Opening his eyes, Mikado immediately let out a groan and closed them again. Bright light… First thing in the morning… Not a pleasant. That morning in general just wasn't pleasant. The boy felt like he had been hit by a bus or something. Probably from the events of the past night. All hell had broken loose and it had affected everyone in the city. Celty, Anri, but most of all Masaomi.
Ignoring the sunlight from his window, Mikado rolled over and laid an arm over his eyes, letting out a small sigh. Masaomi was okay. Everyone was safe.
"Is it over…?"
He highly doubted that. The Dollars were still as strong as ever, and as long as they were around, there would always be gangs to go against them. The Blue Squares wouldn't give up that easily, even if the Yellow Scarves disappeared. And with Masaomi still alive, they would want to wipe out any risk of the Yellow Scarves rising again. Or would they?
Finally Mikado forced himself up. He had to get dressed for school, after all. Education didn't stop just because of gang wars. Moving around was actually refreshing, especially after a quick shower. He dressed in his school uniform and threw open the windows to let sunlight into his small apartment. The sight of the sun made him smile. It was a new day but it felt like the start of a new life almost.
The boy had to laugh at himself for thinking that. It even sounded cheesy in his mind.
Ah, but it was getting late. Mikado rushed through his breakfast, thinking about how school would go. He wanted to ask Masaomi if anything had changed between them. After all, the boy was his best friend and Mikado didn't want this newfound discovery to ruin that friendship. However he was almost hoping it was never mentioned. They could act like nothing ever happened…
It was probably wishful thinking.
But Mikado couldn't help the happy feeling spreading through him. Him and Masaomi were best friends. Closer than friends, really. Something so stupid would never come between them. With that thought in mind, the boy finished up, grabbed his bag, and went to rush out the door.
But something stopped him. As soon as he opened the door an envelope fluttered to the ground, proudly displaying his name handwritten on it. Blinking, he picked up and walked out of the door. Instead of heading to school, he sat down on the steps to his complex and opened it. After all, he would know that handwriting anywhere. Masaomi.
Mikado read the letter once without really comprehending it. Then he read it a second and third time, completely forgetting about school for the moment.
Mikado,
I'm a coward, Mikado. I have a lot I need to confess but you don't understand how hard it is for me to tell you. Even writing it down is hard but imaging telling you in person kills me. So I'll just write it out and let you think of it what you will.
First I should ask you something. Did you know I was depressed before you came to Ikebukuro? I was. Of course it's natural for anyone to be a little lonely in a new place, but for me it was different. I was surrounded by people all the time. I guess it was my addictive and sunny personality. People flocked to me. That's how my gang started. But despite all those people I felt like I was alone. If I made one mistake they would all leave me. What type of real friends would do that? That's why I was so happy when I heard you would be coming to 'Bukuro. I would finally have someone that I trusted. I wanted to show you everything the city had to offer while keeping you far, far away from anything dangerous.
When you actually showed up at the train station that's when everything began. My feelings, I mean. I didn't notice it at first, but while standing there waiting for you to notice, I couldn't help but think about how cute you were. First time in the city and looking horribly lost and scared. I remember thinking, "That's just like him. Cute and innocent."
Haha, I'm so stupid I didn't realize it. I hope you're laughing at me right now, because I totally deserve it.
I fell in love with you, Mikado. Pretty deeply to. You brightened my life ever since you came to Ikebukuro. Before you were here, I would hit on girls all the time. Earned myself a couple dates, too. But since you got here it's been different. I would hit on them, but my heart just wasn't in it. I would try too hard. I would have to force a smile because I could feel your eyes on me and it made me nervous. Again, I kept thinking, "What am I doing? I shouldn't be flirting with some chick while Mikado is right there!"
