Dear Angel,

I heard somewhere that writing out your thoughts about someone or something is therapy of some kind. So, here I am. Sitting here in my room writing a letter to you that your never going to read. I'm probably burn it or something ceremonious like that.

Well, in letters like these your supposed to write out your feelings. This may take a while because my feelings for you are all jumbled up in my head.

First I want to say I hate you. I do. You left me Angel. I was young, (only 18 remember) and in love. You were everything to me, and you left. You just turned and walked away from me, without a goodbye. Because, as you say, it was better for me. You were wrong Angel. I spent so long trying to get over you. But I couldn't, how are you supposed to get over the love of your life.

So I dated Riley and pretended him to love. I acted for a year, and I tried Angel. I really tried to love him. I knew he loved me. But how could he when, the part of me he wanted so much, belong to another man. Oh, wait as you say, "I can walk like a man, but I'm not one". You were a man to me Angel. A caring, noble and lets face it, hot man.

So, the whole thing with Riley ended after he finally realised I couldn't love him, not the way I loved you, cause in my mind, I'm always your girl. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I was over you, I always knew I wasn't, deep down.

I should've known. I kept on telling myself, all the time I was with Riley "Look I'm in a relationship and it's not about Angel." "Look how much I I'm not thinking about Angel" "Look how much I don't love Angel." I should've realised right them that it was all about you Angel. Cause everything's always about you. I love you.

So secondly I want to say I love you. I love everything about you. Your hands, your hair, your laugh and oh, how I love your eyes. When you look at me with those eyes it feels as if you're seeing into my soul. I love the way you held me and comforted me when I was upset and the way you kissed me with so much love and passion.

I also want to tell you that I get it. I get why you left. You wanted me to have a normal life with sunlight and kids. I know that you meant well, but Angel, I didn't want that. I wanted you. I still do. I can't picture myself with anyone but you.

I love you Angel, but I hate you at the same time. It's like I want to push you off a cliff, but then rush to the bottom to catch you. You've put me through so much pain in my life Angel, I don't know if I can take any more. I don't know if I'll ever be with you again.

I heard that you and Cordy were a thing, or nearly a thing or maybe youare a thing, people weren't to clear on filling me in on this little fact. I feel betrayed by that Angel. I can't help that. She was, for lack of a better term, my friend. You broke the friend rule, or maybe she broke it, or you both did. It hurts Angel. It hurts that you would date one of my friends after me. When I imagine you and her, it feels like my heart is tearing in two. But if I'm truthful (and I'm going to be…) it hurts if I imagine you withany other woman but me, coz in my mind your mine. Your always mine Angel.

Forever Yours,

Buffy