Fuck You, Silent Hill

By Lovova

Authors Note: I've played every Silent Hill game, and this fic is made of nothing but affection, and a sincere sympathy for its protagonists. Enjoy.

"I want my toy." Joshua demanded, his eyes never leaving his drawing, his shoulders slumped and withdrawn.

Alex leaned against the bars, wishing he could just grab his brother and get out of this insane place, "Josh, I can't" Alex pleaded, "I don't know where your toy is."

"Well," Josh huffed, for the first time looking up to give Alex a dark look, "Then I guess you're not my friend."

Alex wasn't sure what it was that finally did it. Maybe it was the slightly condescending look in Joshua's eyes that hurt his elder brother's pride. Maybe it was because he had just finished running around a hospital with so many health-code violations that even a Fast-Food owner probably would have turned his nose up to it. Either way, the next thing to come out of Alex's mouth was, "Fuck you, Josh."

The wide-eyed look on Josh's face was actually comical, but Alex took no notice as, the dam cracked, Alex decided to just take a sledgehammer to the whole damned thing. "And, you know what? Fuck this whole situation! So what, I had an accident as a teenager, and now I deserve to get logged into the same crap peg-hole as the apparently average Shepperd's Glen parent? I had a tug-of-war with my kid brother on a god-damned boat that went bad, yeah, but those fuckers were planning to mass murder their kids before any of us were even born! But, still, I get the same exact punishment! How the hell is that fair?"

"Uh, you're not actually supposed to know any of that yet." Josh tried to gently remind his brother, who was having none of it.

"Shut up Josh, I'm not finished." Alex ordered, pacing back and forth as he continued hotly, "and, speaking of the worst parents fucking ever, you know what? Fuck our parents! Fuck mom, fuck dad, they're both fucking assholes! So, what, I'm the son they 'couldn't allow themselves to love'? They treated me badly because they felt bad about having to kill me? Boo, fucking, hoo, while they were busy struggling with moral dilemmas, I was placed second to the fucking dog! And then pushed to THIRD when the new kid came along! Fuck them all, and fuck you too, Josh! Did I already say that? I'll say it again! Fuck you!"

Josh had already left at that point, deciding that even though he was a murderous ghostly manifestation of a murdered child orchestrating a grotesque personal hell at the will of a hate-filled God, he was still probably too young to be hearing this kind of language.

Alex took no notice and continued regardless, "And fuck Elle too, she is an unhelpful, self-centered bitch. Wah, Alex, stop looking for your missing brother, pay me more attention, wahhh, fuck you Elle. Oh, and that mother of hers! That drill-wielding fetish cougar! What the hell was her problem? Fuck her too! Fuck the Holloways, the Bartletts, the Fitchs', ya know what, just fuck Shepherds Glen!"

"Uh, excuse me." Travis said, stepping out of the shadows, "Do you mind if I get in on this?"

Where Travis had just come from was a bit of a mystery, as this was supposed to be all in Alex's head, so far. And letting otherwise angry psychotics run around your dreams was probably a bad idea. But, Alex had already torn down the fourth wall, so figured, why not? "Come on in," Alex greeted.

"Thank ya kindly." Travis said, before turning to you, the audience. He was angry. "Fuck you bitches, for one. All you jerks did was complain about my game. Oh, and fuck Allessa, and that stupid fucking cult, and fuck my folks."

"Parents suck," Alex growled.

"Parents suck," Travis agreed, "Fuck that old bitch Diana, Fuck that Doctor man, whatever the hell his name was, and, oh, the nurse, yeah, fuck her...but kind of in a more literal sense, that last one..."

"Dude! Focus!" Alex insisted, more then a little weirded out.

"Whatever, soldier boy. Oh, and fuck all you bastards that keep telling people I'm a serial killer. Honestly, you put me in one fucking scene strapped to a table..."

"...Wait, aren't you a serial killer?" Ales asked.

Travis very pointedly did not reply.

"Fuck Walter Sullivan." Said a dead-pan voice from the right. It was Henry.

Travis and Walter waited patiently for more declarations of hatred from the thin man, but he remained silent. Finally Alex prompted, "Is that it?"

"Hmmm?" Henry hmmed, "Oh, no. Fuck my landlord too. What kind of a freak keeps an umbilical cord in a box for thirty-something years? Sunderlands a freak."

"Speaking of the Sunderlands!" A man giggled madly from the shadows before joining the group. It was James, and he was very pleased. "Oh my God, oh my God. Sooo many people to fuck...okay, first of all," James grins at you, "Fuck Mary. That's right, I said it! Fuck that whiney bitch! And Fuck her counterpart, Maria, who is also a whiny bitch, and probably has aids, the freaky little whore! Hope she does anyway. Fuck her. And Laura! Fuck you Laura, you devil-spawn! Fuck you to fucking hell! Fuck you Laura!" James screamed, and somewhere, Laura just rolled her eyes and went back to playing with her chalk, "And, oh, this is going to taste sooo sweet, it's gonna feel so, so, good," James sighed,"FUCK YOU PYRAMID HEAD! YOU HAVE A STUPID NAME, YOU PSYCHOTIC, ASS RAPING MACHINE! AIDS IS TOO GOOD FOR YOU! I HOPE YOU GET EXPLODING HERPES AND DIE!!"

