Erwin Smith rubbed his tired eyes as he slumped in his bed, not quite ready to get up and face another tiring day. He glanced out his window, noting grimly that the sun was rising in the dark sky, painting a colorful design in the clouds. Normally at this time, he was up and ready by now. He used to be such a punctual person, always persistent and sticking to a certain schedule, no matter how tired he felt.
That was before he became a parent.
It wasn't that he chose to be a parent. Quite the opposite in fact. He really had no say in the matter. The thought of even having kids had not occurred to him, as he was always trying to fight for humanity and survive to the next day.
But, being responsible for a child threw a wrench in everything, especially when no one is supposed to know about the child's existence.
Bad enough that anyone might have to deal with a secret child, but he was dealing three!
He groaned as he glared at the sleeping bundle right next to him, tufts of messy blond hair poking through the swaddled blanket as the young toddler slept. On Erwin's chest rested a newborn baby, her mouth parted open as she breathed in and out, making the softest, cutest noises ever.
However, the source of his problems was the tiny, black haired child that was glaring at him with grey eyes. Erwin matched the glare, pouring every ounce of misery he felt that child had caused him into that look.
He sighed, wrapping his arms around the tiny baby, steadying her as he slowly rose from his awkward position in the bed. The baby let out a shuddering sigh, but said nothing else as he moved. Erwin avoided touching the blond toddler that was sleeping right next to him, not wanting to wake him up.
The dark haired baby let out a protested noise, holding his small arms up. Erwin had learned rather quickly that such a move was an indication that the baby wanted to be picked up.
Erwin sighed, closing his eyes. "I know, Levi," he said, directing his gaze at the dark haired baby on the bed. "But I need to feed Hanji first. She's the more fragile one of the three." He nodded to the blond, sleeping toddler in the bed who was holding onto the blankets in his tiny fists. "Try not to wake Mike up, please." With that, he turned his back on Levi and a sleeping Mike and went to prepare Hanji's formula.
Even after two days, he was still trying to process how he had wound up in this situation. Two days ago, Hanji, who had been an adult at that time, had been excited to present a discovery of hers to them all. Erwin had agreed to meet with her, Levi and Mike to discuss her findings when she had barged into his office with her news. However, it had been unknown to him that Mike and Levi had arrived early to Hanji's workshop, and he was still uncertain as to what had happened in his absence. By the time he had arrived at Hanji's workshop, he was met with the sight of three babies on the ground, all in a pile of clothing that was the Survey Corps uniform.
To say he had been stunned and confused was an understatement as he had taken in the sight of the three babies on the floor. He had not known what to do, even as the blond toddler had looked up at him with wide eyes and pointed with one finger at him. "Comwander!" the toddler had exclaimed.
The few minutes had been a blur as Erwin had gathered up the crying baby and two toddlers in his arms and rushed out of the workshop. Once in the safety of his office, he had set the babies down on the floor, trying to make sense of it all in the moment. He had spent the next few minutes staring down at the three in shock, not daring to believe what he was seeing. The blond toddler had staggered up to his unsteady feet, gaze focused on Erwin as he had clung to Erwin's legs. "Comwander!" he had repeated again, looking up at Erwin with big, pleading eyes.
The dark haired toddler had snorted as he sat up with a pout, glaring at the baby that had started crying. "Four-Eyes," the toddler had muttered.
The baby had only continued to cry.
A rush of emotions had crashed down on Erwin as he stared down at the blond toddler that was still clutching his leg, the mannerisms of the dark-haired baby all too familiar to him. But it was really the blond toddler that had led him to his simple conclusion.
"Mike?" he had choked out as he stared at the toddler, who nodded his head in response.
Through baby talk and Mike's helpful pointing, Erwin had deduced that something had gone wrong in Hanji's laboratory, thus triggering this odd transformation. But Mike had only been able to communicate by simply nodding in response to Erwin's inquiries. Through this, Erwin had learned that the effects of the transformation would only last for three days.
At least, he hoped so. He had assumed that's what Mike meant when the toddler had held up three fingers proudly while shouting the word "Day!" at him.
Erwin snorted as the memories faded and he was returned to the grim reality he was stuck in. Still holding a baby Hanji, he prepared her bottle. He let out a tired sigh as the baby opened her wide eyes, letting out a sleepy yawn as she blinked up at him.
He glared at her playfully. "You," he said, poking at her chest, causing her to giggle. "This is all your fault. We are in this situation because of you!"
Hanji just cooed, latching onto his finger and sticking it in her mouth and chewing on it.
