Before I even begin, I wrote this for the soul purpose of pissing people off. This is what happened when a Hellsing fan and a Kuroshitsuji fan get into a debate about which character is manliest. This probably has a lot of OOCness, and I feel like putting in no effort whatsoever at the moment, so I will come back to this eventually to make it better. Chibi-suki is my friends OC and that's all I got. Reviews are also greatly appreciated.

Grell Sutcliff was freshly promoted, again, and was actually doing work. There was a plethora of slaughtered humans, the handy work of non-other than Alucard. Getting frustrated that Ronald was getting distracted by nearly every girl that walked by, Grell gave up, and glanced around, noticing the red clad vampire.

Leaving Ronald to his own devices, Grell hopped onto a nearby roof, and watched Alucard saunter away, like the innocent bystander he was pretending to be. Not that he had a solid defense since he was about as blood covered as Grell.

Alucard was struggling to walk a straight line, being drunk from blood, but he knew it was worth it since he was one step closer to slaughtering all the fucking Nazi's.

Grell dropped down from a nearby rooftop, softly landing on the concrete sidewalk and commenting, "You did a lovely job painting it red."

"Oh yeah?"

Grell casually leaned against his chainsaw, happy for the attention he was being given by Alucard. Alucard on the other hand, was tripping out a little too hard, and was just perceiving Grell as a curvy girl with a large chest that made up for he obnoxious voice. "The mere thought of it is getting me all fired up! I haven't seen something this good since England!"

"Is that so? Why don't you and I go back to my place then?"

Grell tossed his red hair back behind his shoulder, and upon hearing Ronald calling for him, quickly accepted, wanting to get away from the blonde haired 'nuisance'.

Waking up the next day severally hung over, Alucard glanced around in the unusual brightness of his room, remembering nothing much other than something about Nazi's and a red haired chick. Throwing on his glasses and running a hand through his hair, Alucard made an attempt to stand, but sitting up was enough to make him nauseous.

He flinched as the door was thrown open by none other than Integra who, after witnessing Grell sauntering across the front yard this morning, decided it was high time Alucard gave her a field report. "Alucard, I don't care what you were doing last night, but I need to know what you accomplished now."

Glaring at the human that stood in front of his, Alucard's throbbing head only seemed to get worse with beast of Integra's heart. "Well?!"

With that Alucard threw up a fairly large amount of black, dead looking blood. Curling up into a ball, the vampire was confused, but too exhausted to even come up with a suitable rage. By time Integra had processed what had just happened, Alucard had already passes out.

Several months later…

"Stop fucking string at me like that you insufferable bitch!"

Police girl giggled, "Master, you shouldn't get all worked up like this, it's not good for the baby."

Alucard's eye twitched, the only thing he cared about was killing the thing growing inside him. He had tried damn near everything to get the damn thing to die, he eve shot him-self several hundred times. Like it's father…mother…lets go with host, the child just wouldn't die. "Do you think this is fucking funny!? You'd think after damn near four months you'd have all of this out of your god damned system."

Reaching for his gun, Alucard leveled it, seriously considering shooting the insufferable girl standing in front of him. As if saved by some upper being, the front door burst open, and in stormed a troop of humans, filled with the sole intent of killing Integra, but this wasn't new news. Police girl ran off to deal with the intruders, whilst Alucard was holed up in his room, unable to do anything involving killing sue to his bulging stomach.

Waiting a couple minutes, the vampire realized that since people were dying, there would be a possibility that that irritating shinigami would show up. That in itself was enough motivation to go out and survey the damage caused by the police girl.

Standing behind the railing that led to the landing of the main staircase, low and behold Grell was already there reaping souls. "You, what the fuck did you do?!"

Grell turned, blood spattered, and a bit worn out, then casually leaned against his bloody chainsaw, "Ally, you've really let yourself go, and I was hoping we would be able to play again."

"I haven't done anything, you did this to me!"

Taping his chin thoughtfully, Grell leapt the room, and landed on the railing in front of Alucard, "You shouldn't be getting worked up like this, our daughter is going to be born with anxiety."

