Title: Misery Loves Company
Authoress: Mistress Krane
Summary: Truly, she had enough bad luck for the both of them. Poor Itachi. Crack-ish.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
It was a cold day in hell when Sakura realized that idiocy was hereditary. Stupid Uchiha.
Why she had been chosen to go on this retrieval mission in the first place was questionable.
Why her brilliant partner had decided that it would be a great idea to scale what had to be the steepest rockface in Yuki no Kuni in the dead of winter was enough to bring his mental state into debate.
But that she had actually agreed to the task without the use of chakra whatsoever was asking for hell and having a red pitchfork shoved up her ass on the trip down.
Or, in this case, up.
"Itachi-san." Her acidic hiss was almost lost in the wind. "Remind me again why we're doing this?"
A pair of crimson eyes met hers evenly from below. The Akatsuki member seemed completely unaffected by the cold and she hated him for it.
"Keep climbing." The curt order made her bristle indignantly. "There is a plateau a few meters above. We will rest there."
Sorely tempted to dive from her perch and drag the Uchiha down to plummet to his death along with her, Sakura settled for a sigh and a glare before continuing her slow ascent. Not for the first time she found herself wishing she'd been partnered with Deidara for this assignment. Or Kisame. Hell, she'd even take Tobi over Itachi if not for the sake of any semblance of conversation.
It had been five months since she'd been unceremoniously dumped on the doorstep of the mental institution known as the Akatsuki's main hideout. Thanks to some rather unforeseen circumstances — though with her luck she really should've been expecting it — she'd ended up saddled with the S-class criminals to act as their little medic and occasional errand girl as a part of some kind of twisted bargain that involved a delay in the plot for world domination via jinchuuriki hunting. While she would gladly give her life if it meant more time for her whiskered best friend, she couldn't help thinking that this collection of supposed genii was really getting the short end of the stick with this deal.
Oh well. All the better for Konoha.
Her breath came out in a puff of white smoke as her fingers found purchase on the edge of the outcropping. The leather of her gloves stretched as she hoisted herself up, scanning the small space carefully. She felt Itachi pull up beside her.
"See anything?"
He shook his head. Taking his lead, she followed him as he approached what looked to be a small cavern situated off to the side and inwardly rejoiced at her first stroke of luck all day. Now they could finally get out of this godforsaken snowstorm.
"We will rest here for the night." Making the hand signs for what she could easily distinguish as one of his more specialized katon, a small ball of fire erupted from his lips and suspended itself near the rear of the surprisingly expansive cave.
"I need to learn that one," Sakura mumbled absently, shedding her travel cloak as she made her way closer to the heat source. Her companion's brief smirk immediately told her that she sure as hell wasn't going to learn it from him, and she made a face in his direction. Unhelpful bastard.
They fell into their usual routine from there, with Sakura preparing their rations and Itachi securing the perimeter. Her pack and her clothes, much to her dismay, were almost soaked through, and she was glad that the cave was deep enough to where the frigid wind didn't make much of an impact on their temporary lean-to.
She laid out the standard, tasteless energy bars and canteens beside the fire, arranging them into careful portions. Itachi, though he would never admit it aloud, was the most anal person she'd ever met about this kind of thing. The first time she'd left everything in a pile and simply told him to grab whatever he needed he hadn't so much as grunted at her for the remainder of the night. It had taken her awhile to piece his thought processes together, but when she'd finally figured it out she swore she'd seen him almost smile for the first time.
Shaking her head to clear her almost-fond thoughts about the clan-murdering criminal, Sakura checked the task off of her mental to-do list. Next was to get herself as dry as possible.
Peeking over at the entrance and seeing no sign of her temporary partner, the medic quickly slid out of her shirt and held it up to the fire. She aired it out as best she could without accidentally putting out the flames and prayed that she would get it decently dry before Itachi came back and saw her in nothing but her chest bindings, which were practically see-through at this point.
In a moment of desperation at the sight that it wasn't drying quick enough dammit Sakura employed a weak fuuton she'd picked up from Kakashi to speed the process.
And promptly sent her shirt flying to the other side of the cave. "Shit."
An amused grunt spurred another violent curse from the petite kunoichi as she noticed Itachi standing a few feet away. Damn him and his unearthly speed.
"Enjoying the show?" she drawled with an undercurrent of bite.
Her cheeks reddened in a mix of mortification and fury as his now dark gaze roved her exposed figure almost languidly. By the time their eyes met she was too far gone to notice that he'd taken her advice and deactivated his Sharingan to lessen the strain on his vision. "You act as though I haven't seen it before."
By now she was spluttering almost pathetically, much to his further amusement. "Wha - don't make it sound so indecent, you pervert! It was once! And it was completely your idiot of a partner's fault."
At the reminder of the embarrassing incident spurred by the organization's quarterly prank week (the idea that they actually had these kinds of things still made her eye twitch) in which she'd been initially been caught unawares and had ended up naked save for a few scraps of food in some choice places, she turned an even brighter red. She couldn't even dredge up a smile at the thought of her gruesome retaliation later in the week. Having learned from the best, it hadn't been pretty for any of them for the rest of the event.