Erwin had no idea if Hanji, Levi and Mike were aware of their childish actions, or if they retained any of their adult memories. The fact that Mike had called him 'Commander' seemed to suggest that they remembered. Then there was the fact that Levi had looked quite shocked when he had started crying for Erwin's attention like a needy child. It was almost as if he was embarrassed. Then there was the incident when Mike had tried to hoist himself up on the toilet in the bathroom. The sheepish look on the toddler when Erwin had found him looked so innocent that Erwin had to smile in the moment.
Until he had realized why toddler Mike was in the bathroom in the first place.
Erwin sighed once more. Whatever the case, he would find out soon enough if they would remember this incident, and he knew for a fact that there would be plenty of embarrassing stories to tell.
"Up!" a sudden voice demanded, catching his attention and causing him to turn and see Levi shoving at Mike. The blond toddler let out a whine at being woken up, shoving at Levi and causing the black-haired baby to fall back on the sheets.
"Levi!" Erwin exclaimed, rushing over and scooping the baby captain up. "I told you not to wake Mike! It took me all night to get him to fall asleep."
Levi just pouted, snuggling right up to the commander, and it was then Erwin realized that he had given Levi exactly what he had wanted. Attention.
"You are a really needy child," Erwin mumbled as he walked back to the small table where he had placed Hanji's bottle. He set Levi down on his lap when he took a seat, still cradling Hanji as he fed her. Levi squirmed a bit, but still retained some discipline as he forced himself to sit still.
After Hanji was fed, Erwin rose up from his seat, placing Levi down as he went through the bags he had hidden in a corner of the room. Kneeling down, he pulled out a pink and white outfit for Hanji to wear in place of her white sleeping garment. He had spent a fortune on baby cloths for all three of them, along with the necessary supplies. Granted, he only needed this stuff to last him three days, but when he had gone to the market to grab a few things, an over eccentric worker had all but shoved baby clothes in his face. He had been forced to buy the ruffled pink onesie and the baby hats with the pompoms on top. Not to mention those baby shoes that he knew Mike, Levi and Hanji would never need once they returned to their normal ages. He had been grateful for the woman's assistance as he had no idea what to buy in the first place, and he knew his oversized shirts would do no good on a walking toddler, a crawling baby, and a newborn. But, that same worker had been the reason he had spent all his money on baby junk that he would get rid of once the three days were out.
Levi scowled at the blue and white outfit and hat Erwin had laid out for him. "No," Levi said.
Erwin did not even glance at the child. "That is what you are wearing, Levi. Don't complain."
Levi folded his tiny arms, shaking his head firmly. "No," he said.
Erwin sighed, finally looking at the child. "Is 'no' your favorite word?"
Levi paused, actually looking strangely contemplative for a baby, before looking back at Erwin. "No."
Erwin resisted sighing, going back to pulling out the cloths for Mike. "Nice to see you still have your sense of humor," he muttered.
Levi crawled over to the bags, poking his head in with a tiny 'coo.' He reached his chubby hands in the bag before pulling out a ruffled, sailors outfit with a grin. "Wanna dat," he said, waving the outfit around.
Erwin grinned in amusement. "You want to wear that?" he questioned.
Levi shook his head. "Mike!" he exclaimed with a giggle.
"No!" Mike shouted, finally tumbling out of the bed in a tangle of sheets and scurrying over to Levi before tackling him. Levi let out a surprised squeak as he met the toddler head on, still holding onto the outfit.
"No wanna!" Mike shouted as he tried to grab the outfit from Levi, who was still giggling and kicking his feet in the air childishly.
Erwin hurriedly placed Hanji down on a blanket he had already laid out for her before attending to the boys before they hurt themselves. "That's enough you two," he said firmly, grabbing Mike and picking him up. "Behave yourselves and at least act like the adults you should be!"
"Don't wanna!" Mike exclaimed, staring down from Erwin's arms at Levi who was still on the ground, grinning mischievously up at Mike. That served to only cause the blond toddler to narrow his eyes, a look that did not seem to belong on a child's face.
After forcefully dressing the kids, an event that involved Mike running around shrieking in nothing but his diaper while Levi hid under the bed, Erwin was finally able to get dressed himself. He was shrugging on his jacket when a knock on his door drew his attention.
"Sir," a voice said through the door. "It's Moblit."
Erwin relaxed as he picked up a recently fed Levi, patting the baby's back while he placed a burping rag over his shoulder. "Come in," he said.