"You get no say in the matter! I'm going to kill this damn thing!"

Grell smirked, peering at Alucard's stomach with his shinigami eyes, "Actually, that's not going to happen, you see, she's not supposed to die."

"Stop calling it a girl! Who the hell are you to just waltz in here and claim right to this thing!"

"I'm the mother am I not, being a beautiful woman, I'm simply saving my body for Bassie's or William's children."

Alucard's eye twitched, and he shuddered, the fact wondering, how the hell is this thing a woman?! "You insufferable swine, "Alucard leveled his gun, ready to shoot Grell, "Tell me how to kill this thing!"

Grell simply smirked, and stated, "I'll come back later, you are going to be busy."

"What the fuck-"

Alucard doubled over in pain, as Grell slipped out with his chainsaw. Curled up on the floor, police girl blurred up, asking a stupid question. "master is the baby coming?!"

"No, the floor is just so…fucking…comfortable!"

"Well what am I supposed to do!?" Losing her cool, especially since she had no idea how a boy was even supposed to birth a baby, she called for Integra, or Walter, not trusting Alucard to be left to his own devices.

Sighing loudly and irritably, Alucard managed to sit up, and glare at the stupid girl that stood before him, "Will you shut the fuck up!? Damn, how the hell am I…supposed to think with you screaming…like a little bitch!?"

In reality Alucard was the only one who reserved the right to be screaming 'like a little bitch'. He felt like he was being ripped in half from the inside out, and the police girl's freaking out wasn't any help. And then there was the fact that he was panicking inwardly as well, wondering how this entire thing would play out.

Integra, hearing all the commotion, wandered in, asking, "What is the matter with you!?"

"Master...baby…oh…I don't know what to do!"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Integra couldn't even begin to make sense of the incoherent sentence. "Haven't we established this already?"

"For the love of fuck, get this damn thing out of me, before I shoot someone!"

"Isn't that what got you into this mess in the first place?"

Some twisted part of Integra enjoyed watching Alucard writhing in pain, she planned on prolonging this, for a bit longer. "I will kill you!"

"No you won't, I know you won't."

"I will if you don't fucking do something!"

Integra stood there, then told police girl to go find Walter. "Is that better?"

This deep growl emitted from Alucard and he curled up on the floor, "What the fuck do you think!"

This wasn't a question, Alucard wanted an answer, but Integra just stood there smirking, watching the vampire, as he prepared to experience childbirth.

Five months later

Climbing in through the window uninvited, Grell burst into the Hellsing resident, "Ally where's my daughter?"

Alucard, had already leveled his gun at the intruder, "For the last fucking time, Chibi-Suki* is a boy!"

"You don't know that's what he wants to be, he'll come to his senses and realize that us women are far superior."

"I see a woman nowhere, you reatarded bastard."

A small Chibi-Suki toddled into the room, and, having spent way too much time with Alucard, wrapped his small arms around Grell's leg. Smiling up at his 'mother'. Grell clapped his hands in delight, picking the small child up. "She knows who her real mother is."

Getting ahold of Grell's hand, a teething Chibi-Suki proceeded to bite it, and even managed to draw blood. "You little brat what do you think you're doing?!"

Alucard and Chibi-Suki shared a sadistic smirk, apparently Alucard's hatred for the red-hair shinigami had transcribed through the womb, resulting in a child who, had no respect for the other parent. Grell placed his 'daughter' on the floor. "Ally what did you do to her!"

"Him, even a child knows the difference between a boy and a girl. Although, you seem to be confused, so I will explain it to you. Girls have boobs and-" Alucard was cut off by Integra entering the room, and upon seeing Grell stated, "Alucard, get rid of this thing, you have work to do."

Alucard smirked, happy to oblige. "Ally, are we going to play again!?" Grell took up his chainsaw, ready for a good old fashion, chainsaw vs. gun fight.

Yeah, that's all I got…sorry if it dragged a bit, I lost motivation about halfway through. reviews anyone?

*Chibi-Suki- Means something like 'little twerp' (you know he's loved xD)