A/N: If you're wondering if this is a real episode, and haven't seen it, I recommend you go to Netflix or Hulu and go to the episode called "Best Behavior," then skip to the fourth story in that episode, which starts around 21 minutes in, before reading this.
One day, Caillou's daddy was putting on some makeup, getting ready to go out. Caillou liked all the different colors of the makeup; they looked like a paintbox.
"What the hell's wrong with you, Daddy?" asked Caillou, not sure why his daddy was putting on makeup instead of his mommy.
"I'm putting on makeup, you little SOB!" answered Boris, annoyed.
"But why?!" whined Caillou.
"To look pretty when I go out to do the prostitutes-I mean, shopping," replied Boris as he applied some blush.
Caillou thought his daddy looked very pretty...not.
"You look ass-ugly, Daddy!"
"Really!?" His dad dropped the mascara and peered in the mirror. Was he really that ugly?
"Yeah," continued Caillou, "not pretty at all."
"I'M NOT!?" Boris screamed. He clasped his hands on the side of his face and burst into tears. Mascara ran down his cheeks as he ran out of the bedroom, shouting, "NOOOOOO! No, no, NO-O-O-O-O-OHHHH!"
Caillou giggled as Caillou's slutty mom walked over to him.
"Wow, Daddy's effeminate today, isn't he?" laughed Doris.
"He sure is!" giggled Caillou.
"Listen, let me put Rosie down for a nap and try to cheer up your father, and then you can play with all of Daddy's makeup until Julie arrives, OK?!" offered Doris.
"Okay, mommy!" Caillou loved to be spoiled, and he ran back to the bedroom vanity, screaming, "YAAAAAAAY!"
After a quick make-out session with Rosie before naptime, Doris ran downstairs and found Boris.
"I'M NOT PRETTYYYYYYYY!" he was bawling.
"Listen, honey, you're not as ugly as you think you are. You're pretty," Doris reassured her husband, holding up a handheld mirror.
Suddenly, Boris got a huge smile on his face and he pointed at the mirror jittering uncontrollably. "LOOKY! ME PRETTY!" he said insanely as he ran upstairs cackling maniacally through clenched teeth.
In the master bedroom, Caillou was sitting at the makeup vanity playing with the lipstick. Just a few seconds ago, he had discovered that when you twisted the lipstick tube, you could make lipstick come out. "Hmmmmm!" So we was just sitting there at the vanity, making the lipstick come out, and out, and out, and out, until...the hot-sexy-pink contents of the tube fell out and crumbled on the floor.
Caillou's father, butt naked for some reason, randomly came out of nowhere and slammed the door open, yelling, "Caillou, you shithead! Why the f&$# did you ruin my lipstick?! I come in here to look in the big mirror to see how sexy I look before I go out and you ruin my goddamn lipstick!? You don't play with that, EVER!"
Caillou turned away and crossed his arms. "Hmph! I hate you, mother trucker!"
"What?!" exclaimed Boris, his eyes growing wide. "YOU DO!?" Once again, he ran out of the room screaming, "NOOOO!" and wailing hard.
Doris, embarrassed her son had made Boris cry like a little girl twice in one day, waltzed into the room and said, "Um...Julie will be here soon Caillou, why don't you go downstairs a-and wait for her?"
Now, Julie was Caillou's favorite babysitter in the world, so he nodded and cheerfully ran downstairs.
Julie held Rosie, and Rosie held her brunette ragdoll, and they all waved from the living room window.
"Goodbye!" said Caillou.
"Bye-bye Mommy!" Rosie babbled.
"Have fun with the prostitutes!" added Julie, calling out the window.
"They're just going shopping, Julie!" Caillou reminded.
Julie ignored him. "OK, bye!" she yelled.
The homely blue car that had only two doors (so you had to climb through the front seats to get to the back seat, making it non-ideal for teens and adults planning to sit in the back seat), plenty of paint scratches, and a tailpipe that continuously made farting noises whenever the engine was running, pulled out of the garage that wasn't very convenient because it was detached from the house and you had to go around to get to the house (plus it blocked the patio), out of the driveway, and then drove towards town.
As Julie stormed into the kitchen, she muttered under her breath, "And they'd better bring me back $700 and a full guest suite, or ELLLLLLLSEEEE."
Julie was very scared at this point. What if she didn't get paid with the prostitute money and bedroom suite? How would she buy paint for the guestroom, and where would her guest sleep? She was so worried, she began to get stressed out.
While she fried the grilled cheese sandwiches, she decided she could take her eyes off them for a few seconds so she could pour Caillou and Rosie juice to go with their lunch.
She got the apple juice out of the refrigerator. It was almost empty. Maybe it would be enough for two cups, though.
Julie poured some apple juice into Rosie's sippy cup and twisted the lid on. She sighed in relief, knowing that this proved there was probably enough left for the second cup.
