A/N: I have no idea what this came from, but it's here! Lol…Henry tells a story! Lol…
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything here!
Henry was completely bored out of his mind. He had to watch his annoying little cousin Haley while his mother and his aunt were out shopping. They'd been watching Dora the Explorer all morning. And he swore if Dora asked one more question, he'd shoot himself.
"Where is the banana?" Dora's voice rang. That's it… he thought. Where's the gun? He quickly grabbed the remote and shut it off, to Haley's disappointment.
"Why'd you shut off Dora?" she asked angrily.
"How do you watch that? It's…melting your brain!" The little girl gasped as her hands flew to her head, trying to stop her brain from melting. "Not really…but…I mean, really. Don't you wanna do something else?"
"Like what?"
"Like…" He looked around the room for something to do. His eyes quickly landed on a pile of books. "How about I read you a story?"
Haley excitedly smiled, running over to the pile to bring him her favorite book. She placed it on his lap and watched as he quickly read the title.
"Sleeping Beauty, huh?" She nodded eagerly as he flipped through it. "And how many times have you read this?"
"I dunno…a bazillion times!"
An idea quickly came to him. Oh she was gonna get her story alright…"How about I tell you my own version?"
"Really? You have your own version?"
"Yeah." Dear old improv, don't fail me now! He cleared his throat as he began. "Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away…"
There lived a king and queen whose names Dan and Diana. Now, they were no ordinary king and queen. They were sad because they had just lost their only son. But soon, they were graced with a baby girl, whom they named Natalie.
"Look, Diana!" Dan shouted merrily. "It's a girl!"
"SHUT UP, DAN! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M GRIEVING?"
And so before long, the whole kingdom found out about the birth of the princess and they were very happy. Her parents held a royal party to celebrate her birth and invited all their family and friends.
But there was a little peasant boy who had snuck in to see the princess. His name was Henry.
"Stop!" Haley shouted, interrupting the story. "You can't put yourself into a story!"
"Well, that's how this version goes." Henry vouched, shrugging.
The girl quickly pouted and muttered, "Go on…"
He snuck past the rich friends of the king and queen to see the little baby. He knew from the moment he saw her that she wouldn't be any normal princess. She would be a special one. He smiled while hanging over the baby's crib…until one of the guards caught him.
"Hey! You can't be in here!" He quickly grabbed Henry and threw him out of the party. But as soon as he left, the magical faeries had arrived, ready to greet the princess in their own special way.
"Oh, hey Dan! The faeries are here!" Diana shouted happily.
"Faeries? Diana, we don't know any faeries."
"We do now!"
So one by one, the faeries each gave the princess a gift.
The first faerie said, "I give you the gift of beauty!"
The second faerie said, "I give you the gift of musical talent!"
The third faerie said, "And I give you individuality!"
The fourth faerie said, "I give you…! Um…Attitude!"
"That's a dumb gift…" Dan muttered to himself.
The fifth faerie said, "I give you nice hair!" But…let's just say the fifth faerie's gift never really worked.
But just as the sixth faerie was about to give her gift, the doors burst open in a flash. It was no guest. It was the evil Lord Dr. Madden!
"Who's Dr. Madden?" Haley asked, interrupting again.
Henry rolled his eyes, "He's no one…now stop interrupting!"
"But-!"
"No buts…just listen."
"Oh, no! The evil Lord Dr. Madden!" The faeries shouted.
"Yes!" the evil villain shouted. "It is I! The evil Lord-!"
"Ok, dude. We know your name." Dan pointed out stupidly.
"Oh…" Dr. Madden looked around subconsciously. "Well, um…that ruins a lot…Anywho. I heard that you had another baby!"
The entire crowd gasped as he mentioned the baby. And of course, Diana's motherly instincts were kicking in. "Yeah! She's over there! Don't rape her."
Dan face-palmed as the villain walked over to the little princess. "Eew…what's that on her head?"
"That's her nice hair!" The fifth faerie cheered.
"It looks like a cat puked on her. Anyway, now I must give her a gift! On her sixteenth birthday, she shall fall in love-"
"Awww…" everyone sighed happily.
"Don't 'awww'! It's not cute! And then she shall play the piano and DIE! MWUAHAHAHAHA!"
"Gasp!" everyone gasped.
And then he stormed out of the room as quickly as he came in. Everyone was mumbling in fear. While Diana was hyperventilating. "Omigod omigod omigod omigod…."
"What's wrong, Di?"
"SHE'S GONNA FUCKING DIE! I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE ANOTHER KID!"
"Maybe I can help!" The sixth faerie cried. She flew over to the baby and said, "On her sixteenth birthday she shall fall in love and then play the piano, but she won't die! She'll just be a deep dark sleep until her true love comes to save her with a kiss!"
"Wait." Dan interrupted. "So your solution to this is to put my daughter in a coma and then wait for some idiot to make out with her?"
"Well, yeah."
"Why didn't you reverse the curse?"
The faerie rolled her eyes and face-palmed. "Aw, shit…I didn't think of that…"
So as soon as possible, Dan had all the pianos in the kingdom burned. As he was watching the giant bonfire of musical instruments, he quickly turned to his wife and said, "She's not safe here. I'm afraid that she has to move in with…your sister."
"NO!" Diana cried in agony. "Not my dumb ass sister!"
But with only minor fighting, they agreed to let Diana's sister Emily raise Natalie.
