Hello everyone once again I've written a story…ok one chapter but still, I've decided to write this in first person as an experiment. I'm thinking on writing my novel in first person so yeah I'd thought I'd try it on a fic first. Another thing as you can see I'm not dead. I know I haven't updated anything lately but I've had a lot on my plate and I swear I will update kai's stalker and silent witness and Tuesday and I will get around to catching up with everyone's fics.

Summery- kai and ray's relationship was torn apart before it even began with their friendship in danger and Kai's life falling apart can they ever get over their tragedy?

Broken love

Chapter 1

Tears

I never thought I'd be here today. I always wondered what my Grandfathers life would be like if I was dead. Would he miss me? Would he grieve for me? We would be at my funeral? Perhaps he would, no punching bag, nobody to inherit his business, nobody to torture and nobody to hate. I always wondered if it would be best if I just died. It would be the best for everyone. Never did I think I'd be here, holding the knife in my hand.

I gave it to my Grandfather, who took from me. He turned towards the kitchen counter and brought it down on the cat. I burst into tears as I watched the three month old cats head roll off the counter and land with a thud on the floor. He thrust the body into my arms and demanded I get rid of it. Then he left me standing in the kitchen with the body of the stray cat in my hands. I wanted to run. Run to my friends. The only people who cared about me. But I couldn't. Not with him there.

I picked up Carey's head and took her outside. Tears pouring out of my eyes, and my stomach churning. Placing her body in a bin bag, I buried her and choked on my sick for the second time that night. Grandfather came outside and dragged me back in by my hair. There was nothing I could do but scream out in pain. Screams that will never be heard. Screams I wanted to be heard.

I was thrown to the floor like a rag doll, my clothes torn off down to my boxers. Swish-thwack. The whip came down. Swish-thwack. Again pain seared through my body. Swish-thwack. New wounds opened. A kick to the ribs, punches to my stomach and face. That was all. He was too tired to beat me. It was well past midnight after all. He left me lying here, and went his comfy bed. In this spot, I laid for hours. I didn't move until three in the morning. I didn't feel like moving but I knew had to.

'Kai!'

'Kai get down here!'

There was no way in hell I'm getting up. I'm staying in bed. Somebody's coming upstairs, not my grandfather these footsteps were not heavy. My bedroom door creaks open, and closes again. I feel somebody sit next to me.

'Kai?' A soft concerned voice. A tone I haven't heard for two months. Grandfather always spoke to me with a harsh rough voice full of anger and hatred. 'Are you awake?'

I mumble a yes as I sit up slowly, wincing at the pain in my legs from last night whipping. My duvet falls off of my head and I can see Tala's face. Worried, sad and a hint of fear.

'Hey.' He says to me softly.

'Hi.' I whisper back holding back tears.

He puts his hand on my bruised face and gently strokes me with his thumb. We stay silent for a while and he pulled me into a hug. 'You need to talk to Ray.'

I winced at his name then I shook my head. 'I cant.' tears rolled down my cheeks. I'm surprised my face does not look like a prune with the amount of crying I do. 'I'm not ready to speak to him.'

'You have to. You love him.'

'I know but…I cant face him.'

'Yes you can. Is it Voltaire your worried about? You can move in with me away from him.'

'I cant leave.'

'Why not?'

I stayed quiet for a moment before I answered. 'I'm only fifteen, he'll get the police and everything. Besides, everyone will stare at me.'

'I know but everyone always does Kai. You're a famous blader.'

'Famous for the wrong reasons.'

He kissed my cheek softly and lovingly. 'You have to speak to him. You cant ignore him forever.' I shook my head and closed my eyes. I cant face him. It hurts so much just hearing his name. Tala held me tighter, his warm embrace soothed my pain slightly, at least I had my little family to care for me, unlike my real family. Tala was like a brother to me, he was there for me when Ray and I split up. We sat for a good while, Tala stroked my hair and occasionally kissed my cheek. Not because he loved me in that way, it was just to show he cared and to keep me calm.

Over the past two months I lost contact with them, the majestic's, all stars and white tigers. The Blitzkrieg boys knew where I lived. I haven't seen Bryan, Spencer and Ian for three weeks. Only Tala came here to see me. My grandfather banned the rest for fighting. My grandfather has been going nuts at me for sitting in all day and not studying. I did go to school, sometimes, but I never paid attention. I'd stare out the window, thoughtlessly. Eventually the school got fed up with me and sent me to see the school councillor. It didn't do any good of course, as If I would tell them about me and him.

I did not like to think about them, just the name of my ex-team brought me into depression. The-blade breakers, were always trying to get hold of me. Trying to get me to speak to him. I ignored the phone calls, Tala's begging, Voltaire's nagging. Speak of the devil, he came into my room.

'Tala could you leave? I want to speak to Kai alone.' He asked as politely as possible.

Translation: Can you piss off so I can beat Kai?

Tala pushed me gently away and got to his feet. 'I'll come round later ok?'

I smile weakly and nod. I watched him leave and listened as he walked down the stairs and leaves the house. I look up at my grandfather. I feel like there are bombs exploding in my stomach. He looks at me with his hard glaring eyes.

'What the fuck is wrong with you! Always cooped up in this room! You should be studying! Now your going to tell me what's made you turn into a bloody…' He struggled to find the right word, 'basket case! What's gotten into you? Your driving me up the fucking wall!'

I stare at him feeling the tears prickling my eyes. 'ANSWER ME!' I flinched as if he had just smacked me and my tears escape. He slaps me. I continued to cry. He slapped me again, harder. I start sobbing. He pulls my hair. I scream. Another slap and he pulls my head back by my hair and puts his own face right up to mine, his eyes flaring.

'TELL ME YOU LITTLE SHITHOLE!'

I nearly wet myself in fear, I think I did wet myself. I was too scared to care about that just now. All I wanted was for him to leave me in peace. I whispered my answer, it came out all croaked and weak.

'Ray raped me.'

and there you have it! the first chap yay for me! sorry for all the swearing by the way. pleeeeaaaase review