Moblit entered, eyes shifting everywhere until they fell on Hanji, who was laying on her back on the pink blanket, sucking her thumb in her sleep. Moblit snapped out of startled gaze to look back at Erwin, who was trying to burp a stubborn Levi. Erwin had learned the hard way on day one that not burping a baby left a parent with unpleasant consequences, both for him and the baby.
Moblit grinned. "Commander, this is the second time I have caught you in such a position."
Erwin grinned, remembering how Moblit had barged into his office right as Levi had burped all over Erwin. Moblit had been confused, as he had originally come to inquire where Hanji was hiding for the past twenty-four hours.
"What brings you here so early?" Erwin asked. "You do not get the children for another hour." After Moblit had found out about the conditions Hanji, Mike and Levi were in, it had been decided that he would watch them when Erwin could not.
Moblit snapped to attention. "Sir, cadets and officers are starting to wonder where Hanji, Levi and Mike are." He gestured to the children as both men looked at Mike who was chewing on his sailor sleeve.
Erwin shrugged, adjusting his hold on Levi who let out a protested whine. "Inform anyone who asks that they are out sick."
Moblit blinked. "All of them?"
"Hanji was responsible for spreading the sickness," Erwin said. "As of this moment, Squad Leader Hanji, Captian Levi and Section Commander Mike have been experiencing nausea, diarrhea, nosebleeds and sore throats." Erwin waved a dismissive hand. "Come up with whatever unpleasant description that will keep the others out of the offices and rooms."
Moblit wrinkled his nose. "I...doubt the others would want to know the explicit details of this 'sickness' that suddenly plagues the three fiercest warriors."
Erwin shrugged. "Whatever keeps them away." He paused when he heard Levi let out a wet burp. "Good boy," he said, patting Levi's tiny back.
Moblit grimaced, backing out towards the door as Levi looked up at the man with narrowed eyes. Erwin did not yet understand why Moblit was terrified of baby Levi, but he suspected it had something to do with Moblit first watching the kids and him coming into his office to see a desperate Moblit trying to tend to a crying Hanji while holding a screaming Levi. Mike had seemed to be the only obedient child in the room, sitting diligently in a corner with his hands folded on his lap.
At the end of that whole fiasco, Erwin had sighed and ruffled Mike's hair. "You make me want to have children." He had glared at Levi and Hanji who were now behaved and the picture of innocence. "You two, on the other hand, make me rethink having children."
But today, on the last day, Erwin was starting to doubt if he would ever want kids.
"Do you think you can handle them this time?" Erwin asked, passing Levi off to Moblit.
Moblit blinked, adjusting his hold on the baby. "Um, yeah. I'll do better," he said with a grimace as he eyed Levi who was just staring at the man.
Erwin nodded. "Good. I will not be long. Knowing Pixis, this meeting of ours shouldn't take forever."
"Let us hope so," Moblit muttered as soon as Erwin was out the door. Levi watched the Commander go, eyes wide. He looked back at Moblit, tears suddenly welling up.
Moblit felt himself panic at the horrid memories of his first time babysitting these three. "No! No, no," he said quickly, holding Levi up in an effort to get him to stop crying before he even began. Moblit refrained from shaking him, as he had found out that shaking a baby was never a good idea, especially when they had just ate. "He'll be back! I promise." He quickly grabbed a pacifier, holding it up for Levi. "See? Look at it. Isn't this interesting?"
But Levi only scrunched up his face, a small tear trailing down his cheek.
"Oh no," Moblit muttered, quickly sitting down in a chair. "Coo, coo, coo," he sang in a rush. "That's what pigeons say!"
Levi blanched, his tiny face turning red as he let out a wail at the offending song.
"Alright! Maybe you'd like me to sing faster?" Moblit asked desperately, bouncing Levi as he picked up speed. "Coo, coo, coo! That's what pigeons say!"
Levi's screams caused him to cringe. Hanji awoke from her nap, eyes wide as she soon joined Levi in his screaming.
"Squad Leader!" Moblit exclaimed, rushing to pick her up while still holding Levi. "Hold on ma'am...er...kid?" He looked around helplessly as Hanji and Levi cried in his arms, while a quick glance at Mike showed that he was getting ready to unleash a torrent of tears as well. "You too!?" he exclaimed in despair. "You're supposed to be the good kid!"
Erwin sighed as he trudged out of the meeting room, the babble of voices surrounding him as he tried to leave. It was not that he didn't trust Moblit with the children, he just didn't trust the children with Moblit. The poor man was going through so much already, and he really didn't want to put more unnecessary burdens on Moblit's plate.
But Erwin also knew that he could not do this alone. He could not attend to his duties as a commander, and watch three children at the same time.
