Author casually passing through after about ten years of absence. c': Sorry for not posting anything for ages though, for real. I've been super busy which caused me to have a huge amount of writer's block. Then all of a sudden… Bam! I got this totally depressing idea for a Vocaloid fanfic. So as you can probably already tell, this is Kaito x Gakupo focused, with lots of depressing themes, as well as some sexual themes. Yay. I missed writing this pairing (since I loved them in Attracted To You Like a Magnet so much) and I'm glad to get back to them.

Just a warning, if you're sensitive to topics of abuse, you might want to keep away. I'm not giving the characters these backstories just for the sake of a shock factor; it's more to do with the fact that I want to try and raise awareness about certain topics. Thank you, and please enjoy.

…

I take yet another hard slap to the cheek. I thought I could endure the first one… That's what you do for people you love, right? You love them at their best and even their worst? That was the third one, though.

This time I receive a kick to my stomach, which causes me to fall to the floor on my side. I clutch my stomach, feeling incredibly pathetic. I can't believe I took all of that without trying to defend myself. I couldn't bring myself to do it… I love my partner too much. I'm currently so conflicted.

"Don't just lie there, idiot! Get up to get your stuff!"

My stuff…? I look up at my partner, a confused expression crossing my face. Only anger remains on their face.

"Don't make me repeat myself!" That exclamation is followed by another kick to my stomach.

"O-Okay…" I mumble, struggling to catch my breath. I weakly pick myself up. "Do you need time alone tonight?"

"Wow, great thinking, genius!" comes their sarcasm-filled response.

"I'll take that as a yes," I sadly sigh.

"Is that attitude you're giving me?" they growl, raising their hand.

My eyes widen. "N-No…! It's not attitude!"

Apparently, my words aren't good enough. "Now you're shouting at me! Who the hell do you think you are? You can't speak to me like that and you fucking know it!"

"I'm sorry…!" I whimper. They slowly lower their hand. I know they don't accept my apology, but… This whole thing… It's my own fault for trying to talk about what happened yesterday. If I was a good person, a good partner, I would know that I only imagined what happened. That my soulmate would never do such a thing to betray me, because they love me. They're the only person I have in my life, without them, I would be nothing. Nobody would love me. I only proved to them that I can't trust them, even though I should, without a doubt, no questions asked. It's my own fault they want me out of their house tonight.

"Cunt…" they hiss. "Go on. I don't want to see your face any longer, I might vomit. Get whatever shit you're storing in my house and rot on the streets for the night. Get run over by a car or something if you want, as well. It would be great."

I know they don't mean it. They're just angry. Their feelings are completely justified. I nod my head once and quickly leave the room to go upstairs.

…

That's how I ended up out here. Wandering outside at midnight, carrying two heavy bags full of my belongings, in the pouring rain. They wouldn't let me take an umbrella because they bought it, not me. They expect me to return tomorrow, anyway. I just have to find a place to sleep, then return in the morning.

I start to walk towards the city, hoping I have enough spare change for a few hours in a hotel. I can feel water being splashed onto me from a passing car on the road. It's a lot. It doesn't really matter, though… I'm already soaked. "I can handle it… It's been a rough day for the both of us… Less of a rough day for me, I suppose," I say to myself.

I stare down at the ground as I walk, not caring to see what's ahead of me. All of a sudden, I can feel myself bump into something or someone- I don't have much time to think, as I'm on the ground instantly. "Watch yourself!"

"S-Sorry," I quietly say, looking up. It turns out I bumped into someone. A fairly tall man who's holding an umbrella, long hair… I can't make out much of him, with it being so dark.

"Ah… No, no. My apologies." He reaches down, offering me his hand. I take it and he helps pull me up.

"Don't be sorry. I should have looked where I was going. I'm always doing dumb things," I nervously laugh, half-expecting him to change his mind and hit me for being so stupid.

"It's no problem at all, trust me," he says, in a warm voice. "What are you doing out here so late with those bags, if you don't mind me asking?"

"O-Oh, um…" I stutter. I don't think I should tell him the truth.

It seems as though my nervousness makes him change his approach. "Sorry. I shouldn't have been so rude. But, well… I just thought you'd need a place to stay, that's all."

"It's okay. I think I have enough money for a hotel tonight," I reply.

"A hotel?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, it's going to take you a while to walk there, you know. It's pouring out here and you haven't got an umbrella…"

"I-I'll be fine," I lie.

