disclaimer: i do not own naruto.
dedication: to Darlene & her belated birthday.
notes: prequel to "Ruling Fear", which is an itasaku(sasu).
When Sakura was six, she wanted nothing more than a camera. Something about the way it seemed to stop time fascinated her. It held her captive as she wondered: if she had had a camera on the fourth of July, would she be able to remember a happy family?
Maybe other children drew pictures of their family during free time- their mommies and their daddies and, sometime, sisters and brothers.
But all she had was her mother and father and she couldn't even have them both at the same time. There was screaming and fighting and throwing of fragile things- like their child's heart. They couldn't even be made to behave cheerfully for their own child's sake.
Perhaps they didn't mean to hurt her, but intentions only go so far and they couldn't pave the way for the nights Sakura fell sleep with tears almost dried on her face.
So every time the Sunday paper hit her doorstep, she'd rush to fling it open and carry it to the dining room where she'd scatter all of the sections until she found the ads for the electronics section. She'd plop down on the floor, searching until she found the camera sections. Skimming over unfamiliar words, she wondered what things like "pixels" were- were they big or small, strong or weak, or were they just… pixels?
All she wanted was a family.
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.
.
Her first year of high school was standard- there were the jocks and the cheerleaders, the artists and the drama kids, the Goths and the preps- but that was just a few among so many social cliques established at Konoha High.
One of Sakura's biggest concerns was lunch seating. She didn't quite know who she was then. Sure, she did the newspaper and she ran cross-country, but… she didn't really identify herself as either. She ran and she wrote, but she didn't really think that Sakura Haruno was that person.
She was someone else.
But self-discovery takes time and, in the end, it didn't really matter.
She found the other irregulars- other girls who fit in more than one place, but only belonged together where no one was the same.
"Hey, can I sit with you?"
It began with a simple question, a gesture of unconditional friendship and loyalty.
And so a circle built itself from the bottom up.
Five girls- Tenten, the founder of the new archery club and one of the people behind the scenes of the school plays; Hinata, the shy girl who was looking to join the chess club and sang in the show choir; Ino, the star gymnast and one of the most intense members of the book club; Karin, a dancer and a ruthless fellow reporter; and Sakura, who was only in love with hiding in the shadows of the library and cooking her lunch at home.
As time passed, Sakura made more friends- a blonde boy with a smile bigger than the sun and the moon combined and a boy who kept his dog hidden under his jacket, among others in her year.
She never said that, sometimes, she felt lost among this crowd that she hung out with- so many people and sometimes she couldn't help but wonder how well they knew her. And then there was the fact that she was not always with her friends in classes- quite often, in fact. How many times did she end up in advanced classes due to her intellect and obsessive studying?
Things didn't end up too badly, though. She made friends with some of the upperclassmen in her classes- Hinata's older cousin Neji, this blonde girl who spent most of chemistry complaining that the salicylic acid and acetic acid reaction was too damn slow, and Shikamaru, the only thing Temari complained about more than reaction rates.
As the years built up between her childhood and the adulthood that was creeping up on her, she stopped thinking too much about her parents. Her father had moved across the country after the divorce, so Sakura lived with her mother for most of the year in a small house where her room was sky blue and the window shutters were a pale green. At night, she would look up at the ceiling and watch old peeling stars twinkle dimly while she waited for sleep to claim her.
.
.
.
But high school ended far too soon, yet way too late.
For her high school graduation present, her parents had managed to get along just long enough to pick out a Polaroid camera for her birthday. It was black and kind of bulky, but she was in love with its flash and the little squeak in its gears as it spit out the photo. Shaking each photo that came out became a dance that she did in private as she waited for it to develop.
Summer was spent chewing gum and trying to get the white bread of her sandwich off the top of her mouth as she took to wandering all over the place, looking for the perfect shadows and lighting in the world outside of a broken home. She found summer romance and how beneath the dock at the harbor was the perfect place to be when looking at the sunset. Her camera became her diary of those summer thunderstorms and last sleepovers before moving away.
