"Hey, Leafy!"

My day started just like any other fanfiction involving that idiot and me. Terribly, mostly because of him. No, scratch that. Entirely because of him. I figured I'd had a decent morning: my favourite cereal, no stains of unknown origin on my clothes, and most importantly, no Gary Oak. But no, we just have to be shipped. Where's the revolver when you need it?

"I said, 'Hey, Leafy'!" And I said nothing. I'm pretty sure that means I'm ignoring you and wallowing in an internal monologue of self-pity. I'm just going to keep walking now. Away from you.

"Where do you think you're going?" I felt someone (guess whom?) grab me roughly by the shoulders and spin me 180 degrees. Or maybe 170. It's kind of a general estimate. Then I was face to face with him. Gary mothereffing Oak. Gary I-Want-To-Punch-His-Lights-Out Oak. His Indian name is One Who Lives to Make You Wish You Did Not Breath His Air. Or maybe Dipwad. The translation's a bit shaky. Either way, I was not in the mood to put up with his garbage.

"What do you want?" I spat, almost quite literally. I was honestly ready to claw his eyes out. But that's how all of these stories go, right?

"Whoa, simmer down, Leafy. Is it that of month again?" He snickered. Okay, he'd already gone too far. But laughing at his own idiotic joke? That pushed me over the edge. I wanted to - no, needed to - beat him to a bloody pulp that his own grandfather wouldn't recognise. Right now.

"What's going on here?" Unfortunately the assault would have to wait. I couldn't have witnesses around. My perfectly clean record would be ruined. Both Dipwad and I turned to see Red looking at us, eyebrows raised. Leave it to the man of few words to interrupt this bonding moment. I'd have to put him next on my blacklist.

"Nothing," I snapped, using Dipwad's lapse in attention to pull myself away and cross my arms over my chest. "Jerkface is just bothering me again. You know how he just can't keep his hands to himself." I would have taken a moment to throw a smug smirk over at the boy in question, but I decided he wasn't worth it.

"You're absolutely right." The idiot's voice came from right next to my ear, and I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist. I could hear the grin. So I did what any self-righteous girl would do in my situation.

Nothing.

I stood there and took it, not giving Dipstick the satisfaction of getting my attention. He'd already had his daily dose. Unfortunately for me, an overdose on that wouldn't kill him. In fact, it would probably do just the opposite and give him more of an opportunity to annoy the hell out of me. I wasn't about to let that happen.

I turned my head to look for Red, my only saviour here. Nope. Gone. Like a ninja. I guess suppressing rage kinds of tunes you out to everything going on around you. But, yep, definitely next on my list. I smiled as the realisation dawned on me.

"Hey, Gare-Bear," I said in a mockingly sweet tone as I extracted myself from his embrace. This was accompanied by gratuitous amounts of knuckle-cracking. He started backing up, his hands held up in defence. Good choice.

"Uh, Leafy? I'm, uh, sure w-we can work something out..."

Then he ran. His second good choice.

Ha, ha. Nervous laughter. I haven't gotten around to writing any more letters for HTYS, so I decided to come up with some filler stuff while you wait around for me to get off my bum and write in kind-of second person again. Hopefully you won't think it's the "oh, great, filler" kind of filler. 'Cause I tried. You know, a bit.

So this idea came out of nowhere. I sat down to write some Leafgreenshipping and I had no idea where this first chapter was going. Then the second one just kind of wrote itself, and thus, the plot was born. I got the title when I was bombarded with totally positive brain vibes. Righteous, man.