"I can't do this!" James Potter yelled. His hands clutched at his hair as he shook with anger and tried without success to keep himself from kicking various objects in his dormitory.
"James! Stop!" Sirius tried to call over his best friend's shouting.
"This is my fault! It's all my fault!" James carried on, shattering a chair with a swift kick.
"What is your fault? What happened?" Sirius tried again to calm his friend down. James stopped yelling but didn't look at Sirius, instead he sat on his bed, placed his elbows on his knees and dropped his hand into his hands, staring down at his feet.
Sirius watched him for a moment, hoping to God that he wasn't crying, his worries quickly quelled when James looked up at him, no trace of tears in his eyes.
"I messed everything up," he mumbled.
"What do you mean?"
"With Lily!" James said, sounding annoyed, as though Sirius should have already known.
"Christ," Sirius said under his breath, "What now?" James came up with some new imaginary problem that Lily could potentially get angry at him for. Outbursts of this sort happened monthly, and if Sirius was lucky, sometimes twice a month.
James shot him an angry look and the spoke, "I don't even know, we were having a conversation, not even about anything and suddenly I made a comment, which I can't even remember, and she went all quiet and her Marlene was all like 'Potter you should go.' so I asked Lily what was wrong and she shook her head and I got up and left, but I can tell, this is it. She's done with me."
"Good God Prongs," Sirius sat down beside him, "What did you say?"
"I don't know, like, about my parents or something."
"If we're going to work through this you're going to have to tell me exactly what it is that you said that made your lady love so upset," Sirius told him.
"I said..." James scratched his head and scrunched up his face trying to remember, "I said my parents probably wouldn't let my come home after they saw my NEWTs results-OH GOD!" he suddenly jumped up, his hands clutching his head and a look of absolute shock imprinted on his face.
"What?" Sirius got up and placed his hand on James' shoulder, searching his eyes for some clue as to what he had just realised.
"It happened this morning too! Just after she read the Daily Prophet! Oh my God what have I done!?" James had started panicking. Sirius tried to remember what the newspaper's headlines had been that morning, and then, with his own unpleasant feeling of shock, he understood.
The headline had read "Two Muggles Killed in Latest Death Eaters Attacks, House Demolished" And if he was following the same train of thought as James, those two Muggles had been Lily's mother and father.
"Oh no," Sirius' eyes widened as he watched his best friend.
"That's why she was acting different today...but, why wouldn't she tell me?" James wondered aloud, "I have to go talk to her, apologise." He made for the door but Sirius stopped him.
"What are you doing?" James asked, frustrated as he struggled to get past his friend.
"You can't-Damnit James!" Sirius shoved him away, "You have to give her time! There's a reason she didn't tell you!"
"I don't-I don't care! Her Mum and Dad just died! I have to be there for her, I have to stay with her!" James shouted at him.
"I understand, okay? I do, but just, okay just wait. Just think; she found out this morning, she didn't tell you the whole day, obviously she wants to just keep it to herself for a moment, yeah?" Sirius reasoned with James, still standing in front of the door, guarding it.
"Yeah, okay. Fine," James exhaled through gritted teeth. "I just, what I said really must have hurt her."
"It probably did, but she's strong, she can get over it," Sirius reassured him and placed a hand on his shoulder again, "Come on, let's just sit and calm down for a moment." They sat on James' bed in silence for a while.
"I can't lose her," James spoke up after a few minutes.
"I know," Sirius said, "You won't, not for this."
"I just, I just really love her, you know?" James told him, looking down at his own hands.
Sirius shook his head slightly but agreed. As much as Sirius hated to admit it, he had never felt about anyone the way James felt about Lily.
"She's...She's Evans," James said softly.
"I know she is," Sirius laughed, remembering just how manic James could get about her before they'd gotten together, "Why don't you tell me about it, eh? I bet it'll make you feel better?"
"Lily's like, well she's like the sun," James said, now looking out the window to Sirius' relief as he now had a rather pensive look of wonder on his face which he generally preferred no one, especially not his best friend to see him with.
"Yeah?" Sirius prompted him.
"She glows and she's bright and she fills up my sky, she doesn't depend on anyone else to shine and she doesn't take anything from anyone, when she's in the room, her light just...it just fills everything, all the corners and the dark spaces. She makes other people brighten up, she makes other people better, she makes other people want to be better."
Sirius smiled at his friend's words, he had heard James speak about Lily many times before, but never like this, never with so much passion and love, as though he was completely and utterly entranced. Sirius hoped to one day feel that way about someone.
"And she does all these small senseless things, which are all weird but they're important to her and that's what matters,"
"Like what?" Sirius asked, he could tell that James seemed to be calming down, he had learned how to help James deal with his anxiety and was now using his knowledge to the fullest extent.
James chuckled softly, "Like, whenever the moon is full she makes sure to sleep in a different bed because she thinks sleeping directly under it brings sickness, and she makes sure to knock on wood if she even thinks of something that could potentially happen. She's afraid of the dark but she'll never admit it and she refuses to believe that there are more stars than grains of sand. She loves everything, even if she says she hates something, she's never sure if it's true and she wants to name her son Harry and her daughter Aurora, Halloween is her favourite holiday and she always, always dresses up as the stereotypical witch because she likes the irony. And she loves the rain, and the Giant Squid saved her when she fell into the Black Lake in her first year and she's the most important person in my life and I love her so much and she's the most wonderful person I've ever met, and...what?" James had caught sight of Sirius' smiling, knowing expression. His friend shook his head and indicated with a nudge of his head to behind James.
James turned around to where the door leading out of the boy's dormitory stood, behind him. It was currently ajar, with none other than Lily Evans, standing beneath the door way, her arms folded across her chest. She was shaking her head and smiling slightly, despite the tear streaks down her cheeks.
"Lily," James said, jumping up and making his way towards her, when he got to her he stopped, "Look, I'm-I'm so sorry, about everything. About what I said, and-and what happened."
A single tear fell from Lily's eyes and her lips curved upwards, "It's okay," she whispered.
"So, you heard...all of that?" James asked.
Lily laughed shakily, "I got here just as you shared my future's children's names with Sirius but, I got the gist." James wrapped his arms around her and felt her body heave slightly as she emitted a small sob.
"I'm here, okay?"
"I know," she said softly, "I know you are. Stay."
"Always," James told her.