I have never really thought about how I was going to die. But one day as I sat on the celestial shore I watched the tide as it rushed in and out. It was constant in its pursuit of the land. Clawing as if it was trying to escape the sea and on this I reflected the pursuit of men. Their constant struggle up the hill to fight death yet every time, without fail the boulder tumbles once more. Just like the tide cannot escape the sea, they cannot escape the shadow that ever looms. Who knows when the moon will pull them into the night? It is not for them to decide for they are the men of god and it seems he pulls the curtain, the final act.
Now I am a man too. Stripped of my grace from a angel I believed held the answer to heavens salvation. I was wrong though, all he desired was to tear the angels from their home and abandon them on earth. Now these angels believe I hold the answer to their return. I want to help them but I don't know how. I have no guidance and I'm torn between helping my brothers and sisters and selfishly protecting myself from them.
It's all so strange. For more than a millennium I have watched the humans. I've watched them evolve and have witnessed with a certain curiosity their emotions, something so complex yet so beautiful. I always thought I understood emotions. But as it turns out I knew nothing. It's like understanding there's an ocean and understanding there is life within it, but then you find yourself being pulled under and realize there is so much more to experience. Not only that but as you begin to sink deeper and deeper what was once considered beautiful is now frightening. By that point it's too late because you can't swim back up, you're out of air.
That's where I am now, out of air. Left with nothing and having to decipher these emotions. Learning how to avoid pain and how to satisfy thirst and hunger. However, despite all of this I have found that the hardest part of being human is the loneliness. It claws at you and not even sleep provides an escape. Yes I have rebelled, been cast out but it was all for something, for someone. Now I'm alone and the cause I fought for landed me here. I can't ask for help because by doing so I put those I love in danger.
It's almost ironic that an angel understands from experience the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." For I am in hell now and my sacrifices for the greater good, for team free will, have all been in vain. I can't help anyone now. All I can do is hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that god will intervene. Hope that two boys in an Impala will find a way, because they always do.