who'll eat them even when they're like two months stale. What's the matter are you sick?"

Grif shrugged sipping his juice again "I thought so to when I woke up on Sarge's table but apparently it was just an annual check up, maybe I'm still feeling the after effects of the knock out stuff."

Simmons leaned on the counter "Knock out stuff? Why were you put under using that? In fact why were you under at all?"

Grif furrowed his brow "I don't really know."

A month passed and apart from a few mornings throwing up and completely avoiding Oreo's he was fine and Sarge was back to his usual self so everything returned to normal.

That was until Grif started getting tired like ten times faster than he did a few weeks ago, the Reds didn't really notice though as Grif had always been lazy but Simmons did get a bit worried though.

When he and Grif were on a walk they ended up mocking the Blues one minute and Grif was asleep on his shoulder the next, normally the orange soldier at least warned him he was going to skive off and take a nap but he'd literally just sparked out in a second.

Grif's solution to fixing the problem was to treble his nap time so he didn't fall asleep involuntarily, his reasoning "Hey I gotta eat, smoke and make sure I'm dodging anything Sarge wants me to do."

Sarge yelled at him about shirking his duties, Simmons backed up Sarge, Donut turned the phrases into innuendos, all was well.

Another month strolled by when Grif started complaining his chest was feeling sore and on top of that he started eating a lot more.

Sarge took one look and said it was a heart burn or indigestion from all the food he was stuffing on.

Grif had tried to tell him it was his actual skin that was sore but Sarge wouldn't hear of it so he was left to deal with it as he'd rather put up with the annoyance than risk seeing Doc who's be worse than no help.

Donut however was overjoyed to see his cooking getting eaten with such gusto that he happily baked more to satisfy Grif's increasing appetite.

Simmons had expected Grif to be pleased with the system since he was always snacking on food anyway but instead he caught his teammate more than once in moments of deep thought until he shook his head and resumed eating whatever dish Donut whipped up for him.

It was still daylight outside but technically the middle of the night by clock the Reds lived on when Simmons padded towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. He froze in the doorway when he heard someone else moving about, when they stopped he dared to peak around the corner to see who it was, he saw Grif sitting on the counter chewing miserably on a sandwich with a glass of milk beside him.

Grif mumbled around the food "You can come in it's not like I'm hungry enough to bite you as well."

Simmons walked in grabbing a glass "Well the way you've been eating enough to feed a small country lately pardon me if I don't believe that fat ass."

Grif paused mid-chew and sat the half eaten snack back on the plate, he swallowed down some milk then clutched the glass in his hands between his knees with his head bowed over staring down at the floor.

Simmons filled his glass kind of weirded out by the silence, he and Grif had traded insults back and forth as long as they'd known as each other as well as discussing things in between to fill the time and pass through the days relatively happy.

Looking for something to say Simmons came up with lamely "You uh going to finish that?"

He was startled when a drop of water fell into the milk with a loud plop in the quiet.

Simmons noticed how Grif's shoulders shook slightly, "Hey you OK?"

Grif scrubbed a hand across his eyes angrily, "'M fine it's your girly tear duct that's leaking."

Simmons leaned on the counter by his side "You uh you wanna talk about it?"

Grif mumbled "No."

Simmons replied "You sure?"

He placed his cybernetic hand on Grif's shoulder which apparently was all it took the orange soldier to drop the glass and turn to bury himself in Simmons chest.

Simmons was taken aback surprised at this turn on events and awkwardly wrapped an arm around him "Hey uh you OK?"

Grif shook his head in a 'no' motion. His voice sound muffled as he said "Everything's messed up. There's something wrong with me because I had problems staying awake now I can't sleep, my chest hurts and I'm always hungry like whatever I keep down isn't enough. Not to mention there's foods that I've had no trouble eating before that I can't even stand the smell or sight of because I end up throwing up."

Simmons rubbed his shoulder a little "Like Oreo's?"

Grif nodded a little "Yeah."

Simmons in an effort to actually be comforting said "I wouldn't worry too much about it you've probably just got a flu that's going around and if it doesn't clear up soon get checked out yeah?"

