Author's Note: I enjoyed most of 9.18. I loved that Steve and Danny were together for most of the episode, I enjoyed Joan Collins guest starring as Danny's Ex MIL – she was absolutely enjoyable - and Lou, Adam, Junior, and Tani handling the COTW was also entertaining, even if I could have done without the nod to Pulp Fiction towards the end there. The episode was fairly well balanced between both stories, though I can always take more Steve and Danny.
All of that being said, I could have done with some changes to the last five minutes of the episode, though I am trying to read the subtext in Amanda's words to Danny. There were also some Steve and Danny moments that were awkward and opportunities that were missed, as several fans on Twitter noted (and you can thank them for this story, one of them being Kristen999 who has some amazing H50 fic on this site; if you haven't read any of it yet, I highly recommend you do so), not to mention the, from what I could see, near unanimous surprise and disbelief at Amanda telling Danny that he should do right by Rachel, while hearing absolutely no condemnation about Rachel and her past actions by her mother.
It was also just uncomfortable to watch Amanda consistently berate and put down Danny right in front of Steve, and Steve seemingly shrug it off as no big deal, even though Danny had been very clear at the beginning of the episode that Amanda was someone with whom he did not get along at all and who had made his life a living Hell from the second he and Rachel started dating. Sure, we can chalk it up to Steve just not understanding how bad it really was for Danny, and yes, during the meal at Kamekona's, Steve had clearly had enough of Amanda's insults towards Danny when he injected a bit of a 'knock it the fuck off' tone in his voice when Amanda played dumb when Steve tried to take up for Danny, but I wish we could have either seen Steve stick up for Danny a little more OR see a scene with Steve meeting Danny after the end of the episode to apologize or at least re-enforce his love for his partner and reassure him that he is fine just as he is.
So, here's hoping you enjoy the little fixes for the episode and some explanations for the odd commentary we heard in the ep., the coda within, and the McDanno moments that so many of us look forward to every week!
Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0, as well as the characters found within the series, are owned by CBS Productions, K/O Paper Products, and 101st Street Productions.
Hawaii Five-0
The ride back to the hotel was uncomfortable. There really wasn't any other word for it, at least not in Steve's vocabulary. Amanda sat on one side of the limo, meticulously reapplying her makeup, chattering away about what she'd like to do tomorrow as it was her last day, while Steve sat quietly on the other seat, half listening while he pondered over the situation at hand; that situation being Danny was not in the limo with them.
After well and truly having enough of Amanda's snide comments, casual put downs, and hypocritical admission of finding Kamekona's shrimp truck divine simply because Steve had chosen it while noting she'd have thought it was a dump had Danny merely suggested gracing the business with her presence, Danny had taken off. Steve had let him go. And now, Steve sat in the back seat of a limo with his best friend and partner's ex-mother-in-law, twiddling his thumbs while simultaneously trying to figure out what to say to Amanda – because he was going to say something to her about the way she'd treated Danny – and feeling more than a little guilty that he hadn't taken his partner seriously from the very beginning.
They arrived at the hotel, Steve walking a few paces behind Amanda while she made her way through the lobby, stopped here and there by a fan or admirer. He had to admit he was slightly impressed by that, knowing how much she disliked being touched or waylaid by strangers, adoring fans or not, and he found himself wishing that she would've shown Danny even a quarter of the patience and seeming kindness she was giving to the two chattery women who currently occupied her attention.
"Well, this was a lovely afternoon, thank you so much, Steven," Amanda tossed her purse on a chair and turned to him, smiling. "As promised, you handled everything with the utmost professionalism. I think I'd like to call on your services again if ever I come back to Hawaii."
"Well, you have a daughter and two grandchildren here," Steve folded his hands in front of him after closing the door to her hotel suite. "I'm sure they'd like to see you as often as they can."
"Yes, well," Amanda sniffed, "it seems my daughter would rather be seeing more of your partner."
"Danny?" Steve frowned. Of course, he knew Danny and Rachel had been spending more time together – Amanda didn't need to know that though, not from him.
"Yes, Detective Daniel Williams, unless you have another partner?" At Steve's shake of the head, Amanda continued. "Of all the men Rachel could've chosen to father her children, she chose a blue-collar boy from Newark, New Jersey who wanted to run after robbers and murderers all day and night rather than simply devote himself to her." She slipped over to the bar and poured herself a drink, offering Steve one, to which he shook his head no. He'd had enough champagne that morning to last himself the rest of the year, not to mention the more and more Amanda spoke about Danny, the more protective and defensive he could feel himself getting.