Sakura watched warily as Itachi shook his head, still half smirking, before walking over to the opposite end of the cavern. To her surprise, he retrieved her wayward shirt and brought it back to drop in her lap. The action was almost sweet enough to make her smile.
"Preserve the remainder of your dignity."
The Uchiha almost ended up with a face full of red fabric for his casual remark.
Fate, however, as he was quickly learning, had it out for the pink-haired kunoichi. His smooth dodge was predictable enough, but the trajectory of her throw ended up being most…unfortunate.
And so her now dry shirt sailed into the fire and ended up being completely incinerated. Really, she had no one to blame but herself.
He chanced a glance at her reaction, and almost almost winced at the look on her face. As eloquent as he prided himself in being, he honestly couldn't find a way to describe how many emotions had combined to form her overall pitiable expression.
"Fuck!" Her loud whine echoed through the cave and this time his eye ticked just slightly. Sakura didn't seem to notice as she then proceeded to bury her face, forehead first, into the ground. Her melodramatic reactions were never-ending.
"Calm yourself."
Her head snapped up, long pink hair flying as she glared at him murderously. Unmoved because really at this point she couldn't even intimidate Tobi if she tried, Itachi resigned himself to suffering through the next few hours with a mild migraine and grabbed the hem of his shirt.
"What are you doing?" she asked sharply.
Did this woman's idiocy know no bounds? His eyes narrowed from behind the black fabric. "Undressing. I'm sure you're well aware of the action, medic."
"That's not what I meant, idiot." Why was it that she wasn't laying in a pool of her own blood yet? Ah yes. Pein. "I meant why are you undressing? Going to burn your shirt too so I don't feel bad?"
At this point he was seriously reconsidering his actions, but he forced himself to pull his shirt the rest of the way, tugging his head through and tossing the piece of clothing in her direction. The bite of the cold was mildly uncomfortable but he ignored it as he settled himself a respectable distance from the gaping female.
"Itachi-san." Her voice faltered just slightly, and he turned to look at her. Emerald eyes flickered uncertainly between him and his shirt, caught in her white-knuckled grip.
"I assume you know how to put on a shirt, Sakura-san." His deadpan caused the corner of her mouth to twist in irritation. "I would suggest that you not burn this one."
"Smartass."
Still, he could see that she was grateful as she slipped the shirt on. The fabric was oversized but not obnoxiously so, and he couldn't help the swell of masculine appreciation that coursed through him at the sight of her. She looked at him curiously, a little concern evident in the furrow of her brow.
"What about you? You're going to get sick if you don't get dry and warm."
Her worry on his behalf was slightly reassuring. He didn't reply, closing his eyes and leaning back against the cave wall. Perhaps if he didn't say anything she would quiet down and the pressure in his head would ease.
"You know I can't heal you if you contract a virus. It'll have to burn itself out of your body and guess who Pein-san is going to get to take care of you?" It was like she never stopped talking. "The temperature is below freezing and you're still wet from being out in that storm for so long, even without your shirt. You should at least find a way to get dry and then we can find a way to keep you warm – hey!"
With a slight tug the irritating medic landed on top of him.
Silence. There was finally silence. Her warmth curled around him like a human blanket, and he could already feel his muscles slacken in response. She was truly an exhausting woman, if his mental fatigue was of any indication.
"Rest," he ordered before she could start spouting more nonsense about how indecent or how wrong she thought the situation was.
"This isn't proper!" And yet there she went.
He cracked open a single eye, taking note of her flushed features and her determined stare directed at the opposite wall. His lips quirked slightly at the edges before his eye slipped shut once again. She was so easily discomfited; it was no wonder he, along with the rest of the organization for that matter, made it a point to tease her as often as possible. "You insisted that I keep warm. Are you not glad that I took your advice into consideration?"
She huffed, her breath sliding across his collarbone. As if she'd finally decided to just go with it, she carefully wrapped her arms around him. Her movements were cautious as she shifted to rest the crown of her head in the crook of his neck.
"This doesn't mean anything," she mumbled sullenly, almost to herself.
He was sorely tempted to point out the fact that she was wearing his shirt and that they were practically cuddling fireside like a scene from one of those awful romance novels Kisame perused when he thought he wasn't paying attention, but decided against it in the end. No doubt it would send her off on another meaningless tangent and then he would be far from well-rested in the morning.
The quiet stretched, but the tension in her small form told him she wasn't sleeping. He waited, almost dreading another fit. "Good night, Itachi."
Itachi leaned back against the wall, form slackening. Finally.
"Good night, Sakura."
A/N: I was considering adding on some more to this, but decided against it in the end. I actually wrote this up a long while back and am just now finding it in my flash drive again and, after a little revision, I thought it'd be a cute crack-ish thing to share. Kind of a snippet from the whole Akatsukihostage!Sakura FF days. Back before all the manga progression and all that. God I miss them.