Drip
Drip, drip, drip.
Axel shook his head and laughed maniacally. "I'm not listening," he sang.
Drip, drip, drip.
The redhead hummed and continued his drawing. The crayon moved fluidly across the paper, sparking it to life. "You're wrong."
Drip, drip, drip.
"He said he'd come back, okay?" he shouted. He snapped the crayon in half out of frustration. "Damn it," he muttered. Axel reached under the crisp white bed and pulled out a box. Inside were many crayons and colored pencils, all red or orange. He claimed one and went back to his art.
He didn't particularly know what he was drawing. At times, he would just grab his notepad, pick a pencil, and draw. Often times he would space out and look into nothingness; perhaps the confinement of his own brain. Only when he was finished would he snap out of it and look down.
But that incessant noise was keeping him from it.
He finally finished and looked at the paper. Huh.
In the drawing was a beautiful, mid-century Victorian house, except…it was in flames. The fire almost danced from his fingertips as he touched the house, heat seeming to emanate from it.
This was common as well. He would contemplate his drawings, for a long time afterwards. Often would he spend entire days in his room, picking out the little bits of his mind.
Drip, drip, drip.
Axel was about to retort when the door to his room creaked open. A nurse with short black hair poked her head in.
"Lea?" she asked, looking concerned. The redhead frowned and continued to look at his drawing. He noticed tiny figures in the drawing, seemingly calling out for his help. One of them looked an awful lot like…
"Er," she cleared her throat. "Axel?"
He looked up at the call of his name. "Yes?"
She pulled the door open more, revealing her green scrubs. Her nametag read, 'Xion.'
"I heard shouting," she said softly. "Is everything alright?"
"Just peachy," he replied.
Drip, drip, drip.
"Go away," he muttered.
"What was that?" Xion asked.
"What was what?" Axel asked back, clearly confused.
Her brows furrowed and she backed away a little. "A-Anyways, dinner will be ready in a few minutes if you'd like to head to the cafeteria."
The redhead smiled and nodded. He ripped the drawing out of the notepad and tossed it into the trashcan, with the collection of the others. "Thanks," he said happily.
Axel made his way to the cafeteria, passing by many people along the way. He was friendly to most, but he generally only made extended contact with the nurses and a select few patients. He laughed at the term. Patients. Why was he a patient, anyway? He didn't do anything wrong.
As he entered the yellow room, he noticed a table of patients gathering. He smiled. These people were tolerable.
Axel sat with the group. "Hey, everyone."
Only one person responded. He was a young brunette, about fifteen maybe. "H-Hi, Ax-xel." The boy was visibly shivering.
Axel frowned. These poor people, he thought sympathetically. Their lives must be unbearable.
The rest of the table kept to themselves. To his left was Demyx, a young musician. He hadn't heard much of why he was here, but apparently the blonde had an accident in a woodshop class, and he snapped. Demyx took out his anger on the kid nearest to him. Almost took his life. Now, the blonde only has eight fingers, and can't play his sitar anymore.
Next to Demyx was Zexion. He was closer to Axel's age, and was completely bald. He tore out his hair with his own hands, due to stress. Kid attended an Ivy League school, and apparently it became too much for him. Zexion was currently grabbing at his skull to no avail, his hands continuing the ripping motion.
Then there was Aqua. The girl is obsessed with water. Axel can't remember her real name, but after a traumatic experience from jumping off a cliff into a waterfall, she suddenly had a new identity. She goes on and on about how she has to save her friends, she has to meet them, be there for them. But according to her parents, they don't even exist. She was now mumbling and toying with her thumbs. Axel could only catch a few words, "get outta here," "save Terra," "water," "water," "water."
How sad, he thought. I can't imagine how lonely a person must get to have an imaginary friend.
Then of course, there was Sora. He didn't even know what was wrong with the boy. Axel had heard that his parents went on vacation, and when they returned they found an unconscious babysitter, a dead dog, and practically all the bark ripped off from the trees in their yard. The brunette kept to himself generally, and he seemed nervous all the time. Like he felt guilty.
Another nurse walked up to the table. His name tag read, 'Xigbar.'
"Alright, kiddies," he cackled. "Come get your grub on."
The table hesitantly got up to get food, save Zexion, who was trying to be coaxed into standing by a frustrated doctor.