"And now, I'm afraid she's developing feelings for him again – of course with all the time Danny is devoting to her these days, who could blame her?" Amanda took a sip from her glass and turned around, pinning Steve with a look. "Two divorces, being a single mother, Grace's accident – that took such a toll on her, and now Danny may be attempting to woo Rachel while she's vulnerable and alone-"
It was bullshit what she was saying, and Steve simply couldn't take it anymore. "It took a toll on Danny, too." His tone was short, clipped, and he took a breath, reigning himself back in, reminding himself that, for however vapid and unreasonable the woman before him was presenting herself as, she was still Grace and Charlie's grandmother. "Respectfully, Amanda… you weren't here when Grace had her accident. You didn't see Danny completely lose it when he was told there was a chance that Grace might not make it." Seeing that Amanda was suitably scandalized at having been so thoroughly chastised, Steve continued on, not giving her a moment to process. "I don't know what Danny and Rachel's marriage was like before they came to Hawaii – before Rachel made the decision to uproot herself and Grace and move here, before she made Danny make the choice to leave everything and everyone he'd ever known and loved behind in New Jersey and move here to be a devoted and involved and loving father to his daughter. But I do know what those first few years here were like for him, and Amanda, I gotta tell you," Steve shook his head, "they were rough."
Amanda fluffed her hair, sipped her drink again, and moved towards one of the chairs, her indifference seeping off her all the while. "And you think they weren't hard on Rachel?"
"Not nearly as hard as they were on Danny," Steve followed her lead and sat across from her. "Rachel chose to come out here, of her own free will. She and Stan, they had all the leverage, all the money, all of the resources to make whatever life they wanted to make for themselves and for Grace. They had a support system in place from the second they touched down on this island. Danny came out here with a couple of boxes of his belongings and lived in a neighborhood that had cops visiting every other day, and not because it was a nice place to spend some time." Steve rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "He had nothing. He was isolated, he didn't fit in, he didn't know the language…" He rubbed his hands together. "I don't know how much you know about those first few years, and keep in mind, I have an affection for Rachel – things have thawed out between her and Danny over the last few years, and she's Grace and Charlie's mother, and yes, Danny does care about her. I don't think that will ever go away. But those first few years, every other month Rachel was threatening Danny with changing his visitation, or taking custody from him completely, or telling him she was going to move again because of one of Stan's business ventures-"
"Yes, I understand he fought the move to Las Vegas and won," Amanda settled her glass on her lap, giving Steve a cool gaze as she did. Steve swallowed his temper down once more, the sudden clarity of what Danny must have dealt with for years making itself known. "Yes, he did. He was also right by Rachel's side when she had Charlie, watching her give birth to a little boy who Rachel said was Stan's, who Danny desperately wanted to be his, only to find out three years later that Rachel had known from the beginning that Charlie was Danny's son, and not Stan's. She deliberately kept that from Danny-"
"Because he chose a dangerous profession that routinely put her and the children's lives in danger-"
"That didn't give her the right to keep his son from him! Or to lie to Stan and tell him Charlie was his, or to lie to Grace for that matter," Steve shook his head, flabbergasted that he actually had to explain that to someone. "Danny is the absolute best father I've ever seen in my life, Amanda. He lives for those kids, he would die for them without a second thought. When he found out Charlie was his, I asked him 'what happens now?', and do you know what he said to me?"
Amanda picked up her glass again and waved it towards him before taking another sip, as if she didn't care about the answer.
"He said, 'what happens now is I take care of him,'" and Steve couldn't help but smile at that. "It wasn't even a question for him. But the worst part is that if Charlie hadn't gotten sick? Rachel very likely would have kept up that lie. There would've been no reason for her to come clean. Stan would still think Charlie was his, and Danny would still have no idea." Steve could see Amanda was quietly seething at his allegation and he finally let a bit of his own indifference seep through, because he didn't care. He didn't. That was the truth; sue him.
"You make it sound as if Rachel is a malicious and conniving wench."
