Disclaimer: I don't own PotC or it's characters.
How the blazes do I get off this damned island? I said to myself. It was the smallest island they could have possibly found, and there was no one in sight! First thing's first, though. I had to find me something to fill my belly. I searched that island all day, looking for something to eat. I'm walking towards a tree to see if there's any coconuts on it, and lo and behold, there's boards under the sand! I said to myself Now that's interesting… That's very interesting… I wiped the sand away, and discovered a cellar! What could be in there? I asked myself. So I opened the cellar, and do you know what I found? Rum! Wonderful, delectable, incredible, luscious, superb, heavenly, nectarous, titillating, exceptional, savory, divine, marvelous, exquisite, splendid, precious rum!
The next few days are a bit of a blur to me… I woke up on ship full of rumrunners. I'll tell you, they were not pleased to find me passed out next to their half-empty rum stash… First they asked me who I was. Do you know what I said? I said "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow… Savvy?" Then they all sort of looked at me funny. It might have been because my trousers fell off when I wrenched my gun out and pointed it at them for dramatic effect on the "Savvy?"… Anyhow, I told them that if they would forgive me for drinking their rum, and drop me off at Tortuga, I'd show them the rum stash of the last rumrunners I'd run into. They were quite a bit meaner, but that's another story. They agreed, as long as I helped them to find a few more crew members in Tortuga.
So I went to the Captain's quarters and showed him where the other rumrunners hid their stash. The stash was big, I'd told him, and he said that this big loot called for a celebration. I said "A party? Oh I love parties! Drinks all around!"
The next few hours are a bit of a blur to me… But when I woke up on deck with an empty bottle in my hand, I realized that Herbert the Hat was missing! My precious hat was no longer on my head! He's been kidnapped! I thought, Or worse! He's run away! He doesn't love me anymore! I asked the captain if he'd seen my precious little Herbie, and he said he saw him going below decks last night. That was curious… Why would Herbert leave me? I ventured below decks and started asking around. Eventually my search lead me to the supplies closet. I opened it, and do you know what I saw? I saw Herbert with a skimpy red bandana sleeping next to him! "Herbert, you dog!" I said as I retrieved him from the closet, "You really are my hat, aren't you?"
That day we arrived at the rumrunner's stash. It was a small island, much like the one I'd been on before, but it was riddled with hidden cellars, instead of just the one. After we'd hauled all of the rum on board and left, the captain was so ecstatic at the find, that he declared another celebration! "A party? Oh, I love parties! Drinks all around!"
The next few hours are a bit of a blur to me… But this time, when I woke up on deck with an empty bottle in my hand, I found that there was a skimpy red dress sleeping next to me! Well, there was a girl in it too… She woke up soon after. I smiled and said "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!… Who are you?" You know what happened then? She slapped me! Then she yelled "I'm Scarlet, you drunken buffoon!" and stomped off. Well, I couldn't let a pretty girl like Scarlet go on being mad at me like that… Especially since she was the first girl I'd seen in months! I went and I apologized to her, then I asked if she'd like to go into Tortuga with me. I said I'd show her the sights and we'd have a grand ol' time! She agreed, and kissed my cheek before leaving. I decided I'd better go and see the captain. He said we were almost in Tortuga. "Great!" I said, "Then I can find you your crew members, and we can both be on our way!"
When we arrived in Tortuga, Scarlet jumped on my arm and asked to be shown the sights, as promised. The captain granted the crew the night to enjoy themselves, so I took Scarlet into the pub.
The next few hours are a bit of a blur to me… But when I woke up in one of the rooms upstairs from the pub with a half-naked Scarlet sleeping next to me, all I could think was Jack, you dog! I realized that it was mid-day, and I still had to find some new crew members for the rumrunners. I knew Scarlet wouldn't be very happy when she woke up alone, so there was only one thing to do… I went into the pub, grabbed the first three guys I saw, ran back onto the rumrunner's ship and yelled to the captain "Sail! Sail for your life!"
The guys from the pub turned out to be excellent crewmen, and the entire crew of rumrunners just loved me for all I had done for them.
And then they made me their chief.
Splash
Will you be saving her, then?