This is why he was single.
He frowned as an unpleasant thought came to mind, one he had been trying to avoid until now. Suppose Mike, Levi and Hanji did not turn back to their former, adult selves. What then? Keeping their conditions a secret would be pointless if it came to that. But he had to wonder what would happen should he reveal the three children to everyone.
It was not something he was looking forward to.
"-Sleep little one, sleep already. Or the Coco will come and eat you up!"
Erwin blinked at the strange choice of lyrics as he entered his office, and he blinked once more when he saw Moblit sitting on the ground with Hanji in his arms and a wide-eyed Levi, and an intrigued looking Mike on his lap.
"What was that?" Erwin demanded, staring at Moblit.
Moblit looked up in confusion. "Uh, a lullaby?" He shrugged. "It's pretty much warning the child that if they don't go to sleep, a shapeshifting monster named 'Coco' will come to eat you."
"What kind of a lullaby is that?" Erwin demanded.
"There's also a lullaby about a crab that will eat disobedient children too," Moblit continued unhelpfully.
Erwin shook his head in despair. "So morbid," he muttered.
"Hey," Moblit defended, adjusting his hold on Hanji who was waving her pink rattle around in his face. "Rock-a-by-baby is about a baby falling from a tree to its death! How is that any less morbid?"
"It's not," Erwin answered, taking Hanji from Moblit as if to shield her from the horrid songs. "And I pray to the Most High that your children do not grow up with mental problems."
Moblit scowled. "Well, they didn't like the pigeon song," he muttered.
Erwin raised a thick eyebrow. "So you decided to sing about man-eating crabs?"
"Shapeshifter," Moblit corrected. He sighed. "I have decided against having children after this." He grinned. "Though, I have to admit, having Squad Leader Hanji in this form makes protecting her a whole lot easier."
"I will have to agree with you on both your statements," Erwin stated as he rocked Hanji. "Though, parenting does have its ups and downs." There were times when he felt an overwhelming urge to hold the babies, and he enjoyed hearing their giggles and laughter. But there were times when he would have to remind himself that they were his companions and fellow soldiers, not his children.
"I think I like being single without kids," Moblit commented as he got ready to leave. "Hanji, as an adult and child, is a handful regardless."
Erwin grinned at that statement as he found himself alone once more. He sat down at his desk with Hanji in his arms as he looked over the recent reports.
After an hour of reading, and putting Hanji to sleep and keeping an eye on Levi and Mike, Erwin leaned into his chair at his desk, enjoying the silence for once that had escaped him in the past two days. He stretched his arms, testing out his sore back with a groan. He blinked when he felt something wrap around his leg, and he looked down to see Levi holding onto him.
Strangely yet, the child's grey eyes shone with mischievousness. "Daddy," Levi said.
Erwin grinned, well aware that this usually meant that Levi wanted to distract him from something. "Really? Are we playing that game again?" He looked around the room. "What did you break?"
Levi's grin just grew wider as he tugged at Erwin's leg. "Daddy!" he proclaimed, releasing him and crawling back.
Erwin sighed, getting on his hands and knees to reach Levi, when he felt Mike suddenly leap onto his back. He grunted at the sudden body slam of the child, breathing heavily when Mike wrapped his arms around Erwin's neck. Levi was no help in the matter as he had also latched onto Erwin with a happy squeak.
"Levi! Mike!" he grunted, sitting up, only for Mike to stubbornly wrap his legs around Erwin's waist. "Enough!"
Hanji let out a loud squeak in response to being left out, the sound ringing in the room. Erwin grimaced as he tried to crawl over to where Hanji was laying down with Levi and Mike still clinging to him. He had placed many blankets and pillows down for Hanji, as he found that she could not yet sit up, but she could still roll over. It was at that moment that Hanji looked up at him with wide, dark eyes, proud of herself with the small distance she made towards him.
Erwin was struck with the thought of Hanji's children looking exactly like this, should she decide to have children. Hanji continued to struggle trying to roll towards him, her little cheeks puffed out.
The breath was knocked out of his lungs as Levi, in an attempt to gain a better hold on Erwin, had accidentally kicked him in the gut. He glared at Levi who looked at him sheepishly. "I hope that you have kids someday," he told Levi as he somehow managed to pry Mike off of his back. "So that you will experience the misery you are now putting me through."
Levi grimaced, but settled down next to Hanji to poke at her, causing Hanji's face to scrunch up, which usually meant that she was getting ready to cry.