However, that isn't good enough. "Nope," he smiles. "Come on, my place is only a few minutes away from here now. It's the least I could do after knocking you on your ass." He takes hold of one of my bags and stands closer to me, so that the umbrella covers both of us. Though by now, that's pretty much pointless.

"So, I suppose I don't have a choice," I sigh, starting to walk with the man.

He shakes his head. "I feel as though it's my place to help whoever is in need. Anyway, the reason why I bumped into you is because I wasn't really looking where I was going…"

"I wasn't, either," I reply, with a slight laugh.

"Mmh. I was in a rush to get home from work, too. Damn cab driver dropped me off at the wrong place. I didn't feel like taking a leisurely stroll, so running had to do," he explains. I nod. "So, if you don't mind me asking… I know, a lot of questions and curiosities. What's your name?"

"Ah? K-Kaito… Kaito Shion." I don't know if I should tell him my name either, but he seems to be friendly. Unless he's good at hiding being mean, like my partner… Yeah, spoiler alert, I'm a man being beaten by a woman. I don't feel very proud of it, yet I love her to death, which is why I couldn't bring myself to hit her back.

He smiles. "It's nice to meet you, Kaito. May I call you Kai-kun? I'm Gakupo Kamui."

"Um… Kai-kun…?" I mumble, confused. He's so casual straight away, it's almost surprising. "S-Sure, if you really want to… I-I don't think we'll see each other much, though."

Gakupo puts on a fake pout. "Aw, don't break my heart like that, Kai-kun~ I'm just a sensitive man with a sensitive heart…" He seems so… different. Rather playful, perhaps.

I don't return the playful teasing, though. I haven't experienced this before. The only happiness I've ever had is with my partner. This is weird happiness. Fake happiness. I think… I can't remember anything about happiness ever since I've been with my partner. I only remember our special times together, over the course of almost three years.

Noticing I didn't speak, Gakupo shrugs. "I'm just kidding. You not into joking around?"

"I, uh…" I hesitate.

"Never mind. I'll leave it," he says.

After walking in silence for at least five minutes, Gakupo takes a turn to the left, towards a house. He passes me the umbrella so he can unlock the front door. After a few moments, we are both inside the house. As he switches on the lights, I take a look around. It's a fairly nice looking place…

"So… You live here alone?" I wonder.

"Hmm? Ah. Yep, have for a couple of years," Gakupo replies, locking the front door again. "Come on. I'll show you to my room, I have a spare sleeping bag somewhere for you."

"O-Oh, you don't have to…" I shyly say.

"I insist. Can't have you uncomfortable on my couch," he laughs.

Gakupo leads me upstairs to his room, where he tells me to put my bags down and unpack whatever I want. When I pull out several layers of my belongings to retrieve my pyjamas, I can see his curious eyes rest on the pile. "Um… How much stuff do you have with you?"

I shrug, reluctant to talk about the whole situation. "A lot."

"I see…" he mutters. "Well, I can handle it. You can leave out whatever you want. Oh, and uh… You can change in the bathroom, as well as use the towels in there to dry off. I'll be doing the same, but in here."

I nod, standing up with my pyjamas and making my way out of the bedroom to find the bathroom. It's not so far away from the bedroom, I discover, so I go ahead and get changed.

…

After drying myself down the best I can and changing into my pyjamas, I casually make my way back to Gakupo's bedroom. When I return, I see him jump and quickly move himself, or at least that's what it seems like, as if he was doing something else before I came back in. "H-Hey, welcome back!" he laughs, sounding slightly nervous. I'm usually good at picking up on people's tone of voice, so…

I smile, acting normal. "Thanks." I make my way over to the sleeping bag, seeing it's already been set out for me. I can see Gakupo's face now. It looks red, slightly. I shrug it off, sitting down on the sleeping bag.

"So, are you tired?" Gakupo asks, sitting on his bed.

"Huh, kind of… It's been a long day," I reply.

"Yeah. Same for me," he laughs. "I know you probably don't want me to ask, but… What exactly were you doing outside earlier? I don't see people out at that time, ever. And I work every day."

"I-I… I can't…" I quietly say, biting my lip.

"You can tell me in confidence. I promise, I won't tell anyone," Gakupo softly says.

I sigh. "Okay. But if they find out… I…"

"It's okay, Kai-kun…"

I lie back against the wall, to rest. "I've been with this woman. This… This amazing woman… I've been with her for three years, more or less. Her name is Rin Kagamine. We're both 24, so I guess we have a lot in common already, like we're at the same point in life," I explain, to start off. Gakupo nods.

