Title: Typical Bullshit
Summary: Tseng stands in as Rufus' secretary, and his one o'clock appointment decides to come early. Unfortunately for Tseng, the man is terribly annoying.
Word Count: 1,502
A/N: Decided to try to write fanfic again for the first time in years to see how it goes. Also my first time really writing and finishing something for Final Fantasy VII. Enjoy!
Gift-fic for Ajestice
He was Tseng, leader of the Turks. Not a simple secretary. That is, most of the time. The man sighed as he organized the desk, busying himself until President Shinra returned from his lunch. Tseng inwardly cursed the secretary for not properly doing her job, and for her lack of cleanliness. Due to the Turks not having much to do as of late, he had the "honor" of assisting the President. Also known as playing secretary for the day.
The secretary's office was in front of Rufus' own. The door to the office was along a glass wall that doubled as a window. Blinds were closed to prevent the noon sun from assaulting the Turk's sensitive eyes. Behind him was the door to President Shinra's office, which was naturally locked. Tseng looked over the messy desk and continued on his quest to clean it, or at least declutter it to the best of his ability.
Thankfully the President had only one appointment that day. Tseng assumed that the guest would arrive roughly fifteen minutes early, which would be approximately five minutes before Rufus arrived. Rufus would then use those extra minutes to sort through his agenda, which would then get the guest out of Tseng's hair by one o'clock.
T Minus 1 Hour
Tseng looked down at the desk and decided that it was bearable enough to finally sit and relax. As he got comfortable, a short man almost barged into the room. The other's presence was enough to give Tseng a migraine. It took a surprising amount of his training to not roll his eyes at the man.
"Bob Loblaw," The man walked to the desk and grabbed Tseng's hand, roughly shaking it. "Name's Bob Loblaw, here for my appointment at one on the dot!"
Tseng had to stop from retching at the forced physical contact. Finally able to free his hand, Tseng flipped through the floral patterned datebook and found his name. It was the appointment at one. He looked at the clock and saw it was only noon.
"You're here early."
Bob Loblaw sighed. "That I know, my good man." He took a seat. "I figured I'd get in earlier, if I'm here earlier. I'm a busy man, you see!"
"The president is out to lunch. You will have to wait."
Bob sighed.
Sigh Count 1.
T Minus 50 Minutes
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
The sound rattled across the room, sounding like a muted jack hammer. Tseng looked at the tapping man. Khaki pants with a red polo that made Reno's hair look dull in comparison. On the seat next to him sat what could be described as a utility bag. It bulged and looked like the contents were about to pop out, which irritated Tseng. The Turk quickly looked himself over. His suit was neat and at a satisfactory level that was considered professional.
Scritch. Scritch. Scritch.
Tseng looked up and saw the man scratching his head. The buzz cut adding an unnecessary sound effect. The man sighed loudly.
Tseng raised an eyebrow.
"You see, lad-"
"Refrain from calling me that." Tseng quickly interrupted him.
"As I was saying, lad, I'm a very busy man. I have an airship to catch and I can't be late." Bob ended with a sigh. He walked over to another seat and sat loudly. He sighed again.
Sigh Count 4.
T Minus 35 Minutes
"Do you know how much longer?" Bob leaned forward, the seat making an irritating sound as he moved.
"The president will be available at one o'clock." Tseng didn't care to make an effort to look at the irritating man. Even Reno on a bad day didn't try his patience like this, which was a rather impressive feat.
All that Bob Loblaw had to do was exist in the same vicinity, and it was enough to flip Tseng's bad mood switch.
Bob sighed.
Tseng's eyebrow twitched.
"I would have thought that the President would have accounted for us early birds."
Tseng remained silent.
A ringing sound broke the silence. Tseng was almost thankful as he picked up the phone and recited the scripted lines. On the other end was Rude with Reno's voice in the background. A simple call to ask if Tseng wanted some specific food item. He quickly answered and hung up. At least he'll have lunch.
