R&R
Let Me Go
Oneshot
She felt him leave before she saw him, and she knew from the manner in which he left that he hadn't intended to be discrete about it.
He meant to let her know he would be away.
Part of her hoped that the fact that they had willingly followed him meant something to the dark haired man she stole glances at whenever given the chance, and an even larger part of her hoped that they weren't just means to an end. Sometimes she wished that she was as good at reading people as she was at reading chakra signatures. And right now his chakra signature told her he was heading towards her.
Again.
One more kiss could be the best thing…
"You're getting better at finding me."
She turned with a smirk on her face, and placed a hand on her cocked purple clad hip. Her heart fluttered at the hungry look in his obsidian eyes, and she felt a surge of pride and excitement when she saw his gaze drink her in.
It had been some time since they had been close enough for her to sense him while on a mission, and her body was already burning at his proximity.
"I've been practicing… I thought if I could master becoming a sensor, I could replace the redheaded banshee on your team," her blue eyes were full of playful mirth, and if her comment left any impression on him, he didn't show it.
But one more lie could be the worst…
He was lucky to have been the one on watch when she contacted him. He didn't want to have to explain to Team Hebi where he would be going, but knowing Karin, she would already know where he was.
And with whom.
His "secret" rendezvous could not be as secret as he could hope with a sensor type in his team. He told her that he had managed to acquire a valuable spy, and in order to maintain their partnership, the group was not to know of their meetings when they occurred.
Considering the fact that Suigetsu had yet to bombard him with unwanted questions on who the spy was, he could only deduce that Karin had done as he asked, and she would cover for him if anyone in the team noticed his absence.
"Are you so eager to betray your village?"
Her smirk faltered for the briefest moment before it was replaced by something different. Instead of the confidence she had displayed, he saw sadness in her smile, and resignation in her eyes.
A look he had seen many times on her face before.
She began to approach him, slowly, as if she was trying to approach a wild animal that might flee at any moment if she wasn't careful enough. He would have thought that by now she would have left that habit behind. Had he not shown her plenty of times that her proximity was anything but unwanted?
He didn't move from his spot as she came to stand in front of him, and he didn't move when her hand came up to touch his face. She placed her hand on his cheek with a feather light touch at first, and when she came across no resistance, she pressed against it more boldly, and he fought the urge to close his eyes and relish in the heat from the simple touch.
"Am I not already betraying my village by simply being here?" she said, and the tone of her voice enough to tell him she wasn't proud of the fact.
And all these thoughts are never resting…
She knew the severity of her actions.
Every day she had to live with the gnawing sensation of shame in the pit of her gut. Every day she had to live with the guilt as she walked through her village, as she smiled at its citizens and her fellow ninja. Every day it was on the back of her mind, and every night it caught up with her. Too many times she had wept over her actions, and too many times she had tried to tell herself that next time would be the last time.
But next time was never the last time.
Every time she came across him, as rare as it was, it was as if all those moments were forgotten. All the shame and guilt disappeared and she could only feel how right it was to stand beside him.
How else could she justify her feelings, besides one thing?
The one thing she was most afraid of ever admitting, to herself as much as to him.
And you're not something I deserve…
It was him.
It was him who put that sadness in her face, it was him that placed a burden on her shoulders and dampened the confidence that was so characteristic of her.
And he hated himself for it.
When he chose his path, it hadn't been his intention to affect anyone else.
Naruto should have known better than to consider him his friend, and Sakura should have known better than to expect goodness from him.
But her… he had never expected that they would someday be here. Never before had he cared so much about the repercussions of the actions he had taken.
She was the only one that made him feel guilt, the only one that made him feel responsible for her pain.
What did she expect from him? There was nothing he could offer her, nothing but these brief and rare moments.
But maybe…
Maybe that was enough for her.
Was he selfish for letting that reassure him?
In my head there's only you now…
As he placed his hand over hers, it was as if the world disappeared around them. The nighttime forest faded into the depths of their minds, and all that was left was to feel.
His lips crashed into hers, and as he pulled her close, she pushed herself against him even further. In the back of her mind, she knew she felt herself being pressed against the rough trunk of a tree, but all that mattered were his hands on her, roaming at every exposed inch of pale skin. She wasn't shy with her own hands, as she trailed them over his back and the exposed area over his chest, knowing every second was precious and fleeting.
Her tongue found his with urgency, and she welcomed the heat that rose in the pit of her stomach, much more than the guilt that occupied it at any other time. She broke away only to kiss and gently suck on his neck, and she was rewarded with the sound of a pleasured hiss as his hands grasped her harder and pulled her closer. She had become a master of seduction, and she knew just where and how to get the strongest of reactions out of him.
