Truth and New Life
Supernatural – Destiel – Domestic – Life After Hunting
MKIA
Words: 4498
Summary: It's Easter time in the Winchester households, Sam, Delilah, and their daughter are travelling over to visit. Charlotte, Dean's daughter, is ecstatic to share the family traditions with her new baby cousin. Dean is ready for the next step in he and Cas' relationship – he's hoping that Cas is, too.
Dean rolled over and tried to stop Cas from throwing the covers off the bed. "No, I was warm." Her burrowed into his pillow before shifting onto Cas' and inhaling the welcoming smell of Cas.
Cas flipped the light on and bustled around the room.
"Turn off the light." He rolled over on the bed again but took the scented pillow with him. He delighted in a few glorious seconds of dark Cas smell before that was taken away from him too.
He cracked open an eye. Cas was standing at the end of the bed glaring and holding the pillow under his arm. His eyes narrowed and his lips pursed.
Dean groaned, "You're doing the whole 'I'm not going to talk to you until you get out of bed' thing, aren't you?"
Cas' face softened and the laugh lines crinkled in what Dean could recognize – but most others could not – as amusement. He smirked.
Dean smirked. "So, I could do anything here in the bed and you'll stay quiet?" Dean's hand strayed over his thigh lightly.
Swallowing visibly, Cas' face hardens again. His eyes look anywhere but Dean. Dean licked his lips in anticipation.
But it didn't go any further because a small ball of limbs raced through the door and jumped onto Dean's stomach.
"Daddy! Daddy! It's Easter! And Lily's going to be here."
Dean couldn't be irritated at Charlotte. She had his freckles and nose but all he could pay attention to were her eyes. They were blue; a direct influence from Cas' DNA. "I know, sweetheart."
Groaning again, Dean sat up holding onto Charlotte so she didn't fall over the edge of the bed.
Charlotte huffed. "They why are you still in bed? We have to go to church and get the flowers and," her eyes got wide and jittery with excitement, "and the egg hunt!" She practically squealed before hopping from Dean's lap and running to the kitchen to peak at the egg hunt materials that were, no doubt, on the table.
Dean smiled after her before turning back to Cas. "Is this up enough for you?" He wasn't sarcastic; it was much more genuine than Dean would ever be with anyone else.
Sighing, Cas leans over to peck Dean on the lips but still didn't say anything. Dean followed him up.
In the kitchen, Charlotte was trying to look through the bound package of supplies that Dean had put together. Cas, having a bit more decorum than Dean, had slipped on a Tshirt and long sleep pants. Dean sat next to Charlotte at the table and discreetly made sure that the opening in his boxers didn't reveal anything.
Dean slapped a hand on the top of the stack of papers and slid them to the opposite side of the table. "Should you be looking at that?"
Charlotte giggled, "No."
Dean nodded. "So, what about Lily? Do you think she'll find any of the eggs?"
Giggling louder, Charlotte shook her head, "No, Lily's only a baby."
Smiling, Dean leaned over. "That's just what she wants you to think."
Squeaking, Charlotte hopped up to grab plates and silverware. She got only two down before realizing that they needed three. Her face almost split into two with her smile when she placed a plate in from of Dean.
Dean sighed and watched Charlotte turn to help Cas with the cooking.
Dean swallowed the saliva in his throat. He didn't usually go to church; Cas understood. Sometimes, Dean couldn't wrap his head around the idea of Cas going to church, a fallen angel looking for guidance from a protestant pastor. It was a little weird.
Usually, Sunday mornings were reserved for Dean to sleep in until 9:30 then clank around in the garage until lunch. He had his own sort of worship session; but it was to something more concrete, his baby. He used the time to think and be grateful for everything that he had. It was Sunday and it was special but it wasn't a church day. Usually.
But today wasn't a usual day; it was Easter and they were meeting Sam, Delilah, and Lily at the church.
Food was dished onto Dean's plate with a soft good morning from Cas.
Dean smiled. Cas was one of the best things to ever walk into his life, especially when he put bacon on Dean's plate.
They ate in muffled, chewing silence. Cas tapped the edge of Charlotte's, "If you're not going to eat anymore then go wash up and get dressed."
Charlotte glared at the food she had been playing with before looking to Dean.
Dean smiled, "Listen to your Papa or you won't get to look for all the eggs."
Charlotte's posture jerked up and she saluted the space ahead of her before scrambling away from the table. Dean sipped his coffee, black. Cas stood and started putting the plates into the sink. He tipped the remains of Charlotte's food onto Dean's plate.