"Was that him?" Bob perked his head up. "Did he say when he'd be here?"
"No." Was his simple response.
Bob sighed loudly.
Sigh Count 6.
T Minus 25 Minutes
Tseng couldn't start to count how many times the man moved chairs, mentioned his flight, or prairie dogged whenever he received a text. Always asking about the time and whereabouts of Rufus. Or even making small talk that Tseng couldn't care less about.
How irritating.
Tseng twirled a pen around in his hand, grimacing at the gaudy yellow flower that was taped to the end. He looked around the desk, taking note of anything but Bob Loblaw. The desk had a unicorn cat plush on the inbox tray, and a princess wand in the pencil holder. On one side of the monitor was a photograph of a large dog, and on the other were tiny cat LED lights. There were cutesy calendar sayings taped to the desk wherever there was space. Normally Tseng would be bothered by the clutter, but now he was thankful for something else to focus on.
Tseng felt a presence and looked up. There stood Bob Loblaw. "Do you know when-"
"No." Tseng stated rather firmly.
Bob sighed.
An awkward silence enveloped the room. It was almost suffocating. Tseng glanced up to see Bob still leaning on the desk, looking over the contents.
"Well it's nice to see men more in touch with their feminine side." Bob drawled on. "Now a days you see everyone trying to be all macho, it's a nice change of pace."
"Excuse me?" Tseng didn't show it, but he was taken aback by the remark.
Bob motioned to Tseng and the desk. "I'm just saying, it fits."
Tseng was used to to such remarks from Reno, but not from annoying nobodies. His eyebrow twitched. Surprisingly or not, Bob sighed.
Tseng's eyebrow twitched once more.
Bob sighed again and asked the whereabouts of Rufus. "I'm just saying, I need to catch this flight, I'm-"
"Very busy, you have informed me." Tseng was spinning the pen furiously.
"Yes, and this is a very important meeting." Bob huffed. Tseng was sure he heard another sigh in there somewhere.
"President Shinra will return from lunch in time for your meeting, I assure you."
Tseng was at his wit's end. He could handle quite a bit. Surveillance, espionage, being tortured, torturing, even murder and Reno. But the one thing he had little to no patience for was stupid people. Normally, he could either walk away or easily dismiss them in various forms.
But this man was on an entirely different level.
Bob sighed as he paced the room. One, two, three, four times he paced the room. Tseng followed him with his eyes, trying not to rip the yellow flower on the pen to little shreds.
The short man walked up to the desk, much to Tseng's displeasure. "Please," He nearly whined, "Is there some way to contact him?"
Tseng closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. His voice was calm and steady, almost calculated. Years of Turk training coming to a head.
"No."
Bob Loblaw sighed.
Sigh Count 12.
T Minus 10 Minutes
President Rufus Shinra walked into the front office where his secretary usually worked. The woman called in sick on such short notice, that he recruited Tseng to play the part for the day. The Turk was stoic, but made for much better conversation than the overly friendly and bubbly woman. He glanced at his watch, 12:50. He was on time, as usual. Rufus glanced to the silent man who appeared to be preoccupied with a yellow and red flower taped to a pen.
The President's eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. He took note of a dark stain on the black carpet and the spots of discoloration on the walls.
"I'm afraid your appointment had to leave early for a flight." Tseng stood behind the desk, nimbly taking his burger from a greasy wrapper.
Rufus raised an eyebrow, surveying the room again. "Reno seemed rather excited when I passed him."
Tseng almost smirked. "He and I had to escort our guest from the building." He looked down at the red and yellow flower. "Though he did leave quite the mess."
Rufus stepped around the stain and went to unlock his office door. He turned back to Tseng as he spoke. "How long until someone can come and clean up?"
"Immediately."
After Tseng spoke, Rufus glanced around the office once more, then closed the door.
The Turk grabbed the white cup with an orange W shaped logo on it and took a sip, enjoying the silence.