I didn't really realize it until you came to save me last night during the fight with the other Yellow Scarves. No… When I found you were in the Dollars. I realized that you're not the innocent, lost Mikado I thought you were. You knew what you were doing better than I did. I started admiring you more than I ever did. Here you were, naturally innocent but with a secret life that you could control without lifting a finger. You had the whole city at your beck and call but you refused to use your power and chose to fight your own battles. I'm so weak compared to you, Mikado.
That's why I can't tell you all of this face to face. I'm a coward but I love you so much. I'm sorry to put you through all of this, but I just needed you to know my feelings. I don't care if you feel the same way or not. It doesn't matter to me. Just as long as you know how I feel and how I've been feeling, then everything is alright. I love you Mikado. I always will.
-Masaomi
About the fifth time Mikado read the letter, the words actually started to sink in. Masaomi loved him? The boy wanted to sit there and digest the words that were shouting at him from the paper, but he quickly realized school would be starting soon and he was already late. Carefully, he folded the paper and put it in his pocket. He would just ask Masaomi at school.
But for some reason, the blonde wasn't there. Mikado went through the whole day feeling uneasy and slightly jittery. Masaomi wasn't one to just skip school, but he had taken a nasty hit to the head… Maybe he had just wanted bed rest?
Either way, it did give Mikado some time to think about the contents of the letter. He reread it several more times in class. And by several it was really enough times to completely memorize it word for word. He reflected on his own feelings while sitting there in class, virtually ignoring the teacher for the first time since he started at Raira. His mind was debating with himself. Was it possible to love Masaomi like that? Or could they only be friends. The more Mikado thought about it, the more it made him blush like a middle school boy. Because those questions brought up mental imagines of dating his best friend and maybe even kissing him.
They were odd thoughts, but they weren't unpleasant to Mikado's surprise.
Thinking on it, Mikado realized that a lot of his life had been based on Masaomi's. He came to Ikebukuro to be with his friend. He started the Dollars because he wanted to show Masaomi that he wasn't the shy little boy he was teased about being. Of course that didn't work out because starting a gang wasn't really something to be proud about, but at the time he was thinking of how Masaomi would congratulate him on being out of his small, sheltered bubble. When he found out he would be going to Ikebukuro he wanted to be someone strong. Someone that could stand equal to Masaomi instead of someone shy, embarrassed, and always tagging along instead of joining in.
Was that love? Wanting to be someone that Masaomi could be proud of?
Or maybe self-consciously it was more than that. Masaomi was always talking about the people he admired in life. That girls that were brave enough to come hit on him instead of the other way around. He liked being chased after. The bold people. The ones he could talk to and joke around with.
Mikado wasn't like that and it upset him so he worked to change that. Somewhere deep in his mind, he had wanted to be the type of person Masaomi admired.
But was it enough to consider it love?
It was time to ask the serious questions. Mikado didn't want to call Masaomi after school only to have no definite answer. He needed to figure things out now. When you're in love, what do you normally feel? The boy had read many love stories before, and they usually talked about fluttering hearts, butterflies in stomachs, and risking it all for the one you truly care about.
Well, Masaomi sure knew how to embarrass his little friend and his joking often caused Mikado's heart to seize and then start beating rapidly. Sometimes the looks Masaomi gave him made him feel as if the butterflies were literally eating his stomach lining. And hadn't he risked his life when he rushed to Masaomi's aid the other night? So… Check, check, and check.
Then it came down to personality. Opposites attract, as the saying goes. And the two really were opposites when it came to being bold, daring, and funny. So that went together as well.
What about the physical part? Kissing, holding hands… Other things… Mikado had to ask himself, "Am I physically attracted to him?" Sitting there in class he pictured Masaomi's face. His deep, brown eyes. The shadows his hair made on his face. His flawless skin. He imagined kissing Masaomi. Holding him. Things couples did. He imagined all of that and then flushed bright red and cut the thoughts off for fear that his pounding heart would be heard throughout the class.
Yeah… That would probably be a yes.
So… He did love Masaomi.