It was beautiful.
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.
.
But sunshine and free days only last so long.
It felt like the blink of an eye between watching the "You're leaving Konoha" sign vanish and the approach of the "Welcome to Suna" billboard.
After the security of people in high school, Sakura didn't know how she would live in Suna. Ino was with her, of course, but everyone else… they were off at different places based on what they wanted to do. Ino wanted to major in English and it was only luck that kept them together as Suna was well-known in both the English and Biology department.
Ino flowed on the social scene immediately; she was light and happy. It was only natural that other people would want to get closer and share her energy.
Sakura was a bit slower. Self-assuredness had never been her thing. That analogy about being a small fish being thrown into an ocean? That was Sakura. College was big- so many people that she didn't know. It was something she wasn't really used to and reacting… how was she supposed to act? Sharing her name every time she talked to someone was annoying and awkward and so she avoided it as much as possible.
College… it was lonely.
By the end of the first week, Sakura was convinced that she'd only ever know Ino. Everyone seemed to be friendly, yet she couldn't help but feel like an outsider. Ino still had lunch with her at least four times a week, but the dependence on her bubbly blonde friend grated at her natural self-dependent attitude.
It took a flyer for her to make a move forward.
Walking along College Avenue, Sakura caught a glimpse of a picture on a wall. The tape was dotted with sand, so it almost flew away from her when she grabbed for it.
Unwrinkling the region where she had grabbed it, she saw a black and white photo of the sun setting over a dune of sand. Based on the angle, direction, and view, it was easy to deduce that it was taken from the top of the Social Studies building.
Suna Uni's first ever art magazine!
A collaboration with the literary and art clubs.
First meeting on the 11th of September in the Visual Arts building!
Free food!
Art… Photography was an art, wasn't it?
Carefully, she opened up her green messenger bag and slid the sheet of paper in-between her homework and chemistry folder before continuing on to her newspaper meeting.
.
.
.
It was a big meeting.
All of the art students were crowded around a table and all Sakura wanted to do was take pictures, not be surrounded in an already hot room for the next hour and a half.
"Everyone. Sit down and we'll begin discussing what this will entail."
The words came from a rather bored man at the front of the room. Sakura could tell next to nothing about him from his face; a small hospital mask covered the lower half of his face while he wore an eye patch over his left eye. She couldn't help wonder if he wore the patch to attract attention, seem mysterious, or did he genuinely not have an eye in that socket?
Slowly, everyone made their way to the chairs around the tables clustered together. After the mess of people was cleared, Sakura could see folders and papers scattered across the large surface. There were no chairs left, so she sat on the next table over, slightly in the shadow.
As the group discussion drew on, a frown settled on her face. There was talk of stories and articles and paintings and sketches.
But no mention of photography.
Near the end, the teacher- Kakashi, she'd heard someone call him- asked if anyone had any questions. Everyone else shook their head and some even stood up, ready to leave.
A quiet panic settled in Sakura. Was there a group of students doing photography? What- had she come here, to this lonely place for nothing more than a shadow seat?
Seemingly of its own accord, her hand made its way into the air. She didn't even realize it until this quiet red-headed boy said, "Hatake-sensei, she has a question." His hand gestured at her carelessly and the effect was immediate.
She had everyone's attention.
The teacher sighed. "Gaara-kun, I've told you so many times- it's okay to call me Kakashi. The formality is rather unnecessary. Anyway… you. The girl with the pink hair."
Sakura was certain that she was flushed in the face by the time he reached the word "hair". She could feel the way everyone's attention on her and she hated it. For a while, she choked on words and she could feel the pressure from a hundred eyes- well, less than that really- increase.
"Ummm… I-."
"Darling, you'll have to speak louder than that for me to hear you," Kakashi drawled.
Swallowing back something that tasted awfully like tears, Sakura managed to spit out, "Whataboutphotography?"