"Go on," he prompts.

"About… Six, seven months ago… We had a fight. More serious than usual, you know? And she… She… She hit me. B-Before you say anything, she didn't mean to do it! She was- she was stressed, it was my fault," I nervously admit.

Gakupo seems calm at this point, yet he only nods, allowing me to continue.

"Basically, she hits me when we fight, which is… sort of regularly. But she… She's going through a tough time, so it's my fault for provoking her and causing these fights. Tonight, she told me to get out. To take all my stuff and be back for tomorrow. It's happened a lot, so I'm used to it. That's why I was going to the hotel." I pause, giving a long sigh.

I can see Gakupo's concern. He's about to give me a lecture, isn't he? I've heard it all before. "You can't let her-"

"It's okay," I interrupt. "I've heard these lectures before. From my friends, family… I tried to explain to them that I was handling it, that only I can help her. They gave up on me. I don't care… If they can't understand Rin, then I don't need them. You see, Rin is the only one who loves me. I need her, she needs me. Without her, I'd be incomplete. She's beautiful, smart, so much more…"

Gakupo laughs. "You're delusional."

That hurts. "Gakupo. Don't say that."

"I'm just saying it how it is," he sighs. "I've heard all this before, except from my female colleagues at work. They say their man is the best thing to ever happen to them, that they can't live without them. And you know what I say to them?"

"What's that…?" I quietly ask.

"That it's bullshit," Gakupo smirks. "You know it is."

"It… Ugh. You don't-"

"What? I don't know her like you do?" he interrupts. He folds his arms. "Get out of there while you can. You're welcome to stay at my place if she sends you packing."

"Gakupo… I appreciate your offer, honestly. But there's no way I can leave her," I say.

"Why's that?" he asks. "What ties you to her?"

"I need her…"

"Wrong. That's not something which obliges you to stay with her. That's her way of forceful attachment. She promises to change and it'll never happen again, right?" Gakupo guesses.

Geez, why is he putting it like that…? "O-Only once…"

"More than once, then," Gakupo snickers. "I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be rude. I've just heard this stuff so many times that I find it ridiculous. Not you, the abuser. When was the last time you two had sex?"

"G-Gakupo!" I shout, becoming all flustered. He's so casual…!

"What?~" he innocently asks, remaining calm with a silly smirk on his face.

"You don't just ask that…" I groan.

"I did. So answer," he smiles.

I sigh. "I dunno… Some time last year?" Gakupo's eyes widen. His expression makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. "What…?"

"I'm just speechless," he admits. "That long? What about your needs?"

"I just put them aside until I get a chance to… see to it myself. Usually when she's out somewhere," I explain, shifting nervously. "She doesn't really like me doing it. She says I'm thinking of other women when I am, so it means I must be cheating."

"Do you?" Gakupo asks. I look at him, unimpressed. "Think of other women, I mean."

"W-Well… Maybe…" I mumble. "I can't help it. I don't understand why she won't… you know…"

"Have you ever considered she may be with another man? Or woman," Gakupo suggests.

I weakly laugh, even though it's not funny. "What a coincidence you said that. That's why we fought today. Yesterday, I came home to see Rin making out, shirtless, with her best friend - who's a girl."

"Ouch," he simply says.

I don't know why I suddenly feel more confident with telling him all of this. Maybe I'm starting to believe what he told me earlier. Maybe not. Who knows… "Yeaaah… I asked her what happened today, and simply said it wasn't really appropriate when we were in a relationship. She… kind of lost it. She said it wasn't cheating because it was with another girl. And also, it was my fault for being boring."

"What kinda fucked up logic is that? Man or woman, it's all cheating if she's supposed to be your girl," Gakupo scowls.

"I don't know," I say.

"Kai-kun… You need someone who will treat you better… Someone who cares, and who understands your needs," Gakupo replies, seeming slightly nervous now.

"Uh… I guess. Is everything okay?" I wonder, concerned about him.

Gakupo suddenly stands up and makes his way to my sleeping bag. He gets on his knees at the end, moving closer towards me. I stare at him, confused and embarrassed all at once. "Do you need someone else's hands to relieve you? Aren't you sick of doing it yourself?"

Here's the part where I reveal I'm bisexual and find Gakupo relatively attractive. I'm so screwed.

"I-I…" Part of me wants to accept. The sex-driven, perv part of me, who so desperately needs interaction with another person.