Licking the coffee from his lips, Dean smiled, "You know me so well."
Cas nodded. "It's kind of my job."
"I know."
Cas rolled his eyes and started to rinse the grease and syrup from the plates. Dean finished the extra food and stood from the table. Plastering his body behind Cas', Dean placed the plate in the sink and slid his hands up Cas' thighs, trailing over his stomach and pulling the shirt up with one hand. He played with the light definition of Cas' stomach.
Cas was hard to read for most people; but not for Dean. Dean knew his Angel, then his boyfriend, then his lover, then his husband better than he knew anyone else.
Cas' hands had stopped moving in the sink and his head was slowly tilting back onto Dean's shoulder. Cas gasped when Dean ran his fingers over a barely there stretch mark. Cas wasn't a loud person unless he wanted to be or Dean really wanted him to be.
Dean mouthed at his neck and ran his fingers over the stretch marks again.
"Dean, we have to get ready." Cas stacked the plates in the sink and pushed back into Dean, not to urge him on but to push him away to go get ready.
Any other day, Dean would have persisted; but, it was Cas' day. Easter and Christmas were definitely Cas' days. Mother's Day and Thanksgiving had become Dean's. It was how their family worked. Those were the days that everything became about the other person. They were especially important since they didn't celebrate Dean's and Cas didn't have a real birthday. Charlotte's birthday was her day.
Cas led him to the bedroom and kissed Dean a few times while they were getting dressed. Dean was grateful that Cas had decided against the Catholic Churches in the area; most weren't very accepting of gays.
Piling into the impala, Dean took to the wheel and drove to the church.
Dean had been to the church a lot, in actuality; he just didn't go on Sundays. He was dragged to Wednesday service and to many of the Kids' Events because Charlotte participated.
Everyone at the church knew who he was when they walked in. Dean was used to it by then. Cas was very popular; he worked as a Sunday School teacher and taught additional lessons on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sunday evenings. Everyone liked his unique interpretation of the verses.
They played it all off – along with Cas' name – as being brought up in an extremely religious family; and really, it wasn't that far from the truth.
Cas sat in the front because he was reading in the service; Charlotte stuck her bottom lip out at the choice between sitting with Dean toward the middle or with Cas. Before charlotte could say anything, Cas tapped her with two fingers on the forehead.
She looked up to Cas with wide blue eyes.
Dean couldn't understand how Cas thought she looked like Dean; she had Cas written everywhere.
Cas smiled, "Sit with your dad. He doesn't usually come to church; he needs a body guard."
She tugged on her Easter dress. "But it's Easter; Easter is your day."
Dean felt a little part of him break. Cas turned a took a seat in the front pew before Charlotte could protest. Charlotte turned her big eyes on Dean and He felt his heart turn into goo. He held out his hand for hers. She placed his in the bigger hand.
Dean took a deep breath. He looked at Charlotte again to pull some of her courage into him though his eyes. He swallowed.
He walked up to the row where Cas sat. Cas looked up, confused by their presence. Charlotte bounded forward, letting go of Dean's hand but filling his heart with a little pride. Charlotte crawled over Cas and sat on the opposite side. She began to fiddle with the hymnals.
Dean took his seat next to Cas.
Cas leaned over. "Dean, I understand that you don't feel comfortable up here." He smoothed his hand over Dean's thigh. "You can sit further back."
Dean shook his head and took Cas' hand. "It's your day." It was simple but Dean saw the electric affect it had on Cas. His eyes brightened and his mouth twitched. Dean smiled; he lived for the moments that her made Cas smile – well, the Cas equivalent.
The service started and Dean drifted in and out of focus. He went for Cas. He enjoyed the lulling sound of the hymns but didn't sing. He did the same thing he did when he was in the garage at the house. He thought about all the things her was grateful for. He thought about Cas and the miracle that was Charlotte.
Dean's mind began to wander into that.
Cas had wanted a kid. They had looked at adoption but Dean knew that adoption would be tough since neither of them had any real documentation. Cas had two or three – maybe more, dean had stopped counting – bachelor's degrees under his name and they had forged his birth certificate. He didn't even remember the date they had picked; it may have been Dean's birthday.
But after a long look through different adoption agencies and surrogate mothers, Sam kind of threw a book at them, red-faced and mumbling about not wanting to be thanked and that he never wanted to talk about it again.
Dean couldn't blame him.
Sam had found an old Shaman ritual that boosted fertility. With some extra workings, the spell seemed to be a plausible solution to Dean and Cas' problem.
