ALEX STRIDER:

Bored of the Rings

An Alex Rider-Lord of the Rings Parody

Written by Nathan Labonté

Including parodies of Santa Clause, Back to the Future, Harry Potter, and more!

One day I was doing who-knows-what, and I thought: Alex RIDER, STRIDER ... Alex stRider! So, I started doing this. My friends think it's hilarious, but let's see what you say. In short, it's a random narrative combining the kid-spy Alex Rider and the JRR Tolkien series the Lord of the RIngs, but putting the characters out-of-character and generally bashing them. ENJOY!

Chapter 1: Arrogant and spy

Alex Strider grinned from ear to ear. He was very excited. He was going the get a new mission today! Although he hated missions (since they destroyed his life and ruined his family and nearly got him killed and they hurt him and they etc...), he couldn't stop asking for more. "Love to hate," he would always say.

This day was special because it was his birthday. As he walked into the building, the secretary paged Alan Blunt and Mr. Jones. "Excuse me sir, there's a boy in a party hat and a wolverine mask claiming to be Alex Strider." In the background, the pair heard a scream and a growling. Glass shattered in the background. Alan grumbled. "Send him in." They only had to wait five minutes for Alex Strider to appear in the office on Liverpool Street. Alex seemed very pleased with himself.

"It's my birthday today!" he said. Alan Blunt nodded "Good for you. But we have important matters to discuss." Before Mrs. Jones could pull out another peppermint, Alex was in the air, spinning, trying to pull off one of his 'cool' karate moves. After he had fallen to the floor in a heap, he got up again and said, "I call that one 'Kicky Foot'!" Mrs. Jones swallowed a whole peppermint by accident and started choking. "BLEGH! ABEDOOBLEGHBLOOGH!" she coughed. Alan Blunt and Alex Strider raced for her, Alan Blunt getting there first because she was right beside him. He performed the Heimlich Manoeuvre, the peppermint shooting out of her mouth. Alex was still dashing in slow-mo across to her when the peppermint hit him straight on the forehead. He fell to the floor.

"That..." he said woozily "...is what I call the 'Peppermint Shoot-of-Doom'!" He fell unconscious. Alan Blunt smiled. "Can I slap him?" "NO!" Mrs. Jones said. Alan Blunt slapped him. Alex jerked a foot off the floor and woke up. "SORRY!" he screamed. "I'll be better Mommy." Alan rolled his eyes. "Sit down and shut up, if you will." Alex sat down and shut up.

"Your mission is very important," said Alan Blunt. "The one–"

"SMITHERS!" Alex yelled. "OH, SMITHERS!"

"What in cow's name are you DOING!" Mrs. Jones said, a strict look on her face.

"Sorry."

"Anyways," said Alan, "you are going to be sent to Middle-Earth to assist a midget–"

"Hobbit," corrected Mrs. Jones.

"Will you keep your mouth closed?" Mrs. Jones opened a new package of peppermints. "You must help Frodo and Sam bring the magical ring of power to the crack of doom–" Alex giggled. Mrs. Jones spat a peppermint at his face, quieting him. "...and help restore general peace to Middle-Earth."

Alex smiled. "I am super-cool at surfing and base jumping and tight-rope walking and cool escapes and awesome stuff, so this should be a blast!" Alan Blunt smiled. "Sure." Secretly, he knew that it was going to be a deadly mission. He had watched the movies. Sauron was too powerful for Alex Strider – so he thought…

I sincerely hope you enjoyed this. For fans of LotR, next chapter some Middle-Earth action. For fans of Alex Strider and LotR or even bot, there will be several chapters involving both of them and giving each series a time to shine in the light of shame. So read much, review oftern.