He was floating. The feeling of infinity surging through his veins. Not a care in the world existed.
He would never know how it would feel. To feel what it was like to be loved back. Even though he had loved Eddy for years, he had never confessed his feelings to his best friend in fear that he would be repulsed.
'Just see what happened to Jimmy' A little voice in his head reminded him.
"Oh yes... Jimmy..." Just two days before the heinous hate crime, Jimmy had asked to talk to him in private.
"Well sure Jimmy." A little uncertain of how to react to the request, seeing how they had had minimum contact during the last couple of years. "Shall we discuss in here?"
"That would be swell!" Incredibly positive for once.
'A bad sign possibly.' The older of the two thought, motioning for his two friends to wait outside in the hall while he entered an empty classroom.
"There!" Jimmy closed the door behind him and turned around, his smile scaring Double-D a little.
"What is it you wanted to talk to me about Jimmy?"
"I'm going to tell her! This weekend!" A frown appeared on Double-D's face in confusion, but he as well joined the young boy in a smile when he realized what he meant.
"That's great! I'm quite sure that Sarah will return your amorous feelings!"
"You really think so Double-D?" A worried look replaced the happy one and the older adolescent snickered on the inside.
"I am quite sure Jimmy."
"Thank you Double-D!" Suddenly, Double-D felt the air in his lungs being forced out when his younger friend embraced him.
"If you want Jimmy, I could talk Ed into mentioning you as much as humanly possible to Sarah."
"Ah, Ed... How many bruises did he receive those two days?"
'Thirty-seven.'
"Okay, who are you?"
'I am you, from the future.'
"I sincerely doubt that, first of all, that is not an introduction worthy of my standard. Second-"
'Okay, okay, it was a joke!'
"I am quite amused."
'No, but I am really you.'
"How is that possible? I am right here."
'... That was quite a stupid thing to say.'
"Well, I am in no situation to be rational right now."
'I didn't say that you should.'
"Then, who are you? What are you?"
'"What" is a more suitable description of what I am. Or what you imagine me as.'
"I repeat: What are you?"
'I am a part of your subconscious, the somewhat repressed one.'
"Is that so?"
'Well, I could just be a frickin' figment of your imagination if that's better!'
"You are, if anything, a repressed part of me."
'Am I not?"
"Wait, why am I speaking to you? To me? To you? To-"
'Believe me, it's pretty confusing. As for your question, you know why I'm talking to you. You want to avoid the unavoidable.'
"Unavoidable... I do not think it's unavoidable directly, I think it's more-"
'See! You're avoiding it!'
"How could I avoid it? How could I avoid my feelings for Eddy?"
'Who wouldn't after that tragic night?'
"Well put."
Sirens. Sirens. More sirens. The image of Ed holding Jimmy's mangled body, rocking back and forth slowly while they were both drowned in the light of the fire.
Tears. Tears. More tears. Not just from Ed whose eyes seemed to be two leaking pipes, but from his own as well.
Hands. Hands. More hands. It seemed like an infinite number of hands. The hands helping him up from the grass. The hands trying to pry Jimmy's body out of Ed's grip. The hands manning the hose that putting out the fire that would damage the school for weeks.
"That was a horrible day for all of us..."
'I don't agree.'
"What? It- We went for a walk around our neighborhood when we see our school ablaze and found an old friend mangled and seconds away from death!"
'I would definitely say there was a more horrible day in this story.'
"Which one could be worse than that one? There has never been a day more painful day than that one!"
'Well, the funeral is second then.'
He didn't know how to react. The ceremony had been over rather quickly after the priest had done his part and Rolf, Double-D and surprisingly enough Eddy held eulogies in the memory of their young friend. Afterwards, Eddy had gone to comfort a grieving Ed at the table of mini quiches while Double-D decided to get some fresh air.
"Well Nazz, you are looking quite lovely in that dress; that I cannot deny." Not knowing he was being followed, he was startled when Nazz appeared right behind him.
"Yeah? Do you like..." After talking for a while, Nazz had started moving closer and closer. Even though Double-D had started stumbling backwards, he was now standing with his back against the wall with Nazz's cleavage against his shirt. "All of it?"
"Well-"His answer was drowned when her lips hit his with soft, yet demanding force. His brain shut down, not wanting to think anymore after receiving the ultimate goal in all of the Cul-de-Sac boys: A kiss from Nazz. Acting on his animalistic feelings and instincts now, he answered and deepened the kiss, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. A moan escaped her mouth when she felt his hands slide further down her back.
"WHAT THE FUCK NAZZ?"
'It's a real shame that Kevin walked outside right at that moment.'
"What was I thinking? I kissed his girlfriend! His girlfriend for more than 18 months!"
'Yeah, whatever the hell that's called, it surpassed kissing miles back.'
"Great, embarrass me further!"
'Did you picture Eddy's face as well?'
"Why I should-!"
'Look, I don't judge you for your mistakes or anything. Hell, I was there when you made them. But I know as well as we both know that this was a really stupid mistake that had its consequences. That's why you're here now, isn't it?'
"It is."
'Eddward, nothing of this was your fault. Jimmy's death wasn't your, Ed's or even his own. Hell no, I think it is ridiculous that he got killed because the football team heard him sing Justin Beiber's "Baby" on his way home one day and assumed he was gay.'
"..."
'Second, you know as well as I do that Nazz had absolutely no right in hell to kiss you when she's in a committed relationship. What's even more wrong is that Kevin got into your face for something that his girlfriend did that you just got caught in.'
"I assume you are correct..."
'Third and most important of all, you know damn well that Eddy likes you, hell, loves you! You're just using a possible rejection as an excuse not to act on your feelings! Even if he doesn't return those feelings, you know that he'd still be your friend no matter what!'
"He would?"
'Of course he would! Just think of all the things you've experienced together! If you could go back and film all of it, it would probably take up over 10 GB on a hard drive!'
"You're right!"
'Eddward, don't give up now, you've got too much waiting for you. Now, get off that table and start living! Do it for Jimmy, for Ed and Eddy but mostly, for yourself.'
"I will!" Suddenly, the darkness surrounded him exploded in a high pitched noise and was penetrated by a million points of light. Feeling his will to survive return, he fought back towards the lingering darkness. He fought his way back with the love he had for his friend. For Jimmy. For Sarah. For Ed. And overall, for Eddy.
"Clear!" Thump. "Charging 300! Clear!" Thump. "Charging 350! Clear!" Thump. "Clear!" Thump. "Clear!" Thump. "CLEAR!" The voice cracked. Then a hand reached out. A sigh was heard. "Time of death... 04:01."
