Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting,
Silence, this train runs off its tracks.
It had been a month since you had seen or even spoken to Dan. You would never forget the way you screamed at him and he shouted back the words that shattered your heart. I hate you. You would never forget the way you stormed out of your own flat, slamming the front door as hard as you could just to get away from him. Truthfully, you didn't know if the relationship was over; part of you hoped that it was, but another part wanted nothing more than to hold him in your arms once more and go back to a much happier time. It didn't help that you and Dan both had successful youtube careers meaning that the fans were starting to notice. You had to take a break from all your social media outlets such as twitter and tumblr because you couldn't escape the comments of "have you noticed that Dan and (y/n) don't talk about each other anymore?" , "Have you noticed (y/n) has been tweeting lots of Taylor Swift lyrics lately?" , "Do you think Dan and (y/n) have broken up?"
It had been Dan's idea to announce your relationship to the world; an idea you had stupidly gone along with. You didn't feel like you needed everyone to know but when pictures began to surface of you and Dan holding hands of hugging on the streets of London, Dan had convinced you that it was best to come clean.
You've got your demons and darling they all look like me.
You had been staying at your best friend Chris' for nearly a month. He had proved to be the perfect escape. He never asked you about what happened nor did he try to find out. When you turned up on his doorstep with tears streaming down your face as you whispered Dan's name, he simply pulled you into a hug and brought you inside. When you stared out of the window and the horrible flashbacks from that night tore through your memories, forcing out more tears, Chris would come and comfort you. He would rub his hand gently over your shoulder blades and then pull you over to his computer where he would load up funny images of animals and do voice impressions to make you laugh. At night he used to sleep on his sofa while you took his bed and even when you constantly protested, he never gave in. But one night he climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around you and you couldn't ignore the sickening feeling in your stomach as you wished it was Dan holding you instead. Chris held you in a different way to how Dan did. You were not sure if it was a good or bad different but all you knew was this was wrong, but you had grown so used to it.
Soon, Dan began replying to fans: "things aren't going well at the moment. Please try to respect my privacy during this time." Things weren't going well. You threw your phone across the room; anger and frustration coursing through your veins. So he couldn't talk to you about the problems in your relationship but he would happily talk to thousands of people online about it?!
You find yourself crying again and once more, Chris was at your side, his arms holding you close to his chest. But this time his hands found your face and he wiped away your tears before pressing his lips to yours. It was a shock but you didn't push him away like you wished you had when you looked back on that moment. You let him kiss you, let his hands explore your body, touching all the bits of skin that Dan's hands had caressed so many times before. You never pulled away.
That night you slept together in the most innocent sense of the word.
The next morning you woke to find Chris gone and a note in his place which said I love you but this is wrong. You need to see Dan, I know you can work this out.
You packed your things and headed back to your flat and for the first time in the past month, you hoped you wouldn't bump into Dan. Opening the door to your flat you found Dan sat on the sofa waiting for you. Your heart began beating faster and faster in your ribcage. Those chocolate brown eyes that you had grown to love held so much sadness. He walked over to you and you stood in silence. He then pulled out some pieces of paper from his pocket and handed them to you. "I want you to explain these." He told you.
You took them and realised instantly what they were: pictures of you and Chris out together. In some of the photos his hand was on the small of your back, in others he was looking at you the way someone would look at the love of their life only you were too busy looking at something else.
You told him that it was nothing. You told him that you had known Chris all of your life (which was true) and you told him that you wanted to work things out; that you didn't want to lose him. You could see the tears begin to well up in his eyes as he asked the question you dreaded leaving his lips: "Are you having an affair?"
All you had to do was say no. That was the honest truth. But from the look on Dan's face you knew that uttering even a single word was pointless because he would only see the lies.
"Are we over?" You finally managed to ask, choking on your tears.
"Yes… I think we are." He whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
What a sad, beautiful tragic love affair.