Gakupo crawls closer towards me. "Nobody will find out… I swear…" he purrs.

I gulp. "Y-You… Um…" I can't even get my words out.

"I'll take that as a yes," he smirks. Gakupo places his hand on top of my crotch, on top of my slightly hard manhood. This is so bad…

"I- Gakupo…"

"Hmm?~" he asks, smiling innocently up at me. "Oh, you feel good…"

I feel him teasingly squeeze my crotch. I let out a soft gasp, my cheeks flushing red. I think I'm sensitive. "I… Um… B-Be gentle." Really, Kaito? That's the best you could say… No attempt at protest?

Eh, fuck it, I'm already hard.

Gakupo reaches forward and pulls down my pants, then slowly removes my boxers. He watches as my erection pushes itself out and springs up part-way. He giggles slightly, like an excited child. "You act like you don't even want it, Kai-kun."

"Gakupo…"

"Call me Gaku-kun, okay?" he smiles.

"Um… Okay…" I mumble. I let out another soft gasp as I feel him wrap his hand around my hard cock. "Ah… I-I didn't realise how good another person's hand would feel, after so long…"

Gakupo laughs. "You're too cute, Kai-kun. You know that?" He starts to move his hand up and down, stroking my length slowly and teasingly. "I'll make this feel like the best thing ever, I promise. And nobody will find out…"

…

I suddenly jolt up, abruptly awakening. "Ah…!" I quietly gasp. I look around, realising the room is dark. It's still the middle of the night. I look over at Gakupo's bed, to see he's fast asleep. I clutch my forehead, trying to remember what happened. I don't remember falling asleep. I can feel my cheeks burning. I feel something between my legs all of a sudden. I look under the covers, lifting my pyjama pants up, to see that I'm…

Oh, god.

Was that all a dream? I have no idea. If it was a dream, my only question is, why? Am I really that much of a sucker for actual human interaction that I'm suddenly attracted to anyone I see?

I sigh, lying back down on the sleeping bag. I think our conversation about Rin was real and I must have fallen asleep shortly after. I was pretty out of it, I guess. I close my eyes, trying to sleep. However, my 'excitement' from such a dream is starting to become uncomfortable. "I need relief, don't I…?" I quietly whisper, unable to believe myself.

Okay. If I'm going to do this, I need to be quiet. I really don't want to do this, especially not in someone else's house. Well, especially since I'll be thinking about him. I'm in panic mode here, there's so many things running through my mind. But… If a guy needs relief… He needs relief.

I pull down my pyjama pants and reach into my boxers, taking hold of my cock. I close my eyes, slowly rubbing myself up and down, imagining that Gakupo was there doing it – like in my dream. I trail my fingers across my body. Just the thought of him on top of me, rubbing my member and touching my body, is enough to get me harder. I bite down on my lip, to suppress any gasps and moans the best I can. I start to increase my pace, my breathing getting faster already. It feels so much better thinking of Gakupo, for some reason. It's like he's the perfect, dominant kind of guy that I subconsciously need. Damn me and my mind.

I think I must be pushing my limits because all of a sudden, a rather loud moan uncontrollably escapes my lips. "Ah, g-god…" I'm practically losing it here already. I can't even control myself. "Gakupo…!"

I feel myself freeze when a tired groan comes from Gakupo. "Mmmh… Was that you, Kai-kun?" comes his sleepy voice.

Ffff…udge!

What am I supposed to do? "Well? Are you awake?"

"Um… Yes…" I mutter.

"Okay~ It just sounded like you were having a good time over there. Were you?" he wonders.

"N-No…" I lie. Come on, it's not like I can tell him.

Gakupo chuckles. "Liar. I can hear it in your voice."

"I'm not lying!" I protest. My boner says otherwise.

"Well, why are you getting so worked up?" Gakupo teases.

"Am not…" Okay, now I really do sound guilty. I'm bad at hiding stuff, it seems.

"Aww. I can't blame you for thinking about me, I know I'm irresistible." I can't see his face but I know for a fact he's smirking away there. I haven't even known him for that long, yet I can already predict what kind of reactions he'll have to certain situations.

"Gakupo… What exactly happened earlier?" I hesitantly ask. I need to know if he really did 'help' me or not.

"Uh, we just talked about your psycho partner," he replies. "Why?"

"Please. Don't call her psycho," I groan. "And I was just curious, that's all."

"Did you have a dream about forbidden things?~" he teases.

