A/N: This takes place in the Cretaceous, I would say a little over a week and a half after the anomaly closed and left Abby and Connor stranded.

So… surprise fic from me. I have this lil bunny, and she said "write me." I hope you do like it, angsty stew though it is.

Chapter One

She didn't know how to tell him. She only knew that she wanted to, and she needed to, but she didn't know how to say it. Abby had never really been too good at feelings. It was stupid to worry about something like this when they had so many more critical things to worry about, like survival. They never even knew where the next meal was coming from from one day to the next, and yet she was worried about telling Connor such a small thing.

She glanced over at him, sat on the ground next to their fire shaping a tip for a spear. She was never more appreciative of his intelligence than now, when his sharp mind had already kept them alive far longer than she would have managed it on her own. Connor remembered just about everything he read, and he said he'd gone through a 'survivor' phase, and of course he had all the knowledge of his paleontology studies behind him, as well. For example, fire hardening the tip of wooden spear would have never occurred to her.

He must have felt her eyes on him, because he pulled the spear tip from the fire and set it aside so he could look at her. Something of what she was thinking must have shown on her face because his dark chocolate brown eyes were concerned, and he had all his attention focused on her.

"Is everything alright?" Connor asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking is all," Abby dismissed.

He didn't believe her. She could tell by the wrinkle that grew between his brows at her answer, but he let it go and picked up the spear again. She dropped her gaze to her lap, undid the last few uneven plaits of grass she had braided together. She was going to attempt to weave a basket of some sort… try to learn how anyway. It was something to occupy her hands and make her feel productive. She felt so useless here, after Connor got back his mobility a few days after their arrival. Just a sprain, thankfully.

"You know you can talk to me, Abby. You can tell me if something is bothering you," Connor said as he worked on the spear.

He didn't look at her as he spoke… afraid she would snap at him or strike out at him, probably.

She laughed derisively, "You mean besides being trapped in the past with no way to get home?"

He looked up at her then, but not with the smile she had expected from him. His shoulders drooped in defeat.

"I'm trying," he said quietly.

Guilt and remorse filled her; she hadn't meant it like that at all. She had been just trying to shift his attention away from the fact that she was thinking about him. And why did it matter? Why couldn't she just tell him?

"No, Connor. I didn't mean it like that, okay? We'll get it sorted somehow. They'll come looking for us, I'm sure of it," she replied.

"Yeah," he answered, but he didn't sound convinced.

She didn't think that the team would ever give up on them, but unfortunately the only person bright enough, and with enough knowledge of the workings of anomalies to figure out where they had gone was sat beside her. She had to have hope. At least she had Connor; but at this moment she wasn't sure it was better to have him here with her, or back at the ARC trying to get her home. He would have stopped at nothing, she was sure of it.

She looked out over the edge of the cliff outside of the small cave they had found for shelter. The sun was setting in the Cretaceous, leaving Connor's face illuminated by flickering fire rather than twilight. She knew he wouldn't be able to see her clearly now, so she took the opportunity to study him, unobserved. She wanted to tell him, but then she would have to tell him everything. She had never told anyone everything. She owed it to him, but she didn't know how to say it, so she said nothing.

Connor had tried to draw her out throughout the evening, but she was too wrapped up in bad memories to even pretend to be interested in conversation. She tried ignoring him completely, when he wouldn't quit. In the end, he had withdrawn, obviously hurt by her shutting him out. He had retreated to the cave to sleep finally, having likely grown tired of speaking to silence.

They lay next to each other in the small cave… more of an indention in the rock, really. She could hear Connor breathing next to her, comforting in the strange surroundings. He was nearby, just on the other side of the fire; she wondered if he was asleep. She had shifted her bed away from his tonight, not wanting to feel his body heat next to hers… it was too confusing. She shifted, tried to get comfortable with only reeds and grasses as her mattress. She peeked at his face from under her lashes; he was awake, staring into the coals… no, staring at her.

"Abby, if I have done something to upset you, please just tell me. If it's about earlier… just forget it. It doesn't matter," Came Connor's voice, pitched low in the quiet of night.

"You haven't," she answered quickly.

Of course he knew she was awake… how could he not? He closed his eyes tightly and sighed, "I can't do this by myself, Abby. I just can't."

Connor's voice broke on the last word, and even in the dim firelight she saw the pain on his face. He was holding back tears, his mouth turned down before it firmed again in a tense line. She didn't want him to blame himself for this. It was her, all her and her stupid baggage. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She couldn't leave it like this.

He had told her he loved her again, this morning. They had nearly died. No. She had nearly died, and Connor was stupid enough to almost get himself killed saving her. Leave it to Connor to only be honest about how he felt about her when one of them was in mortal peril. Finding a fresh source of water had been a godsend, but the currents were strong and the footing was treacherous at the top of the waterfall. The pool at the base of the waterfall was much safer to use, but it took considerably more work to navigate down to it, so Abby had stayed at the top of the falls. She had just wanted to rinse out her shirt. It was starting to smell and she just wanted to wear something clean.

She slipped. Just a simple misplaced foot and she was taken by the current, it swept her away and down the river. Connor had come running after without a thought (as usual) and had managed to pull her to shore, but she had swallowed a lot of water. When she came to, he had hugged her to him and told her he loved her. He'd been terrified, tears running down his face and she had no choice but to hear him. He loved her. She wanted to answer back. She wanted to tell him she loved him, too. But she couldn't.

She thought she was on her way to putting her past firmly behind her, and then Jack had come to stay with her. It had brought back all the memories she had tried to bury, and had brought them in bright vivid Technicolor. All of the sudden, she found herself pushing Conner away as hard and as fast as possible. She'd not been willing to deal with him and Jack at the same time, and she felt like a coward for it. She wished she could be like Jack, sometimes. Cocooned in his own shell of selfish self-importance. All he worried about was himself, and that way no one could ever hurt him. She was no better.

She thought she had moved past it, she had even dated some. She had been willing to try for an actual relationship with Stephen, but after she found out about how he had betrayed Cutter, she couldn't stomach the thought. Abby was intensely loyal, and such a betrayal was unfathomable. She thought it was behind her… but it was still haunting her, hurting her. Taking her life away, forcing her to shove down her feelings into a tight little box she shared with no one. It made her feel small and weak and out of control.

She couldn't even tell him she loved him. He had risked his life over and over again for her, and she would die for him, as well… but she couldn't tell him. He had told her she didn't need to love him back, and it about broke her heart. Then she had ignored him all evening and moved her sleeping place away. Of course he thought it was his fault.

"Abby? What is it?" he whispered.

Connor was kneeling next to her, brushing tears from her cheeks. She didn't even know she had been crying. She pulled him down to lay beside her. She took his hand in hers; she could give him this much. She had to tell him. Maybe after she told him about this, she could tell him how much she loved him… if he still wanted to hear it.

TBC

A/N: Please do review if you liked this (or if you hated it). Reviews=motivation.