My Big Fat Egyptian Wedding

by Jina-chan

Genre: Humor/Romance (minor Angst)

Rating: PG-13/R (undecided--who the hell am I kidding?! It's R, people.)

Summary: Somebody's gonna get married and who they marry will be a big surprise. Not a remake of 'Greek Wedding'. I barely even know what it's about. Except that it has nothing to do with Egypt. --;;

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any other anime I may throw in here. So don't kill me if you don't like how this fan fic goes.

Chapter 1: The World is Safe....(Okay, Maybe Not)

Or First Engagement

"It's over...." Yugi said with a hoarse voice.

" Yes." Yami agreed. Dartz had been defeated and so was every person who had tried to mess with the past present and the future. (God this sucks, but don't worry the funnies are soon to come.)

"Pharaoh!" cried a familar voice.

Anzu and Jonouchi turned around.

"It's Rishid!" yelped Yugi.

"Wait, this might not be good...." Yami thought. He still distrusted the Ishtar family --minus Isis-- even though they had sworn to protect him.

"Pharaoh....Malik needs to have a word with you..." the Egyptian coughed, out of breath from the run. Yami's eyebrow twitched at the sound of his 'sinister' name.

"It's urgent!" Rishid said, seeing the doubt in his ruler's eyes.

"Okay. Take me to him." The dark spirit tried not to yell, 'Let the fucker die!!'

later....

Rishid's car stopped at an unfamiliar hotel in downtown Domino.

"I've never seen this place." whispered Honda.

"Yeah Yami...are you sure...it's not a trap." Anzu's look reminded him of what happed last time they trusted either of the Ishtar brothers. (Don't wanna remember that one! . it lead to two whole years' worth of episodes on deception. lol)

"Well, you never know, Anzu." Yami tried to convince himself that it was not a trick either.

"Thank you for coming, Pharaoh." Malik's dark voice called from within the hallway. A chill went up Anzu's back. She hated the sound of his voice. It had always freaked her out.

"Now that you have gotten all seven of the millennium items and the god cards, there is only one task for you to complete." Malik leaned on the doorway railing and smirked viciously. Yami felt uneasy. "Unfortunately Isis won't tell me what your last misson will be so you'll have to find out for yourself." Malik walked in to the hotel room. "Let's go find out, shall we?" He seemed almost cheerful, but then again, the guy has crossed insanity more than once, so it could have been a guess.

"Hello, Pharaoh." greeted Isis. An old scroll lay on her lap as she sat on the bed.

"At least we can trust her." sighed Anzu.

"Something is wrong." Yami noticed Isis in near tears and worry crossing her face.

"My Pharaoh...in order to become the true ruler of the world..." she choked out. "you need the memories of your past...and for that you must join the Ishtar family. But the only way to do that is through...through marrige."

"WHAT?!!!!" cried Yugi's friends.

"And you have to marry..." Isis' voice was barely above a whisper. "...me."

"WHAT?!!!" shouted Malik. "Isis, I'd rather go to hell than see him, that... that scrawny thing we call a leader, as my in-law!" he seethed at the Pharaoh, quite disrespectfully.

"Isis, please consider this." Rishid pleaded.

"No." the Eygptian stood up, biting her lip. "It must be done." Yami's face was expressionless.

"We have sworn to protect you and help fufill your duty as Pharaoh and I will help." A quietness hung in the room for some time.

"Man this is deep." Honda said, breaking the stillness.

"Wait. Is Isis marrying Ol' King Cole or our 'Little' Yugi?"

"I am marrying the Pharaoh." Isis replied.

"But isn't he a spirit?" Anzu questioned.

"For now yes...but in one month's time he will have his own body."

"Uh go back three lines. You just lost me." Jonouchi said.

"It will all become clear soon. But there must be two bondings of the Ishtars and the royality." Isis continued.

"I thought there was only Yami who was the pharaoh." Anzu said.

"No....Anzu...you are the pharaoh's sister." Isis muttered.

"I'M WHOSE SISTER?!!!" Anzu screeched in a high-pitched tone.

"Please don't tell me she is going to marry Rishid." Malik moaned.

"No. He is not an Ishtar by birth." Isis noted, almost unheard and ignoring Anzu's wide-eyed panic. "Anzu. Uh, Anzu..."

"ANZU YOU STUPID WENCH!!!" Malik yelled, fed up with the girl's antics. "Yes? (blink, blink) Hey, what did you call me?"

"Anzu, this will be I fear, a much bigger shock to you but you must marry...."

'Please not Rishid... not that creepy guy...'

"Malik."

"EXCUSE ME?!!!" (better than 'what') Anzu and Malik cried.

"I've helped the Pharaoh enough but that is as far as it goes Isis! As we can all clearly remember I am NOT the mushy kind of guy."

Anzu was insane now. 'This can't be happening. My crush turns out to be my reincarnated brother and my worst nightmare has come back from the shadows to be my husband?! It's all downhill from here.'

"Come on! You guys are mad! Do you know what Malik put Anzu through in season 3?" Honda argued (cough, tied her to a chair and allgedly made her perform oral sex before show opened, cough. okay I was just kidding. But you never know...;;)

"It has to be DONE, PEOPLE." Isis was mad, which no one has ever seen before. "We must all make sacarfices for each other's benefit. And this is for fate."

Anzu nodded. "I agree. If it helps the Pharaoh I'm game." she said confidently. Malik tried not to cough up a hairball. (Inside joke number UNO) 'Is she really throwing away her life just for little Yugi and Pharaoh. I wonder if Anzu would become a whore just to help hi-naw, couldn't be. Or maybe...'

"MALIK!" his sister barked. "Join the circle of friendship!! (Inside joke DOS)"

"Magic circle?? Where?" Honda yelped. (final inside joke)

"Whatever." The tanned boy tried to pretend as if the marriage didn't phase him but his mind was racing through how it would interfere with his plan of ruling the world. And Anzu wouldn't stop being so unangered by the sudden bond between them. Oh well. Maybe she needs a little push to get mad, which Malik could help along, btw.

Jina-chan: Hope you guys like this.

Malik: YEAH! I'm not gay or pathetic in your fic for once!!

Jina-chan: Who said that?

Malik: Dammit. Ruined my moment Jina-chan.

Jina-chan: Just get back inside your soulroom.

Malik: (grumbles)

Reference to inside jokes:

#1: The first wish I'd make if I had fairy godparents is to turn Malik into a cat. And cats cough up hairballs. Which lead to that little scene above.

#2: All shapes are meant to be perverted. End of story. I won't taint any more minds than I already have but for the gutter-minds out there, y'all can guess what I'm saying.

#3: In season five, Honda/Tristan kept saying "STUPID MAGIC CIRCLES!!" so I guess it'd be funy if he was afraid of them too.

R and R everybody. And I won't update 'till I get five reviews.