So i don't usually write episode responses. I LOVED the episode don't get me wrong, but after watching i felt really frustrated for some reason and this is what came out...

Mistakes are my own

Is it wrong for her to feel so angry, so frustrated with him. Are her strong emotions without cause or reason? Is it logical, does it make sense? Should she feel this way? Their whole relationship was a tumultuous, spiralling game of cat and mouse – one of them was always completely in and the other completely out. Is it still this way? Is he the one out, running from her? Is she the one in, trying desperately to catch him before it's too late?

Is it too late?

Maybe it was what she feared most – that their attraction was built on the chase, on the hunt. But now that they are both trapped maybe boredom is setting in and all he wants to do is run. That has to be it – he's tired of her. He has her and has used her and now he is just waiting for the moment when she gets tired of being ignored, neglected. He is waiting for her to leave so that he doesn't have too.

No, no, no.

How could she be so stupid? How could she even think that? He loves her, doesn't he?

Yes, he does. He does. He just…He just…

She doesn't know him anymore. She thought he wanted her….always. But now he wants her hardly ever. And she can't help but feel hurt as her esteem crumbles a little bit. That's why she hides at her apartment after he has shucked her advances off. That's why she cries as she showers and the hot water scalds her skin. That's why she feels hollow inside – because she loves him and every time he looks past her she can't help but let her scars open and let them bleed. Because god dammit she loves him and she knows that for certain otherwise it wouldn't hurt this bad.

It was a simple question – where are we going? And he couldn't even answer her. He just brushed it off as though he didn't know exactly what she meant. He was just being nice to her because he thought that someone was trying to steal something that belonged to him – her. She was not some sort of property that could be bought and sold, won and lost. She was a person who deserved to be treated right, not taken advantage of.

Who does he think he is? Trying to make it all go away with candles and wine. Did he really think that that would work? Did he really see her as that shallow, as that material that the most expensive wine and the most luxurious of candles would make it all better, make the pain go away. No Richard Castle, god no. It was time for him to try harder. Could she leave him, hell no. He was like a part of her that had to be surgically removed. The pain would be unbearable and she would never feel whole again.

But that was the price she had to pay. Over and over and over again until she bled from the gaping wound where he used to be as he slowly rips the join in two. No one had ever become so much a part of her before. Nobody, except for him. She couldn't leave that behind. She knew she should fight for it, fight him. Do whatever it takes, but would it be worth it? Is she setting herself up for disappointment?

Her hand falls over her heart as she tries to hold back her sobs that wrack her body in violent convulsions. She is sitting on his bathroom floor in the middle night while he sleeps perfectly content in his warm bed. She has no idea how long she has been sitting there, she really doesn't care. She can't go back. She felt so suffocated underneath his arm, underneath his sheets so much so that she had to extricate herself from his confines.

So there she sits, in the dark bathroom trying not to make any noise as her heart tears slowly right down the middle. How she wishes she could say that this is the first time this has happened, but she just can't because it has happened so many times before. Why can't he just answer her stupid question? A loud cry wrenches itself from her body at this thought and she clamps a shaking hand over her mouth. Her ears suddenly prick up as she hears movement from the bedroom and she tries to control her breathing. 'Stay quiet', she tells herself 'he will just go back to sleep'. But she is wrong. She hears his footsteps coming closer to the door and her eyes widen in terror at being found. He must have heard her cry.

She sinks deep into the corner of the bathroom, the cold tiles grasping at her uncovered skin as tears fall from her eyes. She hears a soft knock and he calls her name softly.

"Kate? Kate? Are you in there?"

She doesn't respond, doesn't trust her voice.

"Kate I'm coming in."

She winces as the door slowly opens and soft light from the bedroom breaks through the darkness of the bathroom. She recoils further, her knees tucking under her chin. He sees her silhouette and reaches for the light switch, the light causing both their eyes to blink rapidly and adjust to the reality that light brings.