"I think she was angry that Danny chose to stay in Hawaii and help clear my name before going to be with her in New Jersey-"
"Well that's the trouble, isn't it?" Amanda's eyes flashed, angry. "Had you been listening to the very beginning of this conversation, you would have heard me when I said that Daniel routinely put his work above his family-"
"I did listen to the very beginning of this conversation, I interrogate people for a living, so it's my job to listen to what they say, and what you said first was that you didn't approve of Danny because he came from a 'blue-collar' back ground which I guess translates to someone like you as too modest of means." Steve stood up, raking a hand through his hair, cutting off Amanda's indignant squawk. "You know this morning, when Danny and I first got here, Danny was nervous as Hell to see you. This is a man who has gone up against some of the most unimaginable evil, who has stared murderers and terrorists in the face and has risked his life for complete strangers and people he considers his family, but today, this morning? I have never seen him as anxious and uptight as he was when he knew he was going to see you, and I said that to him." The guilt was weaving through his heart again. "I teased him about it, actually, and you know what he said to me?" She shook her head, waiting, and Steve was pleased to see that she seemed to be half way contemplating his words. "He told me that that should tell me something."
Quiet descended on the suite, awkward and tense and while Steve hated the oppressive feeling, he was determined to wait it out. Amanda, on the other hand, seemed to be quite at home in it as she drained her drink silently and settled her glass on the chair side table. After a few more moments, Steve hung his head. He hadn't gotten through to her. If everything he'd told her wouldn't do it, he didn't know what would.
He was going to owe Danny the biggest apology when all was said and done, that much was certain.
"I guess you're tired. I need to check in with my team…" As excuses went, they were both lame ones, but Steve wanted nothing more than to get out of that room. He couldn't – wouldn't - stand for the woman insulting Danny's character one second longer. He'd done that far too much already throughout the day, remembering Danny confiding in him while Amanda signed book after book, and laughing at his partner in return. Steve hadn't meant it, it was more of an awkward laugh, the kind of laugh someone gave when they had no other reaction to give, but it had hurt Danny, Steve had been able to tell that much. Simply put, Steve had been an ass. "I uh…I assume you'll want both of us here again tomorrow? Same time?"
"Actually," Amanda slid to her feet, focusing her gaze on him, "I wouldn't mind it if you stayed a little longer."
"… S'cuse me?" Klaxons were sounding in Steve's head, and a neon sign flashed 'Cougar Alert' in his mind's eye. Suddenly, all of Amanda's flirting from earlier in the day didn't seem so harmless. "I – I mean, I actually – you know, my team has been without me and my second in command all day, so I should really, you know, drop by headquarters… check on things."
"I understand, but I have… further use of you at the moment."
"U-use of me h-how?" God, why hadn't Steve listened to Danny? Why in the name of all that was holy, why hadn't he just taken Danny at his word when he'd told Steve the horrors of his ex-Mother-in-Law?
"You seem rather close to Daniel."
Steve peered at her. "Yes…?"
"You both have cell phones?"
"I'm sorry, uh… where is this going?"
"I'd like to speak with Daniel, but I don't have a cell phone, nor do I have his phone number." Amanda smiled up at Steve and he couldn't tell if it was meant to be reassuring or sarcastic. "As a person who solves crimes, I'm sure you can work out the rest on your own."
"Uh… Amanda," Steve licked his lips. He was not nervous dammit, he was not. "All due respect, you just spent the last ten minutes trashing Danny to me, now you're asking for my phone so you can call him-"
"Text him. I'd like to use your phone so that I may text him, pretending to be you, and invite him for drinks later this evening."
"…why?"
"Steven, as you might imagine, I don't have too many people in my life who dare to speak to me in such direct tones." Steve watched as she interlaced her fingers together, a considering expression on her face. Steve was hopeful; wary, but hopeful. "I admit; Rachel has made some poor choices in her life. You mentioned Charlie… admittedly, I was shocked when she told me what she'd done. And perhaps some of the decisions she's made are rooted in my career and her father dying when she was young."
"Okay," Steve was still confused, "I don't understand what that has to do with wanting to meet up with Danny later."
"Do you have children, Steven?"
He shook his head. "One day, maybe."
"When you do, you will understand my position. Rachel is my daughter; there's no one alive today who I love more, except perhaps my grandchildren. When she met Danny, it's true that I wanted more for her than to be a police man's wife and early on, I didn't see what he could offer her other than a drab apartment and pizza for dinner every other night. But I do remember, at least in those first few years before they started having their troubles, that Rachel was happy. For how little he could give her financially, I suppose he made up for that in other ways." She offered a hopeful smile. "Before I leave, I'd like the opportunity to at least tell him that."
"Alright, but why don't I just give you my phone," Steve held it up, wiggling it a bit in his grip, "and you call him and ask for him to come by?"
"Do you really think after today that your partner would willingly venture back here to speak with me?"
Steve quirked his lips. Probably not. He saw her point, but...