But she wanted this too last, for him to want her as bad as she always wanted him.
This world falls on me…
And it was in moments like these that he questioned his actions.
Was it possible, that someone like him could feel pleasure like this? That he could feel something else besides all-consuming hate? That he could feel so alive, when for so long all he could feel was emptiness and loss?
But here she was; a lithe body with blond hair and blue eyes. A body that made him feel heat like no other, and eyes that could freeze him with a single look. Her mouth could always find just the right place, and just the right rhythm to make him forget about the world. Only she could make him forget about his purpose with her presence alone.
And it was for that very reason that he should have never let her get this far.
In this world there's real and make believe…
As she pulled away from him, the loss of her touch and heat was like a cold breeze setting in, and he opened his eyes to take a look at her. A part of him expected to see that same sadness in her eyes, and a part of him feared that she would leave and never come back.
But instead, he was greeted with the same playful smile that he never tired of, and the calculative look that told him she was up to something.
As much as he tried not to acknowledge it, he knew that he trusted her, and the thought that she would betray him and turn him in at now of all times was so unlikely in his mind that it was almost enough to scare him.
He didn't remove his eyes from her as she pushed away from him, and instead of following her, he let her step away from him and let her do as she intended.
The mirth in her eyes grew as she took a few more steps back, and he was only slightly surprised when she began to remove one of her arm fishnets, and he watched as it dropped to the forested floor. His eyes traveled back up to her only to see her take a few more steps forward, and for the twin fishnet to meet the same fate as the first.
He smirked slightly as he caught onto her game, and he could feel his body react to what the future had in store.
He watched her retreating back, and he wondered where she was heading, but knew better than to interfere with her game and played along instead.
He watched with anticipation as he saw her hands work with the buttons of her purple skirt, and his eyes never moved from her figure as she let the material drop to the ground and as she gracefully stepped over the material and kept moving forward.
His eyes hungrily trailed up her long and toned legs, the sight of her newly exposed flesh through her fishnet shorts sending a new trill of desire through his system , and the brief thought that this is what she fought in sent a pang of uneasy through him. It was a surprise she hadn't died in battle already, but the thought was not at all pleasant, and he quickly banished it from his thoughts as he focused on her quickly disappearing figure.
She had walked further into the trees, so much that in his thoughts he had lost sight of her, but he knew she was deliberately leaving a trail for him to follow.
And follow he did. He did so at leisurely pace, knowing that she wouldn't be going far, and giving her time to do whatever it was that she had planned for him.
It wasn't until he heard the sound of running water that he remembered they had stopped by a stream, to the pleasure of Suigetsu, and it wasn't hard for him to piece together what the girl he was currently following had in store for him.
His eyes soon discovered the pair of fishnets that adored her knees, and further up was the pair of fishnet shorts.
As he came to the sight of the stream, he came just in time to see her drop her purple top to the ground, her sandals already off and also next to her. He took his time in admiring the back of her now fully naked form. There was no question that she had the body of a goddess, and he watched in fascination as her hand traveled to the top of her head, only to tug at the band that held her hair up.
Her blond hair cascaded down her back, and he was disappointed to see the sight of her body become hidden by the sheer length of her hair.
She turned ever so slightly, just enough for him to see her covering her breasts with her arms, and for him to read her lips.
'Come and get me'.
He would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy this side of her.
It wasn't like her to be predictable; it wasn't like her to be anything other than adventurous and daring.
She sat down beside the stream to test its depths, and when she discovered it wasn't deep at all, she gracefully eased her way in, her deliberately slow movements exciting him all the more, and making him want nothing more than to join her.
He watched as she stood in the stream, as the water covered her just enough to expose half of her toned stomach and upwards. He watched as she looked over to him, before offering him an inviting smile and plunging into the water, only to resurface a short distance from where she had first been.
Were he anyone else coming upon the sight of her, he would have thought her a creature of myth, a nymph perhaps, who he had been lucky enough to capture in its ethereal beauty. Even in the soft light of the moon and coverage of the trees, she seemed to shine in her surroundings. Her pale skin reflected the light that shone on her, and her blue eyes seemed to see him as clearly as if they were in daylight.
And get her he did.
He shed his own clothes as he walked over to her, his obi coming undone first, and his shirt following. He left his sandals he placed next to her own, and he lingered as he let her own eyes devour his exposed torso while hers was now hidden by the water.
Her eyes never left his figure as he removed the last article of clothing, and he let it fall next to her own discarded piece of clothes.
He was glad to feel the water wasn't very cold at all, still warm from the heat of the day, and as he waded towards him, she met him halfway.