Almost sixteen years passed since the incident and Natalie grew more and more beautiful and smart each day.
"Wait." Haley stopped again. "Isn't she your girlfriend?"
"Yeah…" Henry answered defensively. "You got a problem with her being smart and beautiful?"
"No…it's just a little creepy."
"You're a little creepy…"
"Finish the story!"
She had grown up in a secluded little cottage with her aunt and her little cousin, Lexi. It was the day before her sixteenth birthday. She had been sent out to pick some berries in the forrest, which she did without complaining.
"What the hell? Who fucking asks to go pick berries? It's called Costco, bitch!"
Or not….but before long she ran into her woodland friends!
"Eeew! Rabid animals!"
And she ran away. She was having a hard time finding the berry bush when all of the sudden, she saw a huge stream of smoke coming from behind a nearby bush. Thinking something was on fire, she ran to the bush and looked behind it.
Nothing was on fire. It was a boy around her age. And he was smoking.
"Oh. It's no forest fire, it's a pothead."
"Hey, c'mon." The boy said. "You can't just assume that I'm smoking pot…"
"What are you smoking then?"
He paused for a moment to think of an answer. "Yeah…you got me…" He got up from behind the bush and crushed the joint into the ground, now holding his hand out to Natalie. "I'm Henry, by the way."
"Natalie."
"Ha, that's funny…there used to be a princess who had the exact same name!"
"Um, that's great…Look, I've gotta find some berries for my aunt. Know where I can get some?"
"Did you already try Costco?"
She just blankly stared at him. "Yeah. I'm gonna go now." As she walked off, Henry couldn't help but think that he was in love.
Natalie got home that night to a berry-less aunt.
"Nat, where are the berries?"
"Couldn't find any…we don't have berry bushes."
"Well, did you try Costco?"
Natalie was about to shoot herself in the head. She quickly sat down at the kitchen table and started, "Well, you know tomorrow's my sixteenth birthday…."
"Yes?"
"And well, I was thinking…instead of like a car or something…Can I get a keyboard?"
Emily nearly choked on the water she just drank. "A what?"
"A keyboard. It's like a piano, only smaller and electric."
"You know the king outlawed pianos!"
"Well the king's a douche bag!" Little did she know who she was talking about. "Can't we just like hide somewhere? We live in a friggen' forest! We have rabid animals and potheads living here! Who's gonna notice a harmless little keyboard?"
Emily sighed and sat down next to Natalie. She miserably explained to her suddenly that she was really the princess and she had been placed here for her own protection and that as of tomorrow, she was never allowed to touch a piano again. She was to go back to the kingdom tonight to get ready for her birthday.
"Why didn't you tell me the king was my dad before I told him off? I called him a-!"
But Emily hushed her and got her ready to return to the palace. A few hours later, they were just leaving the cottage when they were startled by a voice.
"Oh, hey Nat!" It was Henry. "Where are you going?"
"Well, Henry, to tell you the truth…I'm actually a princess and my father's a douche bag king."
As Natalie and Emily walked off, Henry stood in disbelief. She was REALLY the princess that he's seen all those years ago?
Natalie had arrived at the palace and rejoined her family, meeting the parents he never even knew existed. She soon went up to her room to try to sleep. But she was startled by a random voice.
"Natalie…."
She looked around to room and could find absolutely nothing.
"Natalie…"
"Yeah?" she decided to answer back.
"Come to the abandoned corridor where no one will find you!"
"M'kay…"
So she did as she was told. She went into the corridor only to find some guy sitting at a giant grand piano.
"Whoa…" she quietly muttered. "That's a beast-ass piano…"
"Yeah…It's great." The guy said. "Too bad I can't play…"
"I can play!" Natalie shouted happily, pushing the guy out of the way to finally play.
Meanwhile, somewhere else in the castle Dan and Diana were getting ready for bed when suddenly, they heard a nice little tune inside of the house.
"Hey, Dan…do you hear piano music?"
"No…there's no pianos here! It's just…."
But the both of them jumped when the playing just stopped. "Oh….fuck…."
They both ran to the abandoned corridor only to find Natalie passed out cold on the ground and the evil Lord Dr. Madden laughing evilly.
"Ha! I got you this time! MWUAHAHAHAHA!"
"Yeah, well too bad she's only in a coma!" Diana shouted.
"What?"
"She can be saved by true love's kiss!"
"That's so lame…and so cliché…But who would love her so much to get past me?"
"Um…I would!" A voice shouted from the doorway. It was Henry! Heroically bursting through, Henry walked up to the villain and gouged his eyes and threw him out a window. He quickly climbed on top of Natalie and kissed her…and kissed her…and kissed her.
"Um, Henry?" She asked him, muffled. "I'm up now." But he just kept on going. "You can stop. EEW! Is that your tongue?"
He quickly pulled away, receiving a concerned glare from Dan. "Hehe….sorry…"
So…Natalie was freed from the curse, pianos were not banned anymore, and her and Henry lived happily ever after.
"The end." Henry finished with a smirk.
"That was terrible! It wasn't even the right story!"
"Yes it was!" he fought back, looking through her book. "it's a lot better than this stuff…"
"Well, I didn't like it…."
"Well, too bad…" He got up and started to walk away into the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Haley asked him carefully.
"I'm gonna go call Natalie…I have to tell her my story!"
A/N:HAHAHA...so random...
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