"I do this for you," Steve unlocked his phone, pulling up his text messages and selecting Danny's name, "and you promise me you'll be nice to him? Treat him with respect?"
"I swear it," Amanda nodded, "on Grace and Charlie. I promise."
Oh, he hoped he wasn't making a mistake. "7:30 alright?" At her nod, Steve tapped out an invitation to Danny to join him for drinks down at the Hilton's bar and sent it, and a few minutes later, he made a pleased noise when he felt his phone buzz, Danny's acceptance written out in black and white. He showed the text to Amanda.
"Good then." She seemed satisfied and, oddly enough, Steve felt the same though for the life of him he had no idea why. "Steven, while I still have you here, may I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Do you want my daughter and Daniel to reconcile?"
Oh, God, why this question? Steve had done his best to stay out of whatever was going on between Danny and Rachel, which he believed, so far, was nothing, but Danny at least knew his opinion on the matter. They had to have something to talk about over pancakes the morning after the hurricane.
"You know, I'm not sure if my opinion really counts for much in this situation."
"Why not?" Amanda shrugged. "You're clearly involved in my grandchildren's lives; they talk about their 'Uncle Steve' quite often when I'm able to speak with them. Rachel mentions you occasionally. You're obviously very close to Danny, and as you so eloquently pointed out, you have known both his and Rachel's history for the last nine or so years. So," she smiled at him, in a way that was both pleasant but also reminded Steve of a cunning antagonist, "do you want Daniel and my daughter to rekindle their romance?"
Steve took a breath. "I don't think it's the best idea for them, no."
"Why?"
His pleading look for mercy either went unnoticed or uncared for. "This isn't something I'm very comfortable talking about without Danny here."
"Commander McGarrett," and Amanda's tone of voice made it clear that she'd elected to address Steve by his rank for a reason. "Rachel is mentioning Danny more and more every time I speak with her. She has a certain lightness in her tone when she says his name now. It isn't filled with the anger and the hurt it used to be laced with. I understand they spent the night together at Danny's house when that cyclone hit Hawaii a few weeks ago. Soon, if I know my daughter, she will ask me my opinion, and being that I don't live here, I need to rely on the opinions of others. That means you. So," she folded her arms over her chest and fixed Steve with a glare meant for publishers attempting to derail a plot in one of her novels or horn in on her profit shares, "what are the reasons you believe they shouldn't pursue anything other than a friendship?"
Steve shifted a bit, scratched at his wrist, loosened his tie. "There are a lot of reasons," he finally sighed. "One, they're better now as friends than they have been since I've known them; two, there are conversations I've had with Danny that lead me to believe that he knows he and Rachel aren't compatible, and no," he shook his head when he saw Amanda open her mouth, knowing she was going to ask what those conversations entailed. "Those are private, confidential discussions, and I won't betray his trust."
She relented, and he continued on. "Three, I saw what the fighting and the back and forth did to Grace. She's a resilient kid and well adjusted and quite frankly, I'm amazed she turned out as well as she did. In my line of work, two parents fighting the way Rachel and Danny did? The constant custody battles and court fights? Lots of kids find their way into crime to get away from their parents fighting. Unlike Grace, Charlie's never had to see that. I don't want Danny to get back together with Rachel and then everything fall apart and have Charlie go through what Grace went through. That's not fair to him, and it's not fair to Grace to put her through that again. Four… I like your daughter, Amanda. I do, but… but what she did to Danny – using Grace against him the way she did, constantly dangling his visitation above his head to keep him in line, lying about Charlie – how's he ever supposed to be able to trust her again?"
Steve wasn't expecting an answer to his question; it was rhetorical in nature, and Amanda didn't give him one. What he did see, however, was her seriously considering his words. That was something at least. "There are other reasons, but those are the main ones."
"I see. Well," Amanda swept an arm towards the entrance of the suite and Steve took the hint, not that he had an issue with that at all; he was more than ready to drop this conversation and head home.
"Thank you for…" The woman laughed. Steve wasn't sure why, and his face must have shown it. "Well, I suppose thank you for your honesty, for insisting that I see Daniel's side of things a little more. You have my word that when I meet with him tonight, you'll hear no complaints from him regarding me or my treatment of him."
"Well, I wouldn't go that far," he chuckled, opening the door, "Danny somehow finds a way to complain about everything. He'd bitch about God if given half the chance."
"You're rather fond of him, aren't you?"
The question caught him off guard. "Well… yea," he answered dumbly, and he watched a smile slide across Amanda's face and wondered, briefly, why she found that amusing. "Hey, if you wouldn't mind, tell Danny to text me when he's finished here?"
