All that's good is gone.

It's gone I have tried too long.

4 months

16 weeks

122 days

And every second is an eternity.

He left me the day after my 18th birthday and I have been a shell ever since. I can see it pains Charlie even more than it does myself, seeing me so listless.

Charlie tried to offer to send me back to Renee but it came out more like a threat to both of our ears.

I know Charlie only means the best but I know that no amount of force could ever take me away from this dismal rainy town. it's so much easier to pretend nothing is wrong when he leaves in the early morning for Billy's and I can lye around and pretend there is something to live for here anymore.

I haven't seen Jake in a couple weeks, not since the incident at the theaters.

But I don't blame Jacob.

I pushed Him away so why not Jacob?

Jake must have figured it would be easier on me not to make it a production and to just slip away instead of another confrontation.

A stray piece of hair blows into my face as I'm looking over into the ocean.

I remember watching Sam Uley and the others jumping off these very cliffs not so long ago. I thought they were insane; who in their right mind jumps off a cliff?

Funnily enough, I do.

Don't get me wrong, I know this will hurt at first; Charlie and Renee will mourn.

But I also know they will move on. Charlie has his job to turn to and Renee has Phil.

Maybe after a time those two will have another little girl to make better memories with.

A normal little girl, with little girl ideas and feelings; not a tiny little middle-aged woman in the body of a child.

Now Renee has Phil to take care of her Renee can indulge in all of her offbeat hobbies and not worry about me worrying about her.

And Him,

I still can't even think his name, as if to speak those syllables, even in my own mind, would sully his memory.

I see his eyes behind my lids and sigh. Even who knows how far away he can still dazzle me.

Edward.

There.

I suppose one last time won't hurt, just feeling it on my tongue brings a sob to my throat.

I love him.

I loved him.

I guess there's no real difference now, I'm sure in the coming months the people of Forks will forget his name along with mine, after all wasn't I the last remaining tie the Cullen's had here.

I'm scared, there's no way I could possibly know how this would turn out but I am sure that no matter the outcome it would be undoubtedly better than existing with this gaping hole in my chest.

And who knows, maybe if by chance this doesn't work out and someone finds me strung out on the beach perhaps then everyone would see just how much this hurts?

Maybe they would take all I say and fix me with pharmaceuticals.

Medicate my pain away.

He would frown at the idea, but maybe it wasn't such a bad one.

If I couldn't feel the pain, did that mean it didn't exist?

No matter.

This is my choice.

This is all I can do for myself anymore.

I only have the strength to jump left in these legs.

And with that last thought I leave everything besides his face behind and fall to what I hope will be the end of me.

I barley notice as the huge bear of a wolf tumbles after me.

I'll be glad to go, you see.

You don't even know me. Not at all.