His eyes were kind as he asked, "Could you repeat that, please? A little slower and louder." Like everyone else who had ever asked that of her, Kakashi Hatake didn't mean it mockingly. It was sincere and that didn't make anything better.
Sakura swallowed again. "What… What about photography?"
Kakashi just blinked. "Yes. That falls under art….?"
Shaking her head furiously, she corrected his assumption. "I was just… There's a literature group. There's an art club. Is there a photography club?"
"No."
Sakura positively wiltws. "Okay then... Nevermind..."
This whole venture- completely flying out of her comfort zone- was all for naught, she thought as she hopped off the table.
"You could, however, create one…"
Sakura's head jerked in the direction of the teacher's voice, hope daring to bloom in her chest. "Could... you show me how?"
She couldn't be certain- the surgical mask covered most of his face, after all- but she had this impression that he was smirking.
"Of course. Now, you have to…"
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.
.
Ino popped her head into her dorm, amused at the sight of catching her best friend carefully cleaning the lens of her camera. One small hand cradled the body of the camera while the other hand tackled the delicate piece of glass with the cleaning wipe.
"Hey, Sakura."
"Yo."
Her head whipped up and she grinned as she waved a peace sign at the blonde and her boyfriend.
"I haven't seen either of you in a while! How are you two?"
Shisui Uchiha was the senior captain of the men's track team. Their meeting had something to do with mis-scheduling the large gym- at least, that was the only detail Sakura was privy to that both of them agreed on. Ino claimed it was love at first sight. Shisui said it was something more like her making eyes at his cousin, who was standing right next to him. It just so happened that said cousin- Itachi, or something- wasn't paying attention, so Shisui thought she was winking at him.
And here they were, four months later, standing at Sakura's dorm door.
"I'm well enough. How is the photography club going?"
Sakura beamed. "It's going excellently. I was rather surprised when, like, twenty people showed up to the kickoff meeting, but they all seem rather nice. There's this one girl- Matsuri- who has this beautiful digital camera with such a high resolution that you'd have to blow it up tens of hundreds of times at least to start seeing pixels. Maybe even hundreds and-."
"Sakura."
The girl blushed, pushing pink bangs out of her eyes self-consciously. "Sorry. It's just… I'm so happy."
"There's no need for apologies. I'm glad you're happy." Ino gave her a big smile.
Leaning back against her bed, Sakura tilted her head. "So why have you two decided to grace my humble abode with your presence?" Her kelly green eyes were almost expectant, waiting for an answer.
"We're hurt, Sakura, that you should think that we're here for something other than the joy we get from seeing your beautiful face." Shisui brought his hand to his chest, a mock-wounded expression on his face. "Don't you agree, Ino?"
His girlfriend merely gave him a what the hell look, her arms crossed across her chest with left eyebrow raised.
"Fine," he grumbled before stepping out the door. "We decided to give you a… present, of sorts."
"Hey, you can't just give people away. You didn't even explain what I'm doing here."
Sakura blinked before her eyes narrowed.
Presents… they don't talk, usually.
Which could only mean…
A boy walked into the room.
Correction: guy. Man. Whatever term stood for rather attractive male homo sapiens.
"Sakura, this is Sasuke. Sasuke, Sakura.
"He's going to be helping you with your... photography thing. Bye!"
Sakura could only gape as Ino and Shisui hit the road and he- Sasuke- glared at her.
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.
.
He stood by her side as she sat in the middle of the university's gardens.
The problem with being interested in photography in Suna was the lack of usable landscapes. Sand covered the ground and it permeated the air at will, thus the trip to the domed gardens and greenhouses. Sakura visited them whenever she felt like photographing anything green and growing. The air was slightly misty from the light sprinkler used to keep the plants hydrated in the dry Suna heat.
"What are you waiting for?"
The thing about Sasuke was that he never really sounded impatient when he asked that question. She'd been dragging him around for the past week and a half and she had stopped counting the times he said that five-word phrase. More often than not, he sounded bored- as he did then- or he sounded semi-curious as to why she was using time the way she was.
