Author's Note: Lucky week for me, methinks! I just got an A for a trashy sort of essay for school…and I got positive reviews for a drabble-thingy with the BenGwen pairing. Must be something up with the dark matter plane (in case you don't read Chris D' Lacey's 'The Fire Within' series, the dark matter plane connects all writers…something along that vein.) So, if that suckiness gets me some good reviews…awesomeness should get me great reviews! And yes, I like songfics…
But…is this awesomeness? Hopefully, because it's angsty!
And whose DeviantArt poem was unlucky enough to get in here? Why, it's the Kingdom-Hearts tinged 'A Love That Shouldn't Exist' by Nightskys.
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Wish You Were Still Mine
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You sit alone in this dark room;
The darkness doesn't bother you at all, because you're a part of it.
A Nobody is what you are –
No heart, no feelings.
Kevin wasn't there. The reformed absorber had something else to do, of which the self-titled Protector of Earth didn't know whether to be glad or worried about. With just about nothing else to do (Kevin had the badge and the car), he and his cousin had decided to sit down and talk at the nearby playground. The ground was still wet and almost marshlike due to the earlier rain.
So much for the sitting down.
"I can't believe they're actually going to tear this place down."
Ben blinked at the speaker, his cousin, and then looked around at the area. Credit had to be given to the tears of Mother Nature for washing clean the looser dirt and grime on the slide, the swing and the seesaw. But for other hurts, like the sole chain a swing seat was hanging on for dear life to, the rusty seesaw joints and the scratched and vandalized slide, not to mention the sandpit that resembled a mudpit, the rain just couldn't help but add salt to a wound.
And yet, being with her makes you happy.
Seeing her smile makes you smile too.
But these things about her,
They confuse you.
"They've got a pretty good reason to." Ben looked around some more and found something else, a very rusty climbing frame with peeling paint and broken rungs that formed every parent's worry. He touched one of the rungs that looked like it had been yellow in a long, long time ago. He could faintly remember scraping his knee after falling off the climbing frame when he was six. And now he could touch that treacherous rung. Time, it passed so fast.
"Yeah, I guess." Ah yes, time passed so fast. Was it really five years since that fateful summer holiday that had changed his life, in more ways than just the Omnitrix? "Remember when I first moved here? I really hated the playground. Now I'm going to miss it." She laughed, and he smiled, wiping the rain from the rung onto his jacket. "How's Julie, by the way?"
"I—oh, she's fine." A stray raindrop from a leaf overhead plopped onto his head. Wiping it off, he looked at his cousin. Yes, all right, he admitted he liked Julie, but at the same time he felt something—he was so sure he felt something—for Gwen, which had stemmed from the summer vacation. Of course, the poor guy didn't know anything about whether or not Gwen reciprocated that.
Hmm, probably not.
Maybe she did.
You then recall the that special, unforgettable time,
The time she told you that she really liked you.
You were speechless, so surprised,
Because you knew that it was true.
Boy, did he wish he was a mind-reader. That way it would save him the utter pain of a guessing game. Or maybe being a mind-reader would just prove to be more of a pain than a relief. Despite all these thoughts, Ben was awfully aware of some inner voice or demon hissing at him to just say what he needed to tell Gwen. Other times, there would be Kevin around and…he'd never get this chance ever again. He knew ever so painfully about Ben 10,000's single status.
"You're awfully quiet tonight. Is there a problem?"
Problem? Of course not. Ben shook his head, flicking through all ten forms on his Omnitrix and mentally guessing their powers and possible names. Okay, fine, there was a stinking huge problem in front of him. It was times like these that made him glad Andalites were not blessed with the power to read minds. How would she react if they were? Shocked or happy? And what would Julie think? That she was dating a guy who was in love with his cousin of all things.
"You sure? You can tell me anything, I won't mind."
'She said she won't mind…' the inner voice-slash-demon whispered playfully again. Ben stopped flicking through the aliens and took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. Uh, can you keep a secret?" Hey, his 'Protector of Earth' status couldn't get itself tarnished. At Gwen's confident nod, Ben finally found all the courage he needed to admit it to his cousin. "Gwen, I…"
Suddenly, Gwen's unmistakeable ringtone—James Blunt's 'You're Beautiful'—interrupted Ben's momentous…moment. Flashing her cousin an apologetic glance, Gwen stepped further away from Ben, but was still within earshot. "Hello? Oh, Kevin! What's up? Oh my gosh…a date?! That's so sweet of you, Kevin!" Ben's eyes widened and his grasp on the once-yellow rung tightened. When Gwen finished the call, she turned back to him. "You heard?"
Ben looked down at his shoes and nodded.
Right then, you didn't feel so empty anymore.
You were no longer expressionless and cold.
You had felt happier than words can express…
So complete, feeling whole.
"So what was your problem again?"
Ben looked up. It was useless. Completely useless. "I, uh, I wondered if you could, uh, borrow me a couple of books for my, er, Geography assignment?" He searched Gwen's emerald gaze with hopeless desperation, hoping to look for any sense of regret or disappointment. Wasn't that how every Bellatrix/Voldemort fanfiction in the Harry Potter department ended? With the seemingly aloof Voldemort feeling disappointed Bellatrix did not admit she loved him?
Wasn't that how every unrequited-love fan fiction ended?
Wouldn't the same principle apply to him?
Nah.
Real life wasn't like that, Benjamin.
It never was.
He couldn't find any of those emotions.
Dejected, but determined not to show it, and sad over losing a one-shot chance, Ben smiled as Gwen chuckled. "Is that it? Course you can. Anything to help your terrible grades." Suddenly a car drove up outside the playground, and Ben didn't have to look up to know who it was. Gwen murmured a goodbye as she went off to fulfill every Gwen and Kevin supporter's dream.
Ben stayed back at the playground. Suddenly, a tear fell out of his left eye and quickly subjected to gravity, leaving a wet path down his face.
'But I'm a Nobody…I'm not…supposed to be able to….feel.'
You think to yourself, although you are quite unsure
And then you rethink that thought, and you disagree completely
Finally, you close your eyes, silently admitting how much you love her.
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Author's Note: Whew. This is how I feel about the two ships; one of them happily happens, all cheerful and such, rainbows and butterflies…and the other one following the path of the Titanic. And I made Ben a Harry Potter fanatic, sorry. Voldemort and Bellatrix, for those not in the know, is a ship where Voldie never admits his feelings and Bella, despite being married, desperately loves ol' Voldie. I don't read HP, but was under the influence of a Harry fangirl. Also I chose 'You're Beautiful' for Gwen's ringtone because of the line, 'but it's time to face the truth, I can never be with you.' It made me go 'Hey! That's Bwen!'
Maybe I'll follow in the path of amazing writer bengwen014 and write lots of good Bwen fics, except mine don't end happily ever after.