Grif was quiet then he poked Simmons in the stomach "You suck at making people feel better you know that?"

Simmons rolled his eye "Well sorry I thought Donut was the only girl on the team."

"You forgot yourself."

Simmons snorted "What a come back."

Grif shook a little this time with laughter.

Simmons fidgeted waiting for Grif to pull back, which he did a moment later, his eyes thankfully were dry.

Simmons grabbed a dust pan and mop "I'll take care of this mess because I know you won't clean it up."

Grif took another bite of the snack "Congrats Simmons you can be taught."

"Fat ass."

"Kiss ass."

It was the third month that Sarge sent Donut off to watch the Blues when he summoned Grif and Simmons down into what countered as the right wing.

Sarge had his hands clasped behind his back as he read over some information on a monitor, "Sit down boys I might have some great news."

Grif and Simmons glanced at each other but continued standing, Sarge grabbed a monitor and pushed it near the bed, "Grif lie down dirtbag I need to check something."

Grif backed towards the door "Uh you know what I think I hear Donut calling we'd better go make sure he's still alive and not repainting or anything."

Sarge said gruffly "Grif lie down already!"

Grif grumbled but shuffled to the bed doing as he was asked, "Right now what? Are you knocking me out again?"

Sarge said "Don't be stupid, I'm going to squirt this gel on your belly."

Grif went to sit up quickly "What!? Whoa that's cold!"

Sarge pushed him back down "Lie still idiot."

Then used the doo dad to roll over the gel, Simmons suddenly clicked what the device was when Sarge said "Yahtzee! I did it! Take that nature you are nothing against science! Haha!"

Simmons stared at the screen like a deer caught in headlights whilst Grif said "Would someone please tell me why I'm still lying here like an idiot?"

Simmons swallowed heavily and pointed to the screen, Grif turned his head to look at it to see a jellybean shape looking back at him.

He didn't have to a genius to work out what was going on, "This is a joke! This is a sick joke, this just isn't physically possible!"

Sarge chortled "It's deadly serious I have beaten nature and done the impossible, the research Doc and I put into the notes from Tuckers alien pregnancy really paid off in making this possible."

Grif shook his head in denial, "No this isn't happening, you're just trying to screw with me!"

Simmons said thickly "Well it would explain your weird mood changes lately..."

Grif shot a heated glare at him "You're probably in on this too!"

Sarge jotted down notes "You better believe he's in on this after all you can't make a baby without another persons DNA, so who better to donate a sample for the future of the Red team than Simmons? I was originally going to place you in this experiment but then I had to make you half metal which through a wrench in the works, luckily we still had Grif and since he doesn't do anything anyway he's the perfect fill in."

Simmons paled and sat back heavily absorbing the news in shock, Grif on the other hand wrenched his shirt back down and stormed out with the parting words of "Let me know when you dicks are finished screwing around!"

The fourth month Grif refused to talk to anyone but Donut, Simmons was trying to get through to him he had no idea or involvement and Sarge kept trying to corner him to poke, prod and record his progress.

Grif wasn't having any of that he came out to eat but other than that he locked himself in his room, which sucked for Simmons since they shared a room and he was made to crash on the couch every night when his failed whining/pleading and sound reasoning failed to get Grif to change his mind.

In the mean time Simmons located and got rid of all packets of Grif's cigarettes so he couldn't harm their child with them, and wow wasn't that a odd thing he still hadn't fully wrapped his head around yet, Grif was carrying their baby.

A tiny human being that was going to be his and Grif's.

Simmons wasn't sure what to make of that, heck he hadn't even decided at this point in his life whether he wanted children on not, never mind suddenly having one spawn up out of the blue in his very male team mate in a canyon in the middle of nowhere do to his superiors experimentation's.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind for the time being and set about placing candy fags in place of the actual ones he'd just gotten rid of, he wasn't trying to make Grif miserable after all, well OK maybe just a little but that's what he gets for not letting him their room after three damn weeks.

The next morning Simmons knew Grif had found out what he'd done as he was tossed off the couch and had a pillow thrown at his head, "Where are my cigarettes?" the crabby man snarled.