Then James burst into tears.

"Hey there, it's okay," Travis comforted, engulfing James in a totally manly hug, "Safe room."

"Um, not really. You do realize we're still standing the middle of my evil dream hospital, right?" Alex added in, though he was somewhat wary to attract attention to himself by this point. He still wasn't really convinced that Travis wasn't a serial killer, so he stepped back in case the Butchers knife suddenly protruded from James back.

"Ahem," Someone coughed from behind them, and up came Harry, looking dignified, as the first main character of any long-running series should, the others making space for him. He cleared his throat. The others leaned in to hear.

"Fuck Cheryl." He said.

"Oh, puhlease!" Heather shouted, joining the group, "Like you have anything to complain about! I threw up a fetus and watched someone eat it! Just because you couldn't keep me alive as a kid! Seriously, how difficult is it not to run me over when I am literally sitting next to you? If anything, I should be saying Fuck you!"

"Someone ate your fetus?" Alex asked, disgusted.

"Kids are getting pregnant younger and younger these days." Travis sighed, patting the back of the still sniffling James.

Henry didn't say anything.

"Well, if it was such a horrible experience, maybe you should be saying fuck Claudia?" Harry tensely pointed out.

"Yeah? Well, maybe you should be saying fuck Diana!" Heather ripped right back.

"Maybe you should be saying fuck carnivals?"

"Maybe you should be saying fuck-"

"Whoa, how did I get here?" Said Murphy, who walked in through the door. "One second I was being chased and now-"

"You can stop bothering with continuity kid, we've already torn down the fourth wall and given it a good piss on," Said Travis, who still had James in his arms, but only because James couldn't seem to escape his grip. He was making quite the effort though. "While you're here, wanna tell someone to fuck off?"

"Yeah, go ahead, it's fun," Alex encouraged, while Murphy hesitated. It was always tough being the new kid, after all.

"Um, okay," Murphy thought about it, "Well, fuck the people in my game, obviously. Well, I mean, most of them...the police chick, anyway...except, I mean, she kind of had a good reason...um..."

"Come on, isn't there anyone you're really angry at?" Harry asked.

"The point of my game was kind of all about learning to let go of anger," Murphy pointed out, and then suddenly looked shy, "Well, I mean, there is this one group of people...but I don't think you guys would agree."

Murphy's eyes flicker at you.

Yes, you.

You fucker.

"Oh..." Travis said, nodding knowingly, "we got a lot in common there. Are we talking about the same group of people that will not turn the fucking flashlight off, even when you are in a street full of monsters?"

"Or the same group of people that always take the bear and give her the knife on the first playthrough," Henry said in a tone of voice that might have almost been anger, if you listened very hard for it, "Every. Single. One of them?"

Alex continued on,. "Or the same people who just will not let you stop running, even when you're just exploring a room? Seriously, what is the point of even having a walk setting?"

"Someone...help me." James whimpered from inside Travis's arms. Everyone was very careful not to hear him. After all, just because they were protagonists, didn't mean they were heroes.

"The people who, after putting you through the torture once already, will do it over and over again, just to get the different endings?" Murphy said.

"But you know that the only ending they're actually interested in is the one where you turn into a fucking dog." Not-Cheryl added in darkly, "At least in the worlds' where your dad is a pathetic alcoholic asshole in glasses, anyway."

"Hey!" Protested Harry, who was suddenly wearing glasses.

"Who, upon putting your arm into a bloody hole for a stupid bear," Alex said, "Will leave it there on purpose, just to see what happens?"

He glares at you."Fuck you." He says.

"Guys" Harry said, and then seeing the look on Heather's face, added in "And Heather. I think we're forgetting something here. Our universal problem, if you would. The one thing that keeps coming at us, again and again."

There was a pause as they all considered this. "Hot evil nurses?" Alex volunteered.

"Not my fault!" Said the slowly suffocating James, "Not my fault!"

"No, no, no, bigger then that. Come on, it's really obvious, Who should we fuck most of all?"

"Konami?":

"No."

"Our facial animators?"

"No."

"The players?"

"Already did that one."

"Oh," Henry said, "right."

"Okay, I get it, yeah, you're right." Travis agreed. He loosened his grip.

"I can breath!" Said James, "I can breath!"

"So, we're all agreed then?" Heather asked.

"I think so." Said Murphy.

"Yep," Said Alex, turning to you. Raising his middle finger, as did all the others. "Altogether now, and with as much feeling as our terrible voice actors can generate."

"1."

"2."

"3."

"Go."

"FUCK YOU, SILENT HILL!"

"And yeah," Said Murphy, smiling warmly. "Fuck the author too."

Authors Note: I probably deserved that.