"I believe I can accommodate that request." She gave him a smile, a real one, and Steve was struck by how much she looked like Rachel then. "Good night, Steven."
Steve tipped his head towards her and stepped out into the hallway, heading for the elevator, and home.
Hawaii Five-0
Steve looked at the clock on the dash. 8:45pm. The Hilton wasn't more than a half hour's drive from Danny's house so Steve took the time to mean that Amanda's conversation with him had to be going well, otherwise he figured Danny would've either been back home by now or would've called Steve to yell at him.
To be a fly on the wall of that bar, that was what Steve really wanted in that moment. But he knew it would be better if Danny and Rachel's mother could work out their differences without him hovering, ready and waiting to defend Danny if Amanda decided to walk back her promise to be respectful and kind.
Not that Steve had done a stellar job of backing Danny up that day.
He'd been sitting in his truck outside of Danny's house for just over an hour, waiting for his partner to get home, turning the day over in his mind. All of the snide remarks and below the belt comments that Amanda had made, Steve had been a witness to each and every one of them, and what had he done? He remembered at one point he'd laughed, and at other points he'd simply soothed Danny into a quiet stew while Amanda continued on. It was only when they were at Kamekona's that Steve's own nerves were grated by the woman's incessant need to insult Danny at every turn, and when the detective had finally gotten up and walked away, Steve knew it had gone too far.
He'd just realized it too late.
Maybe that was why he'd relented in letting Amanda use his phone. Taking everything into consideration that she'd said, and knowing Rachel's past as he did, Steve was beginning to think that it wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibilities that Danny's ex-wife may have embellished how bad things were to her mother when she and his partner had been married. What other explanation could there have been for Amanda treating Danny worse than a discarded sock? It wasn't as if she'd been a beacon of honesty in the nine years he'd known her after all, and Amanda hadn't exactly had a high opinion of Danny from the beginning. And maybe Rachel had been feeling neglected early on in their marriage – the life of a cop, of a homicide detective especially, wasn't easy, but it was even harder on their spouses. The hours, the cases that went on for days, the dangers that cops faced even after the cases had been wrapped up… no doubt Rachel had experienced the fear every cops' wife had at some point. But Danny had been one of the best, the top detective Newark had given some of its toughest cases to. His solve rate alone proved that. 87 homicides under the belt hadn't meant a thing to Steve when he'd first met Danny but working as a cop for the last nine years had given him a definite appreciation for just how high that number was for a single detective to have earned.
It would've been an easy sell for Rachel to make to Amanda, that was certain. And when she'd finally left Danny for Stan, a situation which Steve was almost certain involved a bit of infidelity on the part of the pretty English firecracker, she'd achieved a husband her mother could be proud of. Stan had been wealthy in his own right and lacked no capacity to provide Rachel and Grace with anything they wanted. He had a place in society and had been well educated; his future was filled with money and class and status, everything Amanda had wanted for her daughter, everything that Rachel, at least at the time, had thought she'd wanted for herself. In marrying Stan, Rachel had met every one of her mother's expectations for what was considered a suitable husband.
Steve suddenly had another thought: When had Rachel made one choice that was just for her, without her mother's influence or heavy handedness? Maybe it had been marrying Danny. Maybe, when things fell apart there, Amanda had clobbered Rachel over the head with not-so-subtle 'I told you so's' and 'you should've listened to me's'.
But at the end of the day, none of that mattered. Rachel was a woman in her early 40's, and whether it had been dragging Grace 5,000 miles across the country and dangling Danny's rights to her over his head, or lying for years about Charlie, or failing to do something so simple as to tell Danny that Stan had bought Grace a car, the fact remained that, for whatever reason, Rachel had a casual relationship with the truth at best.
At 8:52pm, his phone buzzed and slid against his dash, lighting up the windshield and notifying Steve that a text was waiting for him. He picked it up, smiling lightly at the screen as he read the message:
'Anyone else lurking around that might answer for you this time?'
'No,' Steve texted back, 'just me.'
Tiny dots floated on his screen until Danny's reply came through. 'Cute. Up for company?'
'Waiting at your place.' Steve could only imagine the response he'd get to that, but when Danny's response came through, the only words were, 'Pretty sure there are laws against stalking, babe. Be there in 20.'