Axel sighed and sat down in his room. He frowned. Why must I be here, again?
Drip, drip, drip.
He stood up and closed his eyes in frustration. "I thought I told you to go away."
Drip, drip, drip.
"Oh, fuck you. We're in love, can't you see that? Or are you too blinded by your own idiocy?"
Drip, drip, drip.
He shook his head. "Nah, you're not going to get to me tonight. I'm just going to go to bed, where you can't tease me. I can see him there. We can be at peace. From you."
Silence.
Axel was relieved. He turned off the lights and crawled into his covers, finally away from that incessant moron. If at least for only a few hours.
The redhead fidgeted. The nurse, Xion, had told him this morning he had a visitor coming at eleven. It was almost noon and he was feeling frustrated. Where were they?
Finally, a man with blue hair and gold eyes walked into Axel's line of sight. "Lea, sorry I'm late. Traffic."
He frowned. "Lea?"
The man sat down and shrugged off his coat. "Uh, Axel. Sorry."
Axel grinned. "No problem, Is'. Whatcha doin' here?"
Isa shrugged. "Can't I visit you? I brought some lunch if you're hungry. I figure the food here isn't great."
Axel chuckled. "Hospital food generally isn't, no matter what kind it is."
Isa pulled out a container of mac and cheese. "My mother made some when she found out I was visiting today. She knows it's your favorite."
The redhead wasted no time in digging in.
Isa cleared his throat. "So, I brought some pictures from when we were kids. Y'know, jog your memory or whatever…"
"My memory doesn't need jogging. But I'd love to look anyways."
The blue haired man passed him a stack of photos. In them were pictures of him and the redhead at age fifteen and younger. He smiled, but it was quickly replaced with a frown.
"This isn't me," he said sadly.
Isa furrowed his brows. "Yes it is. This is us, L—Axel."
"No," he said stubbornly. "This is you and Lea. I thought you'd be able to tell us apart by now."
Isa frowned. "C'mon, Axel. We're best friends. You should remember."
Axel pushed away the photos and the food. "No. You and Lea are best friends. My best friend is Roxas."
"Roxas?" the blue haired man asked. "Who's that?"
The redhead scoffed. "See? You don't even know who my best friend is. I don't even know you, anymore."
"Lea, please…"
"I'm not Lea!" he shouted and stood up from the table. A nurse jogged by and gently grabbed Axel's arms.
"Uh, maybe it would be better if you visited later, sir," she said apologetically to the other man.
Isa nodded and stood up, collecting his things. "Yeah. I'll see you later, uh…" he didn't finish his sentence. He just shook his head out of his thoughts and walked towards the exit.
Drip, drip, drip.
"You don't know what you're saying. You're just like the rest. Ignorant, babbling fools, who don't know jack shit."
Drip, drip, drip.
"You think I'm crazy?" Axel laughed. "Well, let me tell you now, pal, I'm not. I shouldn't be here. I should be with Roxas."
Drip, drip, drip.
"Why? What do you mean, 'why'?" He paced in his room. The white walls glared back at him. "He's my best friend, my lover, my everything. He said he would be back. And he will."
There was a momentary silence. "Right?" he asked to the empty room.
Drip, drip, drip.
"Oh, shut it," he grumbled. He tore out his notepad and pencils and started drawing. He drew until his bony fingers started to cramp, and he finally looked away. He didn't want to look down, because he knew what he would see.
Roxas.
"So, Axel, tell me, has anything significant happened since our last session? I heard your visit with Isa went…interestingly."
Axel grumbled. "I dunno. The usual. I sat with Demyx, Zexion, Aqua, and Sora. I heard them talk to themselves and go crazy. I drew. I saw Isa. He made me feel bad."
"He made you feel bad? In what way?"
"He kept calling me Lea. I thought he'd be able to recognize that I'm Axel."
Dr. Vexen scratched his chin and wrote a few notes on his clipboard. "I see. Why do you think it is you're so upset when someone calls you Lea?"
The redhead shrugged. "I dunno. It just bugs me. So what?"
The blonde smiled. "You are aware that you are Lea, yes?"
Axel shook his head. "No I'm not. I'm Axel. A-X-E-L."
