Hey guy's did you miss your Auntie Jaffa! Cause I sure as hell missed you. Now I know normally I am more of Niam shipper but I have found myself falling in love with this little pairing here. This is based around the song Another Sad Song by Lower Than Atlantis, if you feel like it listen to the song as you read . Okay so this is a boyxboy so if you don't like it then don't read. Also after this I am going to be working on a Havshee so I won't be posting another Niam for some time. Anywho you are probably sick of me rambling on so yeah…
Summery: Remus is pushing Sirius away due to the fear he hold's for the monster that lives inside of him. He is not only pushing away the man he loves but also his bestfriend.
Flashback to 1999,
It's the summer,
Not a cloud in the sky.
Present day,
Things have changed,
Summer's over
And it rains here every day.
Remus followed the fat droplet with his eyes as it crawled down the window merging with other droplets until it reached the bottom and broke apart. The rain was coming down heavily in thick walls that blew across the never ending fields of the Hogwarts grounds. In the distance the Whomping Willow sprung to life shaking the rain from its naked branches. He sat on the hard ledge of the window his elbow digging into his thigh as he cradled his head in his palm. His breath fogged the glass obscuring his vision slightly. He jumped as the door clicked shut, having not heard it open. Knowing already that it was Sirius he didn't turn around instead looking up ruefully at the Waxing moon. Its eerie light entered the room bouncing of the shining surface of the wooden floorboards.
"Remus," Sirius croaked being the first of the two to break the silence, "what's wrong with you? We're worried, James, Peter and I… you've been avoiding us. Its been two week, please just… I don't know; just tell us what's wrong."
Still not looking up at the other male a quiet string of words emitted from the lycanthropes mouth, "Tell me Sirius, have you ever been in love?"
The raven haired male didn't reply but Remus could feel the grey eyes burning holes into the back of his heard as he stared openly at him. Finally he moved, in one swift movement getting to his feet and turning to face his bestfriend of five years. He approached him in long confidant strides until he stood before Sirius. Said boy looked down at him expectantly. Resting a light hand on the boys shoulders Remus pushed himself up onto his toes and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of Sirius' lips. The shock on the young Black's face as Remus pulled away was understandable and the slighter boy stepped around him and made his way to the door, easing it open. He stopped turning his head sideways but not looking over his shoulder, he was still addressing the other boy, "No I suppose you haven't."
Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.
Remus threw himself into his studies, spending most of his time outside class in the generously proportioned library. He had gone out of his way avoiding the others, he knew that it was hurting them –his ignorance towards them – but hurt would be the least of their worries had the remained friends with the amber eyed boy. He shouldn't have got attached in the first place, bad things happened to the people he cared for. Remus had even taken to ignoring Lily. It was his own special type of torture. He deserved this, the pain, grief, sorrow. He was nothing but a monster. Couldn't they see that?
Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.
The cool kitchen tiles introduced a comforting sensation to the teen as he nursed a hot chocolate in his hands, warming them. At this hour of night he expected no interruptions, but as it was no one was looking out for him and the portrait hole swung open. His eyes snapped up to meet a pair of all to familiar ones and immediately he shrunk away.
Sirius lunged at him pinning him against the wall and sending his cup of hot chocolate spiralling to the floor, "what the fuck is wrong with you!" He snarled his face too close to Remus', "You don't just pull something like that and then… then just go back to pretending I don't exist!"
Remus fought out of the taller boy's hold and fixed his clothes turning a glare on Sirius, "You don't have a clue Sirius, you don't even know the half of it," he kept his voice calm and even, "this is for the best. Just forget about me and whatever happy ending you had for us," he paused and pulled at his top where is had slipped of his thin shoulder.
Once again he found himself pressed against the wall, Sirius' body pressed against his own. He could feel the warmth radiating from him. Suddenly lips clashed violently with his own in a rough kiss, he wanted to kiss back he really did, he wanted to give into his own desires. But he couldn't. Taking Sirius' bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. Hard.
But how so?
I'm only 21 years old.
I used to be so happy,
Now here's another sad song by a sad boy
Playing the saddest chords he knows.
After the run in at the kitchens Remus barley ate, skipping the allotted meal times as to avoid his old friends and no longer going to the kitchens in fear of having another argument. The weight was dropping of him, his eyes becoming sunken, bones becoming more prominent. He could tell that he was worrying his ex-friends and even the teachers but he deserved this… didn't he? He was a monster, a horrid creature. Nobody needed him; they were better of without him. But who was he trying to convince? Everyone else or himself?
Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.
"Remus," James growled out, as it was Remus was no longer safe. His cocoon was broken, "I don't care if you don't want to be our friend anymore, hell I don't care that you're pretending we don't exist. I do care however that you have not been eating, you were thin enough as it was and if you don't eat out of choice then I will force you."
Remus allowed himself to slump forward, casting his eyes to the floor, "I have been busy," was his weak reply, his voice scratchy from disuse. The full moon was approaching also making his condition seem worse than it actually was, "food really wasn't one of my priorities."
"Well it should be!" James sneered fixing him with a glare that would cause even the great Dumbledore to wince, "Has is ever crossed you mind that without food you could die Remus! And despite your ignorance towards us we have been paying attention to you, do you know how worried you have us. It's easy to tell that you're not in proper health. Just eat something… anything, or I'll make you eat," with that he turned and stormed from the library his robes billowing behind him.
Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.
Sitting in potions he could feel eyes burning into the back of his head, he didn't want to turn around and meet the gaze yet he did. Bright green eyes peered at him through thick lashes, worry shining in the bright orbs. Remus attempted a weak smile as a way to comfort Lily, it was the least he could do. As he turned back to face the front a note landed on his desk, carefully he unfolded it and read.
Did you eat anything.
He wrote a hasty reply explaining that he had ventured to the kitchens the previous night. A little lie couldn't hurt.
Don't lie to me Lupin; I was in the kitchen till one in the morning. You are coming to lunch with us like it or not. It isn't up for debate.
Letting out a sigh of defeat he slouched forward, yes he would go to lunch but not with James, Peter and Sirius.
Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.
It was strange being in the great hall again, strange even to be eating again but it was the night of the full moon and Remus needed his strength. He was scared; he was always scared when this time of the month came around. What if he were to leave the shrieking shack and hurt someone? What if someone finally realised what he was?
It wasn't his fault he was like this, wasn't his fault he was a monster disguised as a normal boy. How he longed to be normal.
Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.
As the sky darkened Remus found himself in a room at the top of the shrieking shack. Alone as always, alone to deal with what he was. A biting wind cut through the shack, chilling the amber eyed boy and causing him to shiver violently. Night's like these were the nights when he grew to know what loneliness truly was.
As the moon rose to its peak the transformation began. This was what he deserved though, all this pain. His screams filled the air as he felt each bone shatter and grow, stretching longer. Blood filled his mouth as fangs pushed themselves free of his gums, tearing his other teeth free. His toes and fingers curled in pain and claws pushed free of the nail beds. Once it was complete Remus no longer stood there. No. It was the monster that lived inside everyone freeing itself for one night of liberty.
There you have it. Hope you enjoyed because I enjoyed writing this. I know the summery was awful but hopefully it didn't reflect the story.
May unicorns and rainbows be with you.
Lots of love you favourite auntie,
Jaffa xx