After class Mikado quickly apologized to Anri and rushed off. He had made his discovery, realized his feelings, and now he had to answer Masaomi's letter. The first thing he did was call his best friend as he ran from the school gates, backpack bouncing at his sides. He had to dial the number several times, though. Each time he got the same answer.
"This number has been disconnected. Please hang up or dial again later."
Strange… It was the right number. Maybe his phone had gotten smashed in the fight the other night? At least that's what Mikado told himself. It couldn't help the horrible uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, however. He would just go to Masaomi's apartment then. It was better to explain such things in person, right? And he wanted to see Masaomi's face when everything was laid out in front of him.
Mikado ran all the way to his friend's complex. He took the stairs two at a time, excitement and nervousness building up inside him with every step. When he got the door he paused to catch his breath for a moment before knocking. But there was no answer. He knocked again but the reply was the same. The smile was gone from Mikado's face and he hesitantly reached down to the doorknob, which he found unlocked.
He knew what he would see. He knew it but he hoped to god he was wrong.
However when he swung the door opened, he was greeted to the sight of an empty apartment, devoid of all signs of life.
A Week Later:
[Tanaka Taro: What are you talking about, Kanra? LOL.]
[Kanra: Oh come on, Tanaka-san~ You know just what I'm referring to. –winkwink-
-nudgenduge-]
[Setton: Kanra-chan, I swear you're the weirdest one here.]
[Tanaka Taro: I assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about!]
::Bakyura has joined the chat.::
[Setton: Oh? A new face?]
[Bakyura: Ah, hi there everyone! Kanra invited me.]
[Setton: You guys met online?]
[Bakyura: No, I know Kanra IRL.]
[Kanra: Work acquaintance. I was wondering when you would show up~]
[Bakyura: Go die.]
[Setton: How mean!]
[Kanra: LOL~ Always joking, Bakyura!]
[Bakyura: Sure… LOL…]
[Tanaka Taro: Welcome anyway. It's always nice to have a new member.]
[Bakyura: Of course~ I'm cooler than cool! I'm so cool, I make ice jealous!]
[Setton: . . .]
[Kanra: That's the lamest joke ever, Bakyura.]
[Bakyura: Hey now! You know it was delivered flawlessly. It's just better in person.]
::Entering private message mode::
[Tanaka Taro: Um…]
[Tanaka Taro: Excuse me if I'm wrong, but… Masaomi-kun?]
[Tanaka Taro: If it's you, I would really like it if you me answered be back.]
[Bakyura: . . .]
[Tanaka Taro: It is you, isn't it?]
[Tanaka Taro: How could you do that to me, Masaomi? You send me this letter that finally explains everything and then you just leave?]
[Tanaka Taro: I spent the whole day rereading that letter and thinking about how I felt. I ran to your house to tell you that I loved you to but you had already left.]
[Tanaka Taro: I can't believe you would do that! This whole time I've been waiting to tell you that I love you too but I've never gotten the chance because you haven't been here!]
[Tanaka Taro: Why did you leave like that? Why when you didn't know how I felt?]
[Bakyura: I'm sorry, Tanaka-san, but I think you have the wrong person.]
[Tanaka Taro: . . .]
[Bakyura: It sounds like a sad situation, but I know nothing about it. I think you have me mistaken for someone else. I'm sorry.]
[Tanaka Taro: Oh… I'm so sorry. You just reminded me of an old friend.]
::Tanaka Taro leaves the chat::
Masaomi quickly used the edge of his sleeve to wipe away tears he had just realized were falling. Even through the internet, it was hard to lie to Mikado. Not when he loved the boy so much. It hurt but he knew it was something he had to do. After all, the leader of the Yellow Scarves could never be with the leader of the Dollars. He would do nothing but cause trouble for Mikado. Even if Mikado felt the same way.
It was better off this way. Honestly. Masaomi just had to keep telling himself that but it did nothing to ease the pain or stop his tears from falling.