Erwin acted swiftly, grabbing Hanji and rocking her back in forth. Getting Hanji to stop crying once she began was an impossible task, as he had learned. It was best to prevent her from crying in the first place.
"See-saw, knock at the door. Who's there? Hanji!" he hummed softly, speeding up his rocking. Hanji squealed, waving her tiny fists in the air as he sang softly. "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man," he continued, swallowing his pride as he changed to a more upbeat tune.
Mike, noticing that he was being left out, pouted, his face turning red. Erwin was not fast enough this time to stop the torrent of tears that burst from the emotional child.
"Look Mike!" he exclaimed with forced cheer as he picked up the sobbing toddler. "It's alright, see?" But Mike just looked at him with watery eyes, sniffling.
Levi opened his mouth, ready to unleash his own screams, but Erwin quickly shoved a pacifier in Levi's mouth, preventing him from doing so. "Humanity's Needest," he muttered as he tried to quiet Mike down. He quickly placed a quiet Hanji down, sending her a pleading look as he sat down in his chair with a crying Mike on his lap. To his relief, Hanji seemed to understand that he needed her to remain quiet while he tended to an emotional Mike.
"This is how the lady rides, lady rides, lady rides," Erwin mumbled quickly, bouncing Mike on his knee. Mike looked up at him, bouncing happily every time he would pick up pace.
"Levi!" Erwin snapped suddenly, glaring at the baby who was crawling over to a content Hanji. "Leave Hanji alone and do not cause anymore trouble for me!"
Levi just scowled, continuing to crawl towards Hanji who was looking at him in suspicion. Finally, Levi sat himself up right in front of Hanji, his stare intense. He pointed at Hanji, wrinkling his nose. "PU," he stated.
Erwin grimaced, glaring at an innocent Hanji as she chewed her bib. "Diaper change?" he demanded hopelessly. "Again?"
Baby Hanji did not answer as she continued her chewing.
He frowned, letting out a groan and ignoring Mike's constant tapping. "You couldn't hold it in?"
"Stop that," Erwin ordered, swatting Levi's hand away.
But Levi was persistent on chewing the edges of Erwin's jacket. Finally, he prevailed and stuck the fabric in his mouth, chewing in content.
Erwin sighed, the baby drool already everywhere, and he did his best to ignore it. He would have to change his shirt when he left his room, and he made a personal note to remind himself of that. The last time Levi had burped all over his shoulder, he had forgotten to change and had rushed out of his office without realizing the revolting mess on his shoulder.
Everyone who saw him had assumed that he had been attacked by constipated birds on his way to the meeting, and that was something he would not live down.
"Dada, dada, dada," Mike sang as he tumbled over to Erwin. He glared at Levi, who was still clinging to Erwin. "Up," Mike demanded.
Hanji let out a squeak, indicating that she wanted to be picked up as well.
"Why do you all have to be so needy?" Erwin demanded as he tried to balance both Mike and Levi.
Levi stopped chewing on Erwin's shirt long enough to say, "Daddy," before going back to his fascinating project.
Mike poked at Levi with a frown. "Dada."
"Boys," Erwin warned, sensing another moment of bickering about to happen between them.
Hanji's squeak for attention caused him to groan as he reminded himself that he only had two more hours until bedtime.
Erwin had honestly not thought the whole ordeal through. He had settled into his new routine with Mike and Levi on either side of him, and baby Hanji asleep on his chest. His eyes had closed the minute his head hit the pillow, as he was too tired to deal with anything else.
Sometime in the night, he awoke with a grunt as he felt a massive weight suddenly settle on his chest. His arms instinctively went to wrap around the baby, only to freeze when he realized that Hanji was not a baby anymore.
Hanji was a grown woman, and still clinging to him in her sleep.
His eyes flickered over to notice that a grown Levi was clinging to his side, thumb in his mouth. A quick glance over showed that Mike was in the same position, only halfway out of the bed now that he was a grown man.
Erwin grunted, trying to move out of the embarrassing and uncomfortable position he now found himself in. "Hanji," he hissed. "Get up!"
"Shut up," Levi suddenly muttered, rolling over with a tired snort. "Go to bed."
Mike just snorted, shoving at Erwin in order to get more space on the bed.
Hanji just wrapped her arms tighter around him, a soft sigh escaping her lips.
Erwin laid his head back in frustration as he resigned himself to his fate. Oh well, no one needed to know about this ordeal in the first place. "You three are going to regret this when we wake up in the morning," he promised, trying to get comfortable as best as he could with three grown people now sharing his bed. He almost wished they would turn back into babies again.
Almost.