Dean had to shift to let Cas out of the pew. He tuned back in so he could hear Cas speak. Dean didn't read the bible; but he attended the Wednesday night bible study that Cas ran. It was a concession at first but it quickly became a highlight of his week. Cas was very passionate about all of it. It made Dean proud. Charlotte went to her own class at that time. Dean never spoke up in the class but he listened and he tried to understand Cas.
Charlotte shifted over on the pew so that she was flush into Dean's side. He wrapped an arm around her and settled into the pew again.
Cas began to read. Dean heard snippets but that was all. He zoned in and out but the lull of Cas' voice was some sort of sleep medicine when it reached Dean's ears.
Dean swallowed. Cas spoke so eloquently, like he was made to read scripture. Dean scoffed because, in a way, he was.
Finishing too quickly for Dean's liking, Cas returned to the seat. Charlotte refused to move so Cas sat on the other side of her and patted her head where it was glued to Dean's ribs.
The Pastor came down from his chair and began his sermon. It was about Jesus and the resurrection, which made sense because it was Easter; but, it was also about new life and trust and truth.
Dean swallowed and looked down at his hands. He had never been a truthful man. He lied to do anything. He lied because that was how he was taught but also because he gave up on the truth. He lost faith in the idea that the truth could be better than a lie. Charlotte shifted at his side; she was antsy because the service was longer on Holidays. Dean combed a hand through her long wavy brown – almost black – hair.
Charlotte and Cas were the only truths that turned out better than the lie; but, sometimes, Dean wondered if it was all a big illusion, a dream that he would wake up from and be stuck in the middle of another apocalypse.
He squeezed Charlotte to his side.
Cas – being the amazing person that he was – seemed to pick up on Dean's uneasiness and laced their fingers together. Dean spun the ring on Cas' finger absently.
The pastor began to wrap up his sermon. "New life is what spring is all about. New life, new trust and renewing the great things that we already have. Going further."
Something clicked in Dean. He was trying to figure out exactly what it was but he didn't get a chance. He was reminded of an Easter a few years earlier.
Cas had been grumbling about his stretch marks. Dean had leaned over and started to trace them – with his tongue, but that was beside the point. Cas had looked at him with concern taut in his jaw.
Dean tilted his head – he had picked up the gesture from Cas.
Cas reached for his face and petted his cheek. "How can you find them attractive?"
Mouth opening in awe, Dean watched Cas, hoping that his eyes would change and reveal that it had been a joke, but the change never came. "Cas, your stretch marks are awesome."
Dean didn't give him time to argue before his tongue resumed its work over his husband's stomach.
Using the hand on Dean's face, Cas pulled him away from his stomach and up to his face. "Do you think we'll have another kid?"
Dean couldn't tell the tone of Cas' voice and that scared him. He knew Cas but he didn't know that tone. Dean swallowed. "Not if you don't want another."
Taking in a quick breath, Cas' eyes grew in surprise and he started to move his mouth before words came forth. "I want another one. I really do. I just…"
Taking in steadying breaths, Dean pressed his nose to Cas' cheek hoping to remind him of what they had been doing a moment ago. Dean began his descent – for the second time that night – leaving open-mouth kissed along Cas' throat and chest. He was almost to Cas' crotch when Cas caught him and pulled him back up for another tender kiss on the lips.
Dean sighed. He understood Cas' need for reassurance but really wished that the reassurance could come from somewhere further south.
"Dean?"
He opened his eyes and watched Cas. "Hmm?"
Cas opened then shut his mouth. He wanted to tell Dean something but seemed unable to vocalize it.
Dean just wanted the scared expression on Cas' face to go away. So he said the words he had been saving for later because it was Cas' day after all. "I love you."
The sadness peeled away. Dean didn't usually say it; he knew he should say it more but it wasn't in his nature.
He pecked Cas on the lips. "I love your lips."
He smirked and pecked again. "I love your stretch marks."
He pecked again. "I love your daughter."
He pecked again. "I love your dick."
That seemed to remind Cas of exactly what they had been doing and Cas moaned before letting go of Dean and arching his back. Dean took his place between Cas' legs and looked at Cas with awe and lust and more love than he would ever admit aloud. His fingers traced over the stretch marks absently while he watched.
Cas started to twitch – and not the good twitch – when Dean started tracing the marks in earnest.
Dean didn't want Cas to be uncomfortable.
