A/N: I do not own CSI, Sara Sidle or Gil Grissom. I wish I could own Grissom for a few hours but alas, I don't. So don't try and sue me or anything.
Spoilers: Snakes and Nesting Dolls.
This is shameless, pointless smut with a dash of fluff thrown in for good measure. Enjoy!
Finally
"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender." - Emil Ludwig
Sara never thought that Gil would kiss her. As much as she wanted him to, as much as she had yearned for it, she knew it would never happen. So it was a shock to her when she found herself in his arms early one Saturday morning in December, his scorching lips on hers.
She had just wrapped up an emotionally draining case that involved the rape and subsequent murder of a 19 year old girl. The victims' boyfriend, a cocky college freshman, had raped the girl then killed her after finding out that she planned on breaking up with him. Sara had almost lost her control when he started hitting on her in the interrogation room. If Brass hadn't been there to calm her down, she would have been fired for assaulting a suspect.
The last few months had been harder for her than usual. It seemed like all the macho, women abusers were stepping up their game and if it was one thing that could make Sara lose her sanity, it was men who thought that they had the right to beat on women.
Sara sunk down on the couch in the break room and closed her eyes. She could have gone home, it was supposed to be her night off, but she didn't think she could drive in the state she was in.
She knew he was there before she even opened her eyes. She could always sense whenever he was close.
"Good job on the rape/murder case Sara." Gil said as he came in and sat down next to her.
"What is it with men? Why is it they think they can beat on women and get away with it?" Sara asked as she buried her face in her hands.
"Not all men beat on women Sara." Gil said, trying to reassure her.
"I'm seriously starting to doubt that Gris."
There was a moment when neither one spoke. Gil sat next to Sara as she tried not to cry.
"I can't do this anymore Gris. You were right when you told me I needed to find a diversion. I never did and now…I don't know."
Gil turned her to face him and tilted her face up with his fingers. "Listen to me Sara. You are by far the best CSI I've ever worked with. I know your feeling burned out, but you can't quit on me, I can't lose you Sara."
Sara looked at him, speechless. Had he just told her he needed her? She could feel her heartbeat speeding up just thinking about what his words could entail.
She was about to say something, anything to confirm that he had just told her he needed her, but just as she was about to open her mouth he moved his thumb over her lips, effectively silencing her.
"Don't analyze it Sara. I'm not sure I could explain myself if you did." Gil said in almost a whisper.
His face was mere inches from hers. She could feel his breath on her cheek. He moved his hand so that he was now cupping her cheek. She leaned into his touch, slowly shutting her eyes.
She inhaled sharply when she felt his other hand come to rest in her hair. "Look at me Sara". He pleaded, brushing his thumb across her lips.
She opened her eyes slowly and looked into his blue gaze.
"I'm sorry Sara." He looked like he wanted to say more but couldn't get the words out. She could see his eyes darken, his brow creased in thought. "I don't know what to do." He whispered.
"Kiss me." Sara breathed. Every nerve ending in her body seemed to be exploding in anticipation.
Gils hand trembled ever so slightly as he pulled Sara closer to him. There was a fraction of a moment that seemed to drag on forever as Gil lowered his lips to Sara's.
His soft lips closed lightly over hers, hesitant at first as if he was testing the waters.
Sara reached up and ran her hands through his salt and pepper curls, pulling him closer in the process. It seemed to be all the assurance he needed. Suddenly his kiss wasn't soft and light anymore. It was insistent, hard, and desperate. The hand that was in her hair slowly traveled down to the small of her back, gently inching under her shirt to meet bare flesh.
Sara gasped when she felt his warm hand on her back. She moved one hand to his shoulder blade, pulling him closer to her as he deepened the kiss. His tongue darted out, asking for permission to enter. Sara acquiesced, letting his tongue in to duel with hers.
Grissom pulled Sara onto his lap, holding her close as he trailed open-mouthed kisses along her jaw line. Sara's head fell back as she groaned. The sound seemed to stir something within Grissom causing him to growl into her neck. She took the opportunity to move her leg so that she was straddling Grissoms lap.
Grissom opened his eyes and looked at the picture before him. Sara had her head thrown back, her hands tangling in his hair, her lips slightly parted. He smiled wickedly as he bent his head and kissed the hollow of her throat. His hands drew her shirt over her head before coming to rest on her back just above her bottom. He splayed his fingers and squeezed her soft flesh, effectively grinding her against his aching arousal.