She started pouring Caillou's glass, but the cup only filled up a third of the way and then stopped.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH /=Ü©K!" she shouted. Then she got an idea. She could transfer a third of the juice from Rosie's cup into Caillou's cup. Then they would have the same amount. And 2/3 a cup would probably be enough to quench their thirst.
She began the transfer -
"JUUUULIE!" bitched that slimy brat Caillou so loud it startled Julie, making her knock Caillou's glass off the table. As it fell, it drenched Julie's tube top and miniskirt.
"Whaaaaaat?" growled Julie quietly, seething with rage.
"When's lunch?" asked Caillou. "I'm huuunngrryyy!"
"You little shit!" scolded Julie. "You made me spill your juice because you're HUNGRY?!"
Caillou ran off sobbing.
Julie got angry. And when she began to worry about Caillou's parents not getting any money from the prostitutes, she also got stressed. And everyone knows that when you add stress to anger, it can can just make someone even angrier.
And when Julie got really angry, she tended to do some...
...strange things.
Julie needed more juice for Caillou. She also wanted revenge. Well, she'd give him juice, all right. She'd show him! She pulled down her skirt and panties and wrung out her wet pussy into Caillou's cup. Surprisingly, there was enough "woman juice" to fill up the cup. She put it on the table next to Caillou's carrot sticks and sandwich, and passed it off as "juice."
Later at the kitchen table, Rosie was drinking her juice but not eating her carrots and sandwich, and Caillou was eating his carrots and sandwich but not touching his so-called "juice."
"Eat up, Rosie!" encouraged Julie. "And drink up, Caillou!" she added with a smirk.
Caillou sniffed the contents of his cup. "EWWWWWWWWWW!" He held his nose. "This smells like sweaty privates!"
Note to self: thought Julie, next time, shower off before getting your revenge.
"Take a sip!" she coaxed.
"NO!" Caillou yelled defiantly.
"DRINK YOUR JUICE NOW, CAILLOU!" roared Julie as the kitchen burst into flames, then quickly burned out.
Caillou finally took a little sip...and then started gagging and holding his throat.
After lunch, in the upstairs bathroom, Rosie set her brunette ragdoll with the nice red shirt on the toilet and Julie handed Rosie a toothbrush so she could brush her teeth. Caillou was in there with them, still holding his cup.
"Why don't you go play by yourself for a bit, and let Rosie finish her nap?" a now exhausted Julie asked Caillou.
"Can I finish my juice in the bathroom?" Caillou asked back.
"Sure!" agreed Julie.
"Okay!" Caillou took the doll off the toilet seat so he could lift it up.
Julie held Rosie in her arm and they vacated the bathroom. "Bye-bye!" squealed Rosie.
In Rosie's room, Julie tucked Rosie into her crib, "How about some of my 80's porn tapes?"
Rosie nodded eagerly as Julie got one off the shelf, grinding her hips as she walked.
Meanwhile, back in the bathroom, Caillou dumped his cup of icky sweaty woman vagina juice into the crapper and flushed it. Then he picked up Rosie's doll and just stared at it for about 30 seconds with this creepy smile on his face. He then went downstairs with it it so he could put his now-empty cup in the sink. He picked up the doll and it squeaked. Holding the doll in his right arm, he ran back upstairs with it. He was going to return it to his baby sister, that is, until he walked past his parents' room and saw the makeup vanity. He skidded to a stop, and looked at it from in the doorway.
Seeing his parents' (but mostly his daddy's) makeup gave Caillou an idea for a game. He had seen Mommy and Daddy smear something white all over their faces, which they called "masking." And Daddy did say makeup made him look pretty. Now he wanted to mask the doll's face for Rosie to make it all pretty for her. But he couldn't touch the makeup because his homicidal father might yell at him. He needed a substitute, and fast.
Caillou found his sister Rosie's room. She and Julie appeared to be masturbating to a man ass-raping a woman on the TV. Caillou saw something that looked like white piss come out of the man's dick and splatter everywhere. It even went up that lady's butt. In response to a cock being shoved up her anus, the lady rubbed her twat and sprayed hot crap all over the man's bare chest. But that last part didn't matter. He had found something white to use for masking the doll's face: cum!
Caillou ran to his room and began to stroke his penis to make it erect. Then he took his blue plastic dinosaur Rexy, tore a hole in his crotch and made a vagina for him, and thrust in and out. Then, when he felt as if he'd climax at any moment, he chucked away Rexy and held up the doll. SPLAT! Caillou ejaculated all over the room, all over the walls, all over his curtains, all over his bed, his dresser, his desk, his lamp, his chair, and his toy box, and there was PLENTY on the doll. He began to get to work.