As her hands trailed up his chest, the heat that came with her touch reminded him of her solid presence.
He pulled her up to stand next to him, and drank in the sight of her naked form. No matter how many times he had seen her like this, it was a sight that always had the same effect on him.
But more than that was the warmth in her eyes as she smiled at him and the soft feel of her skin as her hands continued to trail up his body to cradle his face.
Why…?
Why did she look at him like he was anything but a killer…?
Why was there no anger in her eyes? No resentment? No hatred?
Why did he deserve to be exempt from what any runaway shinobi should receive from all those that they betrayed and left behind?
Even Naruto and Sakura had shown their anger and resentment.
Why not her?
"Kiss me…" she whispered, and as he looked into her pleading eyes, he wondered if he could ever do anything but as she asked when they were like this.
He lowered his lips to her, slowly this time, and lightly touched his lips to hers. Something told him to savor this moment, and as her own lips moved against his, this slow kiss was somehow more torturous than the heated ones they had shared only moments before.
He held her close to him, and reveled in the heat that came from the pressing of her skin against his. His lips moved away from hers as he began to trace light kisses across her cheek and down her neck, his tongue repeating the actions she had done for him, and the soft gasp that came from her lips told him his ministrations were having their intended affect.
"Sasuke…"
He felt her hands dig into his back, and the action sent a sharp wave of desire through his system that caused him to pull her even closer.
"I love you…"
And this seems real to me…
He froze, both in body and mind.
It was almost as if he forgot how to breathe, and for a dizzying moment, he didn't know what to do, or where he was.
It was as if an illusion had been shattered, or perhaps it felt as if he had suddenly been trapped in a genjustsu.
It was as if he no longer knew what he was doing, and he didn't know if the girl in his arms was real or not.
He fought with his body, not knowing whether he should follow his instinct and disappear in that very moment.
So he simply pushed her away instead.
He watched as her blue eyes widened in surprise as she stumbled back, and although he registered the hurt in her eyes, a new emotion made itself known to him.
This was a familiar emotion, a welcomed emotion.
You love me but you don't know who I am…
She didn't know what had come over her. All she knew was the all-consuming heat that warmed every inch of her body when he touched her made her stop thinking, and all she wanted to do was bask in the warmth.
She had forgotten herself, and by doing so she had allowed herself to stray to the truth that she had tried so hard to ignore, to dismiss and push to the back of her consciousness.
All she knew in that moment was that no matter how good she felt in his presence, it hurt to keep that knowledge pushed so deep inside her, and she didn't want to hurt in that way anymore.
And as he roughly pushed her away, she quickly came to her senses and realized her mistake.
His warmth was gone, and all she could feel was an icy chill as she stumbled back.
His eyes were hidden from her, covered by his hair as he looked down. Her heart thumped in her chest, her body and ninja training instinctively reacting to the danger in the air.
"Why would you say that?"
His icy voice made her body tense, and she was at a loss as to how to respond.
She wasn't ready for this situation; she hadn't meant to say those words.
But how could she tell him that?
"Sasuke… I…"
But her words were caught in her throat when he looked up sharply only for her gaze to meet with a pair of familiar blazing red eyes.
She gasped and took a step back, acutely aware of the man she had stopped fearing so long ago and what he was capable of.
He took a step forward, his face contorted into one of acute rage, and she had never before been so afraid in her life.
This time she didn't have teammates to protect her, and one of the strongest shinobi in the world, a shinobi capable of killing a Legendary Sannin and Akatsuki members, was stepping towards her, his chakra angrily blazing around him so much that she felt if he got any closer it would consume her whole.
"You don't even know me Yamanaka!"
The words hit her like a kunai to her chest, and her eyes widened as his meaning sunk in.
To her relief and confusion, his raging chakra sharply calmed down, and she watched as his shoulders visibly slumped. His face was still frowning, but he no longer looked to be consumed by rage as he glowered at her.
"No one does, and no one ever will."
He whispered it with finality and conviction, and she was still unable to move as she watched him turn and walk out of the stream.
She watched in stunned silence as he retrieved his clothes and placed it back on his wet body. She watched as he turned around to face her, his eyes once more back to his original obsidian, the rage that had been previously evident on his face had disappeared, and a stoic look replaced his expression.
"Forget about me Yamanaka. I can never give you what you want."
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand…
He had lost himself in his anger.
Those words were never meant to be said to him.
He didn't have the capability to be loved, or to be love back.
There was nothing about his being that was worthy of being loved.
He had done nothing in his life to deserve the mere mention of such an emotion, and certainly its implication.
There was only one emotion that he could embrace, the only emotion that would give him the power to achieve his goal.