His breath catches as he sees her, so small, pressed into the corner. Her eyes so red and puffy and her body trembling violently. With quick strides he reaches her and falls to his knees, reaching to pull her into a hug, but she fights him.

"Don't! Castle, stop!"

But he doesn't, he brings her into his lap as she struggles against him.

"Kate stop it. It's okay, it's okay."

With a defeated cry she lets her limbs fall and just cries and cries as he holds her and kisses her forehead.

Her crying gradually stops and her breathing evens out. He feels her body relax in his arms as he sees her eyes close. Once he is sure she is asleep, he carefully stands with her in his arms and walks into the bedroom, placing her on the bed. He turns of the bathroom light and closes the door with a sigh of relief. He lies down next to her and pulls the covers over them and just watches her in the moonlight from the open window with a confused and worried expression on his face. She senses in his gaze and slowly awakens, her eyes fluttering open to meet his.

She feels tired and numb, but mostly numb. He attempts a half, sad smile and brushes hair from her face, his palm resting on her cheek, fingers caressing her softly.

"Are you okay?" He whispers, letting his fear shine through.

She looks away from him and his hand drops from her cheek.

"Why won't you answer me?" She whispers back. "Why won't you answer my question?"

"What question Kate?"

Her eyes meet his once more. "Where are we going?"

His mouth opens and closes and she takes his hesitation as an answer – nowhere. They are going nowhere.

She goes to sit up, but he stops her.

"Kate."

"No Castle." She brushes his hands from her. "I get it okay."

This time Castle sits up and she follows. "Get what?"

Her anger boils. "You don't want this anymore do you? You're over it, over us. What I don't understand is why you can't just say that."

She gets out of bed this time, her back to him as his anger increases too.

"What? You think I'm sick of you? Just because I won't answer your question? That doesn't even make any sense Beckett!"

She spins quickly to face him "You keep on ignoring me every time I ask! How do you think that makes me feel? Do you think that it makes me feel like you want this to go somewhere, that I'm more than just a toy that you can play with for a while and then throw away? Cause I am not a toy, Castle, I am a person! And I am tired of being treated like I'm disposable."

He feels as though he has been hit by truck, completely run over as he stares at her stunned. He slowly gets out of bed, breathing deeply as he processes everything that she said. He looks into her fiery eyes with disbelief painted over his face.

His voice softens. "Kate, I had no idea."

"Well now you do." Her eyes glass over and he wants to reach for her, but knows that she will reject him.

"Kate, I love you. I do. I love you so much and I am sorry, okay? I'm so sorry that I made you feel this way. I didn't mean to make you so upset. I just… I thought that if I told you where I wanted this to go you would run. But I guess it's too late now so here it goes, okay, Kate, this is where I wanted our relationship to go from the moment I met you… I want you to move in, I want to marry you, I want to have kids with you. I want a house with a picket and a dog running around the backyard. I want to wake up with you beside me every single morning for the rest of my life because I don't want a future if you're not in it. I want whatever you want, just say the word and consider it done cause I am in this Kate, always. So my question is not where is this going, but where do you want this to go, cause I will follow you anywhere. As long as we are together I don't care."

He takes a tentative step closer to her, their eyes locked.

"I just want you, Kate."

Tears spill from her eyes as she runs to him – head on his chest and his arms instinctively wrap around her, tight, never wanting to let go. His lips find her temple and his fingers caress her back.

"I'm sorry." He whispers and she pulled back slightly.

"I'm sorry too."

He wipes her tears with his thumb and they can't help but smile at one another. They both want the same thing. Each other. For always.

Kate yawns and Castle laughs softly. "Why don't we get some sleep?"

Kate looks at the clock through her tired eyes – 3:47am.

She smiles at him. "That sounds good."

They slowly part and walk to the bed each climbing in on their own side, but meeting in the middle as his arm slides around her back and her head rests on his shoulder. It is not long before they are both sound asleep lost in dreams of their future, of their always.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts on my story and the ep! :)