Sara kissed the top of Grissoms head as he covered one of her cotton covered nipples with his mouth. She fought the urge to cry out as his hands made their way down her pants to squeeze her butt cheeks. Sara reached up and undid the clasp on the front of her bra, freeing her starving breasts. Grissom wasted no time in taking one of her pebbled nipples in his mouth, sucking on it eagerly. Sara couldn't hold back the shudder that ran through her body at the feel of his teeth grazing her sensitive flesh.
"God Grissom…that feels so good." Sara moaned
All of the sudden he stopped. Sara blinked a few times before looking down. Grissom had his forehead resting on her shoulder, his breathing heavy.
"What's wrong?" Sara asked, already fearing the answer she would get.
"We shouldn't be doing this." He breathed, his warm breath caressing her bare skin.
She should have known. Leave it to Grissom to get her worked up and then remember that he "didn't know what to do about this".
Sara sighed and stood up, buttoning her bra and pulling her shirt back on. Grissom looked up at her and opened his mouth but before he could say anything she cut him off. "I really can't do this anymore. You give with one hand and then take away with the other and I can't keep waiting for you to come to your senses."
He stared at her with a 'deer in the headlights' look on his face.
Deciding that she should leave before she broke down in front of him she turned around and walked out of the break room, leaving a stunned Grissom behind.
Sara let herself into her apartment and dropped her keys onto the kitchen counter. Walking to the refrigerator she opened it and grabbed a bottle of beer. She took a long gulp of the imported brew and crossed the living room.
Sitting on the leather couch and grabbing the stereo remote she sighed and took another swig. She flipped the stereo on and laid her head back, letting the smooth sound of Tracy Chapman soothe her frayed nerve endings.
What was it with Grissom? He was hot and cold. One minute he was caring and flirtatious, the next he was confused and withdrawn. Just as she thought she was finally starting to understand him he would pull a 180 and shoot her down again. She was so frustrated. She knew she should just give up on him, walk away and get on with her life. She laughed just thinking about it. She knew she couldn't just walk away from him. He was an addiction, one that had no cure.
Absently she reached up and touched her still swollen lips. She closed her eyes as she remembered the feel of his searing lips on hers. The feel of his hands on her skin, his arousal rubbing her core through their clothing…She opened her eyes and realized she was aroused all over again. Damn him! She swore to herself right before she heard the knock on her door.
She considered not getting up. She had a good idea as to who it was and she had no desire to see him right now. She mumbled various obscenities under her breath as she stood up. She knew she could never deny him and it infuriated her.
Looking through the peephole, she took a deep breath and opened the door.
Grissom stood on her porch looking disheveled and worn down. Serves him right. She thought to herself before speaking. "Well that's twice I've opened the door to see you standing there. The last time I ended up in tears. Is this visit going to be the same?" She asked, remembering all to well the last time he was at her door.
He seemed unsure of himself when she first opened the door, but now he looked determined, like this was something he knew he had to do. She didn't have any time to think about it though because before she knew it he had crossed the threshold of her apartment and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tight to his warm body.
All thoughts and questions about his reasoning left her as she savored the nearness of him. She could feel his heartbeat under the material of his windbreaker. His heart was beating so fast she allowed a small smile to escape. He was scared out of his mind. But just as quickly as her thoughts had fled her, more came to replace them. This was the same man who not an hour ago had pushed her away, hurting her yet again. She pulled away and closed the door. Walking away from him she tossed her empty beer bottle in the wastebasket.
"What do you want Grissom?" She asked, reaching for the stereo remote, intent on lowering the volume.
"Dance with me?"
Sara whirled around ready to lash out at him for being so damn evasive. The look on his face stopped her. He really was scared. She's never seen him look so unsure of himself before. Putting the remote back on the table, the volume the same as before, she walked slowly towards him and took the hand he offered her.
He turned her around and pulled her against him. "God Sara." He sighed as they started to sway to the music. "You really should learn to give people a chance to explain themselves".
Sara bit back a retort, deciding for once, to just wait.
"When I said that we shouldn't be doing this, it wasn't all I wanted to say." He moved his hand from her hip to her stomach. "If you had been a little more patient you would have realized that I meant we shouldn't be doing what we were about to do…in the break room." He finished in a whisper.
