1 Penguin's, Pigeons and Snape's Obsession
Disclaimer: Who cares who own's what????? Unless your in a cult or something. Which I guess I kinda am. Anyway…
Summary: Snape falls in love with Dumbledore, Mme. Hooch reveals that the reason she took up flying is 'cos she was a pigeon in her past life (Flo, yes, she was a vampire pigeon) and everyone finally realises what I've been trying to tell them for ages, Voldemort is really a huge softy who wants nothing more than to please his pet penguin.
Chap.1: Snape's darkest secret.
Snape sighed. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, and there were 4 hours ahead of him, which could be spent enjoying fan fiction written about him falling in love with Dumbledore.
Suddenly the door to his office burst open, and in strode Dumbledore.
Dumble: OK! Admit it! I know your secret!
Snape: What! How did you find out? I mean, it's not exactly as if I've told anyone the way I feel about you.
Dum: (Authors note: He-he-he, he is too!) What???? What are you talking about? I meant the secret which is that you sleep with a pink mouse with purple spots.
Sna: Oh… Wow, that's a relief. I mean, I thought you knew about… HEY! Wait a minute, how did you know about Diddikins? I mean… What are you talking about?
Dum: HAH! I knew it! But 'diddikins'??? Ok McGonagoll, pay up!
A furious Professor McG storms in and slaps £20 in to Dumbledore's hand.
McG: (sulkily) Humph! I was sure it had orange spots! How did you know?
Dum: Well, err…
Sna: Because when we were 7 he made a bet with me that I couldn't sneak in to Chadwick's office and steal 10 bags of Dragon ear fluff. He said that if I did, he would give me his most prized possession. His teddy.
McG: Oh… So you were the one who got Chadwick so mad that he made everyone in our year clean out the toilets.
Sna: (proudly) Yup.
McG: Ok girls, get him!!!
Suddenly, Mme. Hooch, Prof Trelawney, Prof Sprout and all the other female teachers come flying in and start beating Snape around the head with Grapthar's Hammers.
In the mean time, Dumbledore has slipped out, so as not to be confronted by ten mocking female teachers.
*****
Later that night…
Snape is in bed, cuddling up to Diddikins, and barely recognisable due to being wrapped from head to toe in bandages.
Sna: Diddikins, do you think I should tell Albus how I feel about him?
Diddikins:………
Sna: You think so? It all started when I saw him practising his ballet in those pink tights and extremely short ballet skirt.
Flashback.
We see 9yr old Snape wearing dungarees and a bright pink woolly bonnet (Author's Note: Whenever I think about this I get a mental picture of it, and, G_d help me, I think he looks sweet!) peeping out from behind a grand piano. He is watching the cleared space in the great hall, where Dumbledore will soon be making his entrance. Severus's plan is to announce himself 5 mins in to Dum's rehearsal and spend the rest of his life blackmailing Dum into giving him everything that he wants.
Suddenly, music starts and we see 9yr old Dum prance out from behind a curtain wearing his ballet outfit. To make sure you get a proper picture, he also has a long white beard. (Authors Note: My theory is that he was born with it)
Snape, falls in love instantly, and just before he drifts off into the wonder world that we in 8H know as Moogoo dreamland, mutters to himself-
Sna: Curses! The plan was perfect apart from the bit where I forgot I was gay.
End of chapter 1.
Hope you liked it, and also hope you didn't get too scared about Dumbledore in tights. Please R&R! More soon.
Disclaimer: Who cares who own's what????? Unless your in a cult or something. Which I guess I kinda am. Anyway…
Summary: Snape falls in love with Dumbledore, Mme. Hooch reveals that the reason she took up flying is 'cos she was a pigeon in her past life (Flo, yes, she was a vampire pigeon) and everyone finally realises what I've been trying to tell them for ages, Voldemort is really a huge softy who wants nothing more than to please his pet penguin.
Chap.1: Snape's darkest secret.
Snape sighed. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, and there were 4 hours ahead of him, which could be spent enjoying fan fiction written about him falling in love with Dumbledore.
Suddenly the door to his office burst open, and in strode Dumbledore.
Dumble: OK! Admit it! I know your secret!
Snape: What! How did you find out? I mean, it's not exactly as if I've told anyone the way I feel about you.
Dum: (Authors note: He-he-he, he is too!) What???? What are you talking about? I meant the secret which is that you sleep with a pink mouse with purple spots.
Sna: Oh… Wow, that's a relief. I mean, I thought you knew about… HEY! Wait a minute, how did you know about Diddikins? I mean… What are you talking about?
Dum: HAH! I knew it! But 'diddikins'??? Ok McGonagoll, pay up!
A furious Professor McG storms in and slaps £20 in to Dumbledore's hand.
McG: (sulkily) Humph! I was sure it had orange spots! How did you know?
Dum: Well, err…
Sna: Because when we were 7 he made a bet with me that I couldn't sneak in to Chadwick's office and steal 10 bags of Dragon ear fluff. He said that if I did, he would give me his most prized possession. His teddy.
McG: Oh… So you were the one who got Chadwick so mad that he made everyone in our year clean out the toilets.
Sna: (proudly) Yup.
McG: Ok girls, get him!!!
Suddenly, Mme. Hooch, Prof Trelawney, Prof Sprout and all the other female teachers come flying in and start beating Snape around the head with Grapthar's Hammers.
In the mean time, Dumbledore has slipped out, so as not to be confronted by ten mocking female teachers.
*****
Later that night…
Snape is in bed, cuddling up to Diddikins, and barely recognisable due to being wrapped from head to toe in bandages.
Sna: Diddikins, do you think I should tell Albus how I feel about him?
Diddikins:………
Sna: You think so? It all started when I saw him practising his ballet in those pink tights and extremely short ballet skirt.
Flashback.
We see 9yr old Snape wearing dungarees and a bright pink woolly bonnet (Author's Note: Whenever I think about this I get a mental picture of it, and, G_d help me, I think he looks sweet!) peeping out from behind a grand piano. He is watching the cleared space in the great hall, where Dumbledore will soon be making his entrance. Severus's plan is to announce himself 5 mins in to Dum's rehearsal and spend the rest of his life blackmailing Dum into giving him everything that he wants.
Suddenly, music starts and we see 9yr old Dum prance out from behind a curtain wearing his ballet outfit. To make sure you get a proper picture, he also has a long white beard. (Authors Note: My theory is that he was born with it)
Snape, falls in love instantly, and just before he drifts off into the wonder world that we in 8H know as Moogoo dreamland, mutters to himself-
Sna: Curses! The plan was perfect apart from the bit where I forgot I was gay.
End of chapter 1.
Hope you liked it, and also hope you didn't get too scared about Dumbledore in tights. Please R&R! More soon.