Steve killed time by listening to an oldies station and playing a saved game of Poopy Penguin on his phone, smiling sadly as he opened the app. It had been around a year and a half since Toast had been murdered, and whomever he'd entrusted to handle his affairs had kept the game alive for which Steve was glad for. Nothing was ever going to erase the terror in Toast's voice right before he'd been killed from his mind; that was something that would stick in Steve's memory until the day he died. But if there was one consolation, it was that Steve had been the one to hear it, and not Danny, who had been absolutely guilt-ridden for weeks after Toast's death.
Time passed and eventually, headlights flashed behind him and Steve looked up (missing a sandwich and thus, another target for his penguin's poo to land on) to see the Camaro pass his truck and turn into the driveway. He watched as the lights cut off and heard the engine die, and then Danny's blonde head popped out of the driver's side.
"You coming in or what?"
The invitation wasn't going to come again. Steve hopped out of the cabin and was following Danny through the front door, and he didn't have long to wait before his partner turned around and fixed him with a seemingly benign but what Steve knew from experience was an expression of exasperation. "So, I hear you and Amanda had a nice tumble in the sheets."
"What?!" If Steve had been drinking something, it would have hit Danny square in the face. But Danny, the little asshole, was grinning like a loon. "You deserved that."
And Steve could only agree. He did, he really did. "I take it the talk went okay then, yea? She was nice, apologetic, respectful? Cause those were the terms. She promised me."
"Oh, she promised you, well, if she promised you," Danny pushed the door into the kitchen, Steve following behind him and waved off the beer the other man offered him. "I'm still feeling the champagne a little."
"Really?"
"Half a liver, Danno."
"Ah," Danny flipped the cap open on the Longboard and took a drink before ducking back into the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water, handing it to Steve. "So, I guess you want to know what happened."
"I do, yes, that would be nice."
Danny leaned against his food prep counter. "Well, there I was in the bar, waiting for who I thought was my wonderful, amazing, loyal partner who I believed texted me to have a few beers and unwind after what was a very stressful day for me, and who should I see when I look over my shoulder but my ex-Mother-in-Law."
Steve scratched at his cheek a bit, remaining quiet.
"So, we start talking, and she did the most amazing thing; you want to know what she did?"
"I do."
"She apologized." Danny nodded, taking another drink of his beer. "She apologized, and she told me why she's disliked me since, well, I guess since the first time she heard my name – she was jealous, apparently, that I was so good with the kids. It made her miss her father."
"S'cuse me?" Steve had to have heard wrong. "She was jealous because you're a terrific father, so she decided to make your life a living hell?"
"That's uh… yea, that's about it." Danny's lips folded over each other. "Oh, and then there's the part where I think Rachel might be getting the wrong idea about us – me and her, not you and me."
Steve neatly side-stepped that distinction. "The wrong idea?" Yes, he was fishing; again, sue him.
"Amanda asked me if I cared about Rachel, which, yes of course I do; she's the mother of my kids, but then, she told me that I needed to 'stop toying with her affections' and 'do right by her'."
Silence reigned over the kitchen for a full 30 seconds before Danny spoke again, taking in Steve's decidedly puckered face. "You want a beer now?"
"Yes, please." Steve traded out the water for a Longboard and took a drink. "So, you and Rachel have been spending more time together. You're visiting colleges with Grace, Rachel spent the night during the hurricane a few weeks ago, you're doing more stuff with Charlie, and Amanda thinks Rachel is what… falling back in love with you, or something?"
Danny only nodded, and Steve noticed his fingers drumming nervously on the beer bottle. A tiny sliver of dread slipped its way through Steve's stomach. "Danny?"
"Look, I know all the stuff Rachel's done okay? She moved Grace here and away from me, at least until I could find a job out here and scrounge up enough money to move, and when she did that, she took me away from all of my family and my friends and football on Sunday's with the guys and steak sandwiches for lunch at Manny's. She filed, rescinded, and refiled more visitation and custody petitions than the entire Kate and Jon Plus Eight clan combined, she tried to move Grace to Vegas and make me follow, and yes, she hid my son from me for three years. I watched Charlie being born and I couldn't feel like the proud, happy father I wanted to feel like because she told me he was Stan's, and she knew how much I wanted that kid, wanted to be a father again. I get it."
This wasn't sounding good. Steve nudged him gently. "But?"
"But there's always going to be this part of me that's protective of her, that doesn't want to hurt her, even after all the shit she's pulled." Danny shook his head. "And if what Amanda told me tonight is true, then I'm gonna hurt her, because I don't feel the same way. And even if I did feel the same way, I wouldn't act on it."
"Why?"
