A Promise In The Dark

Adam POV

I looked up at the ceiling of the hotel trying to forget about you but the only thing that runs in my mind is just how stupid I feel for falling for you. I let you in when I should have been pushing you away because now thinking about how happy you looked when you with her. It's killing me. That should be me, not her. I'm yours I always was. But you didn't want me. Why? I'm hurting and I shouldn't be. I should be out trying to go to a club or with friends, not sitting here thinking about you, God why? Is this my punishment? I'm gay so I can't be happy? No, it can't be. I've never believed it before. So why does it seem like such a good explaination now? I shouldn't believe it. I shouldn't have let him in! I should have started running so long ago! So now I have to deal with the consequences. But it's so hard hiding my feelings. God dammit Tommy! I Love You.

Tommy POV

I'm lying next to her. To my girlfriend. So why am I thinking of Adam? I'm not supposed to. For god's sake I have a girlfriend! So why do I want him next to me instead? It doesn't make any sense. You miss him TommyJoe. Oh god I miss him so much. Why did I tell him there wasn't anything for him and me. There was everything! We could have been everything. We could have been happy. What pocessed me to say those words that day. I doesn't make any sense. I could still remember that day.

*Flash Back*

"Hey Adam," I said "Monte said you wanted to see me."

"Um yea," Adam said looking nervous "I wanted to talk."

Oh no Adam don't ruin this. Our friendship is so perfect. Don't mess it up!

"So what'd you need?" I asked.

"Tommy," he said "Do you like me?"

"Yea of course," I answered "You're my best friend."

That's not what he meant and you know it.

"Not like that," he said " I mean…"

"I love you Tommy," he blurted out "I have since the day I met you and I want to be with you."

I do to Adam but I'm not ready. Please wait for me. Please!

"I don't feel the same Adam," I said "I'm sorry."

His face dropped and he looked like he was going to cry.

"I don't understand," he said.

I'm not ready Adam, please. I love you! Please wait for me. I can't live without you.

"Adam I told you," I said "I'm straight. I don't love you. I'm sorry."

No Adam! Please. I don't know what I'm saying. I love you! I swear.

"You should go," he said. I could see he was almost in tears.

No I love you Adam! I want to stay! Please!

"That's probably best," I said. "Goodbye Adam."

I love you Adam. I'm sorry.

I heard silent sobbing as I walked out. I felt like crying. I wanted to go back and tell him I'm sorry. To grab him and hold him in my arms. To tell him everything was going to be okay but I couldn't. I wasn't ready for this. I loved him but this was too much to deal with. It was more than I could handle.

I'm sorry Adam. I've failed you. I love you.

I got in my car and drove off surpassing the speed limit by at least 50 mph but it didn't matter. If I crashed I deserved it. I stopped on the side of the road and cried. Cried like I hadn't since my dad had died. I felt so misrable. Like life wasn't worth it.

"Um are you okay?" I heard a voice ask.

I looked up. There was a girl in her early twenties. She had jet black hair just like Adam. It was in a pixie cut and it was sticking up everywhere just like his when he got out of bed in the smokey eye looking make-up looked like his too. It was almost perfect but just a little off. Like she'd had a bad day just like me. Her nails were painted black and she was wearing a Queen t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I couldn't have Adam but I could have a look alike. I would still miss him but this way I could be 'straight' even though I felt bad I'd have someone who'd be as miserable as I was.

"Kind of," I finally said.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked.

"It's kind of a long story," I said after a few minutes of thinking.

"Well I like long stories," she said.

I sat there for a few minutes before taking the keys out of the ingintion, putting them in my pocket. I got out of my car locking the door behind me and following her to the bench. I told her the whole story. It came pouring out of my mouth. ALL of it. Including how much I loved Adam. I watched her listen and nod like she actually cared. It made me feel good. Finally after I was done she started to talk.

"I think you need someone to take your mind of him," she said.

"I know," I said

"Just intill you're ready to tell him," she added.

"Would you help me?" I asked.

"Of course," she answered.

That was he beginning of a beautiful friendship. Now lying next to her the only thing I could think was

I'm ready Adam. I love you and I'll be there soon. I promise.