Julie had grown weary already, and Rosie had jacked herself off to sleep. Julie walked out of the room and shut the door quietly, then tried to find Caillou. She was too stupid to check Caillou's bedroom, and walked right by his door and downstairs.
"Caillou! Where are you?" Julie called through the house. Caillou didn't hear her, and smeared his cum all over Rosie's ragdoll's face and giggled.
Julie opened the downstairs linen closet. "What, or should I say, who, are you doing?"
Caillou heard that loud and clear. He gulped and held Rosie's doll close to him. He knew he was about to get screwed. He knew he spoiled his sister's doll, he knew he came all over his room, and he especially knew that Julie would be very mad at him.
But wait. Maybe this wasn't the moment he had gotten screwed. Julie was such a big dumbass, she would probably search every nook and cranny of the house, even the places he couldn't get inside, before she even bothered to check his own room, which would give Caillou a good amount of time to clean up the mess he made and hide the doll somewhere. He got the vacuum cleaner, some soap and water, the sponge mop, and some cleaning supplies from under the sink, and got to work.
Caillou stuffed the doll in the toy box (with an arm still hanging out) just before Julie opened the door.
"Oh, there you are," said Julie, as Caillou leaned casually against the toy box and then climbed up onto it to make sure it stayed closed. "Caillou...what have you been doing?"
But just as Julie began to get suspicious, Rosie woke up.
"Julie! Julie!" she sobbed.
"Dammit, Rosie's woken up," grumbled Julie as she left the room.
Doris and Boris drove home in their birthday suits, but they had no money or bedroom suite. Just groceries. Since all of the skanky prostitutes were too rough, they bailed out and went shopping instead, thus making their lie to Caillou true.
Then they got pulled over by an officer on highway patrol who thought thought they were escaped mental patients.
"Aw crap!" shouted Boris.
"Caillou, have you seen Rosie's doll anywhere?" Julie asked when she walked into Caillou's room again, holding Rosie.
"Noooo?" lied Caillou.
"Are you sure? She says she left it in the bathroom." That's when she saw an arm hanging out of the toy box. "Wait a minute, what's that? Stand up a second, Caillou!"
Julie put Rosie down onto the floor. Caillou hopped off the toy box. Julie dramatically walked over and lifted the toy box lid...
"WHAT THE HELL, CAILLOU!?"
After a lot of arguing with the police, Doris and Boris had to go to court. After a lot of arguing THERE, at the trial, the judge and jury had had enough of their share of arguing for one day and sent them home with a warning.
They parked in the driveway and unloaded the groceries.
They set them on the kitchen table inside and ran upstairs to get dressed. At the same time, Julie walked downstairs with Caillou, Rosie, and the cum-smeared doll. Caillou was crying, "You're mad at me, and Mommy's going to be mad at at me too!"
They met in the middle, where the stairs turned to go a different direction. Caillou's parents were shocked to see the "masked" doll, and Julie was shocked to see Caillou's mommy and daddy in the nude.
"Come along, children!" Julie said, covering Caillou and Rosie's eyes and running away from them.
Doris put some clothes on, caught up with them in the formal dining room, and then snatched the doll. "Oh, dear. Something tells me you've been having a VERY busy afternoon."
"Mommy!" cried Rosie, taking the doll away from her and hugging it, making it squeak.
"Doris!" cried Julie. "Did you get my paint money and guest suite?"
"Uh, actually, no," replied Doris, "the prostitutes were too rough for us."
"What?!" Julie felt her world shatter around her. "You asshole!"
"Skank!"
"BIOTCH!"
They proceeded to have a bar fight in the dining room. They crashed into the dining room table and knocked it over, then made a mess of the wetbar. Booze spilled all over the floor. Caillou, Rosie, and Boris, who still hadn't bothered getting his clothes back on, watched from the foyer and laughed.
EPILOGUE
Caillou had to scrub all the cum off with a sponge in the sink.
"I-I just wanted the doll to look pretty like you and Daddy, but then everything went wrong," he explained while Doris listened.
Soon the doll was squeaky-clean, and it got dried off. Rosie took the doll and hugged it to make it squeak.
"Well, Caillou, Rosie still thinks her doll's pretty, with or without semen!" said Doris.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," apologized Caillou, hugging his mother. "I'll never do it again!"
"Promise?"
"Promise!"
"Well, I don't believe you." Doris suddenly pulled out an AK-47.
"Wha...?"
Doris cocked the gun, aiming it at Caillou's bald head.
"What are you doing?!"
Doris pulled the trigger.
BANG! Caillou got a giant hole in his head and dropped to the ground, dead.
"And good riddance, jackhole!" Doris laughed maniacally and the camera zoomed into her mouth. Then it went too far and landed in her stomach, and the acids in there disintegrated the camera, forcing the episode to end.
A/N: What episode should I spoof next? Tell me in your reviews!