Sara was again shocked into silence. A slow blush rose to her cheeks as she realized how big her mistake had been.
"I'm sorry". Sara whispered as his hand crept up her stomach.
"Don't apologize to me Sara. I've led you on and hurt you too many times." Grissom said his voice full of regret. "I'm trying to change, I really am, and it's just going to take time for me to be able to let you know how I feel."
"This is a good start." Sara said as she leaned back against him.
She could feel him smile against the skin of her neck. They stayed that way for a while just slowly moving with the music. When the album was done, the stereo shuffled and found the next CD. Norah Jones's voice floated through the air.
"Interesting music" Grissom commented as Sara turned in his embrace. She rested her head against his solid chest, inhaling his scent, a mix of sandalwood and something uniquely Grissom.
Grissom reached up and tilted her chin. "I love you Sara. I've loved you since you came to Vegas."
Sara was so shocked by his admission that all she could do was gape at him. Then…she yawned. She didn't mean to do it and defiantly not at this particular moment in time. She turned red with embarrassment and started apologizing.
"God Griss, I'm so sorry!" Sara said before another yawn escaped.
Grissom had an amused look on his face as he brushed a stray lock of hair behind Sara's ear. "Well that wasn't the reaction I was hoping for."
Sara was on the verge of tears. Here was the man she loved, admitting her loved her and all she could do was yawn in his face.
He noticed her distress and backed away. "I should probably leave so you can get some sleep." He said as he walked towards the door.
Say something! Sara thought to herself as he reached for her door handle. "Griss."
Grissom turned around and looked at her with those piercing blue eyes that could make her knees go weak.
Sara swallowed the lump in her throat and asked, "Stay with me?"
Grissom looked confused for a minute but quickly recovered. "Are you sure Sara?"
Was she sure? "Yes."
Grissom smiled and shrugged out of his jacket.
Sara took his jacket from him and led him to her bedroom. Once there she hung the jacket up in her closet and opened her dresser for her pajamas.
Grissom looked a little unsure of himself as he stood in the middle of her dimly lit room.
She noticed his obvious discomfort and realized that he wasn't used to this. "Listen Griss, you don't have to stay if you don't want to."
"I want to Sara. This is just a little new to me." Grissom said as he started unbuttoning his shirt. "Could you do something for me?"
Sara smiled. "Anything"
"Call me Gil when we aren't at work." He said.
Sara smiled again. "Sure Gil." She thought it would help his nerves if she changed in the bathroom and she knew it would help hers too.
When she came back into the room a few minutes later, dressed in her shorts and spaghetti top pajamas, he was on her bed in his boxers. She was really starting to hate the fact that she was so damn tired.
She laid her clothes on her chair and walked towards him. She could feel her pulse speed up as she got closer to him.
"What side?" he asked as he stood up.
Sara had to will herself to speak. "Uh, the right."
He pulled the covers down and got in, scooting over to the left and holding the light satin sheets open for her.
Sara crawled into the bed and curled up in his welcoming arms, her legs tangling with his.
Grissom pulled her close and kissed her forehead. "Sleep Sara, I'll be here when you wake up." His whispered words were enough to make her relax into his embrace as sleep overcame her.
Sara didn't know if she was asleep or awake when she started to feel the ache, the sweet, familiar ache of arousal. She decided that she didn't want to question it as she felt something warm and wet close over her nipple, causing her to moan with delight. Whoever was making her feel this way sure was talented. She could feel a hand on her rear squeezing and stroking the soft flesh. She almost screamed out loud when a set of fingers slid under her shorts and flicked over her clitoris.
Lips trailed from her nipple to her jaw, over her collarbone and throat. She could feel the whiskers of his beard softly scratching her chin as warm lips closed over her own. She opened her mouth and deepened the kiss, groaning as his tongue slipped in.
Opening her eyes as his lips left hers, she smiled a half lazy smile at the man lying next to her. His blue eyes danced with mischief as he kissed her nose. "Morning sunshine."
Sara stretched like a cat and pulled him close to her. "And a good morning it is. How long have you been awake?" she asked.
"About an hour." He replied, running his hand down her side.
An involuntary shiver ran through her as she looked at him. "What have you been doing for an hour?"