"Do you not think it is strange that Axel is an anagram for 'Lea' with an X?"
The redhead opened his mouth, but closed it again. It is?
"I think your mind works wonderfully," Dr. Vexen purred. "The fact that you did that all in your head makes it much more intriguing. Tell me; do you know why you think you would do that?"
"I didn't do anything," Axel muttered.
The blonde doctor continued to scribble furiously at the paper in front of him. "Well, before you came to the clinic, you were Lea. Do you not remember?"
"I'm Axel," he said stubbornly.
"Yes, shortly before you arrived here you adopted that persona. But why the 'X'? Are you perhaps missing something in your life?"
He shrugged again. "Roxas, I guess. I'm missing Roxas."
Dr. Vexen nodded. "Ah, yes. Roxas. Have you…heard from him at all?"
"No. But he said he'd be back."
"Yes. Axel, do you remember meeting Roxas?"
Axel thought on it. He didn't…
"I…no. I don't."
"And, does Lea know Roxas?"
"Of course not."
"So, where do you think Roxas comes from? Surely, he can't be from your mind, can he?" he asked rhetorically.
The redhead looked to the ground. "I think I want our session to be over."
The blonde doctor nodded and wrote a few last notes before placing the pen back on his desk. "Very well. We got a lot done today, Axel. I'm glad. I'll see you next week."
Without another word, Axel got up and left his office.
Drip, drip, drip.
"You again, huh? Why can I not learn your identity?"
Drip, drip, drip.
"Yeah, whatever. They say I'm Lea. But I know I'm Axel. They say Roxas isn't real. But I know he is."
Drip, drip, drip.
"Why isn't Roxas back?" he said solemnly. "He needs to come back. I'm going fucking insane with all these people."
Drip, drip, drip.
"I'm not crazy." He hugged his knees to his chest and looked around the empty room. It was all white. Pure, bright, clean, white…
"I'm not."
Drip.
Axel looked around at his surroundings. Everything was white here, too. White clothes, white clouds, and bright sunlight…
In the midst of it all, a blonde angel stood among the clouds.
"Roxas!" he grinned. "You're here."
He laughed. "Of course I am. I promised I would be, right?"
"I miss you," Axel said quietly. "That place is awful."
"I know," he sighed. Axel was just within reach of the blonde, but he was still so far away…
"Where are we, anyway?" the redhead asked. "Is this heaven?"
"Doubtful," Roxas chuckled. "You would probably go to hell."
"Funny," he sneered back.
They sat in a comfortable silence, smiling to each other. Axel broke it. "Roxas, why haven't you come back yet? I'm so lonely without you, so lonely…"
"Axel…" he sighed. "I can't."
"But, why?" he whined. He went to reach for his face, but he seemed to become more transparent.
"You know why," he smiled. "Even if you don't want to accept it."
"Stop. Don't be like the rest of them," he pleaded.
"But they're right. You just won't accept it, but in a way you do. Why else would I be saying these things?"
"Roxas…"
The spiky haired blonde looked back up to Axel's face. His blue eyes shone bright and colorful amongst all the white. He reached up and placed a kiss on Axel's lips.
"You'll be alright. You will. You'll be alright. You'll be…"
Axel jolted up in his sleep. He awoke back in the white place, but this time, it was…sad.
"…alright." He muttered sadly.
Axel didn't know how much time was passing at the hospital. He stroked his face and felt a fine layer of stubble. He casually walked over to Dr. Vexen's office for his next appointment.
"Ah, Axel, delighted to see you. Please, have a seat."
The redhead sat down across from the blonde doctor. He remained silent.
"So, Axel, how have things been?"
"Suckish."
"I…see. Has Roxas visited you?"
"No, Roxas has not visited me. You know why? He ain't real."
The blonde doctor blinked at this. "When did you come to this realization?"
Axel shrugged. "He's practically spellin' it out to me."
"I thought you said he hasn't visited you?"
"Well, he has in my dreams. But instead of…you know, making love, we're just talking now. It's making me feel stressed. On the plus side, I guess the nurses don't have to clean my sheets as often."
Dr. Vexen chuckled at this. "What has he been saying to you in these dreams?"