"I'm waiting," she murmured, peering through the viewfinder, "for the right amount of light and shadow. You can't just take a picture. Anyone can do that."
"So?"
Setting the camera in her lap, she looked at him with not a little exasperation. "So. It's like painting, or writing, for that matter. Anyway can pick up a brush or a pen and create something. But it takes a specific… outlook and use of what you have to make a masterpiece.
"The same is true about photography. Anyway can click a button. But waiting for the perfect moment…" Sakura paused as she picked up the camera again, looked through the small window for a few minutes, and clicked the photo button. After a short perusal of the picture using the screen of the digital camera, she turned it to her reluctant helper.
"… it gives you a present for your patience."
He scrutinized the screen for a while before shrugging, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his baggy black shorts, and walking away.
Rolling her eyes at his actions, Sakura stood up and walked after him.
He would learn. Some day.
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She knocked politely on the apartment door of 119.
Rocking on her heels, Sakura waited impatiently for Sasuke's footsteps to approach the door.
He flung it open and she couldn't help but notice how… well, fit he was. She swore it had less to do with the fact that he was shirtless and more that he looked like a little boy, his dark hair tousled from sleep. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but-."
His jaw dropped and he stopped growling only to squeak.
"Sakura?"
"Do you know any other pink haired girls? Now, come on. Change and come with me before I change my mind." She was just about to walk away when he grabbed her arm.
"Why the hell would I go anywhere with you? It's three o'clock in the bloody morning. I'm going back to bed."
Sasuke let go of her forearm and made a move to close his front door, but Sakura forced the door open.
"Come on. It's a beautiful almost-morning and you haven't seen everything that Suna has to offer until I show you this," she wheedled, tugging on his arm.
"Sakura. It's three. In. The. Morning. That means sleeping time for all normal people."
She snorted. "As if you or I fit into the category 'Normal'. Now, get dressed. I swear- I'll make it worth your while."
Pausing after she made the statement and received a disbelieving look from her… person, she added, "In a aesthetic way. Not… sexual. I wouldn't be interested in you if you were the last person on earth. You don't appreciate photography at all."
"Uh huh." There was an amused, arrogant look in Sasuke's eyes before he turned around. "I'll… be back out in two minutes."
As she waited for Sasuke to return, she tapped her foot. Her bag of supplies was in the car she'd rented from the university and she was itching to go. Biting her lower lip, she finally gave up on not thinking about that little… verbal repartee that she and Sasuke had engaged in just a few second before. They were becoming more and more comfortable with each other as time went on and... well, it was strange.
She was fine with admitting to herself that he was attractive- it was just the fact that he knew it and seemed to casually use it to his advantage that bothered her.
He was Shisui's cousin, which was evident in more than the fact that he was a member of the soccer team and apparently really good at the running all over the field and "gleaming like a Greek god" post-workout, according to the girls in the photography club. There was this critical look in his dark eyes at times, a strange sort of intelligence that she often saw in the older Uchiha as well. Also, while his hair spiked back, it had the same color and texture as Shisui (she tried not to think about how she knew that particular piece of information).
They'd just had this arrangement for the past four weeks and he was… well, not settled into her photography exactly. He… mostly served as an observer, asking questions and such. He wasn't a model. He absolutely refused to help carry her things.
So why did Shisui and Ino make him "help" her?
For a while, Sakura considered that her "friends" were trying to set them up before shaking the idea off. They all knew that she wasn't really interested in relationships, especially after her parents' marriage, and that being set up- obviously or otherwise- would merely get her upset.
Well, no matter why he was supposed to "help" her, she would make something of it.
"Ready to go?"
Her head jerked out of the thinking position she had adopted in the middle of her musings as he entered the hall, locking the door behind him.
"Yeah. The car is just outside."
After buckling up, she turned the key in the ignition and drove forward. The street was empty as all of the other people in the world seemed to be inside their homes.