"Pssh!" I scoff. "Not at all. You know, you're… you're pretty ridiculous."

"It's all in the nature, baby," he laughs.

B-Baby? Is he for real?

"It's like you've never had anyone joke around with you…" Gakupo continues. "How messed up is your girl, huh?"

"She isn't messed up, for the last time," I defensively growl. Now that I've come back to my senses and regained control, I realise that I can't let Rin go this easily. I can't betray her. "You should really stop this messing around. It isn't right."

"Ah, Kai-kun… Don't act like you hate it. Besides, it's not like you're straight or anything," he casually says.

"And what makes you think that?" I ask.

"Well, no straight guy honestly gets himself off to the thought of another guy touching him." He has a point… Even so, of course I'm not straight. I remember when I told Rin, before we got together, she was perfectly fine with it. I noticed that it somehow became a bit of a problem recently, though…

"Yeah, so?" I scowl.

"Chill out, Kai-kun!" Gakupo laughs. "I'm just saying. You should loosen up a bit, it's only fun."

"You seem to be forgetting that I'm in a relationship," I sigh.

"With a psycho," he says, without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"Are you going to stop that or not?" Honestly, now I'm just getting annoyed.

"I'm just trying to help you. Why can't you see that? Look, I told you earlier, I've had so many friends who've went through abuse – whether it was physical, emotional, verbal… All of that crap. You're a good guy, I can tell, and you don't deserve to-"

"Stop!" I suddenly snap, interrupting him. I don't want to resort to shouting, but I've heard enough. There is silence for a few moments. I don't know what else to say, and apparently neither does he.

"Kai-kun…" Gakupo softly says.

"Just stop," I repeat. "You don't understand, okay? Nobody does. Everyone thinks that Rin is some horrible monster, but she isn't. I've told you. It's my fault and my fault alone for provoking her!"

"Define provoking."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "I bring up things I should know not to. Like the incident with her friend, or asking certain questions… I deserve everything she gives to me, because I'm an idiot. I'm lucky to still have her in my life, since everyone else has already given up on me."

"You have a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome," Gakupo bluntly says.

"I don't know what that is, but I know I don't," I reply. "Look, my point is, she loves me and I love her. We've been happy together for three years nearly, so why am I going to give up on her now? I know she gets frustrated easily, so it's my fault for bringing up these things. Like when she slapped and kicked me earlier-"

"She kicked you?" he interrupts. "You didn't tell me that in full detail. Why the hell did she kick you?"

"Because I deserved it," I repeat. Why won't he just understand yet?

"No, nobody deserves that," Gakupo sternly says. I see him sit up. "I told you… I can help you!"

"Gakupo, drop it," I say, starting to get frustrated again.

"No, Kai-kun, I won't…"

"Listen to me!" I demand. "Stop trying to make me out as a victim because I'm not! If anything, Rin is the victim. She's the one getting all this shit from every single person I come across, and I'm sick of that! Do you know how depressed that makes her? She's tried to hurt herself so many times. That's why I can't leave her. If she does end her own life, that'll be all on me…"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing…" he groans. I don't understand. Why is he being so negative about it? Tch. It's not like I can expect anyone else to understand, anyway. They don't know Rin like I do. Nobody does.

"I'm going to sleep now." I'm sick of this whole conversation.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, okay? I only want you to be safe…" Gakupo mumbles.

"I am safe."

I need this night to go fast. I need to get out of here and get home, to make sure Rin is okay. I always worry about her when I'm out of the house. I know she can look after herself but she's pretty unstable these days. I'd do anything for my Rinny… Absolutely anything. I love her.

…

So, that's the first chapter over and done with! I'm not the best at writing these kinds of scenes, like sadness and stuff, but hopefully I got my point across. Now, this chapter was all about introducing Kaito and Gakupo to each other, as well as introducing Rin and Kaito's relationship. Even though Kaito and Gakupo obviously share intimate feelings, they may be settled down for the next few chapters, just so their relationship can be built up properly and stuff.

Also, I'm guessing everyone here hates Rin right now. I'm going to do some work in her point of view in the next chapter, and maybe Gakupo's too, to work on their backstories. I'm hoping to add in a lot to Rin's backstory, but I'm not saying that a bad past is a reason to forgive someone's abuse. It's just to get in some mixed feelings about her! I'm still deciding if Rin will be a good or bad guy by the end but we'll see, won't we? Thanks for reading! Peace!