The redhead sighed. "I don't know. Like he can't visit me, and he never will be able to. He says I have to get on with my life and forget him. But that's all bullcrap, right? Roxas will visit. I can't just forget about him."
The blonde crinkled his forehead and wrote something down on the clipboard.
"Right?"
More scribbling.
Drip, drip, drip.
"Oh, not you," he groaned. "Leave me alone, will you?"
Dr. Vexen stopped his writing and looked up. "What was that, Axel?"
"Not you," he snarled.
"Then…" he paused. "Who were you talking to?"
"What, you couldn't hear him? He can't shut up and he's awfully loud, I'm surprised."
"No, I…didn't hear anyone. Are you hearing somebody, Axel?" he asked seriously.
The redhead looked to the ground. Great. Now they're going to think I'm crazy.
Drip, drip, drip.
"This is all your fault, so shut it," he mumbled.
"Axel, I hardly think that's app—"
"Not you," he strained. "Look, I'm going to go get some food, okay?"
The blonde doctor furrowed his brow. "Sure, but just so you know we're going to talk abou—"
But he had already left.
When he entered the cafeteria, he saw the usual table, but Zexion was gone. "Hey, guys," he said coolly. "Where's Zexy?"
Aqua muttered something under her breath and incessantly scratched her arm. Demyx just looked down at the floor, and Sora finally looked up and made eye contact. "H-He…uh…he d-died."
"Died?" he practically shouted in the small yellow room. "What do you mean, 'died'?"
"Took his life," Demyx mumbled. "He left a note. Said 'it's too much.' Nothing else."
"Oh…" Axel said quietly. Zexion was just…gone.
"I'll see you guys later," he muttered, before taking off to his room.
He opened the white door and entered his bright prison.
Drip, drip, drip.
"Not now. Zexion's dead. Dead. I'll admit I didn't know him too well, but…suicide?"
Drip.
"Yeah. It's just unnerving is all. Who's next? Demyx? Aqua? Sora?"
He paused. "Me?"
Drip, drip, drip.
"Fuck. I need Roxas. I want my best friend," he whined. But he truly did. He needed to see the blonde now more then ever.
Do you really need me that badly? He chuckled.
"R-Roxas?"
Yeah?
"How…what?"
You said you needed me. Here I am.
"Where?" the redhead asked frantically. He looked around, but all he could see was white.
The blonde materialized before him. Right here, silly.
Axel looked before him. Here he was…the blonde angel from his dreams. "Roxas…you're here."
But you know I'm not.
Axel looked to the floor. "I feel lost."
Why do you feel lost?
"I…" he looked at the wall. Anywhere but Roxas. "I don't really know. I just feel confused."
Don't feel confused…Lea.
The redhead sighed. When other people called him Lea, it made him upset. But when the blonde did, he just felt…sad, somehow. Like he had lost something.
What do you think you lost?
"What, so you can read my mind, now?" he chuckled.
Well, I live in there. It's not that hard.
"You…don't live in my mind," he said cautiously.
Lea…
Axel sighed.
You shouldn't be so afraid, anymore.
"Afraid? Funny," he said sarcastically. Though the blonde was in front of him, the room still felt empty.
Really. Let the people around you in. Stop living in this…this prison you've made.
"Prison? So what if it's a prison? You're here, and…and I love you. I don't want to leave you, Rox."
You don't love me.
"Sure I do," he insisted. "I have ever since…"
Ever since what? You created me in your head?
"No…"
Please, Lea. Roxas sat down next to the redhead and placed a ghost of a kiss on his lips, and with that, he disappeared.
Axel knew what the blonde wanted.
The redhead tapped his fingers on the table. Must he be late every time?
Isa ran up to the table, out of breath. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Traffic again. This hospital is in a terrible location."
"It's fine. Bring me any grub?" he laughed.
Isa chuckled as well. "How about some gas station doughnuts?"
"Aw, pal, you shouldn't have."
They sat in a somewhat comfortable silence, eating the sugary treats. Isa finally spoke.
"Sorry I haven't visited in a while."
"It's okay, really. I wouldn't want to visit me, either."
The blue haired man shook his head. "But, A-Axel, I feel pretty bad about last—"
"You know what?" the redhead smiled. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. In his mind, Roxas was there, glowing and smiling brightly. He nodded.
"You can call me Lea."