Hate.
His whole being revolved around this emotion, how could he ever let any other emotion in? Especially when it came to the emotion that opposed his hate like no other emotion ever could.
Love?
There was no room in his heart for love.
Not in the life he lived, not in the path he had taken, and certainly not in the oath he had pledged.
And you love me but you don't know who I am…
No one could ever admit to love him, not if they knew who he really was. She was delusional, looking for something that wasn't there, and creating an image of him that wasn't real.
So as placed his clothing back on, he reigned in his anger, and kept it under chains as he always did, ready to unleash whenever needed to push him further to his goal.
But his anger would not help him here. Not with her. Not when she couldn't help him further his goal.
He had been wrong to let it get this far, to encourage their meetings and the pleasures that she offered him.
But it was over now.
So let me go…
"You're wrong…"
Perhaps if the wind hadn't picked up in his direction, he wouldn't have heard her soft words.
But he did, and it caused him to pause in his steps as he began to walk away.
He should ignore her… he knew he should.
Let me go…
"You're wrong!"
She didn't care if she was practically yelling now, and that his teammates were close by.
She was satisfied when he turned around to face her once more, and he saw the clear anger and defiance in her eyes.
And she was angry alright.
How dare he.
How dare he presume to know her enough to offer such an accusation?
She did know him…
At the realization, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm her nerves, only to reopen them to look at him.
The warmth in her eyes confused him, aware that only moments before those same eyes had reflected fear when he revealed his true nature to her.
How could she still look at him with that same warmth in her eyes? It caused him to frown, and an odd feeling of apprehension came over him.
"You're Sasuke, born in Konoha to the Uchiha Clan. You were proud and happy when you were young, even though you were growing up in the shadow of your prodigy of a brother. You loved your family, even the brother that would kill them all. And like any younger brother, you looked up to him and strived to be just like him one day."
She saw him visibly tense at her words, but she had no intention of stopping.
"So when he killed them, when you saw that massacre that he was responsible for, it shattered you. It broke you in a way no one should have to go through at such a young age. And to make it worse… he left you alive."
His eyes widened at her words, and a sharp pain in his chest flashed through him.
But she went on.
"But he did. For reasons he only knows, he left you with the wreckage to suffer. And you grew tired of the sadness, of the despair. So you let hate consume you. Because hate is better than all those other emotions that make it hard to live with the loss, feelings that remind you of it every day. Because hating him and the thought of revenge was the only thing that could keep you going through the motions of living day by day. It gave you something to live for."
His fists clenched at his sides, and suddenly his whole body felt like lead, his mouth dry.
"So you strived to be stronger, to gain the power needed to kill him. You pushed yourself harder than ever, and now completely on your own. And you pushed everyone away… because letting anyone in would mean letting go of hate, and leaving yourself vulnerable to loss once more."
She smiled then, a soft and understanding smile that made him angry all over again. How… how could she smile when she was making him relive all those memories?
"But you couldn't push everyone away… not forever. Not when you were assigned to a team. And certainly not when it came to the hyperactive ninja that has a way with people…"
The image of Naruto's grinning face unwillingly flashed through his mind, and he grit his teeth at the memory.
"He broke through that hate, through that ambition. And you grew fond of them, whether you were willing to admit it or not. It was why you said goodbye to Sakura that night, and why you couldn't kill Naruto."
She was wrong… he just didn't want to do the same as his brother had done…
"But when he came back, and you saw that you were nowhere close to attaining the power needed to achieve your goal… you realized you didn't have enough hate. That Konoha, with its pride in love and duty, could not give you the power you needed. So you sought other means, means that would encourage your hate, and you cut the ties that you formed and considered a weakness and setback."
Her eyes had lost the warmth when she had first begun her speaking, but now a deep sadness reflected in them.
"So you killed. You killed, and killed, and killed. Killed because you saw it as necessary to obtain your power, saw it necessary to keep that loss and despair buried beneath the hate."
I dream ahead to what I hope for…
He couldn't move, and he wasn't sure he wanted to.
It would remind him that he was alive, that he could move and that this was reality.
That he had yet to fulfill his goal, and that despite everything, he might never be able to.
So what if what she said was true?
Did it mean she knew him in his entirety? And if she did, how could she still claim to love him?
There was nothing that could drive him further than the thought of killing Itachi.
It was why he had gathered Team Hebi, why he had killed Orochimaru, why he had left Konoha, and why he had to end things with her now.
And I turn my back on loving you…
He wasn't capable of loving somebody, and he couldn't allow it.
Not now…
Maybe not ever.
