Castiel sighed quietly when he heard the door open, and then close again. He had his eyes shut and he was leaning against the wall, not speaking. That happened a lot lately, not speaking. Dean would just walk in, they'd do their business, and he'd go. No second thought, no questions asked, no emotions evident.
He heard Dean walk over to him. Dean leaned forward, planting a hard kiss on his lips. For a moment or two, Castiel didn't move. He didn't reciprocate the kiss, or the touches, he just sat there. As per typical, Dean didn't ask Cas what was wrong, he just kept on going. Castiel opened his eyes, pushing Dean back a little when they were lying down, undressed.
Dean looked back at him, "What." He said. It wasn't exactly a question, more of a statement and his low voice gravelly and irritated.
Castiel sighed, propping himself up on his elbow, "Dean… I can't keep doing this with you." He told him softly.
Dean looked at Castiel, confused, and finally spoke, "What do you mean?" He asked, clearly not understanding. He thought they'd had an agreement; granted that agreement wasn't spoken of ever.
"I mean…I care about you, alright?" He said, looking to see if Dean acknowledged what he'd said.
"Cas, I care about you, too. You know that." The hunter replied, barely any emotion in his voice.
Castiel shook his head, "Not in the same way. I can't keep having casual sex like this…
He exhaled slowly, looking down, and hesitated before finishing, "I love you, alright? I have since the beginning. Since I got you out of purgatory…" He said quietly. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Castiel cut him off, "You being emotionally with drawn doesn't help either…" He added quickly, "I just…I miss the old you. I miss when you would teach me how to drink, and how to be free, and how to rebel." His voice had taken a more serious tone. Dean didn't say anything for a while. He sat up; legs crossed, and looked around. There were pillows on the floor- then again, that wasn't new. The room smelled of incense, the fragrance burning Dean's nostrils the longer he thought about it.
He finally looked back at Castiel. His green eyes traced over the other man's face- the scars, and the burns, and the cuts. He looked at his dark hair, remembering the way he used to be able to scruff it up. A sigh escaped his lips, "Well, I've changed, so have you…" He said softly.
Unsure of what to say, Castiel exhaled, "yeah…well…" He murmured, a little hurt by Deans words.
Dean reached his hand up, gently cupping Castiels jaw, "I'm sorry, Cas…" He said, "I just…I really don't know.." Dean thought back to when life was simpler. He thought about how Sam, Cas, and himself would go hunting, just simple, normal, ordinary hunts. "It's-With us ready to face off with Lucifer, I've been out of it…" He muttered, not thinking before he spoke. He looked down, not sure of how Castiel would respond.
Cas ran a hand through his hair, looking up at Dean, "I can't keep doing this…" He repeated, "Not when it means nothing to you…We-you…We used to care about each other, and now…Now I'm just another one of your toys. You come by and play with me, and make me feel special and then just leave…" His breathing was starting to get shaky.
Dean swallowed, "Cas… You're not a toy to me….I do care about you…A lot…" He said quietly, not making eye contact with the other man.
Castiel shut his mouth, not saying anything. Dean looked up at Castiel, pulling him into his chest and holding him there. He rested his chin on top of Cas' head, shutting his eyes. They both knew; this thing they had-whatever it was, was special. It wasn't just some once in a while release from the real world. Castiel loved Dean. Dean loved Castiel. That was that. No second thoughts, no questions asked.