"How far are we going?" the man in the passenger seat asked as they passed the "You are leaving Suna" sign. Glancing sideways, Sakura saw that he had relaxed into the seat and was staring at her expectantly.
She smirked at him. "Just far enough."
He simply rolled his eyes and seemed to fall asleep.
She drove in the silence for a half hour, keeping a careful eye on the road. The world was peaceful, though rather dark still. Because it was almost the end of March, the horizon was a barely noticeable shade of dark pink twilight with the glow of the coming sun.
After taking a right turn on a small local road, she found herself gazing at an almost-familiar sight.
"Sasuke, wake up," Sakura hissed, poking him harshly in the nose. "We're here and you are going to have been woken up for nothing if you don't wake up now."
"Mrrflrr…" His right hand batted at his nose just as she pulled away, cuffing himself lightly in the face.
Opening her door, Sakura twisted her body so that her legs were leaning out of the door. She stepped out of the car and walked to the back doors. Quickly, she grabbed her camera bags before closing the door and walking around to the passenger side and opening the door.
Sakura swiftly leaned across his lap and pressed the button to unbuckle Sasuke's seatbelt before harshly jerking him out of the car.
"Oof!"
After smirking at the pile of limbs lying on the grass, Sakura started walking away. "Come on! We're wasting beautiful daylight."
From behind her, she heard Sasuke mutter, "There is no daylight yet," before he picked himself up and began following her reluctantly.
His longer strides caught him up to her quickly and without what seemed like much effort on his part. "So…"
Before he could continue, Sakura waved her hand almost dismissively at him. "Just wait a moment and you'll see why I dragged you here at such an early hour."
There was a frustrated sigh, but he kept silent. She wasn't quite sure whether it was because he was too sleepy to argue or he was curious about what she had to show that couldn't wait till, say, two o'clock in the afternoon.
It seemed like no time at all passed until they came around a corner and reached their destination.
The top of the hidden lake was dark ebony in the three-thirty sky even as moonlight could be seen stretching from the sky to clear a circular glow in the water's reflection. Soft lapping sounds could be heard as waves made their way on to the pale sandy beach.
"What is this place?" The mood of the small space must have made some sort of impression on Sasuke as he whispered. Perhaps the tone didn't quite approach reverie, but it was certainly more than bored disdain.
"There's no real name," she murmured back- at least, not one on the map. "It's just a lake on a map- one that isn't labeled. The locals call it Ame, for the rain that looks black in the middle of the afternoon."
"Aa."
Standing there wasn't really an option, so she reached into her bag and took out her favorite Canon.
"Come on. I want to find the perfect angle."
She didn't need to look behind her to know that he rolled his eyes at her statement as she proceeded forward to look for a way to present the current environment at its full beauty with camera and the right amount of flash.
Instead of following her, Sasuke made his leisurely way to the edge of the water where there was a small dock. Walking along it, he kneeled on the edge as it swayed a bit from the change in weight distribution. The moon seemed just feet away. In a sudden fit of what Sakura thought to be childish curiosity, he reached out for the moon on the water as she quickly brought her camera to her eyes and took a picture.
The flash startled Sasuke as he drew his arm back to his body in shock at the sudden light, but Sakura had already caught the image on film.
"What the hell was-?"
But she interrupted him as her eyes focused on small ripples and this useless reaching for the intangible and the dark glow around the small figure on the right side of the image.
"I have a new task for you."
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.
.
He was standing in front of the bird exhibit at the zoo, a baseball hat resting on top of his head, when she found him.
"Hey! Sorry I'm so late." Sakura rested her hands on her knees as she panted, trying to catch her breath. Standing up straight, she asked, "So why'd you call me here?"
Sasuke, jerking his head in the direction of the exhibit in front of him, answered, "New baby birds hatched last night. I figured you'd like to take pictures of them or something, since you have a thing about taking pictures of 'significant things'. Figured babies were included in that heading somewhere."