Simmons stretched his stiff limbs and said "I don't know, where you left them I suppose?"

Grif shook the candy replacements mockingly "Already checked and what do I find? These!"

Simmons stood up "You shouldn't smoke whilst your pregnant it could hurt the baby."

Grif shouted "SIMMONS FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT-" He froze his hand flinching to his abdomen, Simmons waited to see what he did next, mutely Grif waved him closer.

Simmons walked up to him and allowed Grif to take his hand and guide it onto his chubbier stomach, he waited a spell, then he felt it a little flutter like a kick.

Simmons breathed out in awe "Wow that's weird."

Grif stared at the spot with wide eyes "You should try feeling it from this side."

Nothing more was said as they stood there just feeling the small flutters until it fell still again.

Later on Donut poked his head outside to find Simmons reading and Grif leaning over his shoulder skimming the page as with him.

Donut cooed "Aw you guys are bonding how adorable!"

Grif flipped his middle finger at Donut furiously chewing on a candy cigarette.

Simmons looked up and said "Don't mind him he's still mad because he now knows that he's pregnant."

Grif shouted "I'M NOT PREGNANT!"

Simmons added "And still in denial plus I took away his smokes replacing them with candy ones so he's a little touchy right now."

Grif snarled "I'll show YOU touchy Simmons!"

Simmons squeaked ducking as Grif tossed something at him "Grif! Be careful those thing are dangerous! Hey put down that, no what are you doing? Hey!"

Month five rolled over so much smoother as Grif allowed Sarge to run his check ups and had mellowed out a great deal much to Simmons relief.

He felt even though it wasn't really his fault it still kind of was and he should be there and help his team mate out.

It also helped that Grif's taste buds had returned to normal so he could eat all the Oreo's he wanted without chucking them back up, they learned quickly that if you have a healthy supply of Oreo's on hand you had a happy Grif.

Of course it was during month five that the Blues found out what was going on, Church was in denial worse than when Tucker was having Junior, Tucker actually offered a sincere "Dude that sucks but congrats anyway."

Wash just sort of shook his head carrying on with things as usual, Sister was over the moon saying eloquently "You're keeping it? Awesome I'll have a nephew! Or a niece! Or a he-she!"

Caboose had fled to the caves yelling about "Nooooo Tuckers pregnancy has spread, I do not want to catch it next!" and Doc was all too happy to volunteer for helping when the 'day' arrived.

The 'day' that nobody spoke about in Grif's presence because it could turn him from placid to a raving ball of rage in a second, the 'day' being where Sarge would cut him open to get the baby out.

Grif didn't like to think about it as he claimed "I've already had my share of getting hacked up and don't need any more of it if it's all the same to you."

So the 'day' was planned in secret and pretended around him like it wasn't going to happen because even Sarge didn't want to deal with a Grif that smashed Donut's wine bottle against the wall and threatened to punch anyone who even so much as thought the words the 'day.'

During month six his belly had grown notably larger to the point he struggled to get comfortable when he wanted to sleep, so Simmons had to endure a fatigued Grif again who bitched all night that he couldn't get comfortable then dozed all day.

His favorite perch?

Simmons cybernetic shoulder.

Apparently the baby settled down at the sound of whirring so he could finally catch up on some sleep.

After two weeks of this Simmons lifted his duvet cover and said "Grif just get in I don't think I can take another night of no sleep."

Grif shuffled and wriggle then sighed and scooted over joining Simmons in his bunk, the second he was curled into Simmons more cybernetic side Grif settled with a sleepy "Thank you."

Simmons mentally agreed and laid back intent on getting a nights rest.

Grif mumbled "You think this is bad wait til the kids born then you'll know what sleepless nights are."

Simmons didn't open his eyes as he murmured back "How do you know?"

Grif kicked him lightly "Hey I basically raised Sister and she turned out alright."

Simmons didn't know how to respond to that so he didn't.

Grif yawned and said "OK maybe not my best example there but the point still stands."

Simmons said "Night Grif."

Grif was already fast asleep.