"Because Grace and Charlie come first." Danny's fingers slipped from his bottle and rested against the surface of his table heavily. Tension radiated off of his shoulders and back. "I can't do that to Grace again, and I won't put Charlie through what Grace had to live with when Rachel and I were in the middle of the divorce. Rachel and I have never been able to make it work in the past; hell, the first few years when we were having those problems, I started having feelings for Grace Tillwell. As we were saying our vows, I just knew in my soul that we'd be getting a divorce sooner or later. You add all the stuff that went on during the divorce and after? That's…" Danny's sigh filled the kitchen, and it was in that moment that Steve's respect for his partner inched up just that little bit more, if it were even possible.
"Even if I forgive her, I'm always going to wonder in the back of my mind if she's being honest with me, if she's telling me everything, or if she's keeping something from me, and we'll be right back where we started. I won't put my kids through that. They've dealt with enough, and I am so…so lucky that they've turned out as perfect as they have, Grace especially." A sad smile pulled at his lips. Steve watched him with an equally mournful look. His friend, his partner… he didn't deserve this. He hadn't deserved any of it.
"You're a great father, Danny," Steve murmured. "You're a good man. When I said that you were more than adequate, I was wrong. I mean, you are, but… you're so much more than that, Danny. And I'm sorry I didn't back you up today like I should've with Amanda."
"Yea, well. You're the one who had four glasses of champagne. I figured you were just too tipsy to recognize my tortured spirit when it was right in front of you." Danny took a drink, tilting the neck of the bottle towards the other man in a halfhearted salute.
"I mean it, Danny. I don't know…" Steve was frustrated with himself and it showed; the way his nostrils flared, how harsh breaths blew from his nose, how he closed his eyes almost as if he were trying erase whatever wrong it was that he believed he committed. "I won't blame the alcohol. I guess I just figured that she was like any other Mother-in-Law and that she couldn't be that bad." He probably looked as ashamed as he felt, at least he hoped he did to Danny; anything to show him that he was genuinely apologetic for his lackluster involvement in defending Danny that day.
"S'okay, Steve." Danny's sigh filled up Steve's ears and he lifted his gaze, seeing the detective smiling gently at him. "Out of curiosity, what was the point when you realized-"
"When you left," Steve knew that question was coming, was ready for it. "When you left when she told you that she would've thought the shrimp truck was horrible if you'd suggested it but thought it was a God send because I'd recommended it. Even though you couldn't stand the woman, even though being near her was the last place you wanted to be and you probably hadn't heard from her in years… you know, she hurt you, Danny. I could see it on your face, and I was just… that's when it all clicked." Steve's fingers snapped against the bottle. "I hated that you left, but I didn't blame you. Not one bit. If I'd stepped in sooner, set her straight, actually defended you before that, it never would've reached that point."
"Yes, it would've," Danny snickered. "It would've, Steve. Whether you were there to stop it or not, whether you decided to step in or not, it absolutely would've gotten to that point, okay? It always did. Why do you think I stuck her ass in the Holiday Inn when she came to visit me and Rachel back when we lived in New Jersey? Honestly, me leaving today? Maybe that gave her some time to think, to actually ponder the fact that maybe I'm a human being too, not to mention the father of her grandchildren. Maybe it changed her mind about me, or at least made her feel bad, I don't know."
Steve knew. Steve knew very well exactly what had happened after Danny left. And Steve, whenever he was debating on whether or not to tell Danny something he'd done, got this look on his face, this cross between Aneurysm Face and 'I-Know-Something-You-Don't-Know' face, mixed in with a dash of 'I'm-So-Sorry-The-C4-Wasn't-Supposed-to-Go-Off-I-Swear' face.
"What."
Steve looked up at the tired, reserved tone of Danny's voice, the blonde's face resigned, as if Danny was waiting for a sentence to be handed down. Steve blinked. "What, what?"
"Don't you 'what, what' me, what?! What is that face, what is that face you were making just now – Oh God," Danny closed his eyes, prayed. "What'd you do."
"I didn't do anything!" Steve's hands were up, defenses kicking in. "I swear, Danny, I didn't do anything."
"She was walking with a little bit of a limp, Steven; you push her down a flight of stairs or something? Make her trip over her Gucci shoes?"
"She'd have a little bit more than a limp if she fell down the stairs at her age, Danno."
"Alright, just answer me this, okay?" Danny looked imploringly at Steve. "Please tell me that when she was nice to me at the bar tonight, that when she told me all that stuff about her dad and that she was jealous and that's why she treated me like crap for the entire time she's known me, just please tell me that it was because that's what she actually believed, and not because she was under the impression that you might have hidden one of your grenades in her luggage."
