A/N: This is dedicated to all those ticked off at Chris's treatment of Ezekiel in the third season. While it may have been his own fault that he went feral, Chris crossed the line when he put him in a cage and used him as an animal for a challenge.
And really, I wanted to see what friendships he would form. But the point is, they should have just had him voted off and get some lines on the Aftermath if they didn't like him. But what happened was just ridiculous.
Anyway, I was writing a story about Ezekiel's experiences on the plane and the slow fade of his sanity, complete with his on reprises of the musical numbers, but I may never get to finishing that, so I decided to share this with you.
Ezekiel was in a courtroom. He was confused, as he had only seen these on TV. But Chris was the defendant, and he was called up to testify. The formally-homeschooled boy didn't know how he knew this, but he did.
Then, the accordion played. The Drama Brothers were responsible. He knew how to sing.
Here's an open letter to one heck of a guy!
He pointed to Chris, who let out a cheerful, "That's me!" Ezekiel then crossed over to stand behind him.
Whose behavior on this show,
Always makes me cry.
Ezekiel mimed wiping a tear from his eye as he made his voice fade into a sobbing tone. Chris's smile faded, and he looked indignant.
He's a nasty, bald-head schemer
Zeke took off Chris's wig, revealing his bald hair.
Who calls himself YOUR host,
He pointed at the former contestants in the jury.
Without the help of his under-paid Chef,
His job would be toast!
He somehow ended up at the pilot seat in the plane. He put his arms on Chef's shoulders as he sang this part, and Chef nodded his head to the music while smiling in agreement.
EH!
"Eh? Eh…" Chris, in the courtroom, repeated uneasily.
I saw the evil in his eye when he said,
"Ezekiel, what's up man?"
He has the largest ego,
But he only has one fan!
Ezekiel pointed to an obliviously happy Sierra.
EH!
He looked over to Chris, offended, who argued, "That's not true! I have-"
Ezekiel didn't listen.
He tries to sound all young and cool,
With the skater talk and cargo jeans,
The toque-wearing teenager did air-quotes for the last three words on the first line, then grabbed onto Chris's pants and pulled them down in front of everyone.
But it's not the 1970's,
Yo, he's even more of a poser than me!
Ezekiel walked back to where he was testifying and pointed to himself at the last reference.
EH!
He's not the guy you think he is,
So let me tell you this, eh,
Ezekiel, arms-folded, Irish-danced by Chris, who was starting to look scared and humiliated. Zeke then looked over to address his audience.
He's really short,
Has a messed up nose,
Ezekiel took out a measuring stick and flicked Chris in the nose when he looked down.
And his real name isn't Chris, eh!
He's wack, contract-abusing, sadist, oh,
And his real name isn't Chris, eh!
Zeke pointed at his former host and ripped a contract that had his full name on it over a fire.
He cheats, and lies, and is evil bros,
And his real name isn't Chris, eh…
Ezekiel, after hyping up the crowd, sat down and put his arm around Chris.
IT'S-
Ezekiel woke up to a rat nibbling on his toe.
He sighed, and peaked from behind a box to see the man in charge of his home. The man who made bad things happen.
"One day, McLean. One day."
A/N: (Again) Tell me what you think, and if you want any other song reprises from me.