A/n - I haven't given up on my other stories - in fact i have the next 2 chapters of Obsession and Nerves written up i just need to transfer them from paper to computer. I just really felt that Duncan must have spent a year feeling awful about the end of his relationship with Veronica and wanted to explore it. Hope someone enjoys it.
He understood what it was like to have a sister. He'd always had one and they had been close. But that's what happens when there is barely 11 months between the two of you and your best friend is dating her. Happy accidents his mother had said – solidifying your position as Jake Kane's wife his sister had replied. Celeste had provided Jake with a much wanted heir in him and so was pretty untouchable. Lily had been the accident. He'd always thought it was sad that his sister had thought that but he had to admit it was true. But the accidental pregnancy had been a girl and not the son Jake had so desperately wanted. Without Lily Jake would have married his high school sweetheart and life would have been very different. And now he was dealing with the repercussions of his parents stupid mistakes.
He remembered vividly the day Celeste had told him the truth. He hadn't believed her until he saw his dad in the hallway looking equal parts sick and guilty. It was then he realised the girl he had been dating for 9 month, his sister's best friend, the girl he had had a crush on forever was apparently his half sister. He felt ill just remembering. He remembered feeling bad for his mom knowing that her husband had been cheating on his with a woman practically their whole marriage, and having to see their daughter all the time must have killed her. It felt absurd now that that was his first thought. Because not long after that the full effects of this conversation came crashing down on him. He's just started blankly at the wall while they had talked at him about mistakes and errors in judgement. After they had left he continued to sit and stare for a few moments until he suddenly got up and ran into his en-suite and threw up in the commode. He stayed in there most of the weekend sick to his stomach and for the first time in a long time in tears. Even now he felt weird putting it into words all that kept swimming round his brain was that he'd been in love with his sister. It felt like he'd been punched in the stomach.
He'd had his first wet dream thinking of Veronica in her Swimsuit when he was 11 and his first caused by a real life girl erection play fighting her for the remote in the den downstairs not long after his 12th birthday. He'd been humiliated convinced she would say something in front of Lily and Logan and they would never let him live it down, but she hadn't. She'd kept his secret and he had developed a crush on her. She was his first kiss during a game of spin the bottle, and the first girl he had played seven minutes in heaven with. And when they had finally started dating a couple of years later he had put the practice he had done with other girls to good use with her. She was all his major firsts so far. They'd fooled around quite a bit – okay he was a big boy he could say it. He'd received his first hand job and blow job from her. He had also touched her intimately as well and though while they were dating they hadn't had sex they had talked about it often enough. But her going down on him had happened more often as their relationship had heated up.
And that's what now made him feel so wrong. The rules for being a good brother were pretty simple. Protect them from boys trying to take advantage of them and if the boy steps out of line you kick their ass. Everything else just revolved around taking the mick out of them. He'd never really had to do anything like that with Lily as she was more than capable of looking after herself and did so. Lily tended to be the one looking out for him as she was the oldest. But the fact that he had had no practice was no excuse. He'd done with Veronica all the things that he was to protect her from and worse he'd enjoyed them. Hell he still enjoyed the memory of them even though he felt the worst kind of pervert. And to top it off he couldn't beat up the guy who had broke her heart as he was the one who had done it and she still didn't know why.
He couldn't bring himself to talk to her that Monday at school after he had found out, he knew he would just blurt out the truth or just throw up. His parents had made it very clear that Veronica wasn't to know as she would have had a claim on his or Lily's inheritance. And that is what made him the worst kind of person because he hadn't told her. He had just ignored her and hoped his feelings for her would go away. So far they hadn't.
Then Lily had died. No not died she'd been murdered and his family had imploded even further. His father had stopped even trying to hide his affairs, his mother had become obsessed at sanitising the death/life of her suddenly 'beloved' daughter and he was left with a sister shaped hole is his life and try as he might he couldn't get Veronica to fit it. And with her father's belief in hid family's complicity he had a valid reason now for avoiding her. For those weeks between finding out about Veronica and Lily dying had been torture. He'd had to stop himself everyday from talking to her, touching her, kissing her. He woke every morning full of shame and yet satisfied as his desires for her were being fulfilled at least in dream form. He was starting to prefer his dreams to reality.