Dean had to shift again when Cas and Charlotte got up for communion. The usher tried to usher Dean out of the pew but Cas touched the man's shoulder and smiled softly – it was the kind of smile that politely told someone to fuck off, Dean liked to think that Cas picked it up from him.
Grateful, Dean straightened up the hymnals that Charlotte had been fussing with and pulled down the kneeling bench so that Cas and Charlotte could do their post communal prayers.
Charlotte returned first and pulled on Dean's hand. She whispered, "Pray with me, Daddy. Please?" He held his sleeve with hope pouring from her soul.
Dean sighed. He really couldn't refuse.
He knelt next to her but didn't think anything right away. He didn't know what to pray about or who to pray to. He rarely asked for anything and more often than not found himself repeatedly fulfilled by Cas. Cas was there in every way.
Cas knelt on the other side of Charlotte.
Dean took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if it was going to work, but he decided to pray to Cas. Cas had fallen but sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night complaining about the angels' voices. He still had some angel radio left but Dean wasn't sure if it would be enough. But he didn't know what else to do; sitting on a prayer bench on Easter Sunday.
He began to pray.
Hey Cas, I wanted to let you know that everything that Easter is about: thankfulness, new life, truth; I have that with you. Thank you. Happy Easter.
Short. Sweet. To the point. That was the Dean Winchester way.
Cas didn't seem to hear it. Dean shrugged. At least he tried.
Service wrapped up fairly quickly and Charlotte bounced around in the pews touching flowers and scanning the people for her Uncle and everyone else.
Sam emerged from the crowd with a look of guilty desperation. "Sorry, we came in late. We forgot the baby bag so we had to go back and get it and-"
Dean was having none of that. He had just prayed in a church on an Easter Sunday. He was going soft. He pulled Sam into a hug. "Good to see you, man."
Relaxing, Sam hugged back. "Good to see you, too."
Delilah popped out from behind him swinging Lily in her carrier lightly. Charlotte made a bee line. "Hello, Lily."
The baby girl babbled but dean couldn't see her face yet.
Sam stood tall in a tailored suit – had to be, it fit him. "So, you ready for lunch?"
Dean nodded, clapping Sam on the shoulder. "You seriously asking me if I want food?"
Sam rolled his eyes and went to get in the line of people leaving. Dean looked back at the altar. He wasn't sure if he was saying to himself or Cas or – possibly, but unlikely – God; but he whispered a quick thank you.
Turning, he was struck into place by the image of Cas holding Lily. Charlotte was holding one of lily's feet and Cas was bouncing the little girl on his hip.
Lily babbled. Dean remembered when Charlotte spoke like that. Hell, he remembered when Sammy spoke like that. Dean's dad used to think it was a miracle that Dean could understand the baby garble.
Dean's heart made a decision right then; he had to talk to Cas later. He was ready for what came next.
"Dude, you coming or what?" Sam waved them all to the line that had diminished significantly. Sam took Lily from Cas; but Charlotte didn't let go of her foot. Delilah cooed over Charlotte's dress and hair. Cas moved to stand next to Dean.
Years ago it would have been too close. Now, though, it wasn't close enough.
Dean brushed Cas' hand with his own. Luckily, Cas took the hint and tangled their fingers into a giant knot. Dean tried not to smile; but Cas was smiling already so he gave up and they smiled together.
The pastor stands at the door and dismisses everyone from the congregation making sure to keep up with everyone. Dean usually feels like third wheel while Pastor Thomas and Cas talk about Bible-y things.
Dean let go of Cas' hand when they reached the Pastor hoping to Join Sam at the end of the hallway and let Cas geek out over water and wine and grapevines; but, a large – definitely not Cas-hand, he knew Cas' hands – stopped him.
Pastor Thomas turned Dean to face him. He was shorter than Dean but was rather muscular. "I saw you sitting in the splash zone; and I notice that you weren't wearing a raincoat."
Sam barked out a laugh from wherever he had overheard it. Dean's face turned red. It had been one of the first times he had attended and he had mistakenly though Pastor Thomas was just another person and let out a joke about the 'splash zone'. Cas turned red, too.
Dean licked his lips. "You know I didn't mean that-"
Pastor Thomas patted his arm. "I know, I just have fun teasing you sometimes. But a word of advice."
Glancing at Cas, Dean's ears tuned in to Pastor Thomas.
"The splash zone is addictive; once you've gotten a taste, you'll never go back."
Smiling, Dean nodded. "We'll just have to see."
Cas smiled at Pastor Thomas. "Thank you for letting me read today; as you know, it's a very special day for me."
