"Snow Globe"

"C'mon Ben, it's late. You have a big day tomorrow, you need sleep," she said to him, but she knew that nothing would register.

It was a late night in Montreal. They were staying in a local roadside motel while they waited for the snow to ease up. It was the last stop of the Armor For Sleep tour which was a relief to Ben. For him, the entire tour was a pain to pull through. Depressed was a real understatement to how he felt for the duration of the traveling. Most of the time after the shows, he would go directly to the bus and turn his Ipod on full blast so, he couldn't hear anyone trying to talk to him. He simply stated he "wanted to be alone."

No one was able to talk to Ben, not even the other band members. The only time he spoke was while he sang or a few scarce words to his new girlfriend, Ashley, who had just joined them for the first time on tour.

"Baby what's wrong?" she whined, "It's the last day. Why are you being such a downer?"

"No reason really," Ben replied which was a common answer to why he felt this way.

Ashley exhaled with disappointment and frustration and continued to wrap the satin nightgown over herself. It was a simply black base with lace at the edges that Ben bought her in France when they played a show in Paris. It was her all time favorite thing to wear since Ben would get turned on whenever she wore it. She brought it on tour with her for special reasons only and she knew that this was probably the only chance left to actually get some emotion out of Ben.

Once secured to her frame, she glided over to hold her troubled boyfriend. With hands as gentle as an angel wing, she started by rubbing his shoulders and kissing his neck. He reeked of Axe body spray which made Ashley want him even more. She stopped rubbing him as she made her way across his body to move closer to his lips. She swung her leg swiftly over his so she would be seated on his lap. As she gazed at him, Ashley could see the horrific hidden expression within his eyes. It was like looking at a stone sculpture, unmoving and emotionless, except what she could see was pain pulsating in his veins. How could anyone be this sad? Especially with all of the fame and success Ben had, Ashley couldn't see why.

In an attempt to make him feel better, she took his hands from his sides which appeared to be locked in a rigor mortis grip for so long. Benn looked away as she placed his hands around her neck. An annoyed Ashley then moved the hands down her collarbone, trying to get some sort of arousal out of him. Just as she was about to guide them even lower, Ben pulled his hands back and shoved her off his lap in an instant. His face was turned to the wall for he could not look her directly in the eye; and that was the last straw for Ashley.

"You know," she started off loudly, "I just don't get you anymore. The first time we met, you wanted to sleep with me right then and there. You told me I was beautiful; do you remember that?" Her voice grew louder as she continued her rant. "Now you push me away like I'm an old hag or something. Am I not appealing to you anymore? Do you still love me?" In a yell filled with angst, she screamed, "I want Ben back! I want MY Ben back!"

That was a big slap in the face for Ben. He turned to look at her and saw that she was shaking. Tears had filled her piercingly dark eyes, the ones he fell in love with. He couldn't stand to see her cry, especially when he was to blame for it. Ben didn't want her to feel the pain that he was feeling.

He got up from the bedside he was on and clutched the weeping girl close in his arms. Her face buried into his chest while his was in her fine hair. Then he took her gently by the head to whisper in her ear, "I'm sorry. I love you." As he moved back a little, she looked up into his forgiving eyes. Streaks of tears were plastered onto her face, making her seem so vulnerable, so innocent and compelling that made Ben ask himself, why didhe put her through such an awful time like this? Slowly, his lips met hers and suddenly, time was as frozen as the blizzard outside. Ben truly loved Ashley. He wanted her to have it all and he felt like he didn't deserve her. She deserved more than him and his issues. And in that passionate kiss, Ben decided the fate in which he has to follow through.

Ben stared at the ceiling, pondering in thought. The delicate arm of his girlfriend was draped over his chest as she slept so halcyon. His fingers lightly stroked her hand that rested directly over his heart, a place where she lingered within Ben. She was his everything. He'd do anything for her just to make her happy. So far, he has failed miserably and doesn't seem to be getting any better. Ben had to do it, and he had to do it now.

As quietly as he could, he lifted her arm up so he could rise from the bed. There was a pen and pad of paper on the nightstand next to him, so he decided to leave a final note to Ashley. Once that was completed, he knelt beside her still body. He knew this would be one last chance to physically be with her, so he made it silent but adoring. Ben left a soft kiss upon her forehead, so soft he could barely feel her skin beneath him. He shifted back as she stirred in her sleep and that was his cue to go, so he picked himself up to go hide in the bathroom.

