A/N- Let's pretend everyone gets to raise their young kids and be happy families and are civil to each other. You know, when they're not engaging in mortal combat. And that specific timelines and universes don't matter.

Complete Crack. And Fluff. And absurd. And based on personal experience, from moments between me and others who are around small children constantly. Because this is what happens when you have littles...

*Also, Azazel never speaks in the film, so I made him German-ish from when comic-Azazel seduced his "Mystique" Raven Wagner. All Italics are lyrics by Lin-Manuel Miranda, not mine. All songs in the first chapter from Moana.

The Brotherhood was once again about to attempt to execute a borderline-terrorist plan meant to show the humans the potential of homo superior. Professor X was trying to stop his erstwhile friend and sister before any damage was done, either by the (always) ill-conceived plan or the stopping of said plan when the X-Men foiled it.

"Erik, you know this will never work," he pleaded, holding out a hand to stop his team before anyone attacked anyone else.

"Do not doubt me, Charles. I've no desire to hurt our kind, but we will if you try to stop us." He raised a pointed eyebrow to his deadly second, who was already poised for an attack.

"Raven, please- see reason," the Professor tried again, hopefully. "Think of Kurt- what happens to him if you and Azazel go too far and he has to pay for it? Erik- what will this teach your childre-"

Incredulous eyes turned toward Havok, whose pocket had begun ringing.

"Uh..." He uttered, his stance still battle-ready but face slowly heating with embarrassment. He looked at his mobile phone then glanced pleadingly at an amused/incredulous/slightly offended Charles before looking up to the Brotherhood to explain. "I have to... sorry-" he held out the mobile helplessly before answering. "Hello? Babe, babe, what is it? Well, no, I'm not upset, it's just that we're kind of in the middle of- yes, he's here. Well, yes, they're here too. No, I don't think that's a good idea, see 'cause we were about to- yes, I know, but I can't just- Well of course I love yo- No, I don't think that he's a horribl- it's just we don't always see eye- of course they matter to me, too- Yes, I do like childr- No, I don't think he's ignoring you, I just think he didn't bring his ph- Yes, I'm sure he wants to- No, he does ca- Okay, okay, here he is."

He held out the phone to his Erik guiltily, refusing to meet his eyes while the rest of the Brotherhood and most of the X-Men snickered.

"Lorna?" Magneto answered, holding up a finger to halt the evil-plan proceedings. "I'm in the middle of someth- Well, no, I wasn't trying to use the twins to- Because they love you! No, I know they're tir- well, I was going to return home tonight, after our great trium- yes, I do think creating a personal legacy is a triumph all its ow- No, it's just that I finally had a fool-proof pla- No, I don't think that, I just think you underestimate the potential of all the other plans I've ha- Of course I had planned to be there for bed time, we just got caught up with- Well, it's extremely time-sensitive and- Yes- I hear him, I hear him! No need to put him on- you know Pietro's only crying because Wanda started it- Well, what do you want me to do then-"

"This is what happens when you marry a supervillain's daughter," Alex muttered as he watched the great Magneto take on one of his most worthy foes.

"I can't, Lorna, I'm the leader of the Brotherh- yes, I know what time it is. Yes, but we didn't- No, I don't like it when they cr-, no, this isn't revenge for your weddi- Well, if I'd objected I wouldn't have helped pay for the- no, I don't think you kids are burdens. No. NO! I- Fine. Go ahead.'

'Wanda. Pietro. It's bed time. Kurt's already laying down, you need to be good examples for- now, you both promised you'd behave for your sister- No, Pietro, I can't sing the- Wanda, stop encouraging him- Pietro, I don't know what you think to accomplish by that, when it clearly means nothing to me- No, no, please- stop crying."

As everyone watched in frozen fascination, the Master of Magnetism just shot a death glare at Havok as he closed his eyes, took a deep, steadying breath, and opened his mouth-

"What can I say except, you're welcome?

For the tides, the sun, the sky.

Hey, it's okay, it's okay.