He smiled, "Watching you sleep."
Sara knew she was turning red, but this time it wasn't from embarrassment. She could feel herself getting aroused at the thought of Gil watching her as she slept. It had to be one of the most erotic things she could think of.
"And did you like what you saw?" Sara teased.
"Yes I did, very much." Gil whispered, moving his free hand to caress her face.
Sara closed her eyes for a moment, savoring his touch. She could feel his arousal resting against her belly through his boxers, searing her skin with its heat. She reached out and ran her hand down his chest, over his pectorals, across his soft stomach and under the band of his shorts until she reached the course nest of curls between his legs.
Gil closed his eyes and sighed. Sara took that as a good sign and slowly trailed her fingers along his length. His mouth fell open as his breathing quickened. Wrapping her hand around him she smiled, thinking of how he would feel buried deep inside her. She squeezed ever so lightly causing him to open his eyes and groan. The sound stirred something inside of Sara and caused her to start stroking him in earnest. His breath was coming in gasps, his hands clutching at her sheets. She brought her lips to the hollow of his throat, kissing his pulse as it hammered against the taught skin of his neck.
Before she knew it, Sara was on her back, Gil's hot, insistent mouth covering her own. She brought her hands to his back, marveling at the muscles that seemed to come alive at her touch. Bring her hands to the waist of his boxers she pushed them as far as she could in a silent plea.
Gil reached down and pulled them the rest of the way off. Sara pulled her shirt over her head as she felt him pull her shorts down and toss them on the floor with his. Gil let his naked body rest in the cradle of her spread legs as he raised her hands up and pinned them to the headboard. His mouth was on hers again, hard and demanding as he eased his arousal into her tight opening. He stopped when he was fully sheathed, looking at her for any signs of discomfort. Seeing none in her soft brown eyes, he pulled out and drove home.
Sara threw her head back and cried out as he filled her completely. His lips were blazing a trail to her ear, nibbling on the earlobe as he rocked his hips, coming in and out of her agonizingly slow. Sara grasped his butt and pulled him into her. He seemed to understand as his hands came to her hips, holding her still as he slammed into her over and over again. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he tore his lips from her earlobe and stared into her eyes. His normally light blue eyes were now clouded over as he drove into her, harder and faster with each powerful thrust. The storm of emotions in his intense gaze, his rock hard cock sliding in and out of her and his strong hands on her hips made Sara moan his name over and over again as she felt the tides of pleasure start to wash over her.
He brought his lips down to hers in a surprisingly soft, sweet kiss as he slowed the pace. Sara brought her hands to his hair, letting her fingers tangle in the soft curls, massaging his scalp in the process. Increasing the tempo, he brought her legs up over his shoulders, deepening the penetration as he rocked against her. Grinding his pelvis against Sara's sensitive nub, he thrust into her harder, deeper and faster than before. Sara's toes started to curl as his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. Stars appeared in front of her eyes as jolts of pleasurable energy spread throughout her body. This time she did cry out loud, screaming Gils name over and over as he thrust home, groaning her name into the still evening air.
Sliding her trembling legs over his shoulders and down his arms, he slowly let his body come to rest on top of hers. Catching her breath she held him close, smiling in the sweet afterglow.
His head was resting in the crook of her shoulder as he whispered, "Wow."
Sara tried to keep the smug smile off her face as she kissed his damp head. "Definitely wow. I've wanted that for years."
Gil raised his head and arched his eyebrow at her. "Years?"
Sara chuckled at Gil's incredulous look. "Ever since you came to Berkley for that Entomology seminar. I knew I was lost when you started talking. Being so obviously passionate about what you did made me wonder how passionate you could be with other things."
Grissom looked like the proverbial light bulb had gone on over his head. "When you said that I was always more than a boss to you…I finally get it."
"About time." Sara mocked, laughing at the incensed look on his boyish face. She sobered up and looked at him for a long moment, searching for the right words. "I love you Gil Grissom, I've loved you since you came to Berkley."
"Good, I was beginning to get worried." He whispered as he closed the distance and captured her lips in a kiss that summed up everything that both had wanted to say for years.
Finally. Sara thought with a grin as pulled her tighter to his warm body.
Finished.
I'd like to thank Julie for her help. For not knowing the CSI world you helped a lot Ma!