In the mirror, he saw a stranger. Ben wasn't there and he hasn't been there since the start of the tour. This stranger was gloomy and depressing and people weren't fond of him. He didn't like this stranger as well and yet that is who he saw in the mirror. What was the reason that he felt like this, even he couldn't figure out the answer. He knew this stranger wouldn't go away on his own, so Ben had to take measures into his own hands. And in his hands, he wielded a small hand gun that their security manager left in his room. Ben knew this was the only escape he could use. No one would understand what he feels and his thoughts are too vivid for anyone to actually think he was sane. He would be missed and he would miss people, most of all Ashley, but he couldn't stand it here for another minute.

But then something strange happened as he fondled the gun in his hand. He started to sing.

I used to believe that no one else was alive.
And all of the world was just a show inside my own mind,

The dog's on a leash, tied to a pole, shaking above the snow
I try to pretend, I try to pretend, everything's just in my head.

Ben turned on the shower so it would muffle out the sound of the bullet when it was released and his singing as well.

The choir's in line, belting its soul, over the dying crowd.
Singing for love, their voices will soar, and disappear through the floor.

Everything was prepared for his departure. The gun, locked and loaded and ready to be fired lied in his hands as he took one last look of the world. All he had to do was to finish the song.

I used to believe that no one else was alive.
And all of the world was just a show inside my own mind.

At that closing note, the trigger was pulled.

* * *

It was about 2:30 A.M. when Ashley was awakened by the shower running. She noticed that Ben wasn't by her side and was confused on why he was bathing at such an ungodly hour. She simply disregarded whatever he was doing and went back to sleep.

3:30 A.M.: the shower was still running. Ashley was curious about what was going on in that bathroom. Since there was nothing better do, she got up to investigate. And that was when she saw Ben's note on her nightstand. On it was a couple of verses from "Car Underwater."

Dear Ashley,

"Believe the news, I'm gone for good.
Call off the search, no one will know that I'm down here
Believe the note I left for you
You can't turn back the clocks, you can't pull me up from here, so don't try,

She bit down hard on her lip to hold back from tears because she knew deep down this wasn't true.

…It's too late for me…Leave it up to me. To burden you again.
This ones not your fault. Please forgive me…Just let me go…

She collapsed with misery as she read her boyfriend's death note. It was so poetic and heart-wrenching that he used his own song to say goodbye; it was one of her favorite songs by them too.

I would still die for you."

Love Ben

Ashley was hysterical. She couldn't believe how he could leave her like that. Why couldn't he talk to her? Why didn't he think that she would understand? She loved him and he loved her, so what was the problem?

After a good cry into the mattress, she realized something very important. The shower was still on. She came to apprehend that it was a cover up for something worse. Quickly, she got up and rushed to the bathroom door, frantically fumbling with the door knob since she was shaking like she was before. Once the door was opened, she saw the undeniable terror on the white tile floor. Ben lied there with a bullet wound on the side of his head and a pool of blood coming out of it. The mirrors were completely fogged because it was so hot from the shower water. She was completely shocked at the sight of him, bloody and frozen, that she almost ran out of the room to get help. But she knew that getting help would be futile, he was already gone. She was on her knees beside him as she tenderly lifted his body into her arms. Ben was dead; he had killed himself; that's what she told herself, the cold hearted truth. Tear drops landed on Ben's tranquil face as blood continued to pour onto her nightgown.

I can't live with out you; she thought to herself, I want to be with you. Ashley looked around the bathroom to find the handgun hidden behind the door. She bent down to his ear and whispered, "wait for me baby," and went to grab the gun. But this time she was smart and turned off the water. Ben had done his job with hiding his death, but someone had to do something with his body sometime. Now it was up to Ashley to signal where they were.

She wiped the steam off the mirror until she could see her reflection. In it, she saw potential; a life worth living, a life in which people adored her, but the thing was that Ben had that same reflection and he was on the floor bleeding beside her. Without him, there was no life worth living since the one person who she wanted to be adored by was gone. She was nothing without Ben. There wasn't anything else she wanted to do than to be with him, and now there was only one way to do that.

She opened the door of the bathroom to aid the volume of the bullet. She knew this was her last few moments to do or say anything. But there was no one to say anything to and everything that she wanted to do was already done. That was it, she took one last look in the mirror, locked the gun and pulled the trigger one last time, chasing after Ben to a place where they were happy and together forever.