You're welcome. I'm just an ordinary demi-guy."

As the Great and Powerful Magneto continued singing about all the achievements of Maui the demi-god, the X-Men and the Brotherhood began to be incapacitated by laughter- the only one still even (poorly) attempting a straight face was Alex, who was still receiving a look promising eternal punishment from his wife's Supervillain father. He discreetly wiped tears from his eyes as he pressed his lips together, humming along in accompaniment and son-in-law solidarity.

"You're welcome! You're welcome!

And thank you!"

Magneto finished with a flourish and a scowl, growling at his kids to go to bed as he watched his "friend" Azazel collapse to the ground in raging laughter. He clenched his fist, a trace of satisfaction on his face as Wolverine grunted and spasmed in pain. "Are they asleep?" he asked his older daughter, his frown deepening as he began to suspect a set up by the humour in her voice. "Yes. Okay. Now, if it's all right with you, I told you, we're on a tight schedule before the device goes- Really? I thought you said he was already asleep- yes, but I need him to teleport the- what if Mystique- No, I'm sure they don't think tha- I don't like lying to him- well, that is a good point. Fine. Here he is," the Master of Magnetism glared at Azazel once more, before a sly, shark-like smile made its way across his face. "Your son is asking for you."

Azazel had composed himself by this point, and glared right back at his friend and leader.

"Kurt?" he spoke into the phone, a hand held out to reassure the boy's mother. "Not no, my son, Vati and Mama are working. Yes, I know Mr. Lehnsherr talked to Pietro and Wanda, but Vati has very important job- no, no, I know is scary to sleep in different bed, but Mama and Me will be there- yes. Yes. Of course, my boy. No, no. Is not problem."

Then he glared warningly at the surrounding mutants before he began in a deep, rich voice,

"I've been staring at the edge of the water

'long as I can remember,

never really knowing why. I wish

I could be the perfect daughter…"

At this Magneto began to chuckle evilly in his deep, commanding way, enjoying the revenge he got to have against his minion.

Azazel continued to sing, even swaying a bit as his tail moved along to the song he sang.

"I'll be satisfied if I play along,

but the voice inside sings a different song-"

before he froze in panic, distracted into forgetting the next line and looking quickly around for help whilst simultaneously trying not to break pace when suddenly the voice of Charles Xavier: world's most powerful telepath, formidable foe, leader of the X-Men, and father of young David took pity on the scared child on the other end of the line and sang with his father-

"What is wrong with me?

See the light as it shines on the sea?

It's blinding,"

and at the Professor's raised eyebrow a reluctant Erik, Raven, and even Alex join in, finishing the song and continuing seamlessly to "I am Moana" until the last stanza, when all of them lost the rhythm and began singing slightly different words at slightly different tempos.

Suddenly, loud enough to drown out the cacophony the sing-along had become, Wolverine belted loud enough for young Kurt to hear,

"I will carry you here in my heart you'll remind me,

that come what may,

I know the way.
I am Moana! "

His arms flung wide open in a practiced, unconscious flourish.

At the X-Men's incredulous looks, he just shrugged his shoulders, took his battle stance again and explained, "It's Laura's favourite film."

"We'll be home soon, Little One," Azazel promised, hanging up as he pointedly looked at Professor X and Magneto.

Now that their time-sensitive plan had been (quite strategically) foiled by children, the Brotherhood and X-Men stared at each other a beat more, before hesitantly and warily disbanding and going their separate ways.

"Don't. Ever. Mention. This. Again," Erik warned Charles through clenched teeth, walking beside him as he rolled to the Blackbird.

"Wouldn't think of it, Old Friend," Charles replied with a smirk, catching a suspicious, yet still-amused Raven's eye and winking mischievously at his once-sister.

She rolled her own eyes fondly, turning away to walk toward where Azazel was waiting before taking out her own phone, unsurprised to find a text from Lorna from 10 minutes earlier.

"Told you I'd have you home in time to tuck Kurt in. YOU'RE WELCOME…"