Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
A/N: It feels so good to be writing again. I appreciate you reading this so much. You spend me focus and hope and love whenever I think I cannot go on.
Thank You.
Fluorescent Minds
Kurt keeps shifting, has now decidedly shifted out of his sleep and into a different state altogether. He keeps thinking that he is so not used to this. Grows more and more restless with every echo of that thought. His mind edging his body on to freaking find a comfortable position already.
"Babe? What's wrong?"
Kurt does not know how to answer, stilling completely in Blaine's arms instead. It is answer enough for the boy holding Kurt.
Kurt does his best to squeeze his eyes even tighter shut than they had been before, in an attempt to force himself back into a state of unconsciousness, which Kurt wishes to be restful, which Kurt wishes to be able to deservedly call sleep.
Blaine knows the expression of painful unease excruciatingly slowly settling on his boyfriend's face, has seen that exact response before, just never quite so point-blank.
Blaine has never felt Kurt still under his touch before, only seen him pause in mid step, at a thought, an idea, a voice, an image – inside and outside his mind.
Briefly Blaine can only marvel at now knowing what it feels like, that exact moment.
He eases his arms of from where they had still been holding Kurt lightly - even after all his tossing and turning - and starts running the fingertips of his right hand tenderly through Kurt's hair, in the affectionate way he knows no one else has ever been allowed, invited to.
Wherever they physically are, this never fails to relax Kurt, to put him enough at ease, into his comfort zone, to open up to Blaine.
Blaine clearly remembers that daring moment a couple of weeks ago in the middle of a crowded shopping center when Kurt had suddenly looked so sad, flashing back to something, somewhere, a bad memory Blaine had instantly known he will never be able to turn, never be able to rewrite. Blaine had chosen not to focus on that part. Back then Blaine's soft touches in his hair had relaxed Kurt back into a world less dark, less dreaded; a world, even, with love in it. And as Kurt's eyes had shifted back from the distant absence and found Blaine's in their focus he had even almost smiled - Blaine had been able to make out the idea of a smile in Kurt's eyes - before he had buried himself in Blaine's embrace with such a force - of gratitude, need and love - that the motion had forced Blaine to take a half-step back to steady his stance.
Today though is different.
Blaine frowns at Kurt just squeezing his eyes shut tighter at the touch.
They haven't had many sleepovers, not many opportunities to spend that much time in each other's arms.
Taking Kurt's left hand and pressing it gently against his own heart, Blaine says the words gently. "Kurt? I am right here, I am not going anywhere. Please. Let me in."
Kurt feeling the pumping motion of Blaine's heart against his palm, lets out a heavy breath before slowly, hesitantly opening his eyes and looking into Blaine's.
Extracting his own left from Blaine's hands, he moves it to caress Blaine's right cheek, both boys still lying on their sides under the warm blankets on Kurt's bed.
Blaine almost begins to cry at how sorry Kurt sounds when he speaks these next words, how hurt, how much Kurt seems to feel at fault here. "Right now, I…I can't get comfortable in your arms. I want to, but it does not work. I have tried. I really have. Tossing and turning all off the last…" Kurt pauses to look back over his own shoulder at the fluorescent alarm clock on his nightstand, "…42 minutes. And no matter what I try, it does not work, and…"
"…and you hate that," Blaine finishes Kurt's sentence.
Kurt can only bring himself to nod in answer, eyes huge and sad, slowly filling with yet to be tears, and Kurt's left slipping of Blaine's cheek and moving to fist into the soft fabric of Blaine's PJ top, breathing desperate, heavy, ragged.
Blaine studies Kurt's pained expression with a thoughtfulness clearly visible on his own face that would make it obvious to anyone who cared to take note of it, even a complete stranger, how much in love Blaine really is with Kurt, "There is nothing wrong with that, Love. There is nothing wrong with you for that."
Kurt still feels at a loss at what to think or say, so - as he is far too used to doing in such a situation, more often than not to dissolve some tension between others - he starts with an apology, if asked for or not, Kurt has found out, does hardly ever matter; with Blaine it does. "I didn't mean to wake you. You should not have to worry about this."
"Babe, don't. You know there is nothing to apologize for. I want to know when you start feeling like this. Thank you for telling me. Please, always do. Always."
Kurt nods weakly, looking lost. Others would, others have, but Blaine knows better than to miss it.
Wordlessly he begins to shift and slide, a moment later Kurt is moving again too. Limbs gliding effortlessly along each other, with such an ease Kurt would be startled by it did it not feel so good. So right.
Kurt can feel the comfort slowly washing over his whole body. Waves growing longer and longer, eventually settling, covering and filling all of him.
Blaine does not need to ask, he can feel it. In Kurt and in himself. Heartbeats evening out, in time, Kurt's breathing calmed again.
Kurt smiles softly and in appreciation, and a little wonder, against Blaine's skin, as he whispers "That simple, mmh?"
Blaine is smiling too, reveling in their combined warmth, when he whispers back "Together, yes."