Warnings: Fluff fic
Author: Gina
Summary : Individual story, not part of the series I'm writing.
Creative Notes: One can't feel. One wants to stop feeling. Jack's POV.
Copyright Notice: All copyright of Torchwood and the team belong to Russell T. Davies and the BBC. Written for non-profitable purposes.
oooOOOooo
Ianto.
He said he was going to make us coffee, but I knew what he was really doing.
Alone, sobbing in a corner, his heart on his sleeve.
I'm amazed at how opposite we are. His emotions and feelings are evident. He cannot stop feeling.
I, on the other hand, feel dead inside. Where is the power of my emotion?
He looks up at me. Scrunched on the floor, his legs wound beneath him, he can only beg me silently with his eyes.
When I cradle him in my arms, I feel the raw power of his emotions rock his frame. His whole body is shaking with it - and I hold him tightly. Giving what little comfort I can.
"Jack ..." Ianto's voice is raw and hurt and muffled against my coat.
"Yes?"
"I can't cope. I'm dying. Help me." Ianto is crushed, his fist clenching my sleeve.
"Tell me how to help you."
Ianto sobs for a further few minutes, unable to form words. "I feel so desperate. I'm so frustrated with myself. I ache in every bone."
"That's because you haven't slept for a week now." My voice is soft, but emotionless. I wish I could give him something back, something to acknowledge the pain he's endured - however, I am but an empty shell. Devoid of feeling, only living because of purpose.
"I can't sleep, Jack. I can't." He can't speak again. His body is wracked with misery.
"I can help you - want some of my special brew?" I smile. His body is stilling, and he looks up at me, his eyes still brimming with tears.
"Special brew?" Ianto is intregued. I have him listening now, a sob only coming every once in a while.
"Its something that will help you sleep." He's sniffling now, his face flushed in his sadness.
"Here?" Ianto looks around himself, he had forgotten where he was. The hub is not the place to sleep. Not at all.
"No. Come with me." I take his hand and pull him to his feet. Exhausted, he allows me to lead him to my room. Hand in hand.
"Get undressed, and I'll be back in a moment." I leave him, as he shuffles from foot to foot, uncomfortable with the thought of undressing in my prescence.
I mix a soft drink with the sedative and take this back to him.
He's lying in bed, his eyes wide, watching me. "Where are you going to sleep, Jack?"
I smile as he takes the drink and swallows the lot instantly. "I don't need to sleep."
The questions in his eyes confirm he has momentarily been relieved of his pain - and I marvel at how the human brain can be distracted.
His eyes are beginning to close. His face lightening as he falls into a deep sleep.
His hand is on my arm, clutching at the sleeve.
When his grip lightens, I stand up, and leave him to a dreamless sleep.
As I leave the room, I notice a strange sensation overcome me.
Furiously, I wipe the single tear from my eyes. Knowing that its not that I can't feel. I refuse to feel.
Its the only way I can survive.
Fin