Grif was quite chipper during the seventh month, he magically regained energy and was keen to go on walks, do some cleaning and start making things suitable for a baby.

For instance he was studying instructions he'd gotten Lopez to print off and was busy trying to assemble a crib, Simmons could tell he was stuck but he just leaned on the door and watched him work for a while.

Simmons had mentally dubbed this the 'nesting' phase as Grif was acquiring baby things like a magpie did shiny stuff, as Grif flipped the plans over and upside down and toss a screwdriver away did Simmons step in and say "Do you need some help there?"

Grif offered a sulky pout back "What makes you think that you can understand these papers that may as well be written in another language for all the help they are."

Simmons picked them up flipping through the pages, "I think I got it you mixed up this part with this bit? See?"

Grif squinted "Huh I think I see what you are talking about."

Simmons handed the plans "Here see? Is there a bit that looks like that?"

Grif handed to him "Yeah and this bit goes with it, right?"

Simmons nodded "Yeah."

A few hours later the crib was assembled and strong, ready for a small occupant to sleep in.

They admired their work for a moment when Grif whispered "This is really happening isn't it?"

Simmons swallowed "I guess so."

Grif grabbed his stomach "Heh looks like the kid likes it."

Simmons beamed "Why wouldn't he? We built it."

Grif raised an eyebrow "He? I think you'll find she's a girl."

Simmons packed away the tools "Oh? And how do you know?"

Grif grinned "I just know."

Simmons chuckled "We'll see won't we?"

Grif helped him pick up leftover screws "Yes we will. Why didn't Sarge put tools in your robot hand or something?"

"Guess he never thought of it."

"He could have gave you a kick ass lazer too."

"Huh he probably could of."

"That is why we should be in charge."

"Hell yeah."

The eight month had Grif slumping back into tiredness, only this time it came with back ache, discomfort and a waddle that made him want to kill Sarge for thinking up this ridiculous experiment.

The Blues were kind or lazy enough to lay off on during this stage and Sarge was so busy taking notes that he didn't notice the lack of Blue nosiness, towards the end of the eight month Grif was gasping with sharp pains that ripped through his abdomen and before he knew it he was being rushed to be the table.

Simmons held his hand as Donut, Doc and Sarge worked in tandem to get the baby out even though it was a bit early.

Grif couldn't even work up a voice to complain as it hurt so badly.

It felt like his old scars were pulling apart at the seams with each wave of pain that vibrated through his body, his throat had long gone hoarse from screaming from the agony, it felt like years until the moment he blacked out with a distant cry ringing in his ears.

When he came back around Simmons was by the bed holding a small bundle to his chest and Grif's stomach hurt like someone had jumped on him all night.

Simmons noticed his groggy groan and whispered "Hey how are you feeling?"

Grif scowled against the bright light "How do you think?"

Simmons smiled slightly "You'll live then. You wanna hold her?"

Grif blinked blearily sitting up slowly with Simmons hand helping him, then a small warm thing was pressed gently into his arms.

Grif ran a finger along her cheek saying "I told you she was a girl."

Simmons huff brought a smirk to his face as he took in the features of the tiny person in his arms, had this tiny delicate thing really spent a couple of months inside him?

He rubbed the soft fuzz of her few hairs then said "She looks like a cone."

Simmons immediately said "Grif she does not! She's a new born baby they all look a little strange when they're only a few hours old."

Grif moved her into a comfier position and asked "Have you named her yet?"

Simmons offered her a finger which her tiny hand gripped tightly "Not yet, I didn't think it was right to name her without you by the way Sarge wants his name in there somewhere as does Donut."

Grif tilted his head fixated with his little girl saying "Tough she may have been made through Sarge's crackpot idea but she's our kid. How about we call her Alani?"

Simmons wiggled his finger ever so gently as he replied "That's... that's not bad, do you know what it means?"

"It means orange in hawaiin."

"GRIF!"

Grif ignored him humming softly "Alani Simmons Grif... hmm your thoughts?"

The baby yawned forming a big 'O' with her small mouth.

Simmons and Grif watched their eyes glued on the little girl.

Grif said "See that she agrees. That's my girl Alani."