"But you're more than a killer Sasuke… you are a shinobi, a friend, a leader, a comrade," she paused and offered a sly smile, "and if our encounters have said anything, you are a lover as well."
He tensed further at the word, even though he knew her meaning was different than the emotion. And it was true, he had encouraged their meetings, thinking that it would never be more than carnal desires and insight on what was going on in the village that he was not aware of.
She began to walk out of the stream, and as she approached him, he still wasn't able to muster the strength to move.
"You're leading a team, a team that follows you with loyalty rather than force, and you even have a policy to not take a life unless absolutely necessary. How can you say that hate rules you? It doesn't. You are ambitious, brave, driven, and honorable."
How… how could she say that about him? After all the actions that should outweigh any redeeming qualities that he might have?
She was close, too close. He kept his eyes on her face, but the piercing and knowing look in her eyes unnerved him. She was telling him the truth of her thoughts. There was no deceit in her words. Everything she was telling him was sincere.
As she placed her hands on his face, he couldn't find it in him to pull away. It was as if all of his strength left at her touch, and all that he could do was look into her eyes, feeling exposed and vulnerable.
How can this love be a good thing…
Even at her simple touch, he felt weaker than ever in his life. Her very presence made him want to never move away from her touch. He wanted to feel her warmth for as long as he could.
As much as he didn't want to admit it, her warmth was comfort. It was a peace he had always longed for but thought he wouldn't find until he accomplished his goal and killed his brother, and if he couldn't achieve that, than only death would bring the peace he craved.
She could only be another weakness. A bond he didn't want to form in fear that it would hold him back, that it would only bring the pain that accompanied loss.
Another emotion he was all too familiar with.
When I know what I'm goin' through…
He knew his fate.
He would either succeed in his ambition and kill Itachi, and continue to be a runaway shinobi hunted by shinobi law, or he would die at the hands of the brother who would then succeed in extinguished their clan forever.
Only death awaited in his future.
He didn't fight her when she wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned her head against his chest. He felt her wet hair against his chest, but it didn't faze him. Her felt only her warmth.
"What will you do once you kill him?" she whispered, but he had no response.
Could he revive his clan like he had once wanted to?
Somehow, he couldn't see that in his future.
"Who will be there to hold you, when everything catches up to you?"
Who was she?
Who was she to make him think about things that didn't matter right now? Who was she to make him doubt the path that he had chosen? The choices that he had made?
It didn't matter what came after.
It only mattered that he kill Itachi.
She looked up to him again, her eyes searching for something in his own.
"Share your pain with me Sasuke. Let me take what I can."
And no matter how hard I try…
And even if he had tried, he wouldn't have been able to stop her from pressing her lips against his.
But it was only when her lips met his that he was able to move again.
He moved to push her away, but as his hands grasped her hips, they pulled her closer instead. The warmth from her lips and touch spread through his body, and soon he felt as if he was on fire. He pushed her to the ground, gently this time, and kissed every inch of skin that he could, his hands hungrily caressing her every curve.
Her moans and sighs encouraged him, and he once more forgot the reality of the situation.
But she was real… and she was here.
And perhaps that was all that mattered.
I know…
He relished in the way her hands pulled him closer… in the way her nails dug into his back.
She kissed his face, his lips, and trailed sweet and soft kisses wherever she could reach on his body.
And all the while she whispered words of affection, words that he of all people did not deserve to hear from someone like her.
When all the pieces fall apart…
One day he would face Itachi.
One day he would summon the hate he needed in order to take his revenge, and fulfill his ambition.
One day he would demand the truth from his brother.
And he would kill him.
You will be the only one who knows…
And she does know.
She knows that if Sasuke succeeds, he will not come out unscathed.
He will not be able to kill his brother and ever be the same.
He might get his revenge, but it will not be a victory.
"I'll be there," she whispers as he kisses her neck and she holds him close.
"Find me… and I'll be there to hold you."
Who knows…
Let Me Go- 3 Doors Down
I haven't managed to write anything in weeks. For lack of inspiration and work, school, pokemon, college applications.
But I was listening to Pandora, and lo and behold, inspiration hit.
It does feel good to write again, and this took me a good 4 hours. It feels long, but 5,000 words doesn't seem like a lot to me at all.
Either way, I hope you enjoyed, and that this was a good read after so long without writing.
I actually enjoyed using the song as inspiration to write this, and it makes it so I can't write a multi-fic that I might never finish!
If you think I did a good job, feel free to leave a review and tell me of a song you would like to see me try my hand at. Of course, I make no promises and it has to inspire me for me able to do the same as I did with this song.
I love SasuIno, so of course it could be nothing else.
That being said, I'd love some feedback!
Review?