"Don't be ridiculous, Danny, I wouldn't hide grenades in your ex-Mother-in-Law's luggage. Besides," Steve shrugged, picking up the bottle and tipping it back a bit, "I didn't have any with me at the time."
"Steven."
And there was absolutely no reason on Earth why Danny growling his name like that should cause Steve to shiver, but it did, and what's more, Danny noticed. "Finally, some respect when I get that tone in my voice; these days it's lost on Grace, so I guess you'll have to do." He clicked his tongue, canted his head to the side a bit. "What'd you do?"
"I just had a talk with her, Danny, okay? That's all."
"A talk? Because usually when you talk to me, you either bore me to tears or drive me to drink-"
"I set her straight about you, about how good of a man you are, about how amazing you are with Grace and Charlie, what you went through when you moved to the island, how Rachel treated you, used the kids against you." Steve scratched the back of his neck. "I may have overshared about some of the stuff Rachel pulled, but, you know…" he shrugged. "It worked, I guess, from everything you told me."
"You're still the one she gave the cufflinks to." Danny offered him a rueful smile, and Steve snickered. "I gave those back to her, just so you know."
"Yea?"
"Yea. Told her to give them to Charlie when he was old enough."
"Coulda given them to me."
"I'm pretty sure if I went back to her she'd be more than willing to hand them over."
"Oh what, right now?" Danny laughed into his beer bottle. "Yea, I'm sure she'd be more than willing to take your call at this time of night, babe, and not just for cufflinks."
Steve groaned. "No thanks. I'm not looking to be the subject of her next fantasy – do not," he pointed a warning finger at his friend as Danny hid his face behind his bottle, badly suppressing his snorts, the desperation of wanting to hit a home run on the awful, dirty joke that Steve had just pitched to him making itself well known. Eventually, the laughter subsided, and Danny made his way around the kitchen island, opening his arms and sliding in against Steve's side to give him a firm clap on the back, the latter easily swinging an arm over his shoulders and tugging him just that little bit closer. "Guess the day didn't turn out so bad. Figures you'd be the one to get my ex-Mother-in-Law to apologize, you know?"
"Yea, well. Maybe if I'd set her straight a little sooner you'd have had an easier day with her, maybe gotten some cufflinks of your own." Steve hugged Danny a little tighter with one arm while bringing his beer up and taking a drink. "I really am sorry, Danny. I don't know why I didn't step in, but I didn't."
"You can stop beating yourself up for not defending my honor, Steve; it's okay." And of course, for Danny it was as easy that, simple and clean and wrapped up in a bow that Steve should modestly accept as the gift it was presented as and move on, but Steve just couldn't, and he said as much. Still tucked under Steve's shoulder with his arm around his waist, Danny tilted his head up to look at him. "Why not?"
"I just… you know."
Danny did know. They didn't talk about it, an unspoken agreement reached over years of the non-verbal communication they'd become so adept at. One day soon, hopefully, when they could actually breath and afford to take some time just for themselves, they'd talk about it. Maybe they'd take a few days and jet off to the Mainland or just island hop to Maui and spend a weekend talking, figuring it out, figuring them out. But for now, until things settled down, they would be like this; content to be in each other's lives, knowing they only had just a little longer to wait before deciding whether or not to move to that next step.
"When are you going to talk to Rachel?" Steve didn't move his arm from around Danny's shoulders and Danny didn't step out from underneath Steve's hold either. The SEAL felt his arm move up then down as Danny shrugged. "I don't know. It'll need to be soon though. Her mom will probably tell her about our little conversation and if what Amanda said is true, I don't need Rachel getting any ideas that because things are on the mend with me and her mom that she and I can be more than what we are, you know?"
"Yea," Steve sighed, looking down at him, opening his mouth to say something else when his stomach did the talking for him.
"She didn't feed you before she invited you in – I mean up?" Danny laughed as Steve shoved him away and grouched about horrible "Mrs. Robinson" jokes. Danny made his way over to the fridge, opened up the freezer, and grabbed for a stack of burger patties and a bag of fries. "Grab a sauce pan – and to show that I care about your delicate sensibilities in food preparation, I will bake the fries and not deep fry them in oil as is proper."
"Very kind," Steve moved behind Danny as he vacated the fridge and reached in for another beer and a bottle of water for himself, popping the caps and happily settling in for an evening in with his more than adequate, more than he deserved, partner.