Feeling no urge to leave, Dean stood with Cas and the Pastor.
Pastor Thomsas nodded, "I understand perfectly; and, like always, you read tremendously well. I don't know where you came from Castiel; but you live up to your name in almost every sense."
Blushing harder, Cas stared at the floor.
Dean would've laughed had they not had a secret to keep. As it was, he'd probably laugh once they were in the impala.
Realizing Cas' embarrassment, Pastor Thomas added, "Well, I know you have to go and eat; so, I'll see you next Sunday Castiel." He turned to Dean. "See you the Wednesday after."
Dean nodded his farewell and led the way to the car. They didn't make it, though. Sam was holding Lily up in the air and Lily was giggling her little head off. Charlotte was galloping around in the grass and had two visible grass stains on her dress; but Dean was good at getting rid of stains – blood stains were a bitch to explain to people.
Dean needed to tell Cas now.
Right now.
He turned to Cas. Cas was already looking at him.
Before Dean could speak, Cas beat him to it. "I heard you pray."
Dean looked down at the ground. He wasn't embarrassed but he was afraid that Cas may not approve.
"Dean?"
He didn't look up.
"Dean." Two fingers pulled his eyes away from the ground. "I'm not mad, Dean."
Dean let out his breath in a light, relieved sigh.
Cas looked like he's about to leave so Dean grabbed his wrist and blurted, "I'm ready."
Turning back, Cas donned a confused look. "I may have heard your prayer; but I cannot read your mind anymore."
Dean snorted. "I'm ready." He looked out at Charlotte who was watching Delilah make a dandelion chain. "Let's have another."
Cas didn't say anything and that made Dean nervous. He waited until Charlotte started her own flower chain before swiveling back to Cas. Cas was wearing a look of dumbstruck shock. Dean couldn't tell if it was happy shock or angry shock or sad; it was, literally, just shock.
Cas' face remained carefully neutral. "Dean, I-"
But Dean cut him off. "Do you remember what I told you?"
Cas breathed a sequence of quick pants through his nose. He nodded.
Dean bit his lip, running through the memory himself.
Dean didn't want Cas to be uncomfortable.
"Cas, tell me what's wrong." He moved back to Cas' face, knowing that Cas needed this more than anything else if he was that upset.
Shaking minutely, Cas bit the inside of his cheeks. "I just, being pregnant is great because you bring new life to the world and everything but…"
Dean waited before prompting Cas to continue, nuzzling into his shoulder.
"… but, it is confusing and I couldn't go anywhere for months. I was so helpless. I couldn't do anything Dean. I couldn't even think right most of the time."
Dean tried to soothe Cas. "It's okay, baby, I understand."
"But you don't; that's just it. You don't know what it's like to be pregnant and women don't know either because they don't know what it's like going from being someone with power to someone with none."
Cas was shaking fully then.
Dean rolled them so that he was spooning Cas. He wasn't going to be having any fun that night; but he could live with that as long as Cas was good. Cas had to be good or else Dean would be miserable.
Dean thought for a moment before whispering. "If I decide that I really want another kid, I will carry it."
Cas froze. "What?"
Pressing a kiss into Cas' neck, Dean repeated what he said.
"Really?"
Dean just repeated the kiss and what he said again, and again, and again until Cas wasn't shaking and his breaths evened out.
Thinking rapidly, Dean laid awake somewhat scared of the promise he'd just made. But he could deal with being scared; what he couldn't deal with was Cas being scared.
Dean nodded again. "I'm ready."
Cas' jaw moved around. "I want to make sure that I know what you're talking about so that there are no miscommuni-"
Holding a finger to Cas' lips, Dean moved into Cas' ear, "I'm talking about a book stash under my side of the bed. I'm talking about a recipe hundreds of years old. I'm talking about you and me fucking. I'm talking about you and me having baby number two." Dean had wisely picked the side of Cas' head shielded from the view of everyone else because he fell to the urge to lick Cas' ear.
Cas twitch – the good kind of twitch. "Dean."
"Mmmmm?"
"Thank you." Dean pulled back. He saw awe and disbelief spread out in a thin layer of amazement across Cas' face. "I love you, Dean."
Dean leaned in. "I want to save mine for later tonight."
Cas' body trembled. "I'm going to be thinking about it all day now."
Chuckling, Dean pulled away. "Now, is that such a bad way to spend your day." He turned and started to make his way through the grass to the rest of the family.
Dean almost missed Cas' reply, "It is when it's Easter."