I
It was a beautiful day, gorgeous actually. It had rained earlier in the morning and now everything was shining, everything looked brand new. I could hear the waves hit the beach from the distance. And I could just imagine the thousands of stories that birds were telling me with their songs from the far away places were they had been. I wanted to go there were they had been and I wanted to make my own stories and all my stories are going to be happy and joyful, full on people that I will miss with an aching heart when I had to leave. Bur someday one of those places is going to be my home and those people are going to be my family, who I will love and share my life with. I just haven't found it yet, but I know I will. I just have to, I just have to find that place, because I have to feel safe again and happy. Happiness is all I want now, it will be enough. I have had love and I have lost love and I don't think that I could survive heartache again. So from now on happiness will be enough, I just have to find it.
You would think that when you have lost everything and everyone staying positive and thinking positive thoughts would be hard, but it really isn't. If you want to live, you don't have any other choice, and I want to live. I will live, I was given this one life and I will make it the best one. I will make my own choices and my own rules and the only person who can tell me what to do or what to think is I. I can feel a warm breeze of wind playing with my hair and Id like to think that someday this same wind will blow all the anger and sadness away from my heart, everything that I want to be gone, will be. I will be a different person, this sad face that has been looking back at me from the mirror will be gone, and instead I will see a person who is perfect, perfect to be me.
Angela was kind enough to let me stay at her grandparents house until I had found out what I wanted to do with my life next. I had already fallen in love with this old house ant its small garden. Lying in the hammock and daydreaming had become my favorite things. Sunshine makes everything seem easier, even if it is only for a little while. Although I love this place I know I can't stay here forever, it isn't mine. But I already know that my home is going to be just as warm and inviting as this one, whit a small garden and a hammock to lay in on a lazy summer day, when everything feels so simple and there is an ease in your heart.
Without knowing I had been rubbing my belly softly and then it hit me, the pain and the realization of how much I had exactly lost. I still couldn't believe that it was just two weeks ago when I had cut all my ties, when I had lost everything and left everyone that I knew behind. I was scared, but I know that from now on only person who can take care of me is I. With a simple stroke I brushed away the tears, I will survive this, and I will be okay.