Tilting her head to the side, Sakura quietly contemplated the cactus that served as the habitat. It was at least six feet tall with pink flower petals poking over the edge. Other "branches" exited the main stem-like part before becoming perpendicular to the ground and reaching for the sky.
"I can see them easily."
"But that means I'm too short!"
He smirked at her. "I suppose you could always ask for a step ladder…"
"… Right. And what'll I say? 'I want to take a picture of your birdies, so please let me borrow a ladder. No, I can't have my friend take a picture of it because he doesn't really understand how to use a camera the way I'd like him to.'"
"So I'm a friend now?"
"… Maybe. Anyway, that isn't the important part. How are we going to manage this, genius?"
"Then I guess you're going to have to sit on my shoulders or something."
Blinking at him, she thought for a few moments before nodding slowly. "But if you drop me, it'll be on your head."
"So scared," he mocked as he bent down so that Sakura could piggy-back him.
"You should be. Now, move forward… There. And bend down a little bit. More… More… Back a little. There!"
In the viewfinder, she saw the birds, their little beaks opened in a loud demand for food as the mother bird descended upon her flower-nest.
Taking a quick picture, she looked at it critically on the screen.
"Sakura, it hurts to keep my back bent like this. Are you going to be done before my back breaks?"
After considering for a few more seconds, she decided not to try his patience (since he gave her such a good tip, not because she felt bad about hurting his back a bit) and hopped down just in time for some guards to make their way close to them.
"What were you just doing to the birds?"
"Just pictures. Um, have a nice day!" Grabbing Sasuke's hand, she dashed off and away from the security detail, holding him tight until they rounded a corner.
As they made their way to Sasuke's motorcycle, neither noticed that they hadn't let go of each other's hands.
.
.
.
"You can cook?"
Sasuke scowled. "Always the tone of disbelief. Yes, I can cook. How else do you think I survive at college?"
"On cafeteria food, like everyone else, of course!"
"Caf food is unhealthy."
"Well, yeah! But it's easier and less time-consuming than preparing every meal."
"I don't do this every day.
"Just on special occasions."
"Oh? And what occasion is this?" Though Sakura's tone is light, there's something like trepidation that has crept into her voice.
"Our first… date-dinner… thing."
"…Oh."
"Yes, oh. Unless you want to name this something else and skip out on the crème brulee I made for dessert."
"No, I'm perfectly fine with the… date-dinner… thing."
She couldn't remember feeling so stupid about a boy before.
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.
It was the end of April. The end of freshman year was almost upon them, but finals were approaching at a speed that was just too fast to handle.
The little photo shoot dates that Sasuke and Sakura indulged in were getting rarer and rarer as Sakura was pressed to study more and more for her advanced classes. Sasuke was more relaxed about studying. It was hard to tell if it was because he didn't need to study so fervently because he was just that smart or whether he was smart enough to now spend all of his time studying, choosing instead to relax to keep the street low.
It was on the last weekend before exams that they decided to drive back to Konoha on the Friday and spend the rest of the weekend there before heading back to Suna on Sunday.
Sakura had been back home a few times during the year, but bringing Sasuke seemed… different, to her. It was like a mesh of two different worlds- her old life and college.
Possibly the time it hit home most was their visit to an old meeting place for her, Hinata, Karin, Ino, and Tenten.
The little bridge seemed the same as ever, river water flowing beneath it with a cheerful burbling sound. Leaning against the thin rails, Sasuke looked at Sakura and smiled- or as close as he ever got to smiling with minimum… snarkiness or arrogance.
He just looked at her and smiled.
Swiftly, she pressed the button and the camera whirred as it spat out a picture.
"This," Sakura said, shaking the picture in the air, "is pure gold."
Leaning over and resting her elbow on the wood, she kissed him.
When she went home, Sakura discovered the only frame she had left was the one with a small crack in the glass. Placing it in the frame, she frowned at the way the crack went across his face, disfiguring the photo slightly.
But that was okay, because she could see his face every day
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.
.
It was such a relief, seeing the end of freshman year pass by in a dizzying turn of colors.
If Sakura had thought she was happy the few minutes before she met Sasuke that day, it was nothing compared to what she felt now. Happiness had mixed with contentment and- she just felt complete.
Smiling as she walked around the shopping district with Ino in mid June, Sakura hummed as she held tightly onto the bags of clothes that her friend had forced her to buy. She insisted that she was fine without having to buy so many clothes, but the blonde obviously saw things differently. "… You need different outfits. You might not think so, but a change in clothes often lightens your mood. I know you and Sasuke are happy together and I'm happy for that, but there other ways to feel-."
Ino's rant was interrupted by her phone going off.
"Hello."
Sakura glanced around her as Ino kept talking on the phone. A side of her heard the increasingly distressed tone of voice she was using, but most of her was focused on the variety of sparkly jewelry that one shop had on display.
Ino shut her phone with a harsh snap! and grabbed Sakura's arm, dragging her in the general direction of the car.
"Ino, where are you taking me in such a hurry?"
She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "Sakura." Ino's eyes were slowly filling with tears.
"It's…" She took a big gulp of air before grabbing one of Sakura's hands in two of her own.
"Sasuke was walking to soccer practice and… Well, you know that he's very... blasé about crossing the street?"
Sakura nodded, a dark thing grabbing her heart already as she fought what she knew was probably coming.
"It's generally not very busy, where he was, so he just crossed in the middle of the street. But today was the first day for the carnival, which was right across the street…"
"Ino…" Sakura whispered. "No, no, you can't… Stop... stop talking. Stop, stop, stop-"
"He walked right into a car that was driving sixty-five miles per hour. Went flying twenty some feet." Her voice was not remorseless, but it kept moving, as if it'd be easier for Sakura to hear if the facts just flew by her.
"Sakura, he didn't feel a thing."
But that didn't mean she didn't as she slowly died inside.
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.
At the wake, Sakura stared at the stiff-faced not-Sasuke in the coffin. She was holding on to Ino and Shisui with an equally hard grip, unable to seize the understanding that Sasuke… he no longer existed, really. That all she could see was an empty shell.
After standing there, immobile, her two friends- keepers, really- led her to sit down as other people went up to pay their respects to him- her boyfriend.
Ex, of course, was the appropriate term... but "ex" hurt because it meant the end of something and… all of this was end enough for her.
Sasuke.
Her Sasuke.
An older boy- a man, really- caught her eye as he made his way up to the casket. He looked so much like Sasuke- yet not, that she could only assume that he was Itachi, the older brother her boyfriend had only mentioned on several occasions. His eyes were hollow and the words he murmured- or mouthed, maybe- at the casket seemed angry and upset as his mouth made harsh contortions.
Sakura wished she could tell him- Itachi or Sasuke- how she really felt, being left behind. It hadn't been his choice to leave, but she had to wonder if he had listened to her- just once (but once was all it took to be taken, wasn't it?)- would he still be alive? But she couldn't tell Sasuke- he was dead, damn it- and Itachi... he had enough things to worry about without her piling all of the anger and desperation in her heart on him.
Itachi turned around and made his way and sat down next to Shisui. Sakura held Ino's hand for a moment before reaching over Shisui to grasp one of Itachi's hand in a boneleoss effort to maybe connect with… something.
"It's… it's… life. And death," she whispered to him- to Shisui- to someone. "We don't get a choice in either but… we… we have a choice to move forward. For him.
"You don't have to do it alone either."
There was not really a smile in his eyes, but a quiet acceptance as he squeezed his hand briefly.
"I'm Itachi."
"I know. I'm Sakura."
They could help each other through it.
It'd be okay.
.
.
.
Two days later, during the summer solstice, when she was sitting under the tree besides a gravestone and gripping that last Polaroid picture, she felt the night would never end and wondered what good a photograph did after all.
.
.
.
So I think that completely explains the majority of questions people may have had about Ruling